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The world longest joke (Pt 1)
2023.05.28 04:48 moe_master The world longest joke (Pt 1)
So, there's a man crawling through the desert.
He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his parents had died a few years before in an auto accident, and his few friends had no idea he was out here.
He stayed with the car for a day or so, but his one bottle of water ran out and he was getting thirsty. He thought maybe he knew the direction back, now that he'd paid attention to the sun, and thought he'd figured out which way was north, so he decided to start walking. He figured he only had to go about 30 miles or so and he'd be back to the small town he'd gotten gas in last.
He thinks about walking at night to avoid the heat and sun, but based upon how dark it actually was the night before, and given that he has no flashlight, he's afraid that he'll break a leg or step on a rattlesnake. So, he puts on some sun block, puts the rest in his pocket for reapplication later, brings an umbrella he'd had in the back of the SUV with him to give him a little shade, pours the windshield wiper fluid into his water bottle in case he gets that desperate, brings his pocket knife in case he finds a cactus that looks like it might have water in it, and heads out in the direction he thinks is right.
He walks for the entire day. By the end of the day he's really thirsty. He's been sweating all day, and his lips are starting to crack. He's reapplied the sunblock twice, and tried to stay under the umbrella, but he still feels sunburned. The windshield wiper fluid sloshing in the bottle in his pocket is really getting tempting now. He knows that it's mainly water and some ethanol and coloring, but he also knows that they add some kind of poison to it to keep people from drinking it. He wonders what the poison is, and whether the poison would be worse than dying of thirst.
He pushes on, trying to get to that small town before dark.
By the end of the day, he starts getting worried. He figures he's been walking at least three miles an hour, according to his watch for over ten hours. That means that if his estimate was right, he should be close to the town. Unfortunately, he doesn't recognize any of this. He had to cross a dry creek bed a mile or two back, and he doesn't remember coming through it in the SUV. He figures that maybe he got his direction off just a little and that the dry creek bed was just off to one side of his path. He tells himself that he's close, and that after dark he'll start seeing the town lights over one of these hills. That'll be all he needs.
As it gets dim enough that he starts stumbling over small rocks and things, he finds a spot and sits down to wait for full dark and the town lights.
Full dark comes before he knows it. He must have dozed off. He stands back up and turns all the way around. He sees nothing but stars.
He wakes up the next morning feeling absolutely lousy. His eyes are gummy and his mouth and nose feel like they're full of sand. He’s so thirsty that he can't even swallow. He barely got any sleep because it was so cold. He'd forgotten how cold it got at night in the desert and hadn't noticed it the night before because he'd been in his car.
He knows the Rule of Threes - three minutes without air, three days without water, three weeks without food - then you die. Some people can make it a little longer, in the best situations. The desert heat and having to walk and sweat isn't the best situation to be in without water. Unless he finds water, he figures, this is his last day.
He rinses out his mouth with a little of the windshield wiper fluid. He waits for a while after spitting that little bit out to see if his mouth goes numb, or he feels dizzy or something. Has his mouth gone numb? Is it just in his mind? He's not sure. He'll go a little farther, and if he still doesn't find water, he'll try drinking some of the fluid.
Then he has to face his next, harder question - which way does he go from here? Does he keep walking the same way as yesterday (assuming that he still knows which way that is), or does he try a new direction? He has no idea what to do.
Looking at the hills and dunes around him, he thinks he knows the direction he was heading before. Just going by a feeling, he points himself somewhat to the left of that, and starts walking.
As he walks, the day starts heating up. The desert, too cold just a couple of hours before, soon becomes an oven again. He sweats a little at first, and then stops. He starts getting worried at that. He knows that when you stop sweating, you’re in trouble. It’s usually right before heat stroke..
He decides that it's time to try the windshield wiper fluid. He can't wait any longer - if he passes out, he's dead. He stops in the shade of a large rock, takes the bottle out, opens it, and takes a mouthful. He slowly swallows it, making it last as long as he can. It feels so good in his dry and cracked throat that he doesn't even care about the nasty taste. He takes another mouthful, and makes it last too. Slowly, he drinks half the bottle. He figures that since he's drinking it, he might as well drink enough to make some difference and keep himself from passing out.
He's quit worrying about the denaturing of the wiper fluid. If it kills him, it kills him. If he didn't drink it, he'd die anyway. Besides, he's pretty sure that whatever substance they denature the fluid with is just designed to make you sick: their way of keeping winos from buying cheap wiper fluid for the ethanol content. He can handle throwing up if it comes to that.
He walks. He walks in the hot, dry, windless desert. Sand, rocks, hills, dunes, the occasional scrawny cactus or dried bush. No sign of water. Sometimes he'll see a little movement to one side or the other, but whatever moved is usually gone before he can focus his eyes on it. Probably birds, lizards, or mice. Maybe snakes, though they usually move more at night. He's careful to stay away from the movements.
After a while, he begins to stagger. He's not sure if it's fatigue, heat stroke finally catching him, or maybe he was wrong and the denaturing of the wiper fluid was worse than he thought. He tries to steady himself and keep going.
After more walking, he comes to a large stretch of sand. This is good! He knows he passed over a stretch of sand in the SUV - he remembers doing donuts in it, or at least he thinks he remembers it; he's getting woozy enough and tired enough that he's not sure what he remembers anymore or if he's hallucinating. He thinks he remembers it, so he heads off into it, trying to get to the other side, hoping that it gets him closer to the town.
He was heading for a town, wasn't he? He thinks he was. He isn't sure anymore. He's not even sure how long he's been walking anymore. Is it still morning? Has it moved into afternoon, and the sun is going down again? It must be afternoon; it seems like it's been too long since he started out.
He walks through the sand.
After a while, he comes to a big dune in the sand. This is bad. He doesn't remember any dunes from when he was driving over the sand in his SUV. At least he doesn't think he remembers any. This is bad.
All the same, he has no other direction to go. Too late to turn back now. He figures that he'll get to the top of the dune and see if he can see anything from there that can help him find the town. He keeps going up the dune.
Halfway up, he slips in the bad footing of the sand for the second or third time and falls to his knees. He doesn't feel like getting back up, since he'll just fall down again. He keeps going up the dune on his hand and knees.
While crawling, if his throat weren't so dry, he'd laugh. He's finally gotten to the hackneyed image of a man lost in the desert, crawling through the sand on his hands and knees. It would be the perfect image, he imagines, if only his clothes were more ragged. The people crawling through the desert in the cartoons always had ragged clothes, but his have lasted without any rips so far. Somebody will probably find his dessicated corpse half buried in the sand years from now, and his clothes will still be in fine shape - shake the sand out, give them a good wash, and they'd be wearable again. He wishes his throat were wet enough to laugh. He coughs a little instead, and it hurts.
He finally makes it to the top of the sand dune. Now that he's at the top, he struggles a little, but manages to stand up and look around. All he sees is sand. Sand and more sand. Behind him, about a mile away, he thinks he sees the rocky ground he left to head into this sand. Ahead of him, more dunes, more sand. This isn't where he drove his SUV. This is Hell. Or close enough.
Again, he doesn't know what to do. He decides to drink the rest of the wiper fluid while figuring it out. He takes out the bottle and starts removing the cap when he glances to the side and sees something. Something in the sand. At the bottom of the dune, off to the side, he sees something strange. It's a flat area, in the sand. He stops opening the bottle and tries to look closer. The area seems to be circular, and it's dark: darker than the sand, and there seems to be something in the middle of it, but he can't tell what it is, so he looks as hard as he can but still can't tell from here. He's going to have to go down there and look.
He puts the bottle back into his pocket, and starts to stumble down the dune. After a few steps, he realizes that he's in trouble; he's not going to be able to keep his balance. After a couple more sliding, tottering steps, he falls and starts to roll down the dune. The sand it so hot that he thinks he's caught fire on the way down - like a movie car wreck flashing into flames as it goes over the cliff, before it ever even hits the ground. He closes his eyes and mouth, covers his face with his hands, and waits to stop rolling.
He stops at the bottom of the dune. After a minute or two, he finds enough energy to try to sit up and get the sand out of his face and clothes. When he clears his eyes enough, he looks around to make sure that the dark spot in the sand it still there and he hadn't just imagined it.
Seeing the large, flat, dark spot on the sand still there, he crawls towards it. He'd get up and walk towards it, but he doesn't seem to have the energy to get up and walk right now. He must be in the final stages of dehydration he figures as he crawls. If this place in the sand doesn't have water, he'll likely never make it anywhere else. This is his last chance.
He gets closer and closer, but still can't see what's in the middle of the dark area. It’s hard to focus, and lifting his head up to look takes so much effort that he gives up trying. He just keeps crawling.
Finally, he reaches the area he'd seen from the dune. It takes him a minute of crawling on it before he realizes that he's no longer on sand - he's now crawling on some kind of dark stone. Stone with some kind of marking on it - a pattern cut into the stone. He's too tired to stand up and try to see what the pattern is, so he just keeps crawling. He crawls towards the center where his blurry eyes still see something in the middle of the dark stone area.
His mind, detached in a strange way, notes that either his hands and knees are so burnt by the sand that they no longer feel pain, or that this dark stone, in the middle of a burning desert with a pounding, punishing sun overhead, doesn't seem to be hot. It almost feels cool. He considers lying down on the nice cool surface.
Cool, dark stone. Not a good sign. He must be hallucinating this. He's probably in the middle of a patch of sand, already lying face down and dying, and just imagining this whole thing. A desert mirage. Soon the beautiful women carrying pitchers of water will come up and start giving him a drink. Then he'll know he's gone.
He decides against laying down on the cool stone. If he's going to die here in the middle of this hallucination, he at least wants to see what's in the center before he goes. He keeps crawling.
It's the third time that he hears the voice before he realizes what he's hearing. He would swear that someone just said, "Greetings, traveler. You do not look well. Do you hear me?"
He stops crawling. He tries to look up from where he is on his hands and knees, but it's too much effort to lift his head. So he tries something different: he rolls over and leans back trying to sit up on the stone. After a few seconds, he catches his balance, avoids falling on his face, sits up, and tries to focus his eyes. Blurry. He rubs his eyes with the back of his hands and tries again. Better this time.
Yep. He can see. He's sitting in the middle of a large, flat, dark expanse of stone. Directly next to him, about three feet away, is a white post or pole about two inches in diameter and sticking about four or five feet out of the stone, at an angle.
And wrapped around this white rod is what must be a fifteen foot long desert diamondback rattlesnake, with a hovering tail and rattle seemingly prepared to start rattling, looking directly at him.
He stares at the snake in shock. He doesn't have the energy to get up and run away. He doesn't even have the energy to crawl away. This is it: his final resting place. No matter what happens, he's not going to be able to move from this spot.
Well, at least dying from a bite from this monster should be quicker than dying of thirst. He'll face his end like a man. He struggles to sit up a little straighter. The snake keeps watching him. He lifts one hand and flicks it in the snake's direction, feebly. The snake watches the hand for a moment, then goes back to watching the man, looking into his eyes.
Hmmm. Maybe the snake has no interest in biting him. It hasn't rattled yet - that’s a good sign. Maybe he isn't going to die of snake bite after all.
He then remembers that he'd looked up when he'd reached the center here because he thought he'd heard a voice. He is still very woozy; he feels like he might pass out soon. The sun still beats down on him even though he is now on cool stone. He still doesn't have anything to drink. Although maybe he had actually heard a voice. This stone doesn't look natural. Nor does that white post sticking up out of the stone. Someone must have built this. Maybe they are still nearby. Maybe that was who talked to him. Maybe this snake is even their pet, and that's why it isn't biting.
He tries to clear his throat to say, "Hello," but he’s too dry. All that comes out is a coughing or wheezing sound. There's no way he's going to be able to talk without something to drink. He feels his pocket, and the bottle with the wiper fluid is still there. He shakily pulls out the bottle, almost losing his balance and falling on his back in the process. This isn't good. He doesn't have much time left by his reckoning before he passes out.
He gets the bottle open, manages to get the bottle to his lips, and pours some of the fluid into his mouth. He sloshes it around, and then swallows it. He coughs a little. His throat feels better. Maybe he can talk now.
He tries again. Ignoring the snake, he turns to look around him, hoping to spot the owner of this place, and croaks out, "Hello? Is there anyone here?"
He hears, from his side, "Greetings. What is it that you want?"
He turns his head back towards the snake. That's where the sound seemed to come from. The only thing he can think of is that there must be a speaker hidden under the snake, or maybe built into that post. He decides to try asking for help.
"Please," he croaks again, suddenly feeling dizzy, "I'd love to not be thirsty anymore. I've been without water for a long time. Can you help me?"
Looking in the direction of the snake, hoping to see where the voice was coming from this time, he is shocked to see the snake rear back, open its mouth, and speak. He hears it say, as the dizziness overtakes him and he falls forward, face first on the stone, "Very well. Coming up."
A piercing pain shoots through his shoulder. Suddenly he is awake. He sits up and grabs his shoulder, wincing at the throbbing pain. He's momentarily disoriented as he looks around, and then he remembers: the crawl across the sand, the dark area of stone, the snake. He sees the snake, still wrapped around the tilted white post, still looking at him.
He reaches up and feels his shoulder, where it hurts. It feels slightly wet. He pulls his fingers away and looks at them - blood. He feels his shoulder again - it feels like his shirt has two holes in it - two puncture holes. They match up with the two aching spots of pain on his shoulder. He has been bitten. By the snake.
"It'll feel better in a minute." He looks up - it's the snake talking. He hadn't dreamed it. Suddenly he notices - he's not dizzy anymore. And more importantly, he's not thirsty anymore - at all!
"Have I died? Is this the afterlife? Why are you biting me in the afterlife?"
"Sorry about that, but I had to bite you," says the snake. "That's the way I work. It all comes through the bite. Think of it as natural medicine."
"You bit me to help me? Why aren't I thirsty anymore? Did you give me a drink before you bit me? How did I drink enough while unconscious to not be thirsty anymore? I haven't had a drink for over two days. Well, except for the windshield wiper fluid... hold it, how in the world does a snake talk? Are you real? Are you some sort of Disney animation?"
"No," says the snake, "I'm real. As real as you or anyone is, anyway. I didn't give you a drink. I bit you. That's how it works, it's what I do. I bite. Plus I don't have hands to give you a drink, even if I had water just sitting around here."
The man sat stunned for a minute. Here he was, sitting in the middle of the desert on some strange stone that should be hot but wasn't, talking to a snake that could talk back and had just bitten him. And he felt better. Not great - he was still starving and exhausted, but much better - he was no longer thirsty. He had started to sweat again, but only slightly. He felt hot, in this sun, but it was starting to get lower in the sky, and the cool stone beneath him was a relief he could notice now that he was no longer dying of thirst.
"I might suggest that we take care of that methanol you now have in your system with the next request," continued the snake. "I can guess why you drank it, but I'm not sure how much you drank, or how much methanol was left in the wiper fluid. That stuff is nasty. It'll make you go blind in a day or two, if you drank enough of it."
"Ummm, n-next request?" said the man. He put his hand back on his hurting shoulder and backed away from the snake a little.
"That's the way it works. If you like, that is," explained the snake. "You get three requests. Call them wishes, if you wish." The snake grinned at his own joke, and the man drew back a little further from the show of fangs.
"But there are rules," the snake continued. "The first request is free. The second requires an agreement of secrecy. The third requires the binding of responsibility." The snake looks at the man seriously.
"By the way," the snake says suddenly, "my name is Nathan. Old Nathan, Samuel used to call me. He gave me the name. Before that, most of the Bound used to just call me 'Snake'. But that got old, and Samuel wouldn't stand for it. He said that anything that could talk needed a name. He was big into names. You can call me Nate, if you wish." Again, the snake grinned. "Sorry if I don't offer to shake, but I think you can understand - my shake sounds somewhat threatening." The snake give his rattle a little shake.
"Umm, my name is Jack," said the man, trying to absorb all of this. "Jack Samson."
"Can I ask you a question?" Jack says suddenly. "What happened to the venom...umm, in your bite. Why aren't I dying now? How did you do that? What do you mean by that's how you work?"
"That's more than one question," grins Nate. "But I'll still try to answer all of them. First, yes, you can ask me a question." The snake's grin gets wider. "Second, the venom is in you. It changed you. You now no longer need to drink. That's what you asked for. Or, well, technically, you asked to not be thirsty any more - but 'any more' is such a vague term. I decided to make it permanent - now, as long as you live, you shouldn't need to drink much at all. Your body will conserve water very efficiently. You should be able to get enough just from the food you eat - much like a creature of the desert. You've been changed.
"For the third question," Nate continues, "you are still dying. Besides the effects of that methanol in your system, you're a man - and men are mortal. In your current state, I give you no more than about another 50 years. Assuming you get out of this desert, alive, that is." Nate seemed vastly amused at his own humor, and continued his wide grin.
"As for the fourth question," Nate said, looking more serious as far as Jack could tell, as Jack was just now working on his ability to read talking-snake emotions from snake facial features, "first you have to agree to make a second request and become bound by the secrecy, or I can't tell you."
"Wait," joked Jack, "isn't this where you say you could tell me, but you'd have to kill me?"
"I thought that was implied." Nate continued to look serious.
"Ummm...yeah." Jack leaned back a little as he remembered again that he was talking to a fifteen foot venomous reptile with a reputation for having a nasty temper. "So, what is this 'Bound by Secrecy' stuff, and can you really stop the effects of the methanol?" Jack thought for a second. "And, what do you mean methanol, anyway? I thought these days they use ethanol in wiper fluid, and just denature it?"
"They may, I don't really know," said Nate. "I haven't gotten out in a while. Maybe they do. All I know is that I smell methanol on your breath and on that bottle in your pocket. And the blue color of the liquid when you pulled it out to drink some let me guess that it was wiper fluid. I assume that they still color wiper fluid blue?"
"Yeah, they do," said Jack.
"I figured," replied Nate. "As for being bound by secrecy - with the fulfillment of your next request, you will be bound to say nothing about me, this place, or any of the information I will tell you after that, when you decide to go back out to your kind. You won't be allowed to talk about me, write about me, use sign language, charades, or even act in a way that will lead someone to guess correctly about me. You'll be bound to secrecy. Of course, I'll also ask you to promise not to give me away, and as I'm guessing that you're a man of your word, you'll never test the binding anyway, so you won't notice." Nate said the last part with utter confidence.
Jack, who had always prided himself on being a man of his word, felt a little nervous at this. "Ummm, hey, Nate, who are you? How did you know that? Are you, umm, omniscient, or something?"
Well, Jack," said Nate sadly, "I can't tell you that, unless you make the second request." Nate looked away for a minute, then looked back.
"Umm, well, ok," said Jack, "what is this about a second request? What can I ask for? Are you allowed to tell me that?"
"Sure!" said Nate, brightening. "You're allowed to ask for changes. Changes to yourself. They're like wishes, but they can only affect you. Oh, and before you ask, I can't give you immortality. Or omniscience. Or omnipresence, for that matter. Though I might be able to make you gaseous and yet remain alive, and then you could spread through the atmosphere and sort of be omnipresent. But what good would that be - you still wouldn't be omniscient and thus still could only focus on one thing at a time. Not very useful, at least in my opinion." Nate stopped when he realized that Jack was staring at him.
"Well, anyway," continued Nate, "I'd probably suggest giving you permanent good health. It would negate the methanol now in your system, you'd be immune to most poisons and diseases, and you'd tend to live a very long time, barring accident, of course. And you'll even have a tendency to recover from accidents well. It always seemed like a good choice for a request to me."
"Cure the methanol poisoning, huh?" said Jack. "And keep me healthy for a long time? Hmmm. It doesn't sound bad at that. And it has to be a request about a change to me? I can't ask to be rich, right? Because that's not really a change to me?"
"Right," nodded Nate.
"Could I ask to be a genius and permanently healthy?" Jack asked, hopefully.
"That takes two requests, Jack."
"Yeah, I figured so," said Jack. "But I could ask to be a genius? I could become the smartest scientist in the world? Or the best athlete?"
"Well, I could make you very smart," admitted Nate, "but that wouldn't necessarily make you the best scientist in the world. Or, I could make you very athletic, but it wouldn't necessarily make you the best athlete either. You've heard the saying that 99% of genius is hard work? Well, there's some truth to that. I can give you the talent, but I can't make you work hard. It all depends on what you decide to do with it."
"Hmmm," said Jack. "Ok, I think I understand. And I get a third request, after this one?"
"Maybe," said Nate, "it depends on what you decide then. There are more rules for the third request that I can only tell you about after the second request. You know how it goes." Nate looked like he'd shrug, if he had shoulders.
"Ok, well, since I'd rather not be blind in a day or two, and permanent health doesn't sound bad, then consider that my second request. Officially. Do I need to sign in blood or something?"
"No," said Nate. "Just hold out your hand. Or heel." Nate grinned. "Or whatever part you want me to bite. I have to bite you again. Like I said, that's how it works - the venom, you know," Nate said apologetically.
Jack winced a little and felt his shoulder, where the last bite was. Hey, it didn't hurt any more. Just like Nate had said. That made Jack feel better about the biting business. But still, standing still while a fifteen foot snake sunk it's fangs into you. Jack stood up. Ignoring how good it felt to be able to stand again, and the hunger starting to gnaw at his stomach, Jack tried to decide where he wanted to get bitten. Despite knowing that it wouldn't hurt for long, Jack knew that this wasn't going to be easy.
"Hey, Jack," Nate suddenly said, looking past Jack towards the dunes behind him, "is that someone else coming up over there?"
Jack spun around and looked. Who else could be out here in the middle of nowhere? And did they bring food?
Wait a minute, there was nobody over there. What was Nate...
Jack let out a bellow as he felt two fangs sink into his rear end, through his jeans...
Jack sat down carefully, favoring his more tender buttock. "I would have decided, eventually, Nate. I was just thinking about it. You didn't have to hoodwink me like that."
"I've been doing this a long time, Jack," said Nate, confidently. "You humans have a hard time sitting still and letting a snake bite you - especially one my size. And besides, admit it - it's only been a couple of minutes and it already doesn't hurt any more, does it? That's because of the health benefit with this one.
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2023.05.28 04:48 WritingSweetroll Our Troubled Youths - Part 1 (Official Remake)
[AN]- This is the official remake of my series, "Our Troubled Youths". I was young and kind of a virgin when it came to writing lol. But, I've grown a lot in my writing, and I wanted to truly give this series a better story, and the better characters it deserves. So please enjoy!
“Slow down-” AJ huffed, chasing after Willow. She ran fast through the thick woods of Virginia, one goal in mind. It was very early in the morning- but Willow was determined that she would bring some food back home, and not just some small rabbit– but a deer. Ruby told her that deer were active at dusk and dawn, so she’d have to choose one of those times for the best results. In order for her to get around Clementine knowing, she’d have to sneak out at dawn. Willow ignored AJ, she had made a shot at a big, juicy deer. Unfortunately, it wasn’t a clean shot so the deer immediately fled. But that didn’t stop the fire in her veins, she was determined to feed her family, but mainly, she was determined to prove herself.
AJ huffed in irritation. He mentally cursed at himself, realizing this was his karma for acting this exact way when he was Willow’s age. AJ stopped running, walking instead now. She was in good vision, and it seemed she’d slow down as well. Besides, he needed to catch his breath.
Willow stopped, looking around for the deer. The blood trail confused her as it ran in circles. She calmed herself down. Tracing the trail closely, she was slowly gathering a possibility to where the deer had gone. Her vision was so focused on the floor that she didn’t realize where she was walking– and then all of a sudden she had felt herself slipping. “Ah!” She yelped, rolling down a steep hill with rocks and stumps- the pain caused her to shout in agony.
AJ was quick to action, “Willow!” He called out, running on pure adrenaline.
Willow finally fell onto the floor, deeper into the forest. Everything was blurry, but she could see she fell from a pretty high ledge. She shook her head trying to regain consciousness, everything hurt. After about a second, she tried to get up- “A-ah-” She stumbled, sitting back onto the floor. “Shit.” She whimpered from the pain of her ankle, it was definitely sprained, hopefully only sprained. But that seemed like the least of her issues. Her heart dropped as she heard the all familiar groaning. She looked up to see dozens of walkers coming over to her. It seems the commotion of her screams had gathered a lot of unwanted attention. “N-no.. no!” She tried to force herself up, she only successfully made it halfway before she fell down again.
AJ made it to the cliff's edge, looking down at Willow. “Shit! Willow!” He started to slowly make his way onto the steep ledge, he planned on sliding down gradually. “I’m coming!” he shouted.
Willow had a brief relief as she heard AJ’s call. So, her mind cleared for a moment, and she went into defense mode. “Damnit!” She complained, seeing that her bow was nowhere to be found, so she slid as far back as she could. With her back against an oak tree, she pulled out her knife and held it near her chest. “AJ…Please hurry!” She shouted, the walkers were getting closer and closer…to now where she was realizing how immobile and defenseless she really was. Panic rushed in quickly, and her mind went straight to insulting herself. If only she’d listen to her mothers warnings, if only she wasn’t so stubborn–
Her thoughts cut short as a walker fell onto the floor, grasping at her shoes, inching closer to bite her. “Ah!” She shouted, taken aback. She’d never been this close to a walker before, and she’d never feared for her life this badly.
“Willow!” AJ screamed with a fury. He held up his own bow and arrow- and shot the walker before it could hurt her. He quickened his pace down the hill, he was close to the bottom already so it wasn’t a safety issue to do so. He finally got to her, and immediately scooped her up in his arms. Willow kept her defensive stance, even in the safety of his arms. It wasn’t until a few minutes later, when she held her knife in front of her face. The knife was clean. No blood on it at all. She let the knife rest against her chest. She cried, and threw her hands over her face to cover said tears. Her knife being clean meant she didn’t even try to kill the walker on her, she would’ve died if it wasn’t for AJ.
Willow sat silent in the medical room. It used to be a dorm for some kids years ago- back when people actually were alive before the apocalypse. Sometimes she’d wonder what it was like for them. Must’ve been a lot better. She focused on some ripped medical pages that were hung on the wall. Ruby really wanted it to feel like a ‘real doctors office.’
The silence was then interrupted by Ruby coming into the office. She held fresh bandages in her hand, and some saline. It was homemade saline ofcourse, just salt and clean water. In the other hand, she held a hot drink.
“Hey there.” She said softly, she placed the items on the desk. “This is some ginger tea.” Ruby gave her the hot tea, “Ain’t as good as tylenol, but it's something.” She then went onto her knees, lifting up Willow's ankle gently. Willow sucked in her breath as the pain stung her. “I know..I know.”
Willow sighed, placing the cup in her lap. She held it tightly, letting the warmth surround her finger tips. “So. How bad is it?”
Ruby gently wrapped her foot in the gauze, “Well. It’s not broken so that's good. You just need to not move on it so much- let it heal. You had a pretty nasty fall.”
Willow nodded. “I mean, how bad is it?” Willow bit her lip, “With mom?”
“Well….” Ruby grunted getting up, dusting her hands. “I mean, I'm not gonna sugar coat it. Even Louis is mad. And you know it takes a storm to upset that goofball.”
Willow gulped. If her dad was mad, her mom was furious.
“AJ’s taking the brunt of it. She’s letting him have it.” She sighed, placing her hands on her hips and shaking her head. “But that doesn't mean you're safe.”
Willow started to bounce her leg anxiously. There was no doubt that she would be getting her ear chewed out. “Ok.” She said, accepting her fate.
“I’ll let her know you’re ready to be seen.” Ruby started walking away, but turned around half-way. “It’ll be alright. As scary as Clementine is sometimes, she still loves you to death. It's the reason why she’s so passionate.” She then exited the room, leaving Willow to soak in her thoughts.
Willow allowed the silence to engulf her. This was the only peace she’ll be getting before a fighting match of emotions. She grumbled to herself, thinking, ‘Why didn’t you just pay more attention? If only then we could have been feasting on a deer.’ She sighed heavily, and fell back onto the springy mattress. Interestingly enough, she felt a brief happiness along her chest. Memories from when she was a toddler had come up. There isn’t much entertainment in the apocalypse- but her dad sure found out ways. Example being, he would throw her onto the spring mattress and she’d fly into the air. He would catch her again and repeat the process. Willow being 15 couldn’t experience that again, she was just too big. But still, the memories were always welcome to come back.
Suddenly, those feelings of joy were quickly swept away as the door was heard being open. She sucked in her breath as she braced herself. Louis and Clementine walked in- obviously not happy. Clementine leaned against the pole on the other bunk bed across from her. Louis just sat down, looking more disappointed than angry.
Shivers. Her voice was stern and harsh. It could even scare a walker. Willow sat up, met with the eyes of a very upset mother. But to Willow's surprise, her eyes were glistening and wet. She was holding back tears with all her strength. It made Willow feel even more guilty.
“Willow, what are the rules?”
“I know. I get it, but–”
Clementine chuckled, “Apparently you don't get them. Repeat them. Now.”
Willow sighed, looking at the floor. With an attitude, she replied, “Which ones?”
Clementine replied with a judgy expression, “Excuse me?”
“You have a rule for everything I want to do–”
“The rules we follow when going into new places, or new experiences.” She emphasized her last two words, biting back at her daughter's sass.
Willow swallowed, her mothers tone wasn’t lighting up. She decided to cut the bullshit and truly answer. “We listen for monsters–” Only the first rule, and it bit at her ego; She didn’t even think about the walkers stupidly enough. It seemed her shock was shown through her expression– because Clementine looked at her with a small relief. A relief that she actually learned from her mistake- rather than being stubborn about it. “-and..we always find a way out.” Willow finished in almost a shamed whisper.
The room was silent now. Surprisingly, Louis was the one to break the silence. He clapped and whispered in an awkward tone, “Hooray! You figured it out!” Obviously trying to lighten up the mood, something he always tried to do.
Clementine turned around slowly, looking at her partner of 23 years, with the disgust of a stranger. She sighed and placed a palm on her forehead. Willow couldn’t help but chuckle at this. Her chuckles only started a domino effect of chuckles. And just like that, the family came together again. Regardless of how much fear she had of her mothers anger– she never felt unsafe or unloved.
The laughs ended, and it was serious again. Clementine sighed, coming over to Willows bed, and sitting on it. Louis followed, sitting next to her as well. “Willow.” She spoke softly. “I don’t make all these rules to dim your light or passion. I just want you to be safe.”
“But you went through so many different eras of yourself.” Willow looked down at her hands, interlocking them. “What if I never get to see the other sides of me?”
Clementine sighed. “We went over this Willow. I can’t let you experience even a fraction of what I went through. Times are different, we got food, water– hell even generators!”
“I know mom. I do. I’m grateful- I really am. But it's still not perfect. You can’t shelter me forever. Things…don’t always go to plan.”
Clementine stared at the floor for a bit. “I know.” She finally responded. “--And I know experience is what you need. Just, don't be looking up to younger me as no role model. She was of the past, this is the present.”
“But you were badass-”
“No. I was surviving. You can’t look at my past and think that way, okay?” It got silent again. “There’s nothing badass about the nightmares you wake up to every morning.” She whispered.
Louis got up and then decided to squeeze himself in between the two. He widened his arms and hugged both of them. He gave Clementine a tighter hug, knowing that her mind was probably racing at the thought of her nightmares. She hadn’t had them in so long. He kissed both his lover's head, and his daughter's head. “Listen. Just promise us that you’ll tell us when you want to go hunting or scavenging. And…” He looked at Clementine and said, “And, maybe we’ll think about letting you go out on your own.” Clementine raised her brows at this, but decided to let it go for right now. She was exhausted mentally.
Willows eyes lit, she smiled. “Alright then.” She replied with glee.
“Alright let's get out of here, hospitals give me the heebie jeebies.” Louis stood up, ushering Clementine to stand up as well. Willow followed, only to immediately shout a scream of pain. Louis sucked in his breath. “That’ll teach ya for sure heh.” He then swooped Willow up, carrying her out of the room, with his lover by his side.
submitted by WritingSweetroll
to TWDGFanFic [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:47 meleonis A Warning against stealthwriter.ai
Whatever you do, do not use stealthwriter.ai to paraphrase content produced by chatgpt. it produces nearly illegible content, the paid version does not give better quality compared to the free version despite the claims that it has an "improved writing algorithm" It most certainly is not better than Quillbot despite the claims. They will also not refund you even if you have no use for it: the developer said a refund was not possible since I had used it once, but how would I know what the paid version offers then?? Do not even use the free version as they also collect your data and it can be shared to third parties they state it in the terms and conditions!! There is also no delete account button!! I wrote about my honest experience with the ai in a discord group run by the developer and the admin banned me. the developer, goes by Maher or Mohammed, has bots out in reddit, I tried reporting most of them but there are many, BEWARE!!!
submitted by meleonis
to bypassgptzero [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:47 boogietwilliams Ready, player one.
I'm an old lady. Too old for this shit. Too old to find someone and settle down and move in together and live happily ever fucking after what ever that is, and who tf would I want to live with anyway? I can't think of a gotdamn one, even this one dude that I like...that really I can't stop thinking about, even though I wish I could completely cut all the fks I have about him out, and be fresh out of fks.
but fk it. I'm not.
I have to cope, and deal. And what does that mean for me?
because jesus fk I've tried everything. I've been down this road before. I told you. I'm an old lady. mfkr.
Here's what it is. What I find myself doing and thinking and realizing today. The guys I'm interested in, who I have things in common with, are sort of near my age. Or older. Around 50. The guys who actually hit on me, are in their late 20's early 30's.
It's a serious wtf.
It makes me feel like I'm not worth being with. Like someone my age, that I have so many things in common with, doesn't see me, or won't take the chance. Maybe they think I am some how unattainable, or too much. But then, I can see myself splitting on my own self in that whole statement.
It's a struggle to be in the world.
To cope as best as you can.
So, I can sit here and cry. I've done a lot of that. And when I'm done, I have to accept, once again that I'm alone. And, I don't want to be alone. But I don't want to be with anyone else. It's just the way that I am.
and then my ex-husband calls me drunk. To tell me I'm beautiful. And I tell him, 'awe, thank you'. And I realize that maybe all of these older guys are hung up on their old flames. And maybe these younger fellas are not scared to play with fire.
And here I am, observing the observer. Watching to see which mask the player will choose. The one that lets it play with the masses, or the one that hides alone in the woods.
submitted by boogietwilliams
to BorderlinePDisorder [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:46 Mcjollina-112 I NEED HELP
I know this is a long post but I really need your help.
I got my transfer last May 1 and four days from now it will expire. I used work as my reason why I am transferring out. But the truth is, I'm just tired of this cult.
I was a well-known officer in our locale and I still do. I held two offices - in which I led people and even preached in CWS (which I regret now). My church friends were shocked about my sudden decision to transfer, I told them that I will move in with my bestfriend (who is also well-known in our locale), but the truth is I am now living with my non-INC boyfriend.
Now since the expiration date of my transfer is coming, I am now having anxiety on what to do. Because of this anxiety, I went to the new locale a while ago near my work to submit my transfer. The problem is they don't want to accept me because I cannot provide my address that must be near in this locale. A bad move from me because I didn't prepare a fake address that is near here and also I got panicked as they were scolding me on why it took me almost a month to submit my transfer. I just answered that it is conflicting with my work. All the judging eyes of the people inside the office made me not think straight and provide the address.
I then told them that instead of transferring there, I will just transfer to my bestfriend's locale. They told me to go now and not go to work so that I can transfer and attend worship services. I swear, that time I felt like I was a monster as they were all looking at me.
Now, I'm having the dilemma if I should proceed to my bestfriend's locale and transfer there or just let it expire. Of course, I do not want to be part of this cult anymore. But my worry goes to my mother who is also well-known in our locale.
I heard that transfer method doesn't work anymore and if I didn't transfer before it expire, it will notify my old locale. I'm worried because I'm sure officers will come to our house and bug my mother and ask about me. I'm also worried that the people will know about it as I've mentioned that I am a well-known officer.
This post is getting long but I need help and your advices on what is the best thing to do now. My bestfriend whom I mention in this post is not attending WS anymore and encourage me to not submit my transfer. My mother also know that I do not want to submit it and supportive of my decision. Yet I still worry for her because for sure, people will always ask her about me. I know that even if she doesn't say it, it will make her sad as I saw how devastated she was when my brother got expelled. Also, people in my locale know our house and they are the kind of people that spreads rumors quickly. I'm afraid my mom will be involved in this and people will avoid or embarrass her.
I know I should get over with my fear of people judging me about this but I have friends inside the church that I really do cherish to have them in my life. I'm scared of their reaction once they know about this.
Ah, fuck this cult. I wasted 24 years of my life already and still won't be able to get out. I seriously need therapy after this, I have other juicy stories about the church and corrupt ministers in our locale and district but maybe I'll share them once I get through this.
Please help me 😭
submitted by Mcjollina-112
to exIglesiaNiCristo [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:46 JamesIsHere_from_YT I can't find any entry level jobs within walking distance near my house or any online jobs on my schedule. Am I not searching correctly?
I'm 16 and on summer vacation and I am looking for a job. The 2 types of jobs I'm looking for is either a full time job for the last 4 weeks of summer or a 2 day a week full time schedule, NOT on weekends, and the job either has to be online or within 3 miles of my house so I can get there by foot since I don't have a car or bike. And of course, I'm in high school, which means it has to be something with no experience required and entry level. It can be almost ANYTHING, from a cashier or waiter to a reddit moderator or video game tester. I already asked on another subreddit, and apparently a 2 day a week job is a thing. I haven't asked yet, but I HOPE a one month job is a thing too.
But the only thing I've done to search for jobs is go online and go to sites like Indeed and look for jobs without experience, in my zip code, etc. and I get literaly no results with exactly what I need. Usually I find 3 and they all have a problem, like it's only 18+, it's too far from me, or something else that somehow got through the filter. I don't know where to go to just find entry level jobs near me. Within 3 miles of my house, there's not a lot but still a variety of places. There's 2 strip malls, a gas station, a CVS, and even a few other places like a community library that I'm sure could hire someone. And the online job part is REALLY confusing.
So what should I be doing to find jobs? Do I need to go to a different website? Do I just go up to these places and ask if they're hriing? Is it actually complicated? Do I have to find a certain app? Is it more or less complicated than I'm making it? And what about the online job idea? I have a lot of questions and it's really stressing my out how something that should be so simple is difficult for me. My summer has started and I plan on working in a few days, so I hope I can get some advice and help soon. I know this was a lot of info I put in this post, but I hope I can get some advice.
submitted by JamesIsHere_from_YT
to jobsearchhacks [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:46 MonthMayMadness My BF Cheated on me for a Manipulator and I am Worried About His Safety
Okay, so this is a long one. I'm mainly just putting this out there on a throwaway account because this situation is just simply fucked up. All names here are fake and just simply there to ease communication by the way.
So I had a boyfriend. We'll call him Bee. We were together for a while. Well, he told me about this person he used to go to school with. We'll call her Chick. According to Bee, Chick used to go to school with him in our area during grade 5 to 9. Well, she ended up moving away to a state really far away and while she did lose touch with Bee for a few years, she still kept in contact with his grandparents.
Well, Chick got kicked out into the street by her parents as a young adult. She told Bee's grandparents about it and she got back in contact with Bee via the grandparents and they had started texting again for the past few months of my and Bee's relationship. Apparently the reason for the kick-out was a supposed pregnancy scare so her father (mother is in jail in a different state and can't stay out of jail) kicked her to the streets and burned whatever she had that she couldn't fit in a gym bag.
Well, Bee's grandparents felt bad and offered to take her back to our area and she can live in a vacant house on their property (it is near their house, Bee lives with his grandparents still) until she can get back on her feet.
I soon get a call from one of Bee and I's friends. We'll call him Chub. Chub asks if I want to come to his place and I say yes. He picks me up and I can tell by the look on his face that something is wrong. He tells me that Bee and Chick are at his house and that he is getting me because they are apparently being touchy and flirty and it's making him uncomfortable.
So I get there and figure out the kinds of messages Bee has been sending Chick. He was cheating on me. Me and Chub call him out on it. I went over Bee's head the next day while he was at work and showed these messages to his grandparents. Grandparents are rightfully pissed at him. This whole thing ends up being a 4 day ordeal between me, Bee, Chick, the grandparents, and the friend group.
Fast forward a fucking week and Chub's partner (we'll call her Kitty) calls me at midnight. Apparently Chick was calling her saying that Bee's grandma owed some money or something and smashed her music box, stole her jewelry, and now there were people with guns and everyone left her there by herself. She had pleaded to let Chub and Kitty allow her to stay with them for the night. It ended up being a big fat no for obvious reasons. Apparently Bee was out of town for a job at the time. I thought this situation was hella fishy.
Fast forward another week. Bee's grandparents reach out to me and ask to meet up for a discussion. I agree. I find out that in reality Chick had invited these armed people over and she brought them over to go after Bee's grandma. She has been threatening and trying to hurt her ever since she came here because grandma doesn't like her. Chick also chose to stay behind when everyone else bailed for safety. Also, her jewelry is still there, but the music box was broken because she had simply dropped it.
Grandparents also told me what they were witnessing between Bee and Chick. They are constantly in shouting matches. Chick gets irate whenever Bee even so much as try to talk to his grandparents and siblings. She has hit him a couple times. It doesn't help even I have seen this kind of behavior from them the few times I have seen them outside of the initial 4 day situation. Chick has been kicked out of the family's whole property. Bee cannot leave with Chick.
The grandparents reached out to me because they have always liked me and they were wanting to see if it would be okay if I got back in contact with Bee again. I told them that I'm not getting back into a relationship with their son and they said that is totally understandable.
I'm going to be honest, yes Bee cheating on me was shitty (even if said cheating was not physical), and I'm not getting back with him romantically. However, he is still a human being and I do very genuinely worry about his safety. Cheater or not, nobody deserves abuse and nobody deserves somebody trying to fucking kill their family. I just feel at a loss here. I do want him and his family safe. I know why his grandparents reached out, because I have always been the one to get through to him at his absolute worst.
submitted by MonthMayMadness
to offmychest [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:44 Sush1Sush1Please Places to scream; scream clubs?
Just learned about rage rooms, but they don't look too soundproof. I need someplace designed for screaming. I got a couple dozen years of anger stuck in me. I found mention of something called a "scream club", but couldn't find any actual establishments in Scarborough near where I live. Is there someplace safe, private, and cheap I can go to just scream?
submitted by Sush1Sush1Please
to Anger [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:44 Careless-Ad5614 Feel like im dying
Ive gotten so used to depersonalization / Derealization within these past 9 months that I can’t even tell if I’m dissociating or not most of the time. But I feel the anxiety attacks coming back again. I don’t remember any of my life. It’s gotten so bad to the point to where everyone feels unfamiliar even though I know I know them because there’s no memories shared, or barely any at least. I feel like a blank void that’s in the now 24/7 no matter what. I don’t feel human. Any human emotion I ever had has been stripped from me. My short term memory is beyond fucked. Every day I wake up and it’s a clean slate because my memory of yesterday is just gone. It’s like words aren’t making sense, like all words even the words I’m typing to make sense right now. I feel confusion 24/7. I feel brain dead. I’ve had an MRI, EEG, blood tests, everything came back fine. and I’m still convinced I have dementia. The words thing has gotten so bad I’ve even forgotten the meaning of simple words. My anxiety is crippling 24/7 and my depression has ruined me I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ll have near anxiety attacks because of how much I’ve changed as a person it’s like I’m in someone else’s shoes. I’m fucking losing it am I dying do I have dementia
submitted by Careless-Ad5614
to dpdr [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:44 Cold_Illustrator278 Today is a good day uk!
| || |
I’m 32 and grew up in the care system from the age of seven on a full care order. Today i got the email i always knew i would get. submitted by Cold_Illustrator278 to CasualUK [link] [comments]
For context, I’ve seen my entire family destroyed. I was was placed in emergency foster care. There i was bullied and tormented for years by an insecure foster brother who was four years older than me. When i should of been getting better and recovering from the neglect my mother had done. I was treated like a punch bag on the very the same day i had to say goodbye to my brother and sister who was adopted. Years i pleaded with my social worker and years i was ignored. Rather than admitting their mistakes they tried to silence me.
When i left care i received no support despite them being required by law to do so. I was homeless and one night nearly lost my life. I was robbed, tortured and managed to escape by shear luck. How much can one man take? And yet somehow I’m expected to be perfect?
Well Britain, especially stockport social services. I just want to say, today is a good day. I got you. I got you good. What now? Goliath armour just got dented. I’m here, I’m here strong. When you thought you could kill me. I stand before you not as another statistic dead or in prison which you thought would happen and happens to at least 70% of people who grow up in care on the uk. No as someone who’s been fighting for nearly six years for justice. Even when no one believed me. When you thought you could silence me. Because you thought you could take advantage of the fact i had no family and there for no human rights. Boy you was wrong.
Two people i grew up with in care are dead. Both grew up through the same authority. Both failed massively. This is for them. This is for the voices in this country who are being silenced.
I will finish Goliath and teach people who have been wronged to do the same thing.
You can not stop me.
I love you reddit. And wanted to show you never to give up.
Never give up. 💕
2023.05.28 04:43 FroztyPenguin Vaginoplasty Day 6 Live Experience
Buckle in, today's blow-by-blow vaginoplasty update is long one.
I woke up early because I was excited to get the packing out. As I’m healing up and feeling better, I’m becoming more and more aware of the packing and it is uncomfortable! It’s a difficult feeling to describe, it’s just like internal pressure. It’s more painful when I stand.
The doctor came by and pulled out the catheter and the packing. The removal of the catheter felt weird, but it only took a split second for him to pull it out.
The removal of the packing went like this: he pulled off the hospital mesh panties and all the pads that were around the outside. Then he looked for the packing around my clitoris but I guess it had fallen out already. Then he reached up and the tail of the packing which is just like a gauze ribbon was sticking out of the vagina. He pulled on that and an unbelievable length of that gauze ribbon just unfurled. It was like a magician pulling handkerchiefs out of a sleeve. There were a couple of times that the packing had sort of adhered to the vaginal wall and he just pulled lightly and consistently until it came free and kept going. It smelled kind of weird (like iodine maybe?). When the packing was all pulled out, he looked for the gauze around my clitoris again but it was gone. He waited for a second to see if any of those stuck spots would cause any additional bleeding, in which case he’d just have to insert some gauze and his fingers and hold it in place for a second, but it didn’t so he didn’t.
I was scared to look at the vagina, because I thought it would be a total gore fest and I wanted to be excited about it not disgusted by it. I did look at it with a little hand mirror and was pleasantly surprised. It looked like a vagina, albeit a very swollen and bruised vagina. I couldn’t see the clitoris or the labia minora because it was so swollen, but I’m assured that they are in fact there.
No sooner did I put on new panties with a pad then I was ready to poop, as the nurse had predicted. I walked to the bathroom which was much easier now that the packing was gone and pooped. Because it was a pretty dense poop from days of not pooping, I instantly clogged the toilet. Somewhat embarrassing, but this is the real experience and everyone in the hospital has dealt with much worse than a little bit of my poop.
I wiped front to back as instructed by the occupational therapist, but my spouse (cis woman) got on my case and informed me that it isn’t enough to wipe front to back, you also need to make sure that the wipe is either folded so that there is a fresh area or get a new wipe to prevent infection. In hindsight that seems obvious and makes sense, but I’m new to this and need really clear instructions. I’m not sure why I didn’t fold it or get a new one, since that’s what I used to do when I had a penis (you know, last week) but I think I was just stressed out by the newness of the situation and the discomfort of pooping without being able to actively make the effort of pooping and sitting on the toilet for that long.
I also peed a little but t was just a dribble, so it didn’t really count for my pee-so-that-I-can-be-discharged requirement.
I got back in bed, and this was the first time that I’d been up walking when my legs didn’t shake uncontrollably when I got back to bed. It was an encouraging sign and really did show that the removal of packing made a big difference.
OT came and set up the shower. He put a glove over my hand that still had the IV in it. The plastic donut pillow was set on the shower chair with a towel over it. I was allowed to let the water hit just above my vagina and then run over it. I loved getting to shower, I was feeling very gross after nearly a week without a shower. I bled onto that towel a little bit, but only a smidge. I patted the vagina dry and I was able to actually towel off my upper body and hair. I dried while I was still sitting down, so I was able to dry my legs by just sort of lifting them up to where I could reach one at a time. OT showed me where to put bacitracin/neosporin on my groin, like between my legs and my labia majora. The incision was easy to see when I spread my legs and was more in the front rather than down under. It wasn’t as sore to spread my legs as I expected.
Then I put on loose PJ pants and a hoodie for my discharge outfit. It felt pretty great to wear pants. PT came and walked me all the way down the hallway and back, which was really unbelievable that I could go that far once the packing was out. I can’t even believe what a difference it made.
I drank so much water because I was so eager to go home that I peed like four times. Also, I pee a lot in my general life. I’m very hydrated.
Pharmacy came and gave me meds, the nurse took out my IV, Urology came through to let me ask any last questions and then I headed home. It felt weird that there wasn’t some more official “going home” stamp or announcement or something.
I have had a lot of euphoria today. I saw a camel toe in my panties. I can't stop smiling. I feel like I've got this. I can do it. I can recover and the recovery seems like it could be easier than I built it up in my head to be. The pain and discomfort of days one and two already feel like the distant past. I would do it again and make the same choice in a heartbeat.
I think this is it for my posts, because they were really just meant to fill in a gap of information that I noticed online, and I feel like I’ve seen people post about their dilation and at-home recovery experiences and the milestones they’ve hit once they’ve come home. I will post tomorrow about how I picked the program that I went to, because that’s been a frequent question from people here, but then I think that’s it from me.
Of course, as you’ve probably gotten to see, I’m an open book and I’m comfortable discussing everything, so if there are any other questions about any aspect of my transition (surgical or not) before I return to being a reddit lurker rather than an active participant, let me know.
submitted by FroztyPenguin
to MtF [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:42 Mdxandcbr Biology major selling health insurance starting a social media agency interested in masters…
Oka so now that we got out of that horrible title I’ll explain lol, I am graduating next June 2 with a biology major and right now I’ve been in sales of health insurance for 5 months. I’m staring my own social media agency (freelance) on my spare time and already have made advances in that space (to create a portafolio and earn a little more cash on the side). Would a masters serve me right if I want to go to a digital marketing role or market research role in the near future? Considering that my bachelor is in biology? Any advice? I already have a google garage digital marketing certificate, I’ve considered completing more certificates but I’m not sure what are my best options. Please advice me if you can.
submitted by Mdxandcbr
to marketing [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:41 Deku-nut-on-me Help
My kid has not taken to growing pains and haircuts very well.
He is 5 he growls when you get near him. If you anger him he will freak out and try to bite chunks from professionals, me, his mom and brothers.
He’s 5. and forces words and reluctantly uses pecs
He has responded great to his eibi therapy and occupational therapy
Im autistic and my son is level 3
I need help
submitted by Deku-nut-on-me
to AutismParent [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:40 decorated-cobra PSA: No experience and/or struggling to find a casual or part time job that pays well?
I noticed I've been posting this under a few posts recently so thought I would do a bigger one to summarise everything. If you don't mind working with children, I would highly recommend becoming a swim teacher
It also pays very well, as a 20+ year old
casual employee where I work you would get $33/hr
(at 19 it's about $30/hr and 18 around $26/hr I think
). Some places pay more and some less.
Disclaimer: Getting the license is a process, so might take maybe 6-8 weeks, but if you aren't having any luck anywhere it is definitely worth it as it is a literally
guaranteed job at the moment. You also need to be above 17 to officially start work (but you can do all the licensing stuff at the tail end of 16 if you want to work straight away when you're 17).
"Guaranteed job" might seem like an exaggeration, but it's not. For example, school swimming lessons (that all schools are required to do) have seen an unprecedented halving in duration recently solely due to teacher shortage. I work at 2 swim schools that are chomping at the bit for teachers and we virtually hire or train anyone that moves (in the last year, our interviews for people that are licensed have had a 100% offer rate).
For the process:
- do AUSTSWIM course and CPR course (either St John's or RLSSWA)
- get working with children check - do this early so you don't have to wait for it too long
- get police clearance (most jobs need this from my experience) - same as above
- do your practical hours for AUSTSWIM course by contacting any swim school near you and/or the department of education swimming lesson program.
- complete & submit paperwork
- receive license and apply to department of education or any local government near you. i have never worked at a private swim school but i assume they are also desperate.
It is particularly good for current or future uni students, non-professional parents looking to return to workforce, and anyone generally looking for casual or part time employment.
Feel free to reach out to me with any questions!
submitted by decorated-cobra
to perth [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:40 TheKingsPeace What should I make of “ Reformed” theology?
Hey everyone. I’ve come across a rather unique and somewhat petulant brand of Protestantism.
It’s called “Reformed”. It’s the Calvinist tradition basically Presbyterian but heavily relying on the TULIP formation of God.
People have spoken highly of it and said it is more intellectual and probing then standard Evangelical thought.
I’ve listened to some of their people on YouTube: RC Sproul, John Piper, Voddie Baucham, John Macarhur… and I’m not terribly impressed.
They aren’t nearly as sunny as their Evangelical counterparts and seem sort of grim and morose. While they strike me, as principled and righteous they do not seem kind.
There is just an element of uneasiness about it that I can’t quite shake. That it almost seems like a form of Islam or Mormonism rather then Christianity.
Their is sort of a rigidity to their conception of the world, a deep disdain for women in any role besides homemaker and just a very insular and clannish view.
What are your thoughts? Am I being judgmental and uncharitable? Do you know any of them IrL? Who are they basically?
submitted by TheKingsPeace
to Catholicism [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:38 Jarl_Torulf 29 [M4F] US/Anywhere - LDR, Long term
Hey there! I'm a 29 year old male (he/him/they) who currently lives in Georgia, USA. My living here is temporary, so I could easily find myself anywhere in the US someday. I'm a Commercial Truck Driver, and I'm looking for a genuine longterm relationship.
I love reading, writing, learning about other cultures and religions, and exploring cuisines from other cultures. My biggest ambitions are to see as much of the world as possible, to become fluent in a different language, and to publish a novel of my own.
I like video games, but I don't play them as much as I use to. I love all types of music and I listen to everything from Rock, to Celtic, to Hip Hop, to Reggae, to Country (pre-2013), to Soul and R&B. My favorite artists right now are Jorja Smith, SiR, Greentea Peng, Kolohe Kai, Common Kings, Yoke Lore, The Saw Doctors and Penny and Sparrow to name a few.
I love all animals, but I mostly grew up having dogs as pets. That being said, I'm going to be adopting a cat in the near future 😂. I love dogs, but I've just always wanted a cat.
I don't have any children, and I don't have any desire to have children. There's nothing wrong with having kids, but it's just not the lifestyle for me.
Smoking: No Drinking: Modestly Children: Don't have, and don't want them Religion: Not religious 420: Not for me Politics: Left Pro-Choice Ethnicity: White Ancestry: English, Scottish, Scandinavian Pets: Getting a cat soon, but love all animals Love Language: Touch / Affirmation
We don't have to have everything in common, I'm just looking for someone who is kind, around the ages of 27 and 30, doesn't want kids, doesn't smoke, and is willing to watch the Lord of the Rings with me 😂 If you made it this far, send me a message, I'd love to get to know you!
submitted by Jarl_Torulf
to ForeverAloneDating [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:37 ur_friendly_apricot My Best Friend is Friends with my Ex and it is complicated (or is it?)
yes the title explaines a lot but there is information! to explaine the stuation better im gonna give you a quick timeline. me (28 f) and my ex (31 f) (yes gays, no it doesnt matter lets focus on the the subject) have been together for 2 years, even moved in together at one point but relationship was extreamly toxic. we broke up after moving in and i didnt have enough financial income to move away right away. she did have but she choose to stay in the house becouse she wanted to keep the rental contract it was a nice house. those days were living hell. She tried to kick me out several times even though we had the same rights on the matter. i really didnt have another option. as soon as i got better financially i moved out. got my own place, started to feel better. i realised the abuse, manupilation that i've been through. but here is the catch! in abusive relationships you really cant think straight. i felt like the not working relationship was my fault and i dont know i guess i wanted approval that i am worthy of love by proving someone who is actively not treating me respectfully or lovingly to change and treat otherwise (well now i see that clearly with a lot of mental work and therapy) So i stayed friends with this ex. at one point me my ex and my best friend became a friend group. we my bf was there throughout everything. he was warning me about the toxic relationship. they become friends through me. i guess i gave him mixed massages with me hanging with my ex as well. the tricky part is, we were smoking a lot of weed when we were together and it was becoming a problem. our lives were revolving around it. at one point, my bf and me decided that we wanna quit. it was hard but we were succesful. he relapsed a few times but i was there, he managed to get back on track. my ex kept on smoking (this effects her really bad but she doesnt accepts it and its okay who am i to tell her otherwise if she belives it). this disfunctional friendgroup of ours continued for almost over a year but the comminication problems didnt get better. i realized more and more that my ex was really gaslighting me. we were arguing over smallest things and overall not good for each other. at one point we stopped talking in a flash. now the part that i get upset is my bf and my ex are getting closer everyday. i would never tell him to stay away or dont talk to her because it is not my place. i was her friend too. No matter how hard I try to rationalize, I can't help feeling bad about the situation. i tried to confront him about the situation and my feelings and he told me that she is in a bad place and he feels like she needs him, that i am nowhere near in comperision to her. but the reality seams different. i found out he keeps information of them hanging out from me. i mean i would really like it more if he just told me that he wants to hang out with her. that way i could decide what to do or how to react about the situation. they smoke when they get together and i feel like that is a factor as well. one time when i was calling him i heard her say let her be jealous and they laughed. i didnt know they were together and it is on the fine line between bullying and humor. my feelings says bullying, being left out and betrayed. my brain says there are other factors. keep in mind that this friend is like a family. and this ex is one of the reasons that i realized that i needed therapy. at this point i dont even care about the ex. it just hurts that i may have to retink my friends place in my life. am i overreacting?
submitted by ur_friendly_apricot
to offmychest [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:37 Superman7837 Buying a used AWD Sedan for under 10g
hello, I am a 19 year old guy and I'm planning on moving to Colorado in a few months. I'm looking to buy a used sedan that's under 10 grand (but as cheap as possible) that is around 100-130k miles while also having AWD. I cant decide which of these cars would be the best decision to purchase and would like other peoples input.
I'm currently weighing the pro's and cons of all of these cars, however I'm leaning towards the Volvo bc I've heard the engine is reliable and there is a good deal on one near me.
2008 Volvo s60 2.5t vs 2008 - 2011 BMW 328xi vs 2008 Acura RL vs 2008 - 2011 Subaru Legacy 2.5i
AWD isn't a necessity but I would seriously like to have it, and I've never purchased a used car before so I'm basing the 100-130k mile mark on what I've heard and my own personal assumption on reliability.
I'd really appreciate the help, stressing and cannot decide pls and thank you
submitted by Superman7837
to whatcarshouldIbuy [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:36 littlybitrxdman Thanks for everyone who helped me through this nightmare. This is the near final product :)
2023.05.28 04:35 Awakemamatoto Thoughts on the market
I am no where near an expert but I have been watching the market in my area for the last 2.5 years (I bought my first home during that time). What I have noticed is the last 4-6 months houses are now staying on the market for a lot longer and are often dropping their price guide by about 40-50G (i watch the houses I believe would be a good rental investment in my area so family homes about 400-600G). Houses that are asking the types of prices we saw in 21-22 are almost all staying on the market for multiple months before dropping their asking price. All to say our market has definitely dropped. Houses that are instantly ready to be rented out sell well as our rental crisis here is like much of the country- bad. I occasionally attend opens to better understand asking price and attended one the other day as my partner and I are open to buying another house to renovate. The house we were looking at sold 2 years ago (may 21). This house needs a lot of work. I was explaining my understanding of the market and the houses selling history to my family as we walked around it and the agent overheard me and essentially screamed that he would ‘sell the house that day for over asking’ (I think he was a little reactive to the fact that some of the potential buyers were throwing around words like termites, dump etc). Keep in mind when the current owner acquired it houses were snapped up on the day or even prior to the open homes and quite often over asking price by sometimes 50G. The neighbourhood is sought out and lovely but I feel like the trends I have been noticing don’t line up with what the agent is claiming (what a surprise an REA is lying and skewing data). I am 100% ready to admit being wrong as it would mean I could sell my house for an extra 200G to what we bought it for but currently we are holding off due to what we have been seeing in the market trends. What are your thoughts? Have other novice buyers been noticing these same trends? Have you been wrong? Right?
submitted by Awakemamatoto
to AusPropertyChat [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:35 Downtown_Argument855 Is there a name for fear of discarded food?
I'm working at a restaurant for the first time, and when they put me on dishes, every single time I touch food in the water or see it, I nearly vomit. My bosses think it's me trying to get out of doing dish work, but it's an involuntary reaction.
submitted by Downtown_Argument855
to askpsychology [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 04:35 applesandbananaas Adjusting bra size after finally trying the ABTF calculator
Hi! I finally tried buying a bra in the size that the ABTF calculator gave me (32DD) and it fit better than I expected, but the band is considerably tighter than I'd like it. Is this the case where I should be using a sister size? I've actually always previously been buying two sister sizes away (36C) but it definitely doesn't fit as well as in the cup (lots of gapping). Is it just because it was too far away?
Here's the fit with the Natori Bliss Perfection (wireless): https://imgur.com/5qZVKhg
and the Natori Highlight Contour: https://imgur.com/5qZVKhg
On this one my left boob actually feels like it's too big for the cup size - it ends up getting pushed in a little bit where the bra ends so it looks a little weird.
Both seem to have some extra skin/fat near the armpit, is this avoidable?
submitted by applesandbananaas
to ABraThatFits [link] [comments]