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Restaurant Resignation Letter in Academic Essay Format
2023.06.01 17:20 DillonFromSomewhere Restaurant Resignation Letter in Academic Essay Format
I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty KrabCareers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
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Krusty Krab
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
2023.06.01 17:17 DillonFromSomewhere Resignation Letter in Academic Essay Format
I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty KrabCareers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
submitted by DillonFromSomewhere to anti_restaurant_work [link] [comments]
Krusty Krab
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.
2023.06.01 16:53 SourcerBot James Webb telescope: Icy moon Enceladus spews massive water plume
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Published on 2023-05-31 at 10:11, this article is written by jonathan amos and published by bbc news. (2 minutes)
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Published on 2023-05-31 at 10:11, this article is written by jonathan amos and published by bbc news. (2 minutes)
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The instrument showed how much of the ejected vapour (about 30%) feeds a fuzzy torus of water co-located with one of Saturn's famous rings - its so-called E-ring. They will help us understand a bit more about what's going on, and how likely it is that life could exist, but it's not going to be life like you and me - it would be deep-sea bacteria," she told the BBC. It's not known, for example, how long little Enceladus has held water in the all important liquid state to support biology; the moon may have been frozen solid for a substantial portion of the history of the Solar System, denting its life credentials.Keep reading with 3 related articles: BBC News (2022-12-12 at 11:09) Solihull: Three children die in icy lake tragedy EURACTIV (2023-05-22 at 02:00) Moldova's EU aspirations echo in massive rally BBC News (2022-12-25 at 08:14) Four die after coach crashes on icy road in Canada
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2023.06.01 15:34 Ook_1233 European clubs’ wage bills and net profits 2021/22
| Team | Wage costs 1 | Wages/revenue 2 | Net Profit/loss | |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1. | PSG 3 | €729.0M | 109% | -€368.7M |
| 2. | Real Madrid 3 | €519.0M | 72% | €12.9M |
| 3. | Manchester United | €482.4M | 70% | -€136.3M |
| 4. | Barcelona 3 | €463.8M | 73% | €97.6M |
| 5. | Liverpool | €432.0M | 62% | €2.9M |
| 6. | Manchester City | €417.6M | 57% | €49.2M |
| 7. | Chelsea | €401.4M | 71% | -€143.1M |
| 8. | Juventus | €352.1M | 85% | -€254.3M |
| 9. | Bayern Munich | €348.6M | 53% | €12.7M |
| 10. | Atletico Madrid | €254.3M | 67% | -€22.6M |
| 11. | Arsenal | €250.5M | 58% | -€53.7M |
| 12. | Inter Milan | €248.4M | 75% | -€140.1M |
| 13. | Tottenham | €246.9M | 47% | -€59.1M |
| 14. | Borussia Dortmund | €231.2M | 65% | -€35.1M |
| 15. | Leicester City | €214.8M | 85% | -€109.1M |
| 16. | Newcastle United | €200.8M | 95% | -€83.4M |
| 17. | Everton | €191.2M | 90% | -€52.7M |
| 18. | AS Roma | €182.8M | 96% | -€219.3M |
| 19. | AC Milan | €170.3M | 63% | -€66.5M |
| 20. | RB Leipzig | €164.5M | n/a | €7.1M |
| 21. | Aston Villa | €161.7M | 77% | €0.4M |
| 22. | West Ham United | €160.1M | 54% | €11.6M |
| 23. | Sevilla | €157.6M | 85% | -€24.8M |
| 24. | Crystal Palace | €146.1M | 77% | -€28.6M |
| 25. | Leeds United | €143.3M | 64% | -€43.3M |
| 26. | Wolves | €142.3M | 73% | -€54.4M |
| 27. | Bayer Leverkusen 4 | €142.3M | n/a | -€7.3M |
| 28. | Norwich City | €139.2M | 88% | -€21.0M |
| 29. | Brighton | €136.1M | 66% | €28.4M |
| 30. | Marseille | €135.5M | 57% | -€31.0M |
| 31. | Southampton | €133.8M | 75% | -€15.6M |
| 32. | Napoli | €130.4M | 85% | -€52.0M |
| 33. | Eintracht Frankfurt 4 | €128.3M | n/a | -€14.0M |
| 34. | Wolfsburg | €121.6M | n/a | -€5.0M |
| 35. | AS Monaco | €118.0M | 137% | -€0.2M |
| 36. | Villarreal | €116.6M | 65% | €0.7M |
| 37. | Benfica | €112.6M | 67% | -€35.0M |
| 38. | Ajax | €109.4M | 58% | -€24.3M |
| 39. | Burnley | €108.6M | 75% | €30.6M |
| 40. | Fulham | €106.7M | 126% | -€68.0M |
| 41. | Gladbach 4 | €103.2M | n/a | -€24.7M |
| 42. | Real Betis | €103.1M | 85% | -€38.3M |
| 43. | Athletic Bilbao | €102.6M | 94% | -€10.6M |
| 44. | Watford | €102.4M | 68% | -€20.9M |
| 45. | Lyon | €99.4M | 62% | -€55.0M |
| 46. | Lazio | €99.1M | 75% | -€17.4M |
| 47. | Hertha Berlin | €97.7M | n/a | -€79.8M |
| 48. | Valencia | €94.4M | 86% | -€46.0M |
| 49. | Real Sociedad | €92.2M | 81% | -€4.3M |
| 50. | Stuttgart 4 | €90.5M | n/a | -€16.6M |
| 51. | Porto | €89.3M | 62% | €20.8M |
| 52. | Hoffenheim | €87.4M | n/a | -€0.5M |
| 53. | Lille | €84.2M | 57% | €22.2M |
| 54. | Fiorentina | €80.9M | 78% | €46.8M |
| 55. | Brentford | €80.5M | 48% | €30.3M |
| 56. | Schalke 4 | €78.5M | n/a | -€20.0M |
| 57. | Koln | €77.2M | n/a | -€15.7M |
| 58. | Bournemouth | €72.5M | 115% | -€65.5M |
| 59. | Nice | €70.9M | 90% | -€59.6M |
| 60. | Celtic | €69.5M | 67% | €6.9M |
| 61. | Nottingham Forest | €69.1M | 197% | -€53.8M |
| 62. | Club Brugge | €69.0M | n/a | €4.1M |
| 63. | Rennes | €68.1M | 82% | -€12.2M |
| 64. | Bologna | €67.6M | 98% | -€46.7M |
| 65. | Sporting CP | €67.1M | 55% | €25.0M |
| 66. | Torino 4 | €65.6M | 89% | -€6.8M |
| 67. | Espanyol | €64.6M | 83% | -€19.9M |
| 68. | Rangers | €64.6M | 63% | -€1.1M |
| 69. | Sassuolo | €63.6M | 75% | €1.4M |
| 70. | Freiburg | €59.6M | n/a | €2.0M |
| 71. | Anderlecht | €57.0M | n/a | €1.3M |
| 72. | Bordeaux | €56.5M | 114% | -€53.1M |
| 73. | PSV | €55.2M | 59% | €1.2M |
| 74. | Union Berlin | €54.0M | n/a | €12.7M |
| 75. | Celta Vigo | €53.7M | 74% | -€0.8M |
| 76. | Mainz 05 | €52.3M | n/a | €3.3M |
| 77. | Levante | €51.5M | 83% | -€22.1M |
| 78. | West Brom | €50.0M | 65% | €6.4M |
| 79. | Getafe | €49.9M | 79% | €2.1M |
| 80. | Feyenoord | €48.2M | 55% | -€4.5M |
| 81. | Trabzonspor | €48.0M | 81% | -€25.0M |
| 82. | Augsburg | €47.5M | n/a | -€0.4M |
| 83. | Atalanta 5 | €44.6M | 64% | €11.4M |
| 84. | Stoke City | €44.1M | 120% | €120.1M |
| 85. | Werder Bremen | €43.8M | n/a | €6.3M |
| 86. | Nantes | €43.0M | 83% | €0.1M |
| 87. | Mallorca | €41.7M | 67% | -€1.5M |
| 88. | Udinese | €41.6M | 69% | -€69.0M |
| 89. | Montpellier | €40.7M | 105% | €3.0M |
| 90. | Alaves | €40.6M | 67% | -€3.4M |
| 91. | Osasuna | €40.5M | 63% | -€1.1M |
| 92. | Granada | €40.2M | 62% | -€2.8M |
| 93. | Hamburg | €39.2M | n/a | €1.0M |
| 94. | Hellas Verona | €38.9M | 63% | -€5.0M |
| 95. | Saint Etienne | €38.8M | 54% | -€6.8M |
| 96. | RC Lens | €38.0M | 80% | €1.6M |
| 97. | Strasbourg | €37.1M | 65% | €2.1M |
| 98. | Cadiz | €37.0M | 61% | €0.6M |
| 99. | Birmingham City | €36.7M | 177% | -€29.3M |
| 100. | Bristol City | €35.8M | 102% | -€33.3M |
| 101. | Troyes | €34.6M | 132% | -€31.1M |
| 102. | Cardiff City | €34.5M | 147% | -€35.9M |
| 103. | Metz | €34.5M | 97% | -€12.7M |
| 104. | Middlesborough | €33.5M | 106% | -€18.1M |
| 105. | Swansea | €32.6M | 137% | -€14.8M |
| 106. | QPR | €32.6M | 125% | -€29.1M |
| 107. | Bochum | €31.2M | n/a | €6.0M |
| 108. | Hannover | €31.0M | n/a | €0.5M |
| 109. | Lorient | €30.1M | 90% | -€2.8M |
| 110. | Arminia Bielefeld | €30.1M | n/a | €2.7M |
| 110. | Reading | €29.9M | 150% | -€20.4M |
| 111. | Stade Brest | €29.5M | 66% | €12.2M |
| 112. | Preston | €29.0M | 178% | -€19.8M |
| 113. | Blackburn | €28.8M | 147% | -€13.2M |
| 114. | Stade Reims | €27.4M | 76% | €1.1M |
| 115. | Angers | €27.4M | 78% | €8.7M |
| 116. | Rayo Vallecano | €26.5M | 51% | €5.1M |
| 117. | Millwall | €26.3M | 120% | -€14.0M |
| 118. | AZ Alkmaar | €25.3M | 77% | €18.6M |
| 119. | Braga | €25.0M | 83% | €3.0M |
| Total | €13,534M | n/a | -€2,523M |
2 Revenue excludes transfer fee income. For some teams it wasn’t possible so the column is n/a
3 Real Madrid’s basketball wages of €41.4M are included in their wage bill. Included in Barcelona’s is €48.7M in roller hockey, handball and basketball wages. PSG’s wage bill includes their handball staff. Other teams may also have non-football sports teams included in their figures.
4 A number of German and Italian teams use the calendar year as their financial year so the figures for those teams are for the year ending December 2022 not the 2021/22 season.
5 Atalanta changed their financial year from ending in December to June so their latest accounts are only for a 6 month period. Their wage bill would likely be around €80m for the entire 2021/22 season.
6 Concerted at £1 = €1.18
7 Some of the teams missing from above include: Sampdoria, Genoa, Elche, Besiktas, Fenerbache, Galatasaray, all Russian teams
8 All figures were taken from financial statements/annual reports. Media reports of financial results were used for a small number of teams.
9 Last years figures (2020/21) https://reddit.com/soccecomments/v0zz1a/european_clubs_wage_bill_and_net_profits_202021/
2023.06.01 15:15 ReelDeadOne Événements d'été à Dieppe / Dieppe summer events - 2023
 | submitted by ReelDeadOne to DieppeNB [link] [comments] |
2023.06.01 14:49 upbstock morning coffee
What goes up must come down... unless you have diamond hands. Some cracks are beginning to appear in the recent AI stock rally, with C3.ai (AI) plunging 22% AH on Wednesday after giving a disappointing outlook during its FQ4 results. On an earnings call, CEO Tom Siebel added that the company wasn't "inclined to change expectations" surrounding its guidance, compared to the major boost that Nvidia's (NVDA) stock received following its "jaw-dropping guidance" posted last week.
Snapshot: Other AI players and chipmakers also pulled back yesterday following some impressive runups, but the latest movement might suggest that all companies are not equal when it comes to the "AI supercycle." Investors will have some deep learning to do after being consumed by everything AI this year, especially as they sort through the growing list of companies talking up how they've been AI plays all along. The real thing to consider is how much a firm will successfully capitalize and monetize its artificial intelligence offerings after the meme rallies settle down and huge price swings come to a halt.
"The euphoria is rooted in a very promising underlying technology," noted Robert Schein of Blanke Schein Wealth Management. "Even with the recent market euphoria driven by artificial intelligence, the market is sending a clear signal that artificial intelligence is here to stay, as this technology has the potential to overhaul how companies do business, which has major implications for corporate earnings."
Do your homework: As an example, the overwhelming majority of Wall Street experts believe that Nvidia (NVDA) remains a clear Buy. Seeking Alpha's Quant Ratings system views NVDA with a little more skepticism, labeling the stock as a Hold (valuation represents the key headwind, according to the system of grading quantitative measures). SA analysts have also been sizing up the stock in a series of recent articles. See 11 Billion Reasons To Buy Nvidia, And 2.2 Trillion Reasons To Sell, Bulls Are Way Overestimating AI GPU Demand and Unleashing The Power Of Parallel Computing For AI Dominance.
Fiscal Responsibility Act
The U.S. House last night easily passed the debt-ceiling relief deal as the Treasury heads toward a June 5 deadline, after which the government won't have ready funding to pay its bills. The measure now goes to a Senate also working under a tight timetable and preparing for weekend votes. A number of senators have already expressed the wish to amend the bill, meaning it could return to the House for more approval, but the process is expected to get over the finish line in time. With much of the drama in the rear-view mirror, investors have once again set their sights on central bank policymaking, with Fed officials like Patrick Harker and Philip Jefferson calling for a pause this month and assessing the need for future rate hikes thereafter. (104 comments)
Publisher compensation
Meta Platforms (NASDAQ:META) is threatening to pull news links from Facebook and Instagram in California if state lawmakers move forward with the "California Journalism Preservation Act." The company responded in a similar fashion after a related proposal was tabled in Congress in December, as well as in Canada, and briefly blocked news links in Australia before brokering a deal with the government there. Among the amendments was a clause stipulating that digital platforms and news groups would be required to mediate for two months before subjecting them to mandatory arbitration. Canberra also agreed to take into account existing commercial agreements and give digital platforms a month's notice before reaching any final decision on the law's application. Will the same happen again? (4 comments)
Doom and gloom update
While attention has been centered on the remote, but disastrous possibility, of the U.S. defaulting on its debt, investors may want to focus more on corporate bonds. Preparation is underway for a wave of defaults in the high-yield credit markets as the boom-and-bust cycle returns in 2023. Deutsche Bank issued its 25th annual Default Report and sees the default rate on U.S. junk debt spiking to a peak of 9% of issuance by the end of 2024 vs. 1.3% in 2022. See how that compares to other cycle highs like the dot-com crash and the Great Financial Crisis. (47 comments)
Today's Markets
In Asia, Japan +0.8%. Hong Kong -0.1%. China flat. India -0.3%. In Europe, at midday, London +0.5%. Paris +0.8%. Frankfurt +1.1%. Futures at 6:30, Dow +0.1%. S&P +0.2%. Nasdaq +0.1%. Crude -0.2% to $68.22. Gold -0.4% to $1974.40. Bitcoin -0.7% to $26,946. Ten-year Treasury Yield +4 bps to 3.68%
Today's Economic Calendar
7:30 Challenger Job-Cut Report 8:15 ADP Jobs Report 8:30 Initial Jobless Claims 8:30 Productivity and Costs 9:45 PMI Manufacturing Index 10:00 ISM Manufacturing Index 10:00 Construction Spending 10:30 EIA Natural Gas Inventory 11:00 EIA Petroleum Inventories 1:00 PM Fed's Harker Speech 4:30 PM Fed Balance Sheet
Companies reporting earnings today »
What else is happening...
Has 'greedflation' caused corporate profits to increase?
Job openings unexpectedly rise in April, quits rate ticks down
Exxon (XOM), Chevron (CVX) shareholders reject climate proposals.
U.S. crude oil slumps to 10-week low, down 11% for May.
Pfizer's (PFE) RSV vaccine, Abrysvo, gets a nod from the FDA.
Retail watch: Nordstrom (JWN) gains on unexpected Q1 profit.
Salesforces (CRM) sinks after earnings; so does CrowdStrike (CRWD).
Amazon (AMZN) settles kids' privacy case and Ring spy claims.
Lucid (LCID) to receive $3B from new investors, including Saudi Arabia.
Ford (F) CEO says EV price parity is unlikely until after 2030.
submitted by upbstock to Optionmillionaires [link] [comments]
Snapshot: Other AI players and chipmakers also pulled back yesterday following some impressive runups, but the latest movement might suggest that all companies are not equal when it comes to the "AI supercycle." Investors will have some deep learning to do after being consumed by everything AI this year, especially as they sort through the growing list of companies talking up how they've been AI plays all along. The real thing to consider is how much a firm will successfully capitalize and monetize its artificial intelligence offerings after the meme rallies settle down and huge price swings come to a halt.
"The euphoria is rooted in a very promising underlying technology," noted Robert Schein of Blanke Schein Wealth Management. "Even with the recent market euphoria driven by artificial intelligence, the market is sending a clear signal that artificial intelligence is here to stay, as this technology has the potential to overhaul how companies do business, which has major implications for corporate earnings."
Do your homework: As an example, the overwhelming majority of Wall Street experts believe that Nvidia (NVDA) remains a clear Buy. Seeking Alpha's Quant Ratings system views NVDA with a little more skepticism, labeling the stock as a Hold (valuation represents the key headwind, according to the system of grading quantitative measures). SA analysts have also been sizing up the stock in a series of recent articles. See 11 Billion Reasons To Buy Nvidia, And 2.2 Trillion Reasons To Sell, Bulls Are Way Overestimating AI GPU Demand and Unleashing The Power Of Parallel Computing For AI Dominance.
Fiscal Responsibility Act
The U.S. House last night easily passed the debt-ceiling relief deal as the Treasury heads toward a June 5 deadline, after which the government won't have ready funding to pay its bills. The measure now goes to a Senate also working under a tight timetable and preparing for weekend votes. A number of senators have already expressed the wish to amend the bill, meaning it could return to the House for more approval, but the process is expected to get over the finish line in time. With much of the drama in the rear-view mirror, investors have once again set their sights on central bank policymaking, with Fed officials like Patrick Harker and Philip Jefferson calling for a pause this month and assessing the need for future rate hikes thereafter. (104 comments)
Publisher compensation
Meta Platforms (NASDAQ:META) is threatening to pull news links from Facebook and Instagram in California if state lawmakers move forward with the "California Journalism Preservation Act." The company responded in a similar fashion after a related proposal was tabled in Congress in December, as well as in Canada, and briefly blocked news links in Australia before brokering a deal with the government there. Among the amendments was a clause stipulating that digital platforms and news groups would be required to mediate for two months before subjecting them to mandatory arbitration. Canberra also agreed to take into account existing commercial agreements and give digital platforms a month's notice before reaching any final decision on the law's application. Will the same happen again? (4 comments)
Doom and gloom update
While attention has been centered on the remote, but disastrous possibility, of the U.S. defaulting on its debt, investors may want to focus more on corporate bonds. Preparation is underway for a wave of defaults in the high-yield credit markets as the boom-and-bust cycle returns in 2023. Deutsche Bank issued its 25th annual Default Report and sees the default rate on U.S. junk debt spiking to a peak of 9% of issuance by the end of 2024 vs. 1.3% in 2022. See how that compares to other cycle highs like the dot-com crash and the Great Financial Crisis. (47 comments)
Today's Markets
In Asia, Japan +0.8%. Hong Kong -0.1%. China flat. India -0.3%. In Europe, at midday, London +0.5%. Paris +0.8%. Frankfurt +1.1%. Futures at 6:30, Dow +0.1%. S&P +0.2%. Nasdaq +0.1%. Crude -0.2% to $68.22. Gold -0.4% to $1974.40. Bitcoin -0.7% to $26,946. Ten-year Treasury Yield +4 bps to 3.68%
Today's Economic Calendar
7:30 Challenger Job-Cut Report 8:15 ADP Jobs Report 8:30 Initial Jobless Claims 8:30 Productivity and Costs 9:45 PMI Manufacturing Index 10:00 ISM Manufacturing Index 10:00 Construction Spending 10:30 EIA Natural Gas Inventory 11:00 EIA Petroleum Inventories 1:00 PM Fed's Harker Speech 4:30 PM Fed Balance Sheet
Companies reporting earnings today »
What else is happening...
Has 'greedflation' caused corporate profits to increase?
Job openings unexpectedly rise in April, quits rate ticks down
Exxon (XOM), Chevron (CVX) shareholders reject climate proposals.
U.S. crude oil slumps to 10-week low, down 11% for May.
Pfizer's (PFE) RSV vaccine, Abrysvo, gets a nod from the FDA.
Retail watch: Nordstrom (JWN) gains on unexpected Q1 profit.
Salesforces (CRM) sinks after earnings; so does CrowdStrike (CRWD).
Amazon (AMZN) settles kids' privacy case and Ring spy claims.
Lucid (LCID) to receive $3B from new investors, including Saudi Arabia.
Ford (F) CEO says EV price parity is unlikely until after 2030.
2023.06.01 13:45 kitkid How the G.O.P. Picked Trans Kids as a Rallying Cry
Jun 1, 2023
With stunning speed, the status of trans youth has become the rallying cry of the Republican Party, from state legislatures to presidential campaigns.
Adam Nagourney, who covers West Coast cultural affairs for The New York Times, explains how that came to be, and why it’s proving such a potent issue.
On today's episode:
Adam Nagourney, a West Coast cultural affairs correspondent for The New York Times.
Background reading:
You can listen to the episode here.
submitted by kitkid to Thedaily [link] [comments]
With stunning speed, the status of trans youth has become the rallying cry of the Republican Party, from state legislatures to presidential campaigns.
Adam Nagourney, who covers West Coast cultural affairs for The New York Times, explains how that came to be, and why it’s proving such a potent issue.
On today's episode:
Adam Nagourney, a West Coast cultural affairs correspondent for The New York Times.
Background reading:
- Defeated on same-sex marriage, the religious right went searching for an issue that would re-energize supporters and donors.
- Since the Supreme Court overturned Roe v. Wade, anti-gay rhetoric and calls to roll back L.G.B.T.Q. rights have grown bolder among Republican elected officials and candidates.
2023.06.01 13:24 Gangiskhan Artist #104 Kendrick Lamar
Bio from The Festival Voice
Genre: Hip Hop, Progressive Rap, GOAT
Scheduled: Friday
Songs & Sets:
Kendrick Lamar - These Walls (Live on Ellen) ft. Bilal, Anna Wise, Thundercat
Kendrick Lamar - Live At Reading And Leeds Festival 2018
Kendrick Lamar Live Performance Ft. Tanna Leone & Baby Keem FULL CONCERT
Kendrick Lamar - N95
Kendrick Lamar - Bitch, Don't Kill My Vibe (Explicit)
Have you seen Kendrick Lamar before? Please share your experience and favorite songs.
Link to previous AotD post
submitted by Gangiskhan to bonnaroo [link] [comments]
Artist Biography by Daniel Karasek
Kendrick Lamar is the most acclaimed rap artist of his generation. He was born in Compton and grew up surrounded by hip-hop culture and gang activity. At a young age, he started writing stories and poems, leading him to rap. When Kendrick was 16 he made a name for himself as K. Dot in 2003 and released his debut mixtape The Hub City Threat: Minor of the Year. The release was impressive enough to get Top Dawg Entertainment to work with him and propel his career. Kendrick kept releasing music under K. Dot through 2009, and that same year he joined the group Black Hippy whose members included Ab-Soul, Jay Rock, and ScHoolboy Q. The members of Black Hippy often appeared on each other’s mixtapes and albums. In 2010, Overly Dedicated was released under Kendrick Lamar as his first commercial release that hit the Billboard R&B/Hip-Hop Albums Chart. The next year he released his first official album Section.80 which hit number 113 on the Billboard 200. During a concert in late 2011, Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, and the Game dubbed him “The New King of the West Coast” which was sealed when Dre signed Kendrick to his Aftermath label. In 2012, Kendrick released his major-label debut Good Kid, M.A.A.D City which entered the Billboard 200 at number two. Three of the singles, “Swimming Pools (Drank),” “Poetic Justice,” and “Bitch Don’t Kill My Vibe,” made it into the Top Ten of Billboard’s Hot R&B/Hip-Hop Chart and went Top 40 Pop. The album got four Grammy nominations. Kendrick kept with the grind until 2014 when he released his single “i” which won Grammy Awards for Best Rap Performance and Best Rap Song. The next year he released the album To Pimp a Butterfly which featured Snoop Dogg, Thundercat, and George Clinton and topped the Billboard 200. The album won a Grammy for Best Rap Album. Kendrick’s next two singles “Alright” and “These Walls” took Grammy wins for Best Rap Performance, Best Rap Song, and Best Rap/Sung Collaboration. In 2017, Kendrick’s album DAMN arrived with the single “HUMBLE” which became his first number-one pop hit. All 14 songs off the album entered the Hot 100. The album also won more Grammy awards for Best Rap Album, Best Rap Performance, Best Rap Song, and Best Rap/Sung Performance. In 2018, the album won the Pulitzer Prize for Music and was the first time the judges recognized a work outside the genres of classical and jazz. If all this wasn’t enough, Kendrick’s single “Kings Dead” made him a 13-time Grammy winner for Best Rap Performance. Kendrick kept pushing through with wins with his most recent album Mr. Morale & the Big Steppers arriving in 2022.
Genre: Hip Hop, Progressive Rap, GOAT
Scheduled: Friday
Songs & Sets:
Kendrick Lamar - These Walls (Live on Ellen) ft. Bilal, Anna Wise, Thundercat
Kendrick Lamar - Live At Reading And Leeds Festival 2018
Kendrick Lamar Live Performance Ft. Tanna Leone & Baby Keem FULL CONCERT
Kendrick Lamar - N95
Kendrick Lamar - Bitch, Don't Kill My Vibe (Explicit)
Have you seen Kendrick Lamar before? Please share your experience and favorite songs.
Days Until Bonnaroo: 14
Remember to drink water and warm up those high fives!Link to previous AotD post
2023.06.01 11:40 Dowdidik En Juin, on explore l'intérieur ! - Venez parler des psychédéliques durant tout le mois !
 | submitted by Dowdidik to AddictionsFR [link] [comments] Bicycle day Cela va bientôt être la saison des concerts en extérieur, des festivals, et du temps idéal pour flâner dehors. Et on sait très bien que ce sont des conditions idéales pour beaucoup de consommer des psychédéliques ! Peut-être l’expérience de la drogue porte-t-elle des fruits significatifs lorsqu’elle est enracinée dans le sol d’un esprit mûr et cultivé. Mais cette expérience a soudain été saisie par une génération de jeunes qui sont pathétiquement a-culturels et qui n’apportent souvent rien d’autre à l’expérience qu’un désir vide. Dans leur rébellion adolescente, ils se sont débarrassés de la culture corrompue de leurs aînés et, avec cette eau de bain souillée, du corps même de l’héritage occidental, au mieux en faveur de traditions exotiques qu’ils ne comprennent que marginalement, au pire en faveur d’un chaos introspectif dans lequel les dix-sept ou dix-huit années de leur vie non formée flottent comme des atomes dans le vide. Qu’est-ce qu'un psychédélique ?Tous les psychédéliques stimulent directement un sous-type particulier de nos récepteurs de sérotonine ; il s’agit des récepteurs 5HT2A, qui jouent un rôle important dans les fonctions cérébrales supérieures. L’effet le plus connu est la production de visuels inhabituels – pas de véritables hallucinations (qui sont des images sans fondement dans la réalité), mais des distorsions étranges et des ajouts imaginatifs aux images des choses physiquement présentes. Ces phénomènes peuvent se produire aussi bien les yeux ouverts que les yeux fermés. Les drogues psychédéliques sont également empathogènes – elles créent des sensations d’attention, d’amour et de connexion avec d’autres personnes et avec le monde naturel.Le terme psychédélique signifie “manifestation de l’esprit”, ce qui sert à imager l’introspection associée à la consommation de ces substances. Cette définition pourrait laisser penser à bien d’autres drogues que les psychédéliques auxquels on associe souvent le terme, il est donc important de noter que ce terme réfère dans la recherche scientifiques aux substances agissant directement sur les récepteurs 5HT2A. Il faut dans cette optique prendre aussi en compte la MDMA et la kétamine, qui ne sont pas des psychédéliques classiques mais ont bel et bien une action que l’on peut qualifier de psychédélique. Compte tenu de l’utilisation historique répandue des psychédéliques comme sacrements dans une variété d’autres cultures, la définition de Jérôme Jaffe en 1990 pour la classe des psychédéliques peut peut-être être appréciée : …la caractéristique qui distingue les agents psychédéliques des autres classes de drogues est leur capacité à induire de manière fiable des états de perception, de pensée et de sentiment altérés qui ne sont pas expérimentés autrement, sauf dans les rêves ou dans les moments d’exaltation religieuse.L’un des pionniers de la recherche sur le LSD, Daniel Freedman, a noté que …une dimension fondamentale du comportement… révélée de manière convaincante dans les états de LSD est le ‘présage’ – la capacité de l’esprit à voir plus qu’il ne peut dire, à expérimenter plus qu’il ne peut expliquer, à croire et à être impressionné par plus qu’il ne peut justifier rationnellement, à expérimenter l’illimité et les événements ‘sans limites’, du banal au profond.Freedman DX. (1968) On the use and abuse of LSD. Arch Gen Psychiatry 18:330–347. L’utilisation des psychédéliques comme élément central de nombreuses pratiques religieuses, ainsi que les effets psychopharmacologiques profonds et uniques suggérés par la définition de Jaffe et les observations de Freedman, permettent de prendre conscience que les psychédéliques constituent une catégorie à part entière de substances altérant l’esprit. En effet, cette connaissance a incité Carl Ruck et ses collègues en 1979 à inventer le mot enthéogène pour remplacer les termes hallucinogène et psychédélique, qu’ils considéraient tous deux comme ayant des connotations négatives. L’enthéogène est dérivé des racines grecques entheos, qui signifie “Dieu (theos) à l’intérieur”, et genesthe, qui signifie “générer”. Le mot enthéogène désigne donc essentiellement une substance ou un matériau qui génère Dieu ou le divin en quelqu’un. Bien qu’il semble peu probable que le terme enthéogène soit adopté par la communauté scientifique officielle, il est intéressant de savoir que dans certains cercles enthéogène est synonyme de psychédélique. De plus, il faut savoir que les effets produits par les psychédéliques (nous pourrions même dire des drogues en général) dépendent fortement de la disposition mentale individuelle et du contexte d’usage. C’est le set & settings. Il est important de penser à plusieurs choses : se connaître ainsi que ses limites, être bien entouré ou tout du moins dans un environnement suffisamment sécurisé sur le plan psychologique, connaître les produits et anticiper les potentiels problèmes pouvant survenir. L’usage de drogue n’est jamais anodin, et il est important de prendre en compte de nombreux paramètres si l’on veut pouvoir en profiter le plus longtemps possible et dans la meilleure des santés possible ! Ce qu’il est important de savoir.Pendant des décennies, les médias ont largement dépeint les psychédéliques comme des drogues extrêmement dangereuses ; en fait, les psychédéliques sérotoninergiques classiques sont généralement considérés comme très sûrs sur le plan physiologique par rapport aux opiacés et aux psychostimulants, comme on peut le voir iciBonomo, Y., Norman, A., Biondo, S., Bruno, R., Daglish, M., Dawe, S., … Castle, D. (2019). The Australian drug harms ranking study. Journal of Psychopharmacology, 026988111984156. doi:10.1177/0269881119841569 Néanmoins, malgré la sécurité physiologique relative des psychédéliques, ils peuvent entraîner de graves conséquences psychologiques. Ces substances n’entraînent pas (ou très peu) d’accoutumance ou de dépendance et ne semblent pas impliquer de renforcement lié à l’usage. Cela est compréhensible quand on sait que les hallucinogènes sérotoninergiques n’ont pas d’effets directs sur les systèmes dopaminergiques du cerveau, une pharmacologie qui semble essentielle pour presque toutes les drogues pouvant engendrer une dépendance. La consommation de fortes doses de psychédéliques peut entraîner des problèmes vasculaires car le récepteur 5-HT2A est associé à la contraction des muscles lisses vasculaires, à l’agrégation plaquettaire, à la formation de thrombus et aux spasmes des artères coronaires. La vasoconstriction aiguë provoquée par la sérotonine est généralement partagée par l’activation des récepteurs 5-HT1B et 5-HT2A ; cependant, dans les artères intracrâniennes, seul le récepteur 5-HT1B est le médiateur de la constriction. L’administration répétée de psychédéliques entraîne un développement très rapide de la tolérance, connu sous le nom de tachyphylaxie, un phénomène qui résulterait de la régulation négative des récepteurs 5-HT2A. L’administration quotidienne de LSD entraîne essentiellement une perte totale de sensibilité aux effets de la drogue au quatrième jour. De même, chez l’homme, l’administration quotidienne de l’amphétamine hallucinogène 2,5-diméthoxy-4-méthylamphétamine (DOM) entraîne une tolérance importante aux effets de la drogue au troisième jour. Chez les humains, une tolérance croisée se produit entre la mescaline et le LSD et entre la psilocybine et le LSD. Les substances que l’on retrouve dans la catégorie des psychédéliques :
Luethi, D., Liechti, M.E. Designer drugs: mechanism of action and adverse effects. Arch Toxicol 94, 1085–1133 (2020). https://doi.org/10.1007/s00204-020-02693-7 N'hésitez pas à partager vos expériences, à poser vos questions, et à rajouter des informations qui vous sembleraient importantes ! Prenez soin de vous. Aller plus loin sur les psychédéliques :Papiers scientifiques :
Livres : |
2023.06.01 10:37 WasHappyOnce ये शख़्स इतिहास का सबसे घटिया राजनेता कहलायेगा
 | submitted by WasHappyOnce to NoCountryForHindus [link] [comments] |
2023.06.01 10:17 frizzlen Timo Tolkki reunites with Tuomo Lassila (founding member of Stratovarius) and Antti Ikonen for new project TIMO TOLKKI'S STRATO, announces Return To Dreamspace album
 | PRESS RELEASE: submitted by frizzlen to PowerMetal [link] [comments] They started it all 34 years ago...The Dreamspace lineup of Stratovarius has reformed, returning under the moniker TIMO TOLKKI'S STRATO. Featuring Timo Tolkki (vocals & guitar), Tuomo Lassila (drums), and Antti Ikonen (keyboards), these members recorded the classic Fright Night, Twilight Time, Dreamspace and Fourth Dimension albums. Released in 1994, Dreamspace was the last Stratovarius album to have Timo Tolkki on lead vocals and includes such fan favorites as "Chasing Shadows", "Hold On To Your Dream", "We Are The Future" and "Wings Of Tomorrow". Tolkki recorded his vocals for the Fourth Dimension album demos before deciding to focus on guitar only and recruited Timo Kotipelto as vocalist. Fourth Dimensionincluded a number of standout tracks including "Against The Wind", "Distant Skies", "Galaxies" and "Twilight Symphony". In the summer 2022 Timo Tolkki, Tuomo Lassila and Antti Ikonen met to discuss ideas to reform the original line up, deciding to call themselves “Timo Tolkki’s Strato”. In all secrecy, they have rehearsed in Tuomo’s garage (real back to the roots!) since January 2023.This reconstituted lineup has signed a deal with Warner Music Japan, and is currently recording their debut album titled Return To Dreamspace to be released on 27.10.2023, preceded by the single “(Is this the) Brave New World?". A Japanese Tour is planned for spring 2024, and Timo Tolkki will visit Japan in November 2023 to promote the album -- his first time there since 2007. Tours of Latin America and Europe are also in the works. In concert the band will be performing songs from Return To Dreamspace, as well as from the Stratovarius albums, Fright Night,Twilight Time, and Dreamspace. Eric Cerda, the manager of Timo Tolkki, describes the music as "sounding like the classic Dreamspace era but updated for the 2020's. Fans of melodic Power Metal -- a genre that these guys pretty much defined -- will love the new songs of Timo Tolkki's Strato, with fans of early Stratovarius being especially pleased.” Tuomo Lassila formed Stratovarius in Helsinki 1984, and is responsible together with the original guitar player Staffan Stråhlman for the band's name Stratovarius. One year later Timo Tolkki joined the band. Stratovarius released their debut album Fright Night (1989) through CBS Finland. From that started one of the biggest success stories in the history of melodic metal. They defined what is currently known as “Power Metal” with albums like Fright Night (1989), Twilight Time (1993), Dreamspace (1994) and Fourth Dimension (1995). Timo Tolkki wrote more than 100 songs for the band before leaving the group to embark on a successful solo career back in 2008, and is responsible for writing such Power Metal anthems like “Black Diamond”, “Hunting High and Low”, “Speed of Light”, “Paradise”, “Forever” and “Destiny”. More than 4 million copies of Tolkki-era Stratovarius albums have been sold. For more information visit: www.stratoworld.fi https://www.facebook.com/timotolkkistrato https://www.instagram.com/official_timo_tolkkis_strato https://www.tolkki.art/ https://www.facebook.com/antti.ikonen.33 management: FC Metal Agency Eric Cerda: [email protected] |
2023.06.01 10:10 New_Pomegranate2416 I studied how this earplugs brand went from €1M to €12M in revenue with its ambassador program. Here's what I found.
 | If there's one brand that masterfully navigated the storm of the pandemic, it's Loop Earplugs. After 80% sales drop, they pivoted to a DTC model and leveraged an ambassador program to grow their revenue from € 1million to €12 million in just a year. submitted by New_Pomegranate2416 to MarketingHelp [link] [comments] Here are 6 key takeaways from their ambassador program that can be helpful to DTC brands trying to ditch expensive ads and go the ambassador and affiliate partnership route:
https://preview.redd.it/a1mfhai17d3b1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=cf1fb6f62d3a29f458aae4b66af4979628a57ea1 |
2023.06.01 10:09 New_Pomegranate2416 I studied how this earplugs brand went from €1M to €12M in revenue with its ambassador program. Here's what I found.
If there's one brand that masterfully navigated the storm of the pandemic, it's Loop Earplugs. After 80% sales drop, they pivoted to a DTC model and leveraged an ambassador program to grow their revenue from € 1million to €12 million in just a year.
Here are 6 key takeaways from their ambassador program that can be helpful to DTC brands trying to ditch expensive ads and go the ambassador and affiliate partnership route:
https://preview.redd.it/shv997wx6d3b1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=a25f402f7874f5b818bdc1ca0a450b5cd36973d7
submitted by New_Pomegranate2416 to influencermarketing [link] [comments]
Here are 6 key takeaways from their ambassador program that can be helpful to DTC brands trying to ditch expensive ads and go the ambassador and affiliate partnership route:
- Dedicated Landing Page for attracting affiliates: Saves time & effort spent in reaching out to influencers. This page does the talking - process, benefits, mission, etc. all in one place.
- Impact-based Messaging: Loop highlights the difference ambassadors can make, transforming the program into a shared mission and motivating people to join. They make it more than just promoting a product.
- Unique Coupon Codes: Audiences get discounts, influencers get a status boost by offering a sweet deal to their followers, and Loop can track each ambassador's performance. Everybody wins.
- User-Generated Content: Loop re-shares content from their ambassadors on the brand's account and gives them credit. It's community building, cost-effective content generation, audience-driven creativity, and authenticity - all wrapped in one.
- Diverse Partnerships: When Loop Earplugs expanded its focus to ADHD and autism communities it partnered with vocal & credible people in that space. It helped them test new use cases and expand their target audience.
- Lean Operations: Instead of a full-time employee, Loop hired a freelancer to manage influencer marketing. This approach offers the right mix of expertise, flexibility, and cost-effectiveness.
https://preview.redd.it/shv997wx6d3b1.png?width=1920&format=png&auto=webp&s=a25f402f7874f5b818bdc1ca0a450b5cd36973d7
2023.06.01 09:48 SquibblesMcGoo [Eurovision] The Dark Horse, the Powerhouse and the Great Nordic War of 2023 (Or When the Winner of a Song Competition Made the Audience Revolt)
Ah, Eurovision season. The time of hype, music, unity – and a shit ton of drama. This year’s winner is maybe one of the most controversial we’ve ever had, and that’s saying something considering we've had broadcasters straight up end a broadcast because they didn't like the winner (don't ask).
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start from the basics:
The concept of the competition is simple: each country sends one original song to compete. Aside from the biggest sponsors of the contest (UK, Spain, Italy, Germany and France) and the winner of the previous year (Ukraine in ESC 2023) each entry participates in a semi-final, from which 20 countries are selected to advance to the final via voting. The winner of the competition is the act that gets the most votes in the final, who then gets the right to host next year’s contest and enjoy the tourism money. This year, UK took over the hosting duties from Ukraine for reasons (the war, guys, it was the war).
The voting system is important to understand for context: each country gives two sets of points, both equal in value and weight. Points are given to the top 10 entries, 10th getting 1 point, 9th two points and so on. Third place gets 8 points, second place gets 10 points and first place gets 12 points to make the top two positions more valuable. The two sets of votes come from professional juries and the televote. Countries can’t vote for their own entry, naturally.
Juries are 4-5 member teams consisting of music professionals (artists, producers, managers, vocal coaches, music reporters, radio DJs, choreographers etc.) who appraise each entry based on the following criteria:
This year's Grand Final was held on May 13, but things start happening way before that. Each Eurovision season typically starts with countries selecting their representatives. Some use internal selection (as in, broadcasters decide who goes all by themselves) but most host national finals, competitions where the winner is granted the golden ticket to Eurovision. These national finals are keenly followed by eurofans (passionate fans of Eurovision).
Since 2020, however, UMK went under new management and did what was pretty much a 180: in a few years, it became one of the highest quality national finals around, and because of that, many eyes were on Finland when UMK started. The overall quality of songs in 2023 was very good, but one emerged as a clear frontrunner.
Käärijä, a Finnish rapper who was virtually unknown even in his home country, entered the competition, as the kids say, guns ablaze and mad as hell. His song Cha Cha Cha, a rap/metal/techno fusion song that does a complete tonal and genre shift halfway through, immediately became the fan favourite to win. When the time came, Käärijä absolutely landslided the national final, getting more points than the three runners up put together.
Hopeful buzz started amongst the eurofans; would this finally be Finland’s time after seventeen years (Finland’s last and only win was in 2006)? Finland is by means not the most beloved country in Eurovision, but many see it as an underdog that’s finally catching up to speed. Many wanted it to do well. Some were cautiously optimistic.
That was, until Sweden entered the competition, as the kids say, guns ablaze and mad as hell.
Sweden takes Eurovision VERY seriously, and it shows in their results. Melodifestivalen, Sweden’s national selection, started gathering curious eyes even before it started, because rumours were murmuring of someone very remarkable returning on stage. These rumours turned out to be true.
It’s hard to overstate how iconic Loreen is to the Eurovision community. She won the competition back in 2012, with a song that’s widely regarded as the best winning song of all time. She’s beloved and for a good reason. Known as a passionate, skilful vocalist and a world-class performer, the moment her participation was confirmed, many considered Melodifestivalen 2023 a done deal.
It must be mentioned that Loreen did attempt to return to Eurovision once between her win in 2012 and entry in 2023, but failed to win Melodifestivalen. However, this year’s entry was not here to play. She entered with Tattoo, a pop epic crafted by some of the best songwriters Sweden has to offer, with a staging so impeccable it could pass for a music video.
Critics and audience alike were raving. She was back, more powerful than ever. Expectedly, she won Melodifestivalen and earned her place in the line-up of 2023. In the community, the buzz was immediate, but not all of it was positive.
As soon as Loreen was announced as the Swedish representative, the competition took on a narrative of its own. It was widely seen as a race between Finland and Sweden. While Loreen definitely had her fans, the overall mentality was leaning more towards Käärijä. He was seen as the underdog from the country that has a winning chance once every 20 years, if that, going up against the Eurovision powerhouse Sweden who wins so often the fandom is getting tired of it.
That’s not to say no other entries were ever in the talks: Spain’s artsy fusion flamenco song was seen as a potential jury darling. France’s sassy chanson was seen as a potential sleeper hit. Norway’s TikTok viral Viking techno banger was seen as a potential televote magnet. Ukraine was still a big unknown given that the previous year, they had received the largest televote tally in the history of the competition and many thought sympathy votes would keep pouring in this year as well. And then there’s whatever the fuck Croatia was doing (okay, they never had a chance of winning, I just wanted any excuse to subjugate people to this chaos).
But the overall sentiment was heavily leaning towards this being a neighbour war between Finland and Sweden. As the press and pre-parties (fan arranged concerts where artists are invited to perform to get their first interactions with the fandom) started, eyes were undeniably on Loreen and Käärijä.
During his Eurovision journey, Käärijä became somewhat of a crowd darling and went moderately viral on TikTok. A little guy with a bowl cut and a thick accent who had quickly gotten the reputation of being both funny and extremely friendly, coming to the competition with an out of the box and blatantly flamboyant genre fusion banger, walking around in a green bolero with no shirt. It's hard not to feel endeared. (Not that Loreen was unfriendly or anything, she’s perfectly nice by all accounts, but her off-stage personality wasn’t as much of a focal point as it was for Käärijä who became so beloved he was locked in as an icon even before the competition began).
Finns, they, well… Rallied behind Käärijä like crazy. Their government officials sent tweets wishing him good luck. The state owned railway company dressed its statues as Käärijä. The Helsinki tram got a Käärijä makeover. Cha Cha Cha topped the Finnish charts for ages (and still does AFAIK). The Finnish press was going gaga, broadcasting how only Loreen stood in the way of Käärijä’s victory.
During Finland’s performance, the crowd went so crazy some commentators even said the whole building was shaking. People shouted Cha Cha Cha at the top of their lungs. The audience was on his side. Not that Loreen’s performance was poorly received either, she clearly had a lot of friends at the arena, but Finland got the audience by the balls.
After all of the 26 acts were done performing, the time for vote announcements came. The structure of vote announcements goes as follows: first, each country gives their jury points one by one, their spokesperson saying out loud the country that got 12 points, the highest one possible. After that, the total televote points given by all countries are given to each act one by one starting from the country currently at the last position.
Very soon, it became obvious that the juries had taken an immense liking to Tattoo.
Loreen got 12 points after 12 points, and the atmosphere at the arena shifted. The audience got more and more agitated with each 12 points Sweden received, and cheered very loudly whenever Käärijä (who was expected to do significantly worse with the juries thanks to non-mainstream genre and his lesser singing abilities due to being a rapper first and foremost) got any points. It got to a point where they responded to Sweden getting 12 points by chanting Cha Cha Cha.
The hosts (Graham Norton and Hannah Waddingham) were getting visibly uncomfortable and had to calm the crowd more than once. Hannah Waddingham eventually gave the exasperated yet iconic one-liner “just ignore everyone” when the chanting wouldn’t calm down. In the end, Sweden was comfortably in 1st place, having raked in a massive and historic 340 points, almost double that of the runner up Israel (who got 177 jury points). Finland ranked 4th with the juries with a total tally of 150, nearly 200 points behind Loreen.
Once the time for televotes came, everyone’s eyes were on Finland. Käärijä was expected to do well, but no one could quite gauge how well he’d do. Turns out, very well. He raked in a massive 376 televote points, getting the full marks from 18/37 countries and not placing lower than 5th with any country. To put it in perspective, this is the 2nd highest televote score ever (by percentage of available points), the highest being Ukraine from the year prior, and the circumstances were quite unprecedented.
By then, it was obvious the two-horse race had become true. Loreen would need 189 points (roughly the 3th-4th place in televotes) to secure her win, a tally that wasn’t a walk in the park, but was very doable with her popularity.
The following sequence is still very bizarre to me. Loreen’s points were announced. She got 243 points, making her the televote runner up. Which in turn meant Käärijä had lost to her by about 50 points despite outdoing her televote score by 133 points. As the winner was announced, Käärijä buried his head in his hands, clearly devastated. Loreen was immediately guided back on stage for her winner’s reprisal.
Footage from backstage shows many contestants beelining for Käärijä to comfort him. They’re seen hugging him, chanting Cha Cha Cha like he’s the actual winner and trying to cheer him up. All the while, Käärijä himself was obviously heartbroken. The crowd wasn’t happy, to a point where when Loreen accepted the trophy, she asked if anyone even wants her to perform again.
While Loreen’s fans were ecstatic to see her win and perform again, a portion of the audience reportedly walked out, disappointed. That was the end of the main competition. Sweden had won its 7th Eurovision trophy, catching up to Ireland for most wins ever. Loreen had become the second person (and first woman) in history to win twice.
The fandom, while disappointed, quickly got over themselves and accepted the outcome- yeah no one’s buying this lmfao. The dust was up in the air and wouldn’t settle for a good while.
There was a lot of shit slinging. Conspiracies started rearing their heads. Some were convinced Sweden had rigged the jury in order to host Eurovision on the 50th anniversary of ABBA’s victory (yes, ABBA is Swedish, yes, they won Eurovision with Waterloo, no there’s no proof of this conspiracy). A petition was started to remove the juries and it reached 60 000 signatures in two days. Loreen was accused of plagiarizing at least two different songs (not that I personally think the accusations have any merit, the melody line is just incredibly common). The Norwegian delegation outright said the juries should be overhauled (Norway got screwed over massively by the juries, being placed 17th, only to be pulled to the 5th overall position by the televote).
When detailed televote results came out, it turned out Sweden had not placed 1st in a single country. It also had less 2nd places than Finland, and its average position was 5th (which coincidentally was the lowest score Käärijä got in any country). People were pissed. Some proclaimed spending money on voting is a waste of time if the 2nd highest televote score in history isn’t enough to win because a group of 200 or so people said so.
People started going through the jury credentials, soon discovering that they were overwhelmingly pop professionals (55% to be exact) while rock pros were nowhere to be seen (they made up 3.8% of the jury to be exact). To be fair, people weren’t only pissed for Finland, they were pissed for other entries that seemingly ticked all the boxes for the juries just to get a minimal result because Sweden vacuumed all the points like it was time for spring cleaning. (I feel like I must mention that a lot of televote magnet entries also flopped hard because Finland suckled up most of the televote points leaving the rest to fight for scraps.)
With the televote results also came a peculiar detail that kicked the drama between Sweden and Finland to a whole new sphere. Turns out, every country gave Sweden televote points, except one. Yep, you guessed it. Finland blanked Sweden, while Sweden’s televote gave Finland the full 12 points. (Finnish and Swedish juries gave each other 12 points.)
This was seen as unsportsmanlike and the Swedish media latched onto it. Think pieces started coming out. One infamous Swedish Eurovision podcast episode hosted by a Swedish newspaper consisted mostly of ranting about how Finland is a "country of idiots", how it's impossible Finns could genuinely have thought 10 other songs were better than Tattoo and how it was a testament to their lack of taste that they voted for Germany and not Sweden (Germany came in last, Finland was one of the only countries to give them points. Germany sent a metal entry so I’m not sure why this was a surprise, Finns LOVE metal).
Swedish newspapers also widely reported that the Finnish Eurovision commentator had told Finns not to vote for Sweden, furthermore adding fuel to the fire. This seems to mostly be lost in translation/a cultural miscommunication, the commentator in question read a joke out loud from the stream chat that essentially said “you’re allowed to vote tactically but not for your own country”, joking about the general elections held in Finland just months prior, where a lot of people voted tactically for the largest left-wing party to prevent the largest right-wing party from taking over. It didn’t work but "vote tactically" became a nation wide meme. Said commentator also simultaneously came under fire by Finns for stanning Loreen too much during his commentary. Man just can't win lmao
One Swedish newspaper article evoked strong backlash in Finland by referring to Finland as “östra rikshalvan” (“Eastern part of the Kingdom”, roughly translated) which was the term used for Finland when it still belonged to Sweden. Many Finns saw it as colonialist and like Sweden was implying they were entitled to their former vassal using their money to give them points. However, it’s difficult to deny this lack of points likely was tactical from Finland, given how they’ve given Sweden points every other year except this one. The Finnish media also did broadcast heavily that Loreen's win depends on the amount of televotes she gets compared to Käärijä, so it's not far-fetched at all that Finns were aware of it and voted for something else.
Finnish press wasn’t silent either. A widely publicized clip from a gossip radio show hosted by the teen targeted state-owned radio station Yle X3M heavily criticized Loreen’s entry, calling it “shit” and making a tasteless joke implying Loreen was on drugs the whole night thanks to her somewhat ethereal demeanour. One of the hosts also seemed convinced the results were rigged. Newspapers also eagerly reported about the plagiarism allegations against Tattoo, even if they never went as far as suggesting there’s any merit to them.
Perhaps the saddest part of this is the contestants themselves. Loreen and Käärijä both have consistently praised each other. They reportedly get along great and there are numerous clips of them hugging, laughing and joking around. Despite taking the loss heavily, Käärijä congratulated Loreen and emphasized he loves her and wishes her all the best from the very first interview he gave after his loss. (He did however say he feels like the jury system might need a reform.) Likewise, Loreen said in an interview that she wasn’t bothered by the crowd chanting Cha Cha Cha because she thinks Käärijä is awesome and authentic.
They’re still in contact and are planning to meet up for coffee when Loreen’s next in Helsinki. The abuse Loreen herself received reached downright disgusting proportions, crossing from general trashing to misogynistic and even racist territory (because of her Moroccan heritage). It got to a point where Käärijä had to address it on Finnish morning TV, emphasizing that the results are not her fault and that he feels horrible for her when people insult her because he knows her and knows she’s a lovely person. By all accounts, there’s no bad blood between them (or any contestants for that matter, this year was remarkably cordial).
So, where are we now? People have mostly calmed down (mostly) and accepted the results. Many still push for a jury reform, demanding larger juries with more diversity and knowledge of non-mainstream genres, a shift to a 60/40 voting split in favour of the televote, and many other things too numerous to list here. EBU has not addressed the controversy in any shape or form (and they likely won't), and we’ll likely have to wait until next year to find out if the jury system will be overhauled. Loreen and Käärijä fans are still bickering amongst each other but the general public seems to have moved on. Loreen is currently enjoying very good streaming numbers and chart placements across the world, and a record number of Eurovision entries are charting. Käärijä isn't doing half-bad either, being greeted by an airport full of supportive Finns upon his return and having skyrocketed to undeniable legendary status in the Finnish music scene.
Here’s to hoping Käärijä’s invited to perform at Eurovision 2024 as an interval act and regardless of jury reform (or lack thereof) people can bury this hatchet and Nordic unity can blossom once again. (Nordics get along great... Until one loses a competition to another, then it means war.)
submitted by SquibblesMcGoo to HobbyDrama [link] [comments]
But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let’s start from the basics:
What is Eurovision?
Eurovision (or ESC) is an annual song contest originating from Europe, organized by the European Broadcasting Union (EBU). It’s been held without fail since 1951 aside from 2020, when it was cancelled for truly mysterious reasons. (COVID, guys, it was COVID). Originally incorporating only European countries, the contest has grown in its scope since its early days, nowadays having almost 40 countries participating (including some decisively non-European countries like Israel and Australia) and reaching a viewership of 150+ million, making it measure up to live events the likes of Super Bowl.The concept of the competition is simple: each country sends one original song to compete. Aside from the biggest sponsors of the contest (UK, Spain, Italy, Germany and France) and the winner of the previous year (Ukraine in ESC 2023) each entry participates in a semi-final, from which 20 countries are selected to advance to the final via voting. The winner of the competition is the act that gets the most votes in the final, who then gets the right to host next year’s contest and enjoy the tourism money. This year, UK took over the hosting duties from Ukraine for reasons (the war, guys, it was the war).
The voting system is important to understand for context: each country gives two sets of points, both equal in value and weight. Points are given to the top 10 entries, 10th getting 1 point, 9th two points and so on. Third place gets 8 points, second place gets 10 points and first place gets 12 points to make the top two positions more valuable. The two sets of votes come from professional juries and the televote. Countries can’t vote for their own entry, naturally.
Juries are 4-5 member teams consisting of music professionals (artists, producers, managers, vocal coaches, music reporters, radio DJs, choreographers etc.) who appraise each entry based on the following criteria:
- Composition and originality of the song
- Performance on stage
- Vocal capacity of artist(s)
- Overall impression of the act
This year's Grand Final was held on May 13, but things start happening way before that. Each Eurovision season typically starts with countries selecting their representatives. Some use internal selection (as in, broadcasters decide who goes all by themselves) but most host national finals, competitions where the winner is granted the golden ticket to Eurovision. These national finals are keenly followed by eurofans (passionate fans of Eurovision).
Ready Player One: UMK 2023 and the Launch of the Dark Horse
In January 2023, UMK, the Finnish national final for Eurovision, started revealing its finalists. Seven finalists were announced, and their songs were released one by one on a once-a-day schedule. Finland’s journey in Eurovision has historically been poor, having only managed to secure one win (granted, there are many who have never won) and often finishing on the back end of the results.Since 2020, however, UMK went under new management and did what was pretty much a 180: in a few years, it became one of the highest quality national finals around, and because of that, many eyes were on Finland when UMK started. The overall quality of songs in 2023 was very good, but one emerged as a clear frontrunner.
Käärijä, a Finnish rapper who was virtually unknown even in his home country, entered the competition, as the kids say, guns ablaze and mad as hell. His song Cha Cha Cha, a rap/metal/techno fusion song that does a complete tonal and genre shift halfway through, immediately became the fan favourite to win. When the time came, Käärijä absolutely landslided the national final, getting more points than the three runners up put together.
Hopeful buzz started amongst the eurofans; would this finally be Finland’s time after seventeen years (Finland’s last and only win was in 2006)? Finland is by means not the most beloved country in Eurovision, but many see it as an underdog that’s finally catching up to speed. Many wanted it to do well. Some were cautiously optimistic.
That was, until Sweden entered the competition, as the kids say, guns ablaze and mad as hell.
Ready Player Two: Melodifestivalen 2023 and the Awakening of the Sleeping Giant
Sweden, by all possible metrics, is one of, if not THE most successful country in Eurovision history. Before 2023, they’ve raked in a massive six wins (second only to Ireland who has seven), two of which during the last 11 years alone and the last one as recently as 2015. Additionally, on years they don’t win, they place in the top 10 almost without fail. They have only failed to qualify from the semifinals once, and it was largely seen as a national disgrace.Sweden takes Eurovision VERY seriously, and it shows in their results. Melodifestivalen, Sweden’s national selection, started gathering curious eyes even before it started, because rumours were murmuring of someone very remarkable returning on stage. These rumours turned out to be true.
It’s hard to overstate how iconic Loreen is to the Eurovision community. She won the competition back in 2012, with a song that’s widely regarded as the best winning song of all time. She’s beloved and for a good reason. Known as a passionate, skilful vocalist and a world-class performer, the moment her participation was confirmed, many considered Melodifestivalen 2023 a done deal.
It must be mentioned that Loreen did attempt to return to Eurovision once between her win in 2012 and entry in 2023, but failed to win Melodifestivalen. However, this year’s entry was not here to play. She entered with Tattoo, a pop epic crafted by some of the best songwriters Sweden has to offer, with a staging so impeccable it could pass for a music video.
Critics and audience alike were raving. She was back, more powerful than ever. Expectedly, she won Melodifestivalen and earned her place in the line-up of 2023. In the community, the buzz was immediate, but not all of it was positive.
Sweden and Eurovision: A Turbulent Relationship
I think it’s fair to say that Sweden is, for the lack of a better term, suffering from success. Lately, there has been a somewhat anti-Sweden mentality brewing in the community, stemming from a few key criticisms Sweden regularly gets- Genre loyalty: Swedish entries generally all fall under the umbrella of “radio friendly pop”. They’re well composed, well produced but seemingly leave the fandom cold. “Generic”, “soulless” and “safe” are terms often thrown at Swedish entries
- Jury bias: For a while now, Sweden has done better with juries than the televote, the difference once notoriously being as massive as 220 points, or 2nd place (jury) vs 22nd (out of a possible 26) (by the public). That being said, it’s disingenuous to say the televote hates Sweden as they regularly rank in the top 10, but it’s hard to deny that their point tally routinely consists of more jury than televote points
- Same songwriters: Melodifestivalen has been quite frequently criticized for having a large chunk of its songs written by the same core group of ten-ish people. In Sweden’s defence, a country of 10 million does not have that many active songwriters, but it’s hard to deny it’s a striking detail. For instance, in this year’s final, Melodifestivalen didn’t have a single entry that didn’t have at least two of these songwriters credited
“I love Loreen, but…”
Because of this sentiment, while Loreen undoubtedly had her fans, a sizeable section of the fandom started being critical of her. People started negging. Her song was called generic and soulless, the fact it was written by a huge group of the “regulars” in Melodifestivalen was brought up. People said it was too similar to her 2012 winning song, a 2.0 or carbon copy if you will. Some people also thought that because she already won, coming back was unfair since she already has a degree of Eurovision fame that could affect the results.As soon as Loreen was announced as the Swedish representative, the competition took on a narrative of its own. It was widely seen as a race between Finland and Sweden. While Loreen definitely had her fans, the overall mentality was leaning more towards Käärijä. He was seen as the underdog from the country that has a winning chance once every 20 years, if that, going up against the Eurovision powerhouse Sweden who wins so often the fandom is getting tired of it.
That’s not to say no other entries were ever in the talks: Spain’s artsy fusion flamenco song was seen as a potential jury darling. France’s sassy chanson was seen as a potential sleeper hit. Norway’s TikTok viral Viking techno banger was seen as a potential televote magnet. Ukraine was still a big unknown given that the previous year, they had received the largest televote tally in the history of the competition and many thought sympathy votes would keep pouring in this year as well. And then there’s whatever the fuck Croatia was doing (okay, they never had a chance of winning, I just wanted any excuse to subjugate people to this chaos).
But the overall sentiment was heavily leaning towards this being a neighbour war between Finland and Sweden. As the press and pre-parties (fan arranged concerts where artists are invited to perform to get their first interactions with the fandom) started, eyes were undeniably on Loreen and Käärijä.
During his Eurovision journey, Käärijä became somewhat of a crowd darling and went moderately viral on TikTok. A little guy with a bowl cut and a thick accent who had quickly gotten the reputation of being both funny and extremely friendly, coming to the competition with an out of the box and blatantly flamboyant genre fusion banger, walking around in a green bolero with no shirt. It's hard not to feel endeared. (Not that Loreen was unfriendly or anything, she’s perfectly nice by all accounts, but her off-stage personality wasn’t as much of a focal point as it was for Käärijä who became so beloved he was locked in as an icon even before the competition began).
Finns, they, well… Rallied behind Käärijä like crazy. Their government officials sent tweets wishing him good luck. The state owned railway company dressed its statues as Käärijä. The Helsinki tram got a Käärijä makeover. Cha Cha Cha topped the Finnish charts for ages (and still does AFAIK). The Finnish press was going gaga, broadcasting how only Loreen stood in the way of Käärijä’s victory.
“Just Ignore Everyone”: The Main Event That Undeniably Shaved a Few Years Off Of Graham Norton’s Life Span
The main event came about at the Liverpool Arena. As expected, both Sweden and Finland qualified for the final (later revealed to have come second and first, respectively). As the grand final came about, what was supposed to be a fun event (ironically carrying the slogan “United by Music”) turned into a rather tense occasion. Sweden performed 9th whereas Finland performed 13th. Both of their performances went largely well.During Finland’s performance, the crowd went so crazy some commentators even said the whole building was shaking. People shouted Cha Cha Cha at the top of their lungs. The audience was on his side. Not that Loreen’s performance was poorly received either, she clearly had a lot of friends at the arena, but Finland got the audience by the balls.
After all of the 26 acts were done performing, the time for vote announcements came. The structure of vote announcements goes as follows: first, each country gives their jury points one by one, their spokesperson saying out loud the country that got 12 points, the highest one possible. After that, the total televote points given by all countries are given to each act one by one starting from the country currently at the last position.
Very soon, it became obvious that the juries had taken an immense liking to Tattoo.
Loreen got 12 points after 12 points, and the atmosphere at the arena shifted. The audience got more and more agitated with each 12 points Sweden received, and cheered very loudly whenever Käärijä (who was expected to do significantly worse with the juries thanks to non-mainstream genre and his lesser singing abilities due to being a rapper first and foremost) got any points. It got to a point where they responded to Sweden getting 12 points by chanting Cha Cha Cha.
The hosts (Graham Norton and Hannah Waddingham) were getting visibly uncomfortable and had to calm the crowd more than once. Hannah Waddingham eventually gave the exasperated yet iconic one-liner “just ignore everyone” when the chanting wouldn’t calm down. In the end, Sweden was comfortably in 1st place, having raked in a massive and historic 340 points, almost double that of the runner up Israel (who got 177 jury points). Finland ranked 4th with the juries with a total tally of 150, nearly 200 points behind Loreen.
Once the time for televotes came, everyone’s eyes were on Finland. Käärijä was expected to do well, but no one could quite gauge how well he’d do. Turns out, very well. He raked in a massive 376 televote points, getting the full marks from 18/37 countries and not placing lower than 5th with any country. To put it in perspective, this is the 2nd highest televote score ever (by percentage of available points), the highest being Ukraine from the year prior, and the circumstances were quite unprecedented.
By then, it was obvious the two-horse race had become true. Loreen would need 189 points (roughly the 3th-4th place in televotes) to secure her win, a tally that wasn’t a walk in the park, but was very doable with her popularity.
The following sequence is still very bizarre to me. Loreen’s points were announced. She got 243 points, making her the televote runner up. Which in turn meant Käärijä had lost to her by about 50 points despite outdoing her televote score by 133 points. As the winner was announced, Käärijä buried his head in his hands, clearly devastated. Loreen was immediately guided back on stage for her winner’s reprisal.
Footage from backstage shows many contestants beelining for Käärijä to comfort him. They’re seen hugging him, chanting Cha Cha Cha like he’s the actual winner and trying to cheer him up. All the while, Käärijä himself was obviously heartbroken. The crowd wasn’t happy, to a point where when Loreen accepted the trophy, she asked if anyone even wants her to perform again.
While Loreen’s fans were ecstatic to see her win and perform again, a portion of the audience reportedly walked out, disappointed. That was the end of the main competition. Sweden had won its 7th Eurovision trophy, catching up to Ireland for most wins ever. Loreen had become the second person (and first woman) in history to win twice.
The fandom, while disappointed, quickly got over themselves and accepted the outcome- yeah no one’s buying this lmfao. The dust was up in the air and wouldn’t settle for a good while.
Let the Shit Slinging Begin: Conspiracy Theories, Petitions and the Media Fight
The outcome received immediate backlash. Loreen’s winning performance and grand final performance were mass downvoted on YouTube. Loreen’s victory post on Eurovision currently has 0 upvotes and over 6500 comments. Social media posts by Eurovision about Loreen were spammed by people proclaiming Käärijä was the real winner. Some contestants (namely Slovenia, Estonia and Serbia) outright said Käärijä was their winner. Finland’s grand final performance views also surpassed that of Sweden’s.There was a lot of shit slinging. Conspiracies started rearing their heads. Some were convinced Sweden had rigged the jury in order to host Eurovision on the 50th anniversary of ABBA’s victory (yes, ABBA is Swedish, yes, they won Eurovision with Waterloo, no there’s no proof of this conspiracy). A petition was started to remove the juries and it reached 60 000 signatures in two days. Loreen was accused of plagiarizing at least two different songs (not that I personally think the accusations have any merit, the melody line is just incredibly common). The Norwegian delegation outright said the juries should be overhauled (Norway got screwed over massively by the juries, being placed 17th, only to be pulled to the 5th overall position by the televote).
When detailed televote results came out, it turned out Sweden had not placed 1st in a single country. It also had less 2nd places than Finland, and its average position was 5th (which coincidentally was the lowest score Käärijä got in any country). People were pissed. Some proclaimed spending money on voting is a waste of time if the 2nd highest televote score in history isn’t enough to win because a group of 200 or so people said so.
People started going through the jury credentials, soon discovering that they were overwhelmingly pop professionals (55% to be exact) while rock pros were nowhere to be seen (they made up 3.8% of the jury to be exact). To be fair, people weren’t only pissed for Finland, they were pissed for other entries that seemingly ticked all the boxes for the juries just to get a minimal result because Sweden vacuumed all the points like it was time for spring cleaning. (I feel like I must mention that a lot of televote magnet entries also flopped hard because Finland suckled up most of the televote points leaving the rest to fight for scraps.)
With the televote results also came a peculiar detail that kicked the drama between Sweden and Finland to a whole new sphere. Turns out, every country gave Sweden televote points, except one. Yep, you guessed it. Finland blanked Sweden, while Sweden’s televote gave Finland the full 12 points. (Finnish and Swedish juries gave each other 12 points.)
This was seen as unsportsmanlike and the Swedish media latched onto it. Think pieces started coming out. One infamous Swedish Eurovision podcast episode hosted by a Swedish newspaper consisted mostly of ranting about how Finland is a "country of idiots", how it's impossible Finns could genuinely have thought 10 other songs were better than Tattoo and how it was a testament to their lack of taste that they voted for Germany and not Sweden (Germany came in last, Finland was one of the only countries to give them points. Germany sent a metal entry so I’m not sure why this was a surprise, Finns LOVE metal).
Swedish newspapers also widely reported that the Finnish Eurovision commentator had told Finns not to vote for Sweden, furthermore adding fuel to the fire. This seems to mostly be lost in translation/a cultural miscommunication, the commentator in question read a joke out loud from the stream chat that essentially said “you’re allowed to vote tactically but not for your own country”, joking about the general elections held in Finland just months prior, where a lot of people voted tactically for the largest left-wing party to prevent the largest right-wing party from taking over. It didn’t work but "vote tactically" became a nation wide meme. Said commentator also simultaneously came under fire by Finns for stanning Loreen too much during his commentary. Man just can't win lmao
One Swedish newspaper article evoked strong backlash in Finland by referring to Finland as “östra rikshalvan” (“Eastern part of the Kingdom”, roughly translated) which was the term used for Finland when it still belonged to Sweden. Many Finns saw it as colonialist and like Sweden was implying they were entitled to their former vassal using their money to give them points. However, it’s difficult to deny this lack of points likely was tactical from Finland, given how they’ve given Sweden points every other year except this one. The Finnish media also did broadcast heavily that Loreen's win depends on the amount of televotes she gets compared to Käärijä, so it's not far-fetched at all that Finns were aware of it and voted for something else.
Finnish press wasn’t silent either. A widely publicized clip from a gossip radio show hosted by the teen targeted state-owned radio station Yle X3M heavily criticized Loreen’s entry, calling it “shit” and making a tasteless joke implying Loreen was on drugs the whole night thanks to her somewhat ethereal demeanour. One of the hosts also seemed convinced the results were rigged. Newspapers also eagerly reported about the plagiarism allegations against Tattoo, even if they never went as far as suggesting there’s any merit to them.
Perhaps the saddest part of this is the contestants themselves. Loreen and Käärijä both have consistently praised each other. They reportedly get along great and there are numerous clips of them hugging, laughing and joking around. Despite taking the loss heavily, Käärijä congratulated Loreen and emphasized he loves her and wishes her all the best from the very first interview he gave after his loss. (He did however say he feels like the jury system might need a reform.) Likewise, Loreen said in an interview that she wasn’t bothered by the crowd chanting Cha Cha Cha because she thinks Käärijä is awesome and authentic.
They’re still in contact and are planning to meet up for coffee when Loreen’s next in Helsinki. The abuse Loreen herself received reached downright disgusting proportions, crossing from general trashing to misogynistic and even racist territory (because of her Moroccan heritage). It got to a point where Käärijä had to address it on Finnish morning TV, emphasizing that the results are not her fault and that he feels horrible for her when people insult her because he knows her and knows she’s a lovely person. By all accounts, there’s no bad blood between them (or any contestants for that matter, this year was remarkably cordial).
So, where are we now? People have mostly calmed down (mostly) and accepted the results. Many still push for a jury reform, demanding larger juries with more diversity and knowledge of non-mainstream genres, a shift to a 60/40 voting split in favour of the televote, and many other things too numerous to list here. EBU has not addressed the controversy in any shape or form (and they likely won't), and we’ll likely have to wait until next year to find out if the jury system will be overhauled. Loreen and Käärijä fans are still bickering amongst each other but the general public seems to have moved on. Loreen is currently enjoying very good streaming numbers and chart placements across the world, and a record number of Eurovision entries are charting. Käärijä isn't doing half-bad either, being greeted by an airport full of supportive Finns upon his return and having skyrocketed to undeniable legendary status in the Finnish music scene.
Here’s to hoping Käärijä’s invited to perform at Eurovision 2024 as an interval act and regardless of jury reform (or lack thereof) people can bury this hatchet and Nordic unity can blossom once again. (Nordics get along great... Until one loses a competition to another, then it means war.)
2023.06.01 08:43 ballbalson richard burns
 | submitted by ballbalson to namesoundalikes [link] [comments] |
2023.06.01 06:49 nvestimes $AMZN Trade analysis…
submitted by nvestimes to u/nvestimes [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 06:32 Boomratat8xOMG Hi I’m a kpop multistan in my 30s and im super dependent on concerts as my source of joy, but this might not be sustainable. Any advice?
Hi. I became a kpop multistan during the pandemic. I don’t know if there’s anyone here that has experienced this. But I really feel like the pandemic has affected my mental health and it feels like it’s hard for me to find things I enjoy. I started getting into kpop and all these groups, I would even attend kpop dance classes, cupsleeve events and met many kpop fans my age that are now my friends both offline and online. Im also really grateful that I can attend concerts now. So i’ve been attending concerts monthly since last quarter of 2022 and it’s been a great source of good vibes and great motivation to work and stay healthy to make sure I’m all good til the next concert. But I also think of the future, what if one day kpop concerts lose their luster? What if one day I can’t attend them anymore?
Tbh, i never talked to my kpop friends about this because even without me asking, it’s like an unspoken truth that we’re all traumatized from the pandemic and kpop is the most accessible comfort for us.
If you’ve ever managed to get rid of feeling like this can you share with me how because i fear this might not be sustainable?
submitted by Boomratat8xOMG to kpopthoughts [link] [comments]
Tbh, i never talked to my kpop friends about this because even without me asking, it’s like an unspoken truth that we’re all traumatized from the pandemic and kpop is the most accessible comfort for us.
If you’ve ever managed to get rid of feeling like this can you share with me how because i fear this might not be sustainable?
2023.06.01 06:32 tke248 Palantir(PLTR) Time for another look before 🚀🌕 - DD
 | Since its debut on the public market, Palantir's stock has underperformed expectations, leaving many of us who bought into the initial hype facing disappointing returns. In my assessment, this lackluster performance is largely due to the prevailing economic downturn and the company's excessive stock-based compensation scheme for employees, which has spurred institutional investors to withdraw their support. submitted by tke248 to wallstreetbets [link] [comments] https://preview.redd.it/n8wkx1744c3b1.jpg?width=1600&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cee903556765e70d3a21e7f2b92bdcb91995c317 It was prepared for the economic downturn 🖤🦢 Palantir's latest earnings report as of March 31, 2023, shows $2.916 billion in cash, no long-term debt, indicating strong financial health and flexibility for growth investments, acquisitions, or shareholder returns.This software is stickier than the backstage floor at a Motley Crue concert 🍆💦 Year-over-year, customer count increased by 41%, and it grew by 7% compared to the previous quarter. The number of US commercial customers saw a 50% rise year-over-year, moving from 103 customers in Q1 2022 to 155 in Q1 2023.Palantir Employees' Significant Stake: A Catalyst for Future Success 🎯🚀 Palantir has majorly cut its Stock-Based Compensation from exceeding 100% of revenues to a mere 26%, fostering institutional investment appeal, while maintaining its ability to attract and retain high-quality talent.Palantir is preparing to showcase its AI prowess via a live stream today. At the same time, a solution to the debt ceiling problem seems to be within reach. Meanwhile, due to the unconvincing outlook from C3, investors may be prompted to search for a more promising option. |
2023.06.01 06:26 bunnyhoppi Chance Me! - Junior with way too much time on their hands
Demographics: Latino Male - Second Generation Immigrant - First Generation College Student
Intended Major(s): Business Admin & Management
ACT: 35
UW/W GPA and Rank: 4.0, Rank 3/40
Coursework: Academic Writing, Intro to Business [Taking PreCalc, College Algebra, Intro to Growth & Dev, College Psych, College Bio, and College Gov next year as a senior] (No AP/Honors offered)
Awards: ●Speech Team Leadership and Spirit Award ●Geography Student of the Year ●Accounting Student of the Year ●3× Letter in Speech ●3× Letter in Band ●Letter in Choir ●3× A Honor Roll ●3× Academic Letter
Extracurriculars: ●Knowledge Bowl - 6 years - Reached State Tournament in 2022 - Team 1 Spokesperson
●Speech Team Captain - 6 years - State Medalist - National Octafinalist - 13 tournaments won including 3 State-Sanctioned Sub/Section Tournaments
●Band - 7 Years - Included in Jazz, Marching, Pep, and Concert Band - Lettered 3 Times, Attended Honor Bands - Superior Ranking at Jazz Ensemble competition ×2
●Choir
●Volunteered annually at a nearby legion by playing Taps on Memorial Day at a few services - Two Years
●Volunteered for local business and credit union
●Junior Attendant at Graduation for being Top 5 in Class
Essays/LORs/Other: Getting LORs hopefully from my Speech coaches
Schools: U of Minnesota, Harvard, Yale, etc.. maybe other Ivies?
submitted by bunnyhoppi to chanceme [link] [comments]
Intended Major(s): Business Admin & Management
ACT: 35
UW/W GPA and Rank: 4.0, Rank 3/40
Coursework: Academic Writing, Intro to Business [Taking PreCalc, College Algebra, Intro to Growth & Dev, College Psych, College Bio, and College Gov next year as a senior] (No AP/Honors offered)
●Speech Team Captain - 6 years - State Medalist - National Octafinalist - 13 tournaments won including 3 State-Sanctioned Sub/Section Tournaments
●Band - 7 Years - Included in Jazz, Marching, Pep, and Concert Band - Lettered 3 Times, Attended Honor Bands - Superior Ranking at Jazz Ensemble competition ×2
●Choir
●Volunteered annually at a nearby legion by playing Taps on Memorial Day at a few services - Two Years
●Volunteered for local business and credit union
●Junior Attendant at Graduation for being Top 5 in Class
2023.06.01 06:00 TeamESRR2023 I'm looking for fans of rally to play these games with.
ESRR is looking for drivers. We're almost full but need to shore up 6th and 7th. My co captain and I are huge rally fans. He's been to every Monte Carlo rally for the past 15 years. I've made it a point to know and partner with actual rally teams. I'm in the process of putting together a rally race here in my home state. Rally Sardegna is starting in about 14 hours and we can't wait.
If you know what Fafe, Micky, Colin's and Ruuhimäki are message me. If you know what happened at Monte Carlo in 2022 or in Mexico 2015 message me. We're looking for more than just players of these games. We're looking for fanatics like we are.
Check out Instagram at Eat.Sleep.Rally.Repeat Later ppl. Keep it sideways in the 3s!
submitted by TeamESRR2023 to WRCTheGame [link] [comments]
If you know what Fafe, Micky, Colin's and Ruuhimäki are message me. If you know what happened at Monte Carlo in 2022 or in Mexico 2015 message me. We're looking for more than just players of these games. We're looking for fanatics like we are.
Check out Instagram at Eat.Sleep.Rally.Repeat Later ppl. Keep it sideways in the 3s!
2023.06.01 05:02 RegExrBot [Link in Image Caption] Funko Pop! Moment Deluxe: Run-D.M.C. Vinyl Figures (2022 Limited Edition Walmart Exclusive) now available at Walmart
![[Link in Image Caption] Funko Pop! Moment Deluxe: Run-D.M.C. Vinyl Figures (2022 Limited Edition Walmart Exclusive) now available at Walmart](https://a.thumbs.redditmedia.com/_TlOvO9Lpn2LObyQSo247MqYj0db3d9j4fEAFAarQ88.jpg "[Link in Image Caption] Funko Pop! Moment Deluxe: Run-D.M.C. Vinyl Figures (2022 Limited Edition Walmart Exclusive) now available at Walmart") | submitted by RegExrBot to funkopop [link] [comments] |
2023.06.01 03:23 georgex7 Evil Forces are Stripping Technology from Our Spaces
Hey everyone -- I have written on this subreddit about quitting the internet, and recently there have been some encouraging developments with regards to limiting technology in certain spaces. Rather than take the traditional style of writing, I wrote the following piece sarcastically because it highlights the positive direction we are heading in as a culture while simultaneously highlighting the frustration I still feel with it. You can also read this here for different formatting as well as photos. --- Last week I found myself at a crossroads—taken and deposited there by a friend—and now I am left to think. Yohanna was the beginning of a problem because she brought me to a small street that cramped buildings squeeze together. In what could only have been a mistake of urban planning, there was no highway running through it—to the contrary it was shut down for antiquated sauntering over inefficient cobblestone that left a bitter taste in my mouth. On this little planet there were no skyscrapers and the air was arid from the dearth of infinity pools. All of the buildings were covered in chipped paint. We persevered and went on. A steep staircase led us to a room full of silvers who drank wine by the bottle, and to my dismay I noticed a few young couples driven by the desire to do something different, to feel the dying pulse of past generations. Things got worse. The club was decorated in the style of the 1920s, a time long before people were creative enough to think up the fruits that have paved society’s evolution to the present day. I did not see any flat screen televisions, there was no pedestal surrounded by mirrors to pose in front of, and the female attire neither adequately exposed the bust nor the curve. We persevered and went on. A little while later—after ordering a drink in an attempt to mainline some pleasure—a group of people made their way on-stage. They carried metal objects in their hands (one was even holding wooden sticks), and when they stood in front of the traditional red drapes I recognized from pictures, the crowd used their itchy hands to applaud instead of photograph, undoubtedly confusing the point of the matter. The group commenced and—against my wishes, only for the sake of journalistic integrity—I am forced to admit that for the time that they played time itself disappeared, swallowed by the whole audience’s undivided attention. But when I felt myself falling into too deep a state of immersion, I snapped back with a gleeful thought: the music was of an outdated sort known as jazz that not even Jesus himself could promulgate—there is no way to really dance to the stuff. § In retrospect the event was traumatic—to the point of requiring the requisite therapeutic intervention—because it reminded me of what we had a firm grip on only one or two decades ago. Then, the constraints of technology did not enable the populace to film entire concerts themselves, and the paupers did not have the ability to freeze the ephemeral moments we effortlessly make permanent. I have heard some state that the acme of culture and technology came right before the turn of the millennium, but on them I shine the simple irrefutable light at the end of man’s search for meaning: What is the point of living moments that our children cannot find in the fossils we create? There is none. We did not cross over the precipice into modernity because it was easy, but because it was hard. I have video footage of when I saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers. I met the girl at the bar because I liked her story. I broadcasted to the world that I too saw the Mona Lisa. There is a different energy that blossoms in spaces where the only escape is into the activity, and we must prevent the wheels of culture from rolling back to a time where it is easily accessible. Such environments cannot be created alone because they require a widespread dedication to preserving an experience, so we must stand together to prevent them from occurring. Just as we use phone checks to crack the depth of conversation, we must block the passages to immersive fields that can only be entered with the entire group’s consent. Thankfully, to reach these rarefied realms requires both time as well as focus, so it is essential to use interruptions to break them with the force of detonating buildings. But as of late, I am growing worried. Historically, we have seen successful regulations reduce the prevalence of vital activities like cigarette smoking, and similar intervention is beginning again. Last week, the Surgeon General warned that social media poses a “profound risk” to the youth; earlier this month the American Psychological Association issued its first-ever health advisory on social media use; and next month Florida public schools are likely to block access to social media through their networks. On the cultural front, trendsetters are resurrecting film cameras alongside the vinyl record sales that keep on climbing—up another 20% in 2022 to the sickening tune of $1.2 billion. As I wrote in Keep Modernity, Exit the Metaverse—celebrities such as Aaron Paul and Aziz Ansari are endorsing base alternatives to smartphones that are without the frills that define our civilization; and—in what surely must be the work of propagandists—all sorts of research is indicating that humanity is unhappy with the current state of affairs: one poll claims that 70% of concertgoers do not think screens belong at concerts; another lies that 66% of people are turned off by texting on a date; a couple of charlatans state that phones make dinner more insipid. I am terrified. This sort of latent demand for change—this irreverent disappointment with the direction of our culture—is becoming more widespread. If one listens closely to the silence of our generation and studies the arc of history, a possibility emerges that we might only be living through a fantastic blip more akin to a short-term reaction to our wonderful developments than a calculated long-term adjustment. Musicians such as Tool and Placebo are designating specific areas for phones at their shows, and a nightclub called Berghain has instituted a backwards no-picture policy. The changes are coming fast and we must act get back on track. If we do not, college students might begin branding parties as phone-free, and museums might disallow them for one day each week. Restaurants may provide spaces to deposit devices, and bars could even go as far as recreating anachronistic booths. Before our very eyes they will redesign our establishments and create social stigmas that prevent our access to technology. We find ourselves at the beginning of a wave poised to fight splendor and replace it with soot. To prosper in modernity we must put a stop to the madness—before it is too late.
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