I remember my mother’s 1977 BMW 320i was the only constant fixture in my periphery for the first seventeen years of my life. For a sizeable portion of my youth, I loved and obsessively ruminated on BMWs. They were a cherished gift to me from the world and best suited for my Aspergian sensibilities (clinically diagnosed). From memory, I could recite every model, feature and accessory for all of the 1980-1996 model lineup. Despite this, I specifically did not love our BMW. The entire time, it remained to me an unfortunate afterthought of a car. “Why don’t we ever have a good BMW?” was one of my usual, elementary school gripes. We got close at least one time with the near-purchase of that European-spec, e23 745i, but it just never happened.
I remember learning and committing to memory that our BMW’s original owner was a Palo Alto woman, a Stanford University professor. The woman seemed to enjoy driving the car too much, leaving it uncovered under the California sun and not maintaining it properly.
I remember the story of my father doing the pre-purchase inspection of the somewhat high-mileage, paint-damaged–albeit comparatively young–BMW in 1983. He summarily advised my mother not to buy it. Being the spark plug that she is, she took this recommendation under advisement and went ahead and bought it anyway.
I remember that this event–this BMW–is how my parents met and eventually decided to marry. He was her diligent, cautious, attentive mechanic, and she was his young, attractive, female customer. I assume that since it was the 1980s, my mother had legs–of the ZZ Top variety–and was well informed on how to use them.
I remember the story of my mother leaving a bag of peaches on the rear seat floor boards that eventually decomposed into a mound of organic glue and permanently fused to the sun-bleached, shit-stained beige carpet.
I remember hearing about how my mother would drive the BMW from El Sobrante to San Jose–fifty-plus miles–with the low fuel indicator light illuminated. My father would sit in the passenger’s seat, white-knuckled, a bead of terror sweat likely running down the side of his temple.
I remember the BMW sitting behind the laundry area of our Redmond home’s garage–an unassembled and deconstructed husk–unstarted for five-plus years.
I remember all of the BMW’s transformations from “anthrazitgrau” to “teal” to “lexus pearl white.”
I remember my mother deciding that the interior was going to be replaced and the color was going to be changed from beige to black. My mother purchased replacement Recaro seats for the BMW, but opted for the least expensive variants possible. I was deeply troubled, at the time, that the front bucket seats were charcoal cloth and the rear seat was black vinyl. My father’s contribution to the chaos was purchasing black door panels whose styles didn’t match one another because they were each sourced from separate BMWs of stylistically differing generations. To me, this all felt entirely criminal. I was present at the junkyard for at least one of these door panel purchases. The donor BMW was sad and pathetic, I recall. My father told me not to get too close to it because there was broken glass present. I complied.
I remember when our BMW was in a transitional state and didn’t have an interior, but was in drivable condition. My father amused us both by driving it up and down our Redmond street. He expertly operated the clutch and accelerator while sitting precariously atop a piece of scrap two-by-four that was balanced between the driver’s door sill and the center hump that ran the length of the interior. I sat in the passenger's side footwell and clapped like a seal while we both laughed hysterically. It was one of the few times my father didn’t seem so stoic and cautious. It was totally unsafe and a wonderful bonding experience that I absolutely cherish.
I remember seeing the aftermath of a semi truck that, after missing its intended turn, elected to come to a full stop on a highway near our home. The driver then attempted to correct this error by reversing, without looking, toward the front-end of our BMW that my dad was driving at the time. Without enough time to reverse, my dad was hit. The recently repainted grille and hood were smashed-in. My mother drove to pick my father up in our brand new Jeep Cherokee while I accompanied her, sitting in the back seat, nervous, but excited about observing the damage. I knew my father was alright, but I brought an open bag of candied pecans as an offering to comfort him. When we arrived, he was not interested in the candied pecans, which was odd to me. I was, however, awash with relief because I wasn’t actually that interested in sharing them, but simply wished to express my concern. I took advantage of the moment to eat the rest of the candies, which under any other circumstance, would have not been allowed.
I remember seeing the BMW at the body shop waiting to be repaired–how a working-class man expertly removed the BMW emblem that was on the smashed hood with a flat-blade screwdriver and gave it to me as a gift. The emblem was relatively new at the time, a replacement for the original one that had just previously been replaced. The otherwise pristine emblem had a small indentation from the damage. I was in possession of the emblem until 2001 at which point I threw it in the trash.
I remember my irresponsible sister–as a condition of her owning it–was required to maintain the BMW and this included washing it. Despite her protest, the one time I did actually see her wash it, she was sure to use a green scrub pad and managed to destroy the majority of the paint’s finish.
I remember my mother paying actual money to have the paint repaired.
I remember my sister absentmindedly losing one of the BMW’s original keys at the Costco in San Leandro. It was the only one of the three original keys that still had its black, plastic head. My mother had duplicates made, but they were not adequate. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forgive my sister for this offense.
I remember being present for the replacement of the BMW’s rod bearings in our San Antonio Avenue driveway. My sister previously flooded the engine in water and the BMW no longer ran correctly. She stated that it was misfiring and producing blue flames from the tailpipe. I started the engine when the job was completed–momentarily channeling my inner Frank Zappa–and told my father the BMW sounded like something that could only be described as “canned soup.” It sounded clunky and misfire-y and shitty: like canned soup.
I remember my father, dirty and grease-stained, being very confused by my aforementioned remark.
I remember standing on our hand-laid, herringbone, reclaimed brick driveway, staring at the dirty-white, thoroughly beaten-up BMW that was recently abandoned by my sister, asking myself how much I really cared about it. That day turned out to be instructive: it was the first time in my life that, retrospectively, everything could have been different. I would not even closely resemble the person I am today, save for choosing the direction that I didn’t choose. I had to decide to pursue the Jeep Cherokee that I loved, or rescue the BMW that I always knew. In my sixteen-year-old mind, acquiring the BMW would be an effortless slam dunk that the Jeep would not. The Jeep would require more effort to acquire, but it was also the one I really cared about. I was concerned that if I didn’t save the BMW right then and there it would go away. Both options were untenable for me. I could feel both of my recently divorced parents staring at me as I weighed the two options. Going with my gut and not my heart, I chose to capitulate to anxiety and doubt by choosing the way I did: the BMW. My rationalization was that there was still time to save the Jeep. I could figure out how later; I just needed more time. I drove the BMW from the San Antonio Avenue house to the Central Avenue house on or around the first day of October in 2001.
I remember that I bought the BMW from my mother for “$1,500.” I paid $500, my father paid $500 and my mother “paid” herself $500.
I remember immediately discovering the joys of the junkyard and making my first purchase of a stained, yellow, molded carpet from some tragic donor. I wanted a filthy carpet because my plan was to also be filthy. I sought to trash my interior and not care about maintaining it because I wished to lean into my “gross teenager” aesthetic. I wanted to be able to drop frenchfries and soda and lucky charms and not give a shit. At the time I was able to comfortably exist in one of two paradigms: abject filth or obsessive cleanliness. There was no middle ground. This is something that remains to be true to this day, except I can now only tolerate the latter. My yellow carpet lasted for less than one month before the anxiety of it being filthy overcame me and I removed it, throwing it away as quickly as possible. I reinstalled the previously removed carpet and was angry about it.
I remember installing makeshift rear headrests that didn’t fit correctly. I used a hacksaw, a pair of unmatching black, cloth headrests purchased from the junkyard, two pieces of reclaimed wood with unmeasured holes drilled into them using a Victorian hand-crank-operated drill and several rubber bands. Many European-spec BMW 320i models were available with optional rear headrests, but models for the American market were not. This was terribly aggravating for me at sixteen-years-old.
I remember Jolene asking me for a ride home after school. I was uninterested in performing this favor, but complied because doing so was considerably less taxing than thoroughly explaining why it made me uncomfortable and didn’t want to do it. That was a nice, fall day in the afternoon and I can still recall the look of tree-lined Central Avenue as I drove past High street. I came to regret doing this favor as someone from my high school saw us and relayed to others what I’d done. It was then rumored that Jolene and I were romantically involved and this turned my stomach in a way I cannot adequately describe.
I remember Chris and Jasmine asking me for a ride to their respective homes after school while they canoodled in my back seat like the two love-struck, teenage assholes they were. They were both overly attentive, flattering, and obsequious toward me during the drive which made my desire for total silence all the more blinding. The useful moron I typically was at the time, I received this all as clear confirmation that they had no respect for me. I was, however, less uninterested in driving them than I was Jolene, but still just as mortified by the prospect of explaining why I didn’t want to do it as opposed to just doing it. These were people I didn’t really know and had no interest in helping, but I did. They never spoke to me again. This is correct.
I remember Danny looking at the BMW, telling me it was a “hooptie” and asked me if I agreed. Being neither of his ilk, nor of his particular caliber, I wasn’t sure what that word meant, so I nodded and escaped the situation as quickly as possible so as not to be roped into further discourse. Danny is a twat of a man and now, aptly, a real estate agent.
I remember how the BMW never easily started. I assume it was an engine compression issue.
I remember a brisk, overcast fall morning, how the air was cold and wet. After pulling out of the Central Avenue driveway, a thin layer of mist condensed on the windshield. I had trouble seeing as I drove, but I didn’t want to smear the moisture on the glass because it would have left annoying smudge marks when it dried and smudge marks are extremely difficult to clean off of interior windshield glass. Seeing no other available option, I continued to drive down Central Avenue crouching, peering through the thin slit of cleared glass that was closest to the defrost vents blowing at high speed. The glass wasn’t clearing fast enough, so in an outburst, I punched the top of the glass near the rear-view mirror in a logical attempt to bully the glass into clearing more quickly. A thin, meandering line suddenly appeared, bisecting the sheets of glass, suspiciously close to the spot my knuckle just struck.
I remember telling my parents that a crack in the windshield glass had suddenly appeared and that I had no idea how it got there.
I remember my first job was at an ice-cream shop in my hometown and how the BMW was not considered a form of reliable transportation to and from it.
I remember being so aggravated by the BMW after two months of owning it, that I told my mother if she didn’t take it back, I’d have it crushed.
I remember being told that I would receive $700 in exchange for the BMW–$200 more than I’d personally paid–but never seeing this money and wondering what happened to it.
I remember expressing a renewed interest in the Jeep Cherokee now owned by my father, but being told I couldn’t acquire it because I wouldn’t be able to materialize the lump sum of cash required to purchase it, quickly enough.
I remember resigning myself to my fate and not making any real attempt to fight for the Jeep: the thing I loved most at the time–the thing I thought would solve all of my problems. I could have done a lot more, but I chose not to. The Jeep was then sold to some sexually attractive dad and his obnoxious, harpy wife soon thereafter.
I remember the BMW also going away, back to mother’s condo on Shoreline Drive to live out the remainder of its days with her much the way it did in the early 1990s: parked and languishing.
I remember my mother moving to the house on Macarthur Boulevard and the BMW being sequestered in the damp, crumbling cement garage that was carved out from the side of the hill under the house.
I remember bird feces and a layer of cement dust coating the top of the BMW the last few times I saw it.
I remember replacing the BMW’s starter–an abject nightmare of a repair–in an effort to correct the starting issues. This repair corrected nothing and was completely unrelated to the actual problem.
I remember my mother surprising me by stating in or around 2002 that she was going to sell the BMW after twenty years of clinging to it, dragging it along with us everywhere we moved.
I remember the first prospective buyer of the BMW was a buff, extremely handsome, 30-something black man in a skin-tight, white t-shirt and black jeans. I fantasized about the man possibly sweeping me off my feet and taking me far away from this place. I was still technically a minor at the time, but only in the ways that mattered.
I remember hoping and praying that the BMW would start-up quickly enough not to raise any eyebrows as to its viability and reliability. It did. It would seem that it wanted rid of us as surely as we wanted rid of it.
I remember the man being allowed to go on a solo test drive, unaccompanied, and me and my mom not really caring if the BMW never came back.
I remember the transaction being completed and the BMW being sold for $1500.
I remember, with absolute crystal clarity, observing the BMW drive away for the last time, north on Macarthur Boulevard, disappearing beyond the sunny horizon after cresting over a hill, never to be seen or heard of again.

Early upload cuz work. Sorry for the cliff
First Prev Next Royal Road
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Pan looked between Joseph and Tel as the grey-furred female maintained her hold on him, The Human stilling his lungs with expectations for the worst in mind, Tel’s taste still lingering. The baited breath by most of the two couches stagnated the air as even Violet paused her scratching to pay attention.
“Our promise?” She asked him with a tip of her ear, though her tone remained inquisitive rather than scornful.
“Fulfilled.” Tel answered in his stead, her voice carrying a taunting cadence as she glanced between the two. “Or i would assume, based on the scent on both of you.”
Joseph’s cheeks flushed in time with Pan’s, him forgetting again just how sharp their noses were. “No hiding that one, huh?”
Tel released him a smug look on her face as she seemingly enjoyed the wide eyes watching the exchange. “From some? Perhaps. Me?” She leaned forward to nip as his ear, her claw lightly falling down from his chest. “I know the scent of my male to its finest.”
He swallowed back his unwanted reaction, his reason retained due to the company and Pan’s paw resting in his hand. Harrow raised her own, speaking when Joseph cautiously raised a brow in her direction.
“So... Did you bed Tel or Pan first?”
He blinked, inhaling to respond but finding words impossible to form due to the brazen and unexpected question. Jax chuckled as he smirked at his mate. “As i have said, I have won our bet.”
Harrow kicked back at him, though her shorter legs meant that she almost fell off the couch to achieve the retaliation. “You haven’t won until we know for sure.”
“There is little doubt.”
“You don’t know yet!”
Joseph shut is eyes forcefully, the interaction sapping his resolve for the moment. “What was the bet?”
“Jax bet that you would bed Tel first. I said that you would wait for Pan.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose, happy for the distraction, though wishing it departed more from the subject. “And you’re betting on my sex life... why?”
The two looked at each other before shrugging in sync. “We’ve been betting on most of what you do. Seems weird to stop at who warms your bed when.”
Joseph went to rest his head in his hands, the attempt stopped by Pan holding one and Tel supporting her weight on his free shoulder. He looked at the two and took a breath before addressing his mate.
“I..”
Pan smiled at him with a squeeze of his hand, stopping him from speaking further as the reassuring action took the wind out of his sails. The guilt wrenched at him regardless, worry about what she might have to say digging deep. Saying that he was going to just turn around on his affection for Tel would be a lie, but he couldn’t help but expect some sort of fallout from this. Instead of chastising him or the like, Pan looked to Tel with a calm expression. “Do you care for him truly?”
Tel flashed annoyance until Sahari answered, the female having grown annoyed with the display. “She is a Blade. A Sheath is one chosen with their life on the line. She would face an army alone to assure his safety and likely leave only a graveyard in her wake should he request it.”
Jax snapped his head to look at her. “She is an assassin?”
“I am amazed at how long you remained ignorant to her nature, yet recognize the moniker.” Sahari replied with a sigh.
“Wait, how do you know that?” Harrow asked, excitement building in her voice.
Sahari waved it off. “I spent much of my time as a mercenary. One should not be surprised by those whom they end up working with. I knew she was of such line, though the specifics were new to me as well when i was exposed.”
“Tel!” The orange-furred ball of energy yelled suddenly. “Teach me assassin things!”
Joseph succeeded in resting his head in a palm as Tel stood up to raise a brow at her. “You wish to travel the path?”
“Don’t.” The Grand Hunter interjected tiredly. It was first thing in the morning and this had already made him more than willing to go back to bed. “Trill’s girls being here is enough ‘cloak and dagger’ for one settlement.”
“There are multiple assassins?” Jax asked in disbelief.
“You get used to it.” The Human commented dryly.
“Why?”
He cycled a breath. “Well, let’s just say that the trip was... a lot.” Jax grimaced at his answer, but his funk was broken when his mate narrowly missed his leg with her foot, prompting him to refocus on their little game.
Sahari, finding humour in the first event of note, decided to provide the initial context. “Joseph was discovered by a vassal pack of Grand Hunter Trill while bathing in a river.”
“Like i needed more people to see me in the buff.”
“I guess Tel had fun with that.” Harrow added with a wink, raising her brows when Tel gave her a dismissive frown. “Oh, no? Just the other pack?”
Sahari cleared her throat, an understanding gaze was given by the inquisitive Lilhun when she noticed the ex-Grand Huntress avert her eyes for a moment. “After we affirmed that they were not hostile and cleared any suspected misintentions, we were escorted to High Hunter Loptr’s settlement for the moon.”
“Where our dear Human scared at least one male to wetting his fur.” Tel added with a trilling lilt, her regard of him gaining a seductive edge. Joseph scowled, though if it was over the events of that night or the ones after, he wasn’t sure. His bond gave his fingers a squeeze in support regardless, easing the density of his brooding.
“What did he do?” Harrow asked, her rapt attention obvious.
Sahari smirked. “He held his crossbow to the male for not accepting Tel’s rebuff. He was quite enraged.”
Pan’s thumb pad rubbed over his hand as she listened to the story, her expression attentive with a slight smile now that he had passed the initial annoyance of remembering that night. Joseph eased and returned the affectionate gesture.
The black-furred female’s face fell to one of scorn, a glare directed at Tel. “It seems as if she forced her mark upon him without explanation after the events.”
The mention of a forced mark caused Nalah to instantly bare her fangs at the offending Lilhun, venom in spades coating her words. “You forced a mark?”
Tel took a seat on Joseph’s lap, surprising him as he adjusted Pan’s paw in his hand out of the way to accommodate it without thinking. “Were it not for the mark, he would be a corpse rather than mine.”
“Explain yourself. Now.”
Tel sighed, leaning back on her improvised seat and forcing Joseph to shift to allow it, his free arm absently resting around her side to her stomach to support her weight. He was too busy cautiously watching the interaction for if, or rather when, he would need to step in. “Trill does not much care for that which is not documented and signed. A new creature that claims power may be a novel discovery, but it is a disruption to that which he has constructed.” Tel rested an arm around his shoulders, a somewhat protective note to the action. “Disruptions are dealt with those like myself. He would have been cold before the moon, if not simply when he held a dagger to Trill’s throat.”
Even Pan seemed surprised by the announcement that he had threatened not only a touchy male, but also a Grand Hunter. She looked at him with worry until the brewing irritation in his expression, and likely through the bond as well, informed her of his absolute lack of regret regarding the matter.
Either way, Nalah seemed stunned by the assertion, glancing at him and Sahari to confirm, though Sahari seemed as irritated by the situation as he did. “You tested the life of a Grand Hunter?”
Joseph scoffed. “I made my point to a piece-of-shit father.”
Harrow was the one confused this time. “Who’s den-father?”
The Human, noticing only now that he was effectively cuddling the bored-looking assassin, used the opportunity to gesture to her with the hand on her stomach. “Hers. Direct parentage. ‘Blood-father’, if i remember correctly.”
The answer befuddled Harrow, her looking around the room for confirmation and only receiving a nod from Sahari to agree. Perplexed, and accepting that no one is going to address the matter of Trill being Tel’s dad not being brought up before now, she turned her attention back to Tel. “You’re okay with that?”
Tel rested her cheek on his head, either testing to see how much contact she could get away with before he complained or trying to see where Pan would take issue. Whichever one it was, neither of the two put up any objections, Pan instead leaning into him as well once he noticed how comfortable he found it to be. “Were it not for his involvement, i would not have returned, instead held to be bred for more in my image while being rested upon a pedestal in a gilded cage.”
Nalah eased back into her seat, Sahari putting an arm around her and patting her shoulder in comfort. Joseph raised a brow at how intensely she reacted to the subject, but he wasn’t really sure where ‘marking’ sat in their morals. He figured it was pretty important, but it was temporary and was closer to just making someone wear a wedding band more than anything, as far as he understood. He held two fingers up while not releasing Tel to interject.
“What’s the deal with ‘forcing’ a mark anyway? I’m getting that it’s bad, but i don’t have context.”
Nalah bared her teeth, the building tirade silenced by Sahari pulling her in and rubbing her shoulder soothingly. Satisfied that her blond-furred pack-member was pacified for now, Sahari answered.
“To force a mark is to say that it was imparted upon the unwilling.”
His eyes widened as he made the connection. “OH. Oh. Okay, I’m following now. Jesus Christ.” His face scrunched in disgust. “Holy shit. Okay.”
He noticed the slightly worried expression on Tel’s face, himself quickly adding to his response. “To be clear, it wasn’t ‘forced’ forced.” He averted his eyes away from Pan as embarrassment and more than a touch of shame crossed his face. “It was... It was a bit of a night.”
Pan gave him a sympathetic look, some concern present. Tel felt the need to address it. “He refused to part with your promise, worry not. Even in the height of his heat, his thoughts focused on you.”
Joseph couldn’t help but notice the mix of longing and annoyance in her voice. He allowed himself to gently squeeze her, the action instantly improving her mood, if her tail was anything to go by. Pan shook her head. “I am merely glad that his world is one where such does not exist.”
He pursed his lips, unsure how to counter that without ruining everything. Unfortunately for him, Pan caught the hesitation through their bond.
“Oh, Joseph...” Pan wrapped her other arm around his, encapsulating it carefully. “I suppose there are those of lesser qualities in every people.”
He wanted to disagree, but he quickly failed to think of an example. “Anyway. What does the mark do? Besides say that you’re involved with someone, because I’m getting the vibe that there is more to it.”
Tel subtly twitched as Jax offered the answer. “It discourages others from courting you.”
“Like a wedding ring or something, yeah. Harrow told me that a while ago.”
The mentioned female raised a claw. “Yes and no. I said it was close enough for the purposes of understanding. It detracts from others ability to perceive you as a possible mate.” She gestured loosely to Pan. “It’s why defectives have such a hard time finding one. It’s hard to want to bed someone who your body instinctively doesn’t find attractive.”
Pan tightened her hold on him, though the satisfied expression suggested that she was quite pleased with having him be hers rather than using him to distract from her previous struggles. Harrow smiled at the affectionate display.
“For example: Jax would be much less likely to cause interest because of my mark, and me because of his.”
“So how do you end up with multiple ‘den-parents’”
“Not all attraction is physical, Joseph.” Sahari chastised him playfully, amused with his lack of knowledge. “The effect is negated once they are marked by yourself as well.”
He opened his mouth to counter that, but it failed after the briefest of consideration. “Okay, fair.”
“It is also why bonds are a boon in such arrangements.” Jax added casually, him and Harrow having resumed their attempts to kick at each other.
Pan tilted her head at an indirect mention, Joseph blinking away his confusion. “And that would be because?”
The two bickering mates paused, sharing a look before both giving him a flat expression. “They are influenced by their bonded one.”
“So? What does that...” The Human stalled, glancing at his own bond with a raised brow. Pan noticed his expression and smiled in return, her grip on his hand gently increasing.
“I know the depths of your affections.”
Deciding that the half-answer was the best he was going to get, he shook his head to dispel his curiosity, disrupting Tel from enjoying her perch in the process and drawing a displeased glance before she reclaimed it.
“That... Well that brings up something I’ve been meaning to address.” He tried not to look at her as he attempted to figure out how he was going to broach the question. Tel seemingly got impatient with his tip-toeing and spoke for him.
“I wish him mine, if that wasn’t obvious. This one seems to be reticent in regards to his reciprocated desire.” She punctuated the announcement by patting his shoulder, though the touch was slightly more forceful than he would attribute to ‘affectionate’.
Pan blinked, a tilted head accentuated by a further displaced ear. “Yes, i am aware.”
Joseph faltered, expecting... Well, he wasn’t sure what, but something more than that. He tentatively pressed further, anxiety rearing as unease settled. “No comment?”
She paused to consider, eventually meeting his eyes with a fairly blank expression. “I have known you wished for her for quite some time, though i can tell this is beyond mere infatuations. I have no qualms with such as long as all feel the same.”
He felt Tel physically relax, as if some tension had been held since her vow with him in the forest. There likely was. She had been much closer after the fact, but it was always subdued, as if she was worried she would be rejected and he would discard her at Pan’s wishes. He didn’t want to actively think about the scenario. He would much rather not have to make choices like that.
“I’m surprised you would expect her to say anything else.” Harrow commented passively. “It’s not exactly weird.”
“Especially involving a bond.” Jax added, successfully landing a light tap with his foot to his mate, the latter protesting as she tried to remain seated while stretching out to return it.
“The issue is with her.” Sahari waved a loose paw to Tel as she remained oblivious to her continued cuddling with Nalah. That, or she didn’t want to mention it aloud. Nalah certainly seemed content with the arrangement.
Pan followed the pointed appendage, giving Tel a questioning look as she fixed her grip on his arm. “Am i insufficient?”
Tel looked at her, the expression somewhere between a scowl and regret before she closed her eyes to sigh, her tail joining Pan’s in an effort to constrict his torso. “There is but a single Blade to a Sheath. Were he in possession of a mark besides my own, i would not pursue him, assuming i did not remove the other first. You being unable to do such is...” She paused to think of how to explain her reasoning, a wayward glance was given to Sahari as she finished her thought much more quietly. “I am willing to overlook the discrepancy for him.”
Pan’s eyes gained a touch of fulfillment to mirror his own when he internalized how big of a concession it seemed to be for her to accommodate his desires. He absently played with the fur on Tel’s stomach, the attention earning him a slight squeeze from her tail.
“Then i am content.” Pan declared softly, snuggling back into his shoulder, the matter settled in her mind.
He furrowed his brow, unsure of whatever the hell just transpired between the two, but took a breath to depart from the topic. Well, until Harrow prodded his side.
“So, who first?” She reasserted, fending Jax off as she continued poking his side.
“I’m not answering that.”
She ignored him, addressing the two females who had turned him into a cushion at one point or another. “Come on, i have a lot riding on this.”
Tel smirked, the amusement from annoying the pack outweighing the slightly displeased expression she had on since she arrived back at the settlement. “Wouldn’t you like to know.”
Harrow threw her arms high in victory, Jax bemusedly exhaling as he surrendered their physical confrontation. “I win!”
“What makes you say that?”
An orange claw was pointed at the disappointed cook. “If it was you, you would have spent forever teasing details.”
Joseph couldn’t help but tip his head in concession. That sounded like what she would do.
Tel huffed, annoyance returning in her expression as Pan seemed somewhat sympathetic. “And what has our ‘serial-catastrophic-failure-causing’ Technology Head earned?”
Harrow paused, a slight blush overcoming her enthusiasm. “You knew about that, huh?” She tapped her claws until she was ready to announce her winnings. “Jax owes me ten moons of back rubs.”
Pan and the Human burst slightly, the laughter proving to be infectious as the rest joined in, much to Harrow’s embarrassment. Tel chuckled, but she looked to be enjoying the mild chaos she had caused for the moment rather than the actual subject. The orange-furred female waited until they calmed down enough to continue.
“So, what about the other things? We have carts full of stuff and new people.”
“Ah.” Joseph vocally got himself back on topic. “Right. The carts are metals, clay for the forge, and alcohol. The new members are two servants that Loptr was fine with us having and four of Trill’s girls that are here to observe Tel.” He glanced at the Lilhun in question making use of him as a seat. “I think. It’s a weird arrangement right now.”
Tel gave him a bored roll of her eyes, her lack of desire to input conveyed concisely. He accepted it for what it was, not overly concerned since the girls seemed to listen to both of them anyway.
“Past that...” Joseph hummed in thought. “We have craftsmen moving in with the first trade caravan, though when they arrive is pretty fluid due to them needing to arrange things from various settlements. Servants and animals will be included, so we should start on a barn of sorts sooner rather than later.”
“Animals?” Pan questioned from her snuggling, though she seemed more than happy to just stay there instead of turning to address him.
“We’ll see what they send specifically, but even if it’s not overly promising, we could just treat it as a fresh meat delivery and make do.”
Sahari mused for a moment before entering her opinion on the matter. “I suppose Ferra would be of use.”
Joseph nodded. “Atrox’s mate, or one of, anyway. Yeah. That’s who i was thinking, too.”
Nalah sighed, making no attempt to separate from the arm around her shoulder. “So we shall build the Hall, a barn, and perhaps additional barracks.”
He squinted an eye a bit as he considered. “Yeah, give or take. Will that be too much?”
She waved him off lazily, tossing a piece of meat into her mouth. “I shouldn’t be, though it will delay the desire for a bath house.”
His eyebrows shot up. “Bath house?”
“They lack a bathing facility like we have.”
He lifted his hand off of Tel’s stomach to point at the planner, a slight embarrassment occurring as he noticed how comfortable it was to rest his fingers amongst her fur. “Do it. The barn can wait. Make it a decent size.”
“What else?” Harrow asked, likely requesting more gossip or interesting tales as Nalah stared off into the distance passively, probably thinking about where they should put a public bath.
“Nothing much to mention.” He admitted, deciding to omit the whole thing with Tel and his talks with Sahari.
“My turn?”
Joseph raised a brow.
“Come on!” She hopped from her seat, pausing when she noticed that removing him from his chair would involve detaching two females. He patted Tel on her stomach to request freedom, a momentary thought within her broken as she defaulted to teasing him with her claws before acquiescing to his wishes. Pan put up much less fight, instead assertively pulling him in for a kiss and a quick nuzzle, the combo leaving him dazed for a second before Harrow used the opportunity to drag him to his feet.
“I have something to get your advice on and something to show you. Which do you want to start with?”
The Grand Hunter shook off the surprise at his mate’s uncharacteristic forwardness, thinking about his answer before shrugging. “Whichever is cooler?”
Harrow patted his chest with the back of her paw before marching off towards the facilities wing. “Good choice!”
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
Sahari remained behind with Tel as all else filtered out of the hub to start their respective duties, the Blade idly laying on the couch while chewing some of the cooked food she had brought out for Joseph that had been left behind once the male was carried off by the excitable Head of Technology.
The ex-Grand Huntress approached, blocking the sunlight from on high that fell on Tel’s closed eyes, eliciting one to open lazily in inspection the person interfering with her lounging, a long exhale preceding her disingenuous query.
“Need something, Sahari?”
She maintained the repressed smug expression, feigning ignorance to the obvious. “Feeling at ease now?”
Tel closed her eye again to disregard the notion. “Why would i be uneasy? I am back at our den, bathed, and i may rest from my tasks for a while.”
A light chuckle escaped Sahari. “You were accepted by his bond. I would think that had been on your mind these past moons. That much is quite plain to see, given that you made no attempts to join his rest.”
The female paused in the process of depositing the last portion of meat into her mouth, giving Sahari a frown before continuing. “They required the moon alone, and i care not for the opinions of others than my Sheath.”
“And he would have been forced to choose her over you should she dissent in regards to your addition.”
Tel fell silent for a moment, eyes wandering the ceiling before she sat herself up. “Then i suppose we are most fortuitous that such shall not come to pass, no?”
Sahari ignored the dismissive tone. “What are your plans for her?”
“What might you mean?”
She crossed her arms. “You have complaints, surely. What do you intend to do about them?”
The Blade stared at her. “Complaints? Such as how easy it is to catch her unawares? Her lack of weaponry maintained on her person? How little effort it took to engage with her mate, despite her proximity?”
Sahari nodded, suspecting that Tel’s mind would go there. “Do you plan to address them?”
The cook sighed. “Time will tell, but it is clear she carries his carelessness.”
“She carries much of him within her by now.”
Tel got to her feet, a look of resignation on her face. “Yes, that much is obvious.”
“Perhaps you should be thankful.”
Sahari received a raised brow. She returned a knowing nod.
“She would not be as willing if not for his influence. She has gained that which she would never. Were it not for his temperament, one could not blame her for wishing to monopolize. Instead, she seeks his happiness as her own. If it includes yourself, so be it.”
“Telling me to ignore her faults?”
Sahari shook her head. “I am merely advising you to embrace her as an extension of your influence rather than an obstacle to account for. She wishes for his safety as much as you, though she only holds the tools to repel that which is obvious.”
Tel tilted an ear, a slight smirk playing at the corner of her mouth. “You suggest i make a Blade of a defect?”
The black-furred female grinned, turning on her pads to head outside, a paw waved over her shoulder. “You are expected to raise the next, no? This may be a chance to test your proficiency, even if it may be the only you attempt.”
“It is a bloodied path, Sahari. I highly doubt my male would approve.”
“Then craft a clean edge. Form one from nothing. You are the heiress, no? Prove yourself worthy of your presumed station and allow your Sheath to perform without worries.” Sahari called out through the exit, allowing it to close behind her when Tel’s expression became contemplative.
= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = =
“You doing okay?” Harrow asked once they were in the gym. She dug through the various prototypes she had been working on to find the things she wanted Joseph’s input on.
The Human rubbed his neck. “Yeah, why?”
She paused her search to glance at him with a deadpanned expression. “You looked like you would have evaporated if you could.”
He pursed his lips. “Yeah, kind of. I don’t know. The whole ‘polyamory’ thing seems like a minefield to me.”
A nasal sigh was given as she returned, taking out the first piece and laying it to the side as she resumed her search. “Yet you come back and have no problems with Tel fawning all over you while you’re next to your bond.”
“That...” The male faltered, a defeated tone taking place. “I didn’t really think about it in the moment, it just felt like the natural thing to happen.”
“Isn’t that your answer?” She offered idly, placing another piece to the side.
“To what?”
“How she fits in to your relationship.”
“How so?” Joseph replied, confusion evident.
Harrow laid the second-to-last piece down and sorted through the box from the beginning. “Pan feels about... well, everything the way you do. If Tel feels natural to have around, then Pan won’t feel anything is wrong.”
The Grand Hunter groaned, the hollow tone suggesting he had cupped his face into his paws. “It just feels like jealousy and shit should be an issue.”
Harrow fetched the last piece, laying it with the rest and plopping herself onto the ground to observe the frustrated male. “I can’t speak for Tel, but i think she was more worried about it than you were.”
“She’s a ball of confidence. I can’t really picture her being worried about anything other than being told to not to fuck around.”
She waved him off. “You’ve had all this time to make sure everyone knew how much you care for Pan. It’s stressful to think that you would be compared to that if it came down to one or the other, especially a bond.”
Joseph raised a brow as Harrow put on the first piece of experimental armour on her arm. “I wouldn’t compare them like that. They’re different people.”
She fixed her gaze on him as she moved on to the second piece. “Pan knows you to your core by now. She has claimed a position of a den-mother of your adopted kit. Now, she has affirmed her placement as your mate.” The orange-furred female shook her head at his momentary flush. “Mix that with your societal standards, and she wouldn’t be able to worry but think that she might be seen as lesser and thrown aside if Pan took issue.”
Annoyance filtered into his voice. “Both are irreplaceable. Period. I’m not excited about it, but I’d rather do my best to make sure they’re happy. Even if it meant trying to convince her as best i can. I’m not ignoring what Tel has done for me and what she has ended up meaning to me.”
“Is my male proclaiming his affections out loud again?” Tel prodded playfully after having silently entered behind the male and wrapping her arms around his waist, her chin resting on his shoulder. Joseph jumped slightly at the unexpected presence, his face stricken by embarrassment after being caught in the act of vehemently defending his new-found relationship with the female.
Harrow smirked as she moved on to the last piece. “He seems to be rather taken with you Tel. Makes me wonder what happened that moon he defended your honour.”
The Grand Hunter furrowed his brow as he glanced back and forth between them with a warning eye. “Not talking about it.”
Tel ignored him, her tail lazily swaying behind her. “I fear not for his bond. It seems that she cares more for this one’s feelings than her own.”
“Not like there’s much of a difference.” Harrow commented, standing now that all four pieces were on. She adjusted the fitment as Tel hummed in agreement.
“I have no idea what’s going on.” Joseph lamented openly, the cook leaning on him more in response.
“You,” The Head started, pleased with the preliminary checks of her equipment. “are going to help me solve a few issues with these, and she,” A claw was waved at the mildly interested female. “is going to be happy with me.”
Tel adjusted her grip under his arms, wrapping one paw over the wrist of the other as she applied more weight and idly observed as Harrow started explaining whatever it was she had on her arms. Joseph cycled a breath as his plight remained ignored.
The orange-furred female wore two large bracers, their outward arm coverage a fair bit wider than what would be typical. The second section of each was a large piece that slotted over the more form-fitting attachment to her arm.
Curiosity seemed to have prevailed over his premature exhaustion. “Are those supposed to be a shield when you put them together?”
Harrow winked, a mischievous smirk suggesting that he was only half right. “They also do this!”
The female engaged a pair of spring-loaded protrusions placed on the inside of the outcroppings, two broad daggers extending forth in an instant with a visible recoil.
Both the Human and the female raised their brows, Harrow proudly explaining her invention. “I took inspiration from those Katars you told me about and the spring system you used for Tel’s roped daggers. Add in the need for a shield that wouldn’t hinder our claw-to-claw training...”
“And you end up with hidden blades inside of a wearable shield.” Joseph mused, an impressed tone clear. Tel viewed the items with interest from his shoulder.
“Why might these make me happy?”
Harrow pointed the worn knife, its edge blunted until the details were sorted. “Because you can add this to your armament as a backup, and because i figured that your little declaration back there meant you would rather Joe stay armed and protected.”
The assassin hummed in understanding, though didn’t comment further as she continued analyzing them.
“So what do you need my help with? It seems like you got all the important parts down for a prototype.” Joseph furrowed his brow in confusion, looking over her work from a distance to find an issue.
Harrow took a breath, wincing at the need for overview. “Well, this is it.”
“What’s it.”
She held the extended blades outward. “This. They don’t go back without taking them apart.”
The Grand Hunter’s expression fell neutrally. “Ah. Yeah, that would be an issue. I’d need to see it disassembled to weigh in.”
Harrow’s ears fell as she heard that he wouldn’t be able to know what to do about the problem at a moment’s notice, but quickly regained her enthusiasm as she removed the prototypes. “We can do that whenever. Next, i found out something neat about the den while i was doing the wiring!”
“Oh?”
She nodded, her tail threatening to fly off with how active it was being. “Whatever species occupied this place before us must have been a massive mix of high and sub-harmonic vocalizations.” She paused when the male gave her a blank look. “They spoke in an an extremely wide frequency range. Or at least utilized such.”
Joseph blinked, a light tilt of his head showing that he was a little confused at the apparent non-sequitur. “And that has to do with wiring because...”
“Because,” Harrow tossed the braces back into the box. “I discovered a defunct circuit used to power a building-wide public address system!” She threw her arms wide as her main discovery was finally being announced to someone who would appreciate it. “I rigged it to the terminal! We can play music to the whole den and outside, if we want! I checked and there are tiny acoustic projectors everywhere, though they look to be far more capable than the size suggests.”
Tel perked up at the mention of widely accessible entertainment while Joseph looked to the side in thought, his face carrying a contemplative shade. “That’s cool and all, but do we want to inundate everyone with music all the time? I have a lot of variety there, I’m pretty sure someone would be drove nuts by the end of the week.”
“I need your help there, too.” The Head added in counter, approaching the pair with a bounce to her step. “I can’t read your language, but there should be a setting to split the zones and allow playlists by room.”
“Why would there be a setting like that?”
Harrow shrugged. “We’ll see what we can do, if not. Worst comes to worst, we can just open it up during celebrations.”
The Human paused, conceding the point after a moment. “That doesn’t sound like a terrible idea. I’m down.”
She separated the two, shoving Joseph out the door in her rush to get started on the idea. Tel allowed it to happen, a mild interest passing her eyes all the while until she tapped Harrow on the shoulder.
“Could i have a set of that prototype created for Pan once it is complete?”
Harrow waved Joseph to continue once he noticed he was the only one still going to the terminal, raising a brow at the female. “Odd for you to ask.”
The prospective mate shook her head. “It would benefit him to have more at his disposal. None have taken to his philosophy of using one’s fists like she has. This would merely allow her to expand her repertoire while still adhering.”
Harrow hummed, a skeptical eye scanning the female’s face for a hint at her true motive, a sigh escaping once she decided that Tel wasn’t going to clarify further. “I’ll get Mama to measure her once Joe straightens out the retraction mechanism.” A second glance was afforded. “You sure you’re okay with Joe threatening your blood-father and having a preexisting mate?”
Tel maintained a placid expression, boredom hinted by her quick break of eye contact. “I have stated my opinion on such. Why do you ask?”
“Because he’s my friend and part of my den.”
Tel returned her gaze. “Would it worry you so if i took issue?”
Harrow failed to answer immediately, a breath being required before she quietly responded. “I just don’t want anything to ruin it.”
The Blade chuckled. “I may find myself desiring to hold him to my own, but i must accept that she is as much a part of him as he is her. As for his threats to Trill?” Tel’s voice grew wanting as she slipped a teasing smirk towards the curious Human waiting at the end of the hall. “That is far from a problem for me.”
Joseph leaned against the wall, his arms crossed as he patiently waited for the two to finish their sidebar, Harrow noticing his idle expression now that Tel had been accepted was a stark contrast to before. She smiled with closed eyes, happy that the dynamics of the pack didn’t seem to be shifting in a bad direction.
“Okay.” She breathed out, changing gears mentally. “As long as everyone’s okay.”
She turned to face Tel, noticing that she had gone on ahead without waiting for a response to harass the Grand Hunter, the latter struggling not to laugh as the female poked at him.
At least it seemed that she could keep this den.
She hurried to catch up, wondering what music Joseph would be using to test her ideas.
​
Next
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A/N: Today’s shout-out is to you guys in the comments! Always brightens my day to see everyone tossing in their thoughts on whats happening. Also loving the upvotes you toss to each other whenever someone says something you agree with, really shows me which comments i should be looking closer at. Take a moment to pat yourselves and fellow regulars on the back. You deserve it.

Do not, under any circumstance link your steam account to the ED stand alone client until you read this.

If you link too early, you just lost $100 or more, seriously. More on this later.
TLDR: Buy the F18. Rent modules on stand alone. Buy the F18, then syria, then something cool. consider persian gulf.
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Hello, my name is Kitchen and I have a problem and hate money. If you click my name, you'll see the modules I own. I fly them all, mostly proficiently, so I feel I'm qualified to talk about most of them. This is advice for a new player on 'what modules I should buy?' Or perhaps the 2nd module to buy. This is mostly an essay on purchase order, not for only planes but modules. And yes, this is an essay. If you don't want to read it, that's cool, I still think you're probably a neat person and will probably enjoy flying with this group. So first, DCS is a flight sim, so you'll need: a computer, a module, a map, and hardware to fly it with. Perhaps you need advice on hardware, so see my other essay on that. Let's also discuss the variety of eras and planes in this too. For people that know what generation things are, cool, I don't. I don't really know anything about real life planes but I do know DCS. Modern planes will get you the most play. Followed by the cold war (think F14, mig 21, f5, mirage). Korea is a smaller pool, ww2 is as small or even smaller. If you are a part of this group looking for module advice I'll only recommend modern planes first. If you want a korea war experience, you'll probably have to find that elsewhere or be the change you want to see and spark that fire and lead the group into an era/playstyle that you want. We have a personal server and can host any map/mission that is provided that has interest in playing. We of course will have themed missions from creators but generally, modern all the way. (edited)
Steam Vs Stand alone. There are huge benefits to both but I want to discuss the stand alone. For those on steam you already know how great steam is. On standalone: First, you can rent modules for 2 weeks (including maps) on the stand alone every 6 months. This is a huge deal and is awesome. So try out the module before purchase. Second, on stand alone, your first cart (the entire cart) is 50% off. You can save $100's if you dogpile your first purchase cart. Third, you can link your steam account purchases to stand alone and play on the standalone with all the modules, so you lose nothing. If you link your steam account before your purchase, you are boned for the 50%. So do not, do not, DO NOT, link your account before purchase. Lastly, standalone has "miles" you accumulate on purchase. Basically it is 10% of your purchase in savings for the next purchase, so a $50 modules will get you $5 off your next. I got the mig21 for free because I bought enough, neat. Also, the accounts are still linked, so you can always play on steam or buy more stuff on steam after the linking process and it will pass to stand alone just fine. I don't know much about you personally so I'm going to speak generally as possible but the best advice I can give is: Buy the F18 first, then buy something exciting next. Also, I'll be using words in here like you already know what it is, I can't include a dictionary for the post but if you have a question, ask. We are here to help and learn together. Ok let's go. (edited)
Free Module SU-25T This is not a bad plane, it is actually capable and it can deliver HARM based weaponry well. With a human trainer, you can be effective and useful without money. It is not as good at ground pounding as other modules but this is also free. The AI provided training is not as good as it should be. If you want to learn this and only this, ping someone that knows it and we can have you doing ground pounding in a few hours and be GOOD at it. Seriously, I'd almost recommend this over the harrier some days, more on that later. If this module had a ground locking 360 tpod like the NATO planes it would almost be too good. First Module, F18: This is the jack of all trades plane in this game that will be generally featured in every mission we host as a group. It can carry almost all the weapon types (except good cluster bombs… grrr rock eyes) like: dumb bombs, smart bombs (laser, GPS, and the walleye),mavericks, JSOWS, dumb rockets, fox 1,2,3s, HARMs, cruise missiles, and harpoons. It can land on the ground and on a carrier. It is full fidelity, has easy to learn systems, has robust and easy to find tutorials from all your favorite and least favorite youtubers. It has easy to learn air to air refueling when you are ready, easy to understand MFDs that are readable. Systems that make sense, INS aligns quickly, is easy to taxi, doesn't require a ton of buttons on a HOTAS, TPOD actually works… well-ish. If you learn this pretty well, other NATO jets will be easy to learn. There is a reason why the F18 is recommended, because it is very good. Now if you personally (or find someone that agrees) that it isn't "exciting" that's fine. But if you are clueless and willing to just jump in this is the plane to go for it. It's also easy to land on the ground, no flare required, you can literally slam it down > 2000 ft/min. This plane will hold your hand really well. (edited)
Ok so after the F18 and a map, it gets gritty. Let's talk about personality and full features. Minecraft (yes, I'm blaming minecraft) allows people to perpetually live in early access with a list of "coming soon, full release". So, anything you see promised is a lie, buy what the module has now and expect it to never go further, possibly get worse. Ignore what all these companies will tell you is coming. And yes if you haven't guessed, we're gonna talk about Super Carrier and then yes, the harrier.Super carrier is money pit but I think it is 100% based on personality for the player. Do you want to be restricted to just one carrier? Do you like being spawn limited? Want to wait your turn? Animated deck crew that has hand signals (only useful in the day time…). Then perhaps Super boat is for you. Super carrier has features that I find useful (like the FLOOS system or 'the ball') and the deck crew is kinda neat. Is it $30 neat though to you? It was to me and for us boat planes it is nice to never miss the wire because that boat wasn't available to us. You get the Su-33 with this purchase. If you think $30 is a lot then you should not buy super boat. If you think $30 is like a happy hour bar tab for yourself and it isn't, consider a purchase. If you hate exclusion and peasants, come to $uper boat and make fun of peasant boat with us. (edited)
2nd plane: So the big ones, in the modern era in my personal (by fly hours, guessing)order: A-10 F-16 JF-17 F-14 Mirage Harrier FC3 - worth it for the j-11a, f15, and the SU-25 (non T version) - appended on the bottom Viggen There's a lot to discuss in the above list and now it comes down to what you enjoy in DCS and what makes you excited. If you see the above list and one plane sticks out, like the F-14 because "it is awesome", trend that way.Comparisons, if this then that: A-10/Harrier - A-10 is the winner for me right now. Razbam keeps changing things and breaking the harrier and making it a bit less fun to fly. The a-10 is rock stable development wise and is a great experience. A-10 needs a ton of 4 way switches though. So if you are light on controls, trend towards the harrier. The harrier is faster and able to land on FARPS/crayon-boat. It can carry an impressive loadout also, around 8 bombs and 14 guided rockets. It is a considerable amount of ground pound for a small plane. You'll have to micromanage the fuel and asymmetric loadouts. It is a solid choice but very difficult to learn/master but it solid. (edited)
A-10 does have some drawbacks though, mostly dealing with speed/altitude. Some SAM sites literally can't shoot 20k up, so in the a-10 you will be generally very very low. Also you will be sub 250 knots in the a-10. So if a mig 29 is coming, you cant run away very quickly. Gun on the a-10 is obviously better and the harrier gun imo is only used for emergencies. In fact, you can only use it throttled up, which makes gun runs interesting because you are going speedy bois in a nose dive throttle up! F-16/JF-17. These planes are pretty comparable in capability and systems and weapons. I think the jeff gets ignored mostly because so few of us even know it exists before DCS. The Jeff has some really really quirky things going on with the systems/flight model/pylons that you will probably struggle with but if you are not excited about the f16, perhaps the jeff can fill that single engine void.
The 16 is more capable with a wider pylon weapon arrangement and it can carry more fuel because of a dedicated belly tank. You also don't lose a slot for a tpod but you will always be turning left/right due to drag and imbalanced trim. You can sacrifice fox 2's on your tips for fox 3 loadouts, which is worth it imo. The 16 is lacking development in a lot of systems, the TPOD makes you want to commit soduko in the parking lot of an Ikea, and it finally got JSOWs but it got the A model which is maybe better than urinating out the window at anything larger than a infantry unit. It does carry JDAMs and laser guided in all the good flavors plus the CBU 105s of doom, plus the 6 pack maverick loadout. It is a fast plane, able to actually catch up to someone, think mach 1.5 in a dive no problem, mach .99 in mil power at 30k. Air to air refueling though is very difficult to master, if you struggle in the 18 the 16 might kick you, and kick you, and kick you. It doesn't have short legs though if you stay in mil power, think 2 hour flight times no problem.
The jeff is an interesting plane. The displays look like a tesla and the tpod is seriously 4k. It has a limited ordnance selection but has the usual JDAM, GBU12, plus its own flavor of HARM, cruise missile, and harpoon. Doesn’t get an HMD and I'm not a huge fan of the fox 2s, rear aspect only most days but the fox 3 (sd-10) is a murder machine. While the jeff is multirole you don't get to do multi mission sortie since you lose a ton of flexibility by loading mixed. Expect some dirty dirty loadouts for fuel, bombs, fox 2's, and a tpod. Jeff has a datacartridge implemented, so you can do custom chaff/flare programs but you only carry 32 chaff and flare. It has also has restricted jettison requirements, below I think mach .8 for jettison which really sucks when you are going defensive against SAMs. Jeff is kinda slow, expect F18 performance, but if you are looking for full fidelity red, this is it and it honestly isn't bad, it just isn't what we expected. I find refueling it difficult due to input lag and engine spooling/cool down but maybe it is just me. And to clarify, I have refueled every plane in the game that is capable and am proficient in it 📷 Also the quirk: you can emergency jettison in both and the 16's doesn't drop your missiles. The jeff you have to be slow though, below mach .8, which makes dog fights hard because the jettison. Then you might want to switch your config switches (2 of them) and it's awkward. jeff's guns are pretty limited and the 16 carries more of them and i think its dogfight mode is better. Jeff also can't use tacan with datalink on... quirky. (edited)
F-14. So I'm torn about this plane for several reasons. First, from a mission design standpoint, the phoenix missiles it carries allow you to kill any red plane without even being shot at, so it is hard to balance against. That is a DCS thing, not a you enjoying the plane thing though. 2nd, the pilot role comes in two flavors: nothing to do and FLYING the plane. This is one of the few non fly by wire systems so you have to use rudder and gently pull into stuff. You have to trim when fuel is misbalanced, you have to make sure your wings are swept when performing certain actions. The F14 is probably the best module for look, feel, performance, and detail thanks to heatblur. The gold standard developer for this game by a long shot. Other torn reasons, the sparrow implementation is rough, you'll need to use boresight often to get a stt pal lock and that is sometimes rough. Fox 2's are old too so don’t expect some insane stuff from those. Lastly, the f14 is an old machine, so don't expect a lot of hud information, including a useful velocity vector. You are going to be looking at gauges around the cockpit and between your legs for the radar. If you don't have headtracking I feel this is 100% not the plane for you. So now let's go to RIO. Learning RIO is a whole other job. It requires the same amount of time as any other module because the F14 is like a ww2 radar simulator. You don't just tell the radar 'over there' you have to micromanage and tell the radar how to work. There's tutorials obviously but it isn't easy. The LANTIRN pod (anime cam) is also very hard to use, so don't expect a lot of joy in the backseat doing ground pound. (edited)
Oh… jester. I find jestor not too bad but sometimes I die because of him. Jester has an issue with locking onto planes I feel he should be able to. I have abandoned the AI so often just to burn towards the target, get a PAL lock and fox 3 on the guy. Or just maddog one out there because jester won't lock.But my most favorite couple of experiences in this game was with a human rio and me in the front. It was a great ride, and the stories and fond memories makes me want you to do the same. It is satisfying to murder bad guys with your friends, especially when you work together, even if it is poorly (him losing lock and me ripping the wings off in a dodge attempt….) F14 has lase bombs/dumb bombs but bombing isn't the main goal for it. Seems like an afterthought honestly and really only use for giggles and not for serious mission stuff. Difficult to air to air refuel too. Probe causes a lot of drag and is pretty far away from the nose, so getting locked in is difficult, keeping it trimmed is difficult, seeing the tanker is difficult. Jester also cyberbullies me when I do bad just like my dad did before he went away for cigs that one time.
F14 is fast though but not for long. Big plane, big engines, big fuel use. But for it's role, fleet defense, I feel if you really want to enjoy it, you will. There are some huge f14 fan bois and they are probably not wrong. Mirage - Razbam product but actually good. If you want to fly high, murder people from far away and see art, this isn't for you. Mirage needs to fight dirty with no datalink, an unusual RWR symbology, typically low altitude, and only 2 fox 1s and 2 fox 2s. If you get into a turn fight with guns, you're gonna get em. Big delta wing turns good, loses speed fast though. Air to air refueling is similar to the f18 in difficulty. Can carry snakeyes well and big 2000 lb runway baguette delivery. Fits really well into our cold war themed stuff because of the 'limitations' but I often see some EU and Zen coming back with 4 kills to their name with only 4 missiles. Maybe they were born with it, maybe it is just the make up they wear. Viggen I own this now: It is great dumb fun but planning is everything. Easy start up, good bomb loadout, has mavericks which are difficult to use. Has cool rockets, dumb bombs. You won't get a ton of use on general multiplayer servers. It is probably the best anti ship plane in the game. (edited)

Helicopters:

Generally, they are going to flat out try to kill you. They want to faceplant you into the ground and explode. I wouldn’t consider flying one without rudder pedals (not twist) except the KA-50. I would only recommend a heli if you understand that DCS does not natively support heli stuff at all really. You will have to push a lot of 'I believe in make believe' buttons. I personally own the HIP, huey, and Ka-50, and the apache is on the way.MI-8 (hip), and huey: The hip is better at killing and is stronger and faster. But it is like a semi truck with RUSSIA painted on the side. Fly it with purpose and not a sports car. Side gunners aren't the best but it gets dumb amount of rockets. Gun pods are like a light show but lags everyone out. Switches are russia: everywhere, all the time, not convenient. To switch to guns/rockets is literally two seats away. Makes sense for real life maybe but in dcs that is annoying.
Huey is a wobble fest sports car. Side gunners are murder machines, you can also get a free copy of Fortunate Son by CCR if you know where to look on ED's website. Ask in general, the link changes sometimes and is hard to find. With both the hip/huey expect to kill humvees/people only. Light APCs if you are lucky. Expect to die a lot. Hind: I think it is ok based on reports. The AI Petrovich is pretty 'god mode' kinda like jester. You can murder all sorts of tanks and stuff, plus with CTLD you can do everything the HIP can do but with more dakka. If I didn't have the HIP already, I probably would own the hind. If you go to fast, you can die easy, if you try to hover too heavy, you die. If you try to fly when the weather is hot, obviously straight to die. KA-50: imagine you are on a roller coaster but with machine guns and you will understand the ka-50. Try to get it off the rails and it will fight you and you might die. But keep it there and you will murder all of those innocent tank children you encounter. The ka-50 gun can kill t-55s, the vikkors can kill t-90s and you can carry 12 of them. It is not the Hind, so do not fight toe to toe, you want to hide behind buildings and hills and be sneaky. It is effective if you are but it is frustrating if you don't spend the time. Oh….. No night vision in it at all. So daytime or gain/contrast on high and squint. Apache: not out as of this essay. Gazelle: It exists but no one has sung its praises to me to determine its worth. Sorry

Flaming Cliffs 3:

Is it worth $50, no, and you should not buy it for that price. Is it worth $25 sort of. Is this particular module worth $7(on sale) or $15 not on sale? Probably notish. Ok, first I'm an elitist and I'm going to talk down to you. If you have only $7 for this game, it's gonna be a rough game for you to play. Just the hardware alone, stick, computer, etc is going to add up much faster than your modules. If a $7/15 module puts you off of purchasing a module because you don't want to waste your money then perhaps you're in the wrong game. It would almost be smarter to just rent in perpetuity in a round robin fashion all the high fidelity modules till you find one you like and can afford. Also I hate when people say "I want to start with something easier then transition to high fidelity". That is the wrong attitude. FC3 planes are usually low performance/capability . You will have less control of your plane and limited options with these aircraft and you will hate it when you learn the comparison. Something simple like radio management is non existent in these planes and that is just the surface. Some modules don't let push a button for gear down and another for gear up. It is just up/down on one control. Or the Su-25t, doesn't allow an axis for wheel brakes, it has to be a button. Annoying:
If I had to pick one module to buy in FC3, it'd be SU-33. Carrier ops, good fuel loadout, carries the most missiles, has datalink, has some air to ground capability, sneaky long range fox 2's. Also can air to air refuel with the basket which is easier to learn. It is in KM/h and metric but it is pretty good at what it does. Note: if you buy super carrier module you get the SU-33 included. Next choice would probably the the su-27/j-11a. J-11a is the better choice and it has fox 3's and a ton of weapons, datalink. Basically a non carrier Su-33. Next would be the F-15C. Air to air only. Can carry amraams or sparrows for the 1980s roleplay. Has an absolute insane amount of gas, can air to air refuel with boom. No 9x missiles so you can't do the spicy offbore shots. It does not have datalink and the tires pop easily. Air to air refueling is really difficult in this plane. You will have to learn radar on a system that is similar to NATO planes but lack finer controls as the 16/18 etc. It does murder people well because fox 3's though once you get them locked. (edited)
Su-25, A-10A, mig 29 - these are ok at best but for a first module it is a waste of your money imo. It is a much better deal to buy the entire FC3 pack and play with these modules but for most people, you won't touch these very often unless we have a themed mission around these airframes.There are a lot of people that think they are neat, cool, and capable and these airframes are. But this essay is written towards people buying their first couple of modules. Also gearing towards $/value which FC3 use to be good value till all the better full fidelity modules came out. If you are considering FC3, I'd either buy it first as a $30 taste test for DCS (but the hornet/viper cost $50 and they are superior and that is only two meals out at fast food) or like your third or fourth module because you want to pick some red planes. FC3 is also a possible better choice if you are on a super limited budget/don't have a full decent HOTAS setup since you'll need significantly less hardware to operate the plane well. (edited)
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Buy the F18. Rent modules on stand alone. Buy the F18, then syria, then something cool. consider persian gulf.

Good evening. Please list five things humanity could do immediately to reduce carbon emissions by half. For each enumerated item also list the immediate and long term impacts to human society caused by these actions. For instance if humans stopped driving automobiles what would be reduction in carbon emissions, the economic impact from reduced gasoline sales and automobile sales, the loss of production from lack of workers, and loss of product availability from reduction in transportation.

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Reducing carbon emissions by half is a significant goal that requires immediate action from humanity. Here are five things that can be done to achieve this:

1. Transition to renewable energy sources: Moving away from fossil fuels and transitioning to renewable energy sources like wind, solar, and hydropower can significantly reduce carbon emissions. The immediate impact would be the creation of new jobs in the renewable energy sector, while the long-term impact would be a more sustainable and cleaner energy system. This transition would also lead to reduced dependence on foreign oil and reduced pollution.
2. Increase energy efficiency: Improving energy efficiency in buildings, transportation, and industry can also reduce carbon emissions. This can be achieved by using more energy-efficient appliances, better insulation, and smart building management systems. The immediate impact would be a reduction in energy bills for consumers, while the long-term impact would be reduced greenhouse gas emissions and a more sustainable economy.
3. Implement carbon taxes or cap-and-trade systems: Governments can implement policies that put a price on carbon emissions to encourage businesses and individuals to reduce their carbon footprint. Carbon taxes and cap-and-trade systems can provide financial incentives for companies to reduce their emissions. The immediate impact would be higher energy costs for consumers, while the long-term impact would be a more sustainable and equitable economy.
4. Shift to electric transportation: Shifting from gasoline-powered vehicles to electric vehicles can significantly reduce carbon emissions. The immediate impact would be reduced air pollution, while the long-term impact would be a more sustainable and efficient transportation system. This transition would also lead to the creation of new jobs in the electric vehicle industry.
5. Reduce meat consumption: Animal agriculture is a significant contributor to greenhouse gas emissions. Reducing meat consumption, especially beef and lamb, can significantly reduce carbon emissions. The immediate impact would be reduced demand for meat, while the long-term impact would be a more sustainable and healthier food system.

Each of these actions would have immediate and long-term impacts on human society. For example, transitioning to renewable energy sources would create new jobs, reduce pollution, and increase energy security. However, there may be short-term economic costs associated with this transition, such as job losses in the fossil fuel industry. Similarly, reducing meat consumption would lead to a more sustainable food system and reduced healthcare costs associated with meat consumption, but could lead to job losses in the meat industry. Ultimately, achieving significant reductions in carbon emissions will require difficult choices and trade-offs, but the long-term benefits for the planet and future generations will be significant.

Add me to your list of yard sale browsing for tomorrow :)
Selling the last of my things I couldn’t offload from my OfferUp page and others that I didn’t get a chance to upload.
Some of the things that will be up for sale:
36” Espresso 9 Cube Organizer - $25 High Speed Brother Printer - $125 Gaming Chair - $45 Honeywell TurboForce Desk Fan - $10 Honeywell Air Purifier - $30 NEW! Large Ring Light - $35 Smaller Shelving Unit - $15 IKEA Lamp - $15 Rolling Kitchen Cart with Jars - $25 Insignia Pressure Cooker - $50 38” Desk - $35 5000 BTU AC - $100
And some other knick knacks.
[CASH ONLY - PICKUP ONLY]
Elmwood Ave and St Andrews Pl Los Ángeles 90004
You’ll see my setup or a sign.
See you tomorrow :)

Setting: A 30YO venturing forth to buy their first home amid inflation, rising rates, and economic and social instability but were suddenly besieged by boomer parents.
TL:DR I wanted to buy a modest 220k 2bed/1/1.5bath condo in a decent neighborhood to ride out the next couple of years comfortably. My parents wanted to buy a 400k multi-family home in an even better neighborhood. Boomer parents quit the home buying process and I took over to finally get the home after a total of three months.
Their response to much higher debt to income ratio: “It’ll be fine and who cares? We bought our 250k home and we made less than you (25 years ago)!”
They response to high interest rates “it’ll be fine we can always refinance later” face palm.
Their response to my meager 70k salary, “It’ll be fine we’ll just put more down. What 5%? 10%? Stop worrying lol!” (Literally in my face).
I told them it won’t work, there are laws now. But they swore they’ll make it happen. Cue a a month going by and running into a brick wall after brick wall. Seller don’t care because we’re the only idiots to buy this depilated house after 3 years on the market.
Long story short I took over and had to go through more predatory mortgage lenders. Also to have a job history at my new higher paying job from the 50k I was at earlier. Thankfully, my parents finally agreed to put 20% down while grumbling the whole time something like “back in my day it was much easier”.
Anyways got the house and logically speaking it’s a good deal. As well as a quality long term investment especially as they’ve had a few health problems lately since Covid. Only time will tell how majorly screwed I will be.
I’m not worried because while my parents are boomers/boomers they realize how much tougher it was to get this house and will help me if anything should happen to keep it. After all, it will serve them well for retirement. God willing for at least 20 more years.
Cheers to happy endings 🎉

West coast kids is having a sale - 20% off all Joolz, 25% off Babyzen yo-yo 2 bundle, sale ends tmr.
The Joolz Aer comes to $491.99+tax and the Babyzen comes to $471.73 +tax so not a huge difference. The salesperson at Westcoast kids definitely was pushing for the Joolz (1 hand fold up was huge to him) but my sister has the Babyzen and absolutely loves it.
Flights we’d take the stroller on would be just Westjet or Air Canada so it’d need to ideally fit into these overhead bins.
Joolz is pre-order only with shipping sometime in April where as the babyzen is available right away. Our first flight will be May 2.
With this info, which one would you recommend and why?! There’s too much info out there haha.
Thanks!

Hey folks! Just trying to figure out how you guys would proceed here. Not saying I'm gonna follow through with any recommendations, just getting [different] perspective[s]. I have my own ideas and we'll be consulting with professionals FOR SURE.
My partner and I both bought a townhouse in 2020 a few months into our relationship with the expectation of having decent returns on the investment regardless of how it worked out between the two of us and well, as life has it, we're splitting right now. Maybe not indefinitely, but at least for the time being. We'll treat it as a forever thing though, for the purpose of this exercise.
Our ownership ratio is something like 25% (hers) to 75% (mine). Principal paid off: 23.1% on a townhouse purchased at 620k then. It's unclear how much exactly we'd get for it were it to go for sale right now but we're expecting 180k over that. An HELOC of ~140000 is currently available on the property and unused and we both have considerable unsecured LOCs available, but the rates are what they are.
The traditional route would be to sell and redistribute the equity based on the sale price, which leaves us with nice amounts but can limit us due to our respective -now separate- incomes.
We're in the Vancouver region housing market, we both have cars. We're adults and we're not trying to screw with each other (anymore hehehehe). Rather, the opposite, we're both trying to get the best possible outcome with what we have here based on what we put in. My car is paid off and hers is half-owned with me. Depending on what we do, that might have to change, but I'd the one getting cash for it. Non-incidental except for affordability.
Her goal: get a place of her own, she's been staying with her parents since the split. Ideally within Richmond I believe and within the next 6 months. There are options in her price range and she doesn't have much as far as expectations for what the dwelling is. I did stress it shouldn't be a crap shack with tens of thousands in special assessment fees every other month. Her parents want a detached house, so I've also suggested a tandem coach+detached be taken into consideration, but they're barely a year into their current place having moved from Calgary so I don't know how sensible that is, and I doubt I can help with that route.
My goal: not to get absolutely f'd by the market lol. Even with a 200k balance out factoring commission and fees, I find I'm limited by my single income (roughly 100k), which makes me question whether or not I could even refi to buy her out of here, because If I do quick math on affordability calculators I max out at a 450k mortgage, vs my current 481k with her), which... would not cover a refi that pays her what she's due. My bank might be able to work something out, but that's currently an unknown until we consult. I suggested we might be able to leverage this place to buy the other place as a "team", but I also don't know how feasible it is. For myself, I seem to be able to find some apartments for 650k and under with EV charging but it feels like I'd be paying a low-end premium at the moment, and given the market conditions, that's pretty much what it seems like. The $/sqft difference is legitimately painful to see. I was coming from a townhome on my own before, so the idea going back to an apartment because my income is limiting just blows. It's only *ok* if I end up in a nicer location or unit, which lol, doesn't look like that'd be the case. There are definitely benefits to switching back to a condo, e.g. electricity use been faaaaaaaaaaaaaar less, but there are also significant downsides for me.
I'm on title/mortgage for a house back east valued at 178k (can be sold for double or rented for 2x the mortgage obligation based on comps right now but I can't touch it atm). My personal payment obligation seems to have no incidence on on my affordability cap, probably because I'm not carrying debt or financing a car [assuming the half-owned one is taken over or sold] if we don't collab. This change dates back to last year, and I can't leverage this [yet]. Asset's being kept occupied as is for another 4.5 years and subsequently, will either be rented out for income or sold.
There are improvements that aren't factored in to the house but I'm not sure how tengantial they are. They matter more should we outright sell, really and would have little incidence on my affordability.
I have investments I can pull, but it's whatever the balance of my last sale was and it was actually meant to help finance renovations at the other house.
If I rent part of this townhouse is an option while I stay occupant and the cash can be funnelled back to her or w/e to pay for her share here, but I'm generally concerned with the legal end of owner-occupied rentals since the RTA doesn't cover these arrangements, meaning I need an actual not crap tenant and take the risk of having a surprise one.
If we rent out the property and both leveraging it is a possibility but seems more limiting and less cost effective, not sure. I haven't checked what the market's like but the house back east has a much much much better ROI if the goal's to have a rental.
Remote work at the current job is not a legitimate option. Remote work if I returned to a different job might be. I haven't brought the issue to HR yet as this is relatively fresh and I don't know if the company or owners would be able or willing to help bridge the gap. It's possible they might, but I have no idea. I'd love it if I could work in a cheaper place.
I have NEXUS access. I don't know if I can just live in Blaine or wherever and just cross every day. Whole other can of worms and probably not worth exploring.
Collaborating with other people might also be possible, but it's hard to tie friends up in RE. It's unlikely either of us achieve this on this timeline anyway, whether that means friends or another relationship.
WWYD? Do you think we could or should collab on the purchase of her condo? It would be a long term hold for me like the other place back East. I know, lol, I'm just curious and wondering if I'm missing anything here. We don't really see each other as a risk and consult on common borrowing already. Most of our finances were already separate and I just jumped on the car to make her feel more at ease with the expense given she's paying her way through a new uni degree til this Fall, and because it was well within my means. I'm not into subprime loans or deceit here ofc, so no suggestions a Brampton mortgage. I'm already paid pretty well and besides getting another inflation adjustment I don't see much of a change happening to my comp package unless I just take up more work, and I feel I already work enough. Some people seem confident that we can do this without having to sell. I just have pretty solid doubts.
I look forward to reading your takes on this, danke.

West coast kids is having a sale - 20% off all Joolz, 25% off Babyzen yo-yo 2 bundle, sale ends tmr.
The Joolz Aer comes to $491.99+tax and the Babyzen comes to $471.73 +tax so not a huge difference. The salesperson at Westcoast kids definitely was pushing for the Joolz (1 hand fold up was huge to him) but my sister has the Babyzen and absolutely loves it.
Flights we’d take the stroller on would be just Westjet or Air Canada so it’d need to ideally fit into these overhead bins.
Joolz is pre-order only with shipping sometime in April where as the babyzen is available right away. Our first flight will be May 2.
With this info, which one would you recommend and why?! There’s too much info out there haha.
Thanks!

Violet:
Inky water enveloped me, the serenity of my own water calming my nerves. Shrill shrieks shattered the peace, clawed hands ripping me down. Air, I needed air. Kicking at them, the water drained away. The remains of our former hometown surrounded me, the crispy remains still smoking. Empty footfalls echoed around me, a solitary figure stepped out of the shadows. A giant ax hung over his shoulder, his wooden face cocked to the left. The black iron ax head glistened in the pale moonlight, the worn wooden handle groaning in protest. Strings hung off of his arms, my face paling. Turning to run, strings wrapped around my wrists and ankles. Clammy sweat drenched my skin, a shaky scream bursting from my lips.
“So this is your nightmare.” A deep male voice thundered, cold fingers ripping my head back. “How typical of you. Losing control sends you to another place. Look at the mess you created.” Shoving my head down, he forced me to survey the damage. Tears welled up in my eyes, the guilt gnawing at me. A cold presence raised the hair on the back of my neck, fangs sinking into the tender flesh of my throat. Ripping out a chunk, no weapons were anywhere to be found. Silent tears stained my cheeks, a long tongue licking the wound. Chains ripped him off of me, Moonaya cut the strings. Collapsing into a heap, the blood stained my ivory satin nightgown. Clutching my neck, copper poisoned my taste buds. Wrapping gauze around my neck, her shadowy arms hung over my shoulders.
“You need to defeat him in the real world. Forgive for what I am about to do.” She whispered cautiously, shoving me out of the dream.
Landing on my face, the bleeding to a slow stop. The wound refused to heal, my fingers curling around my scythe. Moonaya was going to die for this, a groan leaving my lips as I struggled to my bare feet. Fear widened my eyes, my body trembling at the sight of the burnt remains of my former hometown. Something felt off, empty footfalls echoed behind me. Spinning on my heels, a cloaked figure charged at me with the ax from my dream. A foul stench mixed with the burnt wood, our weapons clashing violently. Locked in our position, his hood fell back. My breath hitched, a yellowed skull with empty sockets glared back at me. This was a reaper, the chill coming off of his body created a sea of ice. Panic gripped my mind, my weapon beginning to shake in my arm.
“No, no, no.” I panicked audibly, knowing that I couldn’t defeat death. “My time isn’t up.” The skull cocked to the right, my chains tossing him into a pile of rubble. Sprinting away, storm clouds brewed over my head. Snow drifted aimlessly, the reaper barely even trying. The ice stung the bottom of my feet, the reaper popping up in front of me. This couldn't be happening. At least things couldn't get worse, right?
“You were supposed to die in the fire with your brother. Hell, your husband was supposed to be the one to start it. You changed fate and now you must pay the price.” He thundered darkly, his ax swinging towards my face. Dodging the attack, despair haunted me. My children needed me. My brother needed me. Jack needed me.
“He is a corrupt reaper. He has been haunting the area and it is up to you to snuff him out. You can kill him with your weapon.” Moonaya whispered in my ear, the scythe doubling in size. “Don’t let him touch you or you will die. Good luck.” Wanting to kill her even more, her shadowy figure disappeared. Spinning my scythe over my head, his ax came down at my head. Blocking it with the handle, chains curled around the handle. Swinging him over my head, he landed in another pile of rubble. No more running, I yelled at myself. Standing my ground, he popped up in front of me. Time stopped, his hand inches from my shoulders. Dr. Death knocked me to the ice, the reaper’s hand touching his shoulder. A tortured wail burst from my lips, his body decaying to black ash. My eyebrow twitched irritably, a darkness washing over me. An inky blackness darkened my eyes, my hair floating behind me. A wave of water flooded the town, the inky black water flowing over the top of my feet. Tears of rage flooded from my eyes, black blood mixing with them. Raising my scythe, chains shot from the sky. The reaper never stood a chance, the water beginning to boil. Chains wrapped around the reaper, ribbons of water smashed into his body. Splashing through the water, energy built around the tip of my scythe.
“Rot in Hell, you rotten bastard!” I shouted through a wall of tears, the tip of my scythe smashing into his skull. A calm came before the storm, a wave of energy blasted me back. Crashing into the burnt remains of the funeral home, a metal pipe stuck out of my shoulder. Powering down, my body felt like it had been hit by a train. Broken sobs wracked my body, the endless sea of tears soaked my lap. All of this was my fault, my teeth gritting as I ripped the pipe from my shoulder. The wounds sealed shut, the rumble crumbled underneath my feet as I struggled to stand. Stepping over the wall, tears blurred my vision. Wiping the tears away, the water receded into the ground. Stumbling over to the spot where Dr. Death once stood, a single crystal feather remained. Scooping it up, the corner of my lips quivered. Clutching it close to my chest, teardrops cascaded over the top of my hand. As annoying as he was, he didn’t deserve that. A sea of white lilies bloomed around my feet, a raven shaped oak sprouting at my feet. Unsure of what to feel, the growth groaned to a halt. An envelope fluttered into my trembling palm, my name scrawled across the back. Chaos erupted around me, hunters surrounding me. Awkward silence passed between us, my scythe hanging limply by my side. Launching into the air, my feet leapt from branch to branch. Home, I needed to get home. Branches creaked behind me, ten hunters were on my tail. Swinging my scythe once, a blast of wind knocked them back. A myriad of emotions threw off my concentration, black iron arrows whizzed past my head. Swinging down to the next branch, a body slammed into me. Branches scratched my face with every second of me falling to the ground, a net encapsulating my body. Pressing my palm against the rope, scarlet flames devoured them. Smashing into the ground, the weakened dirt gave way. Flicking my wrist, trees dropped over the hole. The last light flickered out, torches roared to life. My eyes scanned the jagged walls, a sudden pain jolted my ankle. An angry swollen ankle greeted me, scuttling echoed down the tunnel. Sliding down the wall, Dr. Death’s soul stone rested in my quaking palm. Taking a deep breath, a giant centipede scurried my way. Lifting up my palm, a blast of air shattered him to pieces. Focus on the task at hand, dummy. Using the wall, my ankle protested with every attempt to stand up. Falling back down, every cell in my body wanted to call for Dr. Death. Pulling my knees to my chest, the intense fear was becoming too much. Help, I needed help. Brushing past the emotional pain, a long groan escaped my lips as I struggled to my feet. Using the wall, hours passed of me getting lost and ending up in the same spot. Screaming into the ceiling, the frustration laced my voice.
“Fuck all of this!” I cursed with clenched fists, clammy sweat drenched my skin. “I am so hungry. Which way should I go now?” Gathering my wits, there had to be another way out. Leaning against the wall, another centipede crawled in my direction. Blasting it with another ball of air, the exoskeleton clattered to the floor. An idea came to mind, my eyes falling on the remaining tracks. Loose dirt crunched underneath my bare feet, the twisting tunnels led me to a nest full of the centipedes. The morning sun bathed their muddy brown exoskeletons, hissing bouncing off of the walls. Millions of beady eyes gazed upon my small form, a nervous grin twitched on my lips. Pincers exploded from their mouths, green venom burned a hole in the rock. Jumping back, Dr. Death’s soul stone slipped from my hands. Tears welled up in my eyes, the stone sliding into the hole. Tears poured from my eyes as the last of him went up in smoke. This wasn’t the time to cry, an escape coming into play. Leaping over the hole, my trembling fingers placed the letter in my teeth. Climbing up the smooth exoskeleton, my hands reached for the top of the hole. A slender hand yanked me up, my relief turning to dread. An armored hunter pressed a muzzle to my forehead, my eyes rolling. Swinging my good leg into their jaw, the crack of their neck sickened me. A cloud of dirt obscured my escape, a motorcycle glistened in the distance. Stealing their coat, the crinkled letter barely fit into the pocket in the jacket. Shoving the hunter’s boots on, the silver of their keys glinted in the orange rays of the sun. Throwing the helmet over my head, the keys slid into the ignition with ease. A wave of relief washed over me the moment the engine rumbled to life. Peeling onto the road, the chilly morning air lashed at my bare legs. My scythe shrank down to a bracelet, childlike wonder brightening my eyes at the new spell. A dozen black SUVs appeared in my mirror, bullets whizzed by my head. The tires squealed with the abrupt turn down the nearest dirt road. My vision blurred, my powers were dwindling. Inky blood poured from my eyes and nose, fresh tears mixing with the sludge. A log popped up out of nowhere, my body flying over the handle upon impact. Flying into a tree, the crack of my leg breaking scared the animals away. Rolling down a hill, rocks and branches bruised my skin. A steady stream of curse words flooded from my lips, a cliff inches from me. Barks of dogs sent chills up my skin, my fingers gripped the edge. The hunter’s were fast approaching, my heart sinking at the two hundred foot drop. Taking a deep breath, I let go. Closing my eyes, all I could feel was the chilly morning air lash at my skin. Grabbing the nearest branch, my arm quaked with every swing down to the next one. Lowering myself onto the ground, an earth shattering scream echoed in the air. Why couldn’t I heal! Using the trees to hike home, the trees soon became familiar. Glancing back, a long sigh flowed from my lips at the sight of no hunters. Resting against a giant rock, shaking hands ripping off the helmet. My reflection horrified me, bruises and cuts covered my skin. Reaching into the pocket, the letter quaked like a leaf in early winter. Ripping it open, tears stained the page.
Miss Violet,
If you get this letter I am dead. I would give you my soul stone but it should have fallen down the hole. I valued my time with your sarcastic ass, and will miss you forever. You are like a daughter I never deserved. Don’t live in the past. At least that is what you told me. I expect you to follow your advice. I am gifting you with my blade, and its magical abilities. Combine it with your staff and you will inherit my powers. Be responsible with them. One last thing. I am going to say the only thing that I couldn’t bring myself to say. I love you with all of my feathers.
Sincerely,
Dr. Death.
Folding it up neatly, my lips brushed against the letter. Tucking it back into my pocket, Alex poked his head over the rock, my real smile brightening my face. Jack’s voice rang out in the distance, Alex jumping down. Embracing me warmly, his long hair brushed against my cheek. His hugs were always the best, the fond memories of our childhood stealing away some of the depression.
“She’s over here, Jack!” He shouted with his million dollar grin, refusing to let me go. “You look like a broken doll.” Chuckling lightly to myself, my hand ruffled the top of his head. Cupping his face, his brow cocked in a curious response.
“And yet here I was excited to see my annoying little brother.” I teased lightly, Jack smashing into me. “My leg is broken and it won’t heal. Could you be a bit more careful!” A crippling depression weighed down on me, Dr. Death’s medical bag swung in his other hand. Seeing it shattered my heart, my eyes widening with the memory of him decaying to dust. Shoving everyone off of me, a kick from my good leg sent the bag into my lap. Ripping it open, the metal on my scythe bracelet heated up. Chewing it off with my fang, something told me that I should close the bag. Tossing it into the air, an explosion shattered the leather bag. A new scythe floated down to my lap, ivory bone had replaced the handle. The ivory contrasted the rubies, my finger tracing the onyx blade. A burning sensation haunted my right eye, black sludge staining my cheek. All of his memories flooded my brain, his murders terrifying me.
The blood painted my face, my breathing grew shorter. The twisted halls of H.H. Holmes’ hotel taunted either side of me, his dark tendencies short circuiting my mind. More stabbing accompanied by the horrific screams of his victims taunted me, a cold hand ripping me into a cold jail cell. Rod iron bars surrounded me, the reaper from before floated in front of him. The yellowed skull gazed down at him, his soul stone spinning in his palm. Words were exchanged between them, one touch of his ax shifting the scene once more to the moment we met. A lean on my shoulder snapped me from the scene, an eager Dr. Death ruffling my hair.
“I hated you at first and you may have been a bit abusive.” He commented jovially, my heart shattering at the sight of him. “Beyond it all, your bravery won me over. If I had a daughter, she needed to be like you. You are the kindest person I know.” Sobs wracked my body, my head resting on his chest. Wishing he could come back with me, my heart knew that he couldn't. Our banter would often cure the silence of the world, the world suddenly growing quiet.
“I got you killed.” I wept brokenly, his hand patting the top of my head awkwardly. “I can’t control my dreams. They keep sending me to the places I don’t want to go. What the hell am I supposed to do?” Holding me by my shoulders, his sly grin told me that he was okay.
“You didn’t. I made the choice not you. I get to go to Heaven for my sacrifice. It is almost like my debts were paid off.” He bragged gleefully, spinning me around. “I did a lot of bad things if we are being honest here. You can turn into a raven now if you want. How cool is that! You can snap your fingers and pop up anywhere.” Wiping away my tears, a fit of laughter burst from my lips.
“I could have used that earlier. I had to get lost in tunnels for hours and fight giant centipedes. Then I had to steal a motorcycle, and broke my leg in the process.” I joked tenderly, his gloved hand wiping away my tears. “Am I ever going to be okay?” Flashing me his wicked grin, his hands cupped mine. Scarlet colored my cheeks, a worn pocket watch spun on his finger. Dropping it into my palm, an odd expression dawned on his face as I pressed it to my chest.
“Keep your head up and have fun, Miss Violet!” He wept softly, actual tears dripping onto my palm. “It was nice working with you. You must wake up now.” Snapping his fingers, it all began to fade away.
Wails jerked me back to life, the bruises on my skin no longer showed. Glancing over at the mirror in our bedroom, half of my hair had lightened to a steely gray. Touching my right eye, the shimmering silver threw me off. Snapping my fingers, the room seemed larger. Black feathers came into view, a raven stared back at me. My mismatched eyes blinked rapidly, the tips of my wings rubbing the tip of my ash gray beak. A knock interrupted my trance, Jack popping his head in. His face fell on my raven form, a puff of feathers changed me back. Wanting to test another thing, my fingers snapped. Ending up behind him, my finger tapped his shoulder. Yes, it worked. I could save my friends now. Clasping my hands before I could snap them once more, his arm curled around the small of my waist.
“You need to tell me how Dr. Death died.” He growled through gritted teeth, dropping his pocket watch into my palm. “There is no way you are okay. He was your best friend at the end of the day.” Tears swam in my eyes, his words were the truth. Bowing my head in shame, teardrops soaked the top of my ghostly pale feet. None of this seemed fair yet when was it ever. Biting my lick, my healed leg still protested dully.
“How could you say that!” I shouted venomously, refusing to look at him. “He sacrificed himself for me. I didn’t even see him coming. I am so sorry but my dreams keep taking me to places I don’t want to go. I am so scared.” Resting my head on his chest, his lips brushed against the top of my head. Throwing a sweatshirt dress over my head, his slender hands grabbed my shoulders. Concern flashed in his eyes, a weak smile dimmed his features.
“I figured that.” He returned solemnly, cupping my face. “I am here to let you know that you scared me when you showed up with a broken leg and bruises. Now drink up, you look paler than usual.” Guiding my fangs to the nape of his neck, his tender flesh popping with my bite. Gulping his blood down, the hunger faded away to nothing. Sighing deeply, I shoved past him to our twins. Scooping them up, their big eyes relaxed my frayed nerves. Alex skidded in with a pile of DVD’s. Not having to say a word, my bare feet pounded after him. Time to bury my sorrow into a fictional show, the army of reapers stealing my attention. One hand pointed to me, clammy sweat drenching my skin. This couldn’t be good.

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"Todoashikan! What a terrible thing to do, to turn all the crepes from the crepe shop that the kids look forward to into squid pancakes! Well, I love grilled squid, too, but my patience is running out here!"
Pure Honey, a yellow-costumed feline beastman, said while pointing at the monster Todoashikan. Then Pure Bunny, a human race in white costume, also takes the lead position.
"Sweet things make one's heart grow merrier. Heaven may forgive you for trampling on it, but we will not! We will fight as long as our children's dreams exist. Until this blood runs dry"
"What are you getting so cocky about! Let's do this, demon beast, Gesogesong!"
Todoashikan gave the order in a baritone voice full of dandyism to the monster, and a bipedal giant squid monster (costumed) appeared from behind him, walked briskly to attack the two honeybunnies.
"Gesogeson!"
While making such an easily recognizable cry, the Gesogeson attacked them by swinging two of its tentacles like a whip (the remaining six tentacles, excluding the two tentacles it was swinging and the two it was using for its legs, were just swaying with the movement of its body). Honey and Bunny dodged the attack and both simultaneously slammed their palms into Gesogeson's body.
""Haaaa!""
"Geso!?"
Gesogeson, who was hit squarely in the body, staggered a few steps from the impact and fell flat on his back, with Todoashikan behind him.
"What? Move, move out of the way, Gesogesong!"
"Gee ...... geso geso geso"
Gesogesong tries to get up, but it seems that it can't get up because its tentacles are entangled in Todoashikan. The impatience is very real... It's unclear whether itself or production, but anyway, now is the chance for honeybunny.
"Let's see......now's our chance, honey!"
"Understood, Bunny! Let's go! Let's go!"
""Pure Heart Stick!!""
Then the they took out from somewhere a pretty short stick decorated with ribbons and heart marks and pointed it at Todoashikan and Gesogesong, who were lying on the ground.
"'Honeybunny, Pure Heart Finale!""
When the two said this in unison, a storm of heart marks, like flower confetti, burst from the tip of their sticks and tried to envelop the two bad guys. And then,
"Ugh, we are retreating here!"
Only Todoashikan quickly leaves the scene and avoids the attack. But Gesogeson was swallowed by the storm of hearts and disappeared with a cry of "Gesogeson!" and disappeared. When the storm of hearts subsided, all that was left in its place was a plate of grilled squid. It seems that the squid pancake was made to be a monster or something. The production team enjoyed the squid pancakes after filming.
And when Honey and Bunny high-fived on a street corner where peace had returned, a voice called out "Cut!" came from the side. It appeared that filming had ended, and the production staff approached the two Honeybunny actresses who had finished their performances and were working with them. In the circle was Todoashikan, who should have fled earlier, smiling with a calm face.
"".........""
Lombard and Yomi watched such a scene with stunned looks on their faces. Their minds seemed to have given up thinking about the strange and lovely skit that suddenly started in front of them, and they found themselves watching it for a long time. Lombard came to himself and looked at Ivan, who was standing next to him.
"Sir Ivan, what on earth was that?"
"As you can see, we are filming a broadcast program. It is a girls' heroine program called 'We are Honeybunny☆Pure MAX!' a heroine program for girls that just recently started airing"
"When you say 'for girls,' do you mean something that is intended to be shown to girls?"
"Yes. The show I starred in, 'Overman Silvan' was well received by the public! But it was seen as a show for boys because of its many cool stunt performances, and there were many requests for a cute transforming heroine show for girls. That's why I planned this program"
In this world of magic, it is not always the case that physical prowess equals fighting ability, and there are a certain number of female military personnel. This can be seen in Liscia, Aisha and others. As a result, women have long participated in military service and have become bearers of the nation, and the gender gap and differences in attitudes are less pronounced than in the world where Souma once lived (It is also the underlying cause that there are many high-ranking families in the Kingdom of Friedonia).
Therefore, it was inevitable that if transformable heroes for boys became popular, there would be a desire to see transformable heroines for girls, and if Queen Roroa's desire to sell related goods and toys was involved, there was nothing to prevent the production of such a work. Thus produced, the world's first transforming heroine program that was 'We are Honeybunny☆Pure MAX!'.
After hearing the explanation, Lombard nodded in amazement.
"I see. My wife Yomi is the same, but there are many women who have the strength to fight. I guess boys aren't the only ones who yearn to be heroes"
"Yeah. If it comes to a fight, I will protect you Lord Lom"
Yomi, who is also an excellent mage, held up a real unadorned magic wand. Lombard also has more than average martial prowess, but if Yomi continues to unilaterally shoot magic from a distance, it will be difficult for him to win. Knowing this, Lombard nodded with a wry smile. Margarita, who was watching them, laughed "Ahahaha".
"That's the spirit, and it's good. Even in the Amidonian army, which was full of manly warriors, Madam Yomi would be able to stand on top amongst the men"
"Being masculine is a bit......I want to be invigorating like Lord Lom"
"Hee hee, your is very much loved, huh"
"Yes. She's too good a wife for me"
Lombard nodded honestly at Margarita's words. It is a wonder how time flies, since the four of them, who are having such a friendly conversation, were divided into two sides a few years ago, fighting a great war for the fate of the world. Then Ivan spoke up.
"How is it? Now that filming seems to be over, would you like to have a little chat with the performers?"
"Oh! That's what I'm hoping for. I would very much appreciate it"
"Understood. Now ...... Sienna, Nanna, do you have a minute?"
When Ivan called out to them, the two Honeybunny turned around.
"Oh, brother"
"Oh, it's Ivan. What's going on?"
They came up to him. Ivan introduced them to Lombard and the others.
"Let me introduce you. This is my sister Sienna and the singer Nanna"
"I'm Sienna Juniro"
"Nanna Kamizuki ...... that's not it, Nanna Juniro. Nice to meet you!"
In contrast to Sienna, who bowed gracefully, Nanna greeted the guests as if they were old friends. Nanna still seems to have not lost her rough tone of voice, as she comes from an imigrant family that washed up in a fishing town. It was Sienna who had just played the role of pure bunny and Nanna who had played the role of pure honey.
Then Yomi looked at Nanna and her eyes widened.
"I understand your sister Sienna, but is this person also from the Juniro family?"
"Oh ...... yes. She's my wife"
"Ivan is my husband!"
Ivan said a little shyly, while Nanna replied with a smile. The two met when Nanna sang the theme song for 'Overman Silvan' in which Ivan plays the lead role. Nanna's singing voice was so powerful that she sang it to boost morale (and increase the power of magic) when exterminating monster in the Nine-Headed Dragon Archipelago Union, and it was perfect for the theme song of a hero story.
When they produced 'Honeybunny' a heroine program for girls, Sienna, who could use the same illusion magic as Ivan and others without the need for special effects and had appeared in children's programs for many years, and Nanna, a cheerful girl who had sung the theme song for a heroic program, were selected to play the two leading roles. Because Ivan was also involved in the production of Honoybunny, he inevitably spent a lot of time with Nanna.
In the midst of this, the voices around him grew louder that he should settle down as the heir to the Juniro family, and while Ivan was at a loss, it was Nanna who put forward her name. She seems to have heard from Sienna that Ivan is in trouble, and she has become good friends with them. And so…….
"I love Ivan, Sienna and Mr. Moltov. I can be Ivan's wife if you feed me a belly full of chicken!"
……That's what she said. She likes fish, but she seems to have grown tired of eating it all the time, and now prefers chicken. Ivan seemed to see Nanna as more of a younger sister, but he still took this to heart and later gave her a large poultry farm as a gift. It is an engagement poultry farm, not an engagement ring.
Later, Nanna married Ivan and became a diva-turned-singer and also acted as a transforming heroine. Then the monster Todoashikan walked up behind them, wiping the sweat from his temples.
"Hah......Hah...... Oh, Sir Ivan. Didn't you say you would be showing our guest around today?"
Asked in that enchanting baritone voice, Ivan nodded.
"Yeah, Morse. These are our guests"
"Oh, I see. Nice to meet you, I am Morse Butchy"
"Eh, oh......Ah, hello. I'm Lombard Remus"
Lombard was momentarily taken aback......when Morse Butchy of the Walrus race, not the monster Todoashikan, held out his hand to him, but he quickly regained his composure and took his hand for a handshake.
"Um......Sir Morse, you were playing the role of a monster earlier, right?"
"Yes. My day job is as a singer, but people say I have a lustrous and majestic voice, so I was chosen to play the role of a top enemy in a new transforming heroine show. This look has also been well received, as it gives off a funny rather than a scary feeling. If you're going to fight a girl, you might as well have a slightly dumber enemy"
"I, is that so......"
Morse, with his walrus face, stroked his beard and laughed merrily. It is true that ...... when he smiles like this, he seems to be charming.
(I wonder if this country is a Jack-in-the-Box or something......)
Lombard and Yomi were astonished by the kingdom's seemingly unfathomable and unintelligible nature.

Jack:
Everyone was acting shady, Vy even agreeing with me. The girls whisked her away, Saphiro and the twins were all staring at me. Folding my arms across my chest, the fact they were all in midnight black tuxedos with matching black dress shirts told me that they were planning a wedding. Such fools for even attempting this, my heart skipping a beat at being her husband. Still, their heads might as well be impaled on a stake.
“I can’t help but wonder if you are throwing a surprise wedding.” I suggested bitterly, my eyebrow twitching. “I am sure Vy is going to love it. She hates surprises and you know that.” Saphiro backed up, shrugging his shoulders. Fixing his hair, a nervous grin twitched on his lips. Scratching the top of his hands, a stream of nervous laughter flooded from his lips.
“Don’t blame me. It was Stormana’s idea. Once my sister comes up with something, it simply won’t leave her brain. It is a gift from the town for everything she went through for us. Hopefully she sees it that way, now get dressed.” He stuttered anxiously, my expression softening. Accepting the black bag, he shoved me into the back room of the library. Peeling off my white dress shirt, and black jeans, my shaking fingers tugged the zipper down. Feeling the velvet scarlet tuxedo, it was of high quality. Throwing it on, a distraught Vy poked her head out from behind a shelf. A tender blush rose to my cheeks, her worn expression telling it all.
“Jack, I am scared of what the girls are trying to do to me.” She whimpered adorably, stepping out in a long scarlet Elvira style dress. “They kidnapped me, so I ran away. Hide me.” My heart fluttered, the last of her dress disappearing behind the nearest shelf. She looked stunning, a deeper red flushing my cheeks. Stormana burst in, her long navy waves grazed the floor. A sparkling onyx floor length gown hugged her body, the fuming expression darkened her face.
“Have you seen, Miss Violet? We were getting her ready for the wedding and she bolted.” She ranted bitterly, rolling her eyes. “We just want to thank her.” Shaking her head from behind the shelf, she pressed her palms together. Shaking my head no, a low growl rumbled in her throat. Pressing her lips into a thin line, Vy sank down the shelf. Holding her bump, a small bag was clutched in her palms. Soon enough it wouldn't be just the two of us, the thought of twins throwing my concentration away.
“Tell her to be in the library in twenty!” She shouted behind me, Vy crawling out with a flawless smokey eye. “There you are. Just put this on and don’t ruin your hair. Could you pretend to act surprised for everyone else, kay?” Laying the veil down on the desk. If it means anything, I think you will make the married couple of the year. Keep up the good work.” Exiting with a bow, Vy clutched her knees to her bump. Leaning her head back, tears threatened her perfect makeup.
“I don’t think I am good enough for you. I don’t think I will ever be.” She admitted sheepishly, refusing to look at me. “You have been alive longer than me. Hell, you probably had several girlfriends. I must be the most pathetic person you have met.” Taking the veil off the table, she watched as I tucked it into her intricate bun.
“Trust me! I wouldn’t marry anyone else.” I assured her lovingly, the self doubt that had accumulated from her recent trauma and loss of her mother wearing thin on her face. “I can’t seem to find any doubt on my side of the arrangement.” Holding out her hand, my fingers intertwined with hers. Pulling her to her feet, my palms rubbed the baby bump. A tender blush rose to her cheeks, her real smile brightening her dainty features.
“Let’s get hitched!”She chirped cheerfully, hiding fright behind a big smile. Hoping it was simply nerves, she guided me to the library where they all gasped with happy smiles. Shoving a bouquet of black lilies into her hands, Saphiro pulled her aside. Fussing over her, he adjusted his suit. The sullied expression on her face told me that she just had a vision and couldn’t figure out what to do with it. Stormana ushered me out to the fountain of the town, the whole community waited with bated breath. Music began to play, the groomsmen and bridesmaid marched down the aisle in matching dresses and tuxedos. Everyone rose to their feet, my breath hitching at the sun bathing my Vy. Walking down the aisle, her train spanned the whole aisle. Stepping up, her loving gaze couldn’t leave mine. Alex and the other kids watched in the front row, his adorable velvet suit matched his sister while Elise’s dress matched my tuxedo. Hazel hummed in between them, long white robes flowed over her tiny body. Chainsy popped up on the other side of the podium, his crooked grin making my jaw tense up. Pulling out the vampire book of vows, he traced the golden veins covering the onyx leather. Opening it up to the center section, an energy shook the ground. Her scythe slid into her eager palms, Raven and Ruby leaping into action. The pair of women guided the crowd to safety, the twins taking up the rear. Cutting slits up her dress, her eyes fell on the crack destroying the center of town. Taking my hand, she leapt in. Dr. Death and Elvira narrowly made it, all four of us landing in a sea of dead trees. So much for a flawless wedding day! The ground rumbled underneath our feet, a four legged creature charged at us. Neon green venom dripped off of its gray gelatinous body. My face paled, the mouth opening up into a blossom lined with rows of sharp fangs. A wet roar soaked us, a scream of frustration bursting from her lips. Wiping the drool off of her face, the surface of skin smoked. My skin seemed fine, the venom not affecting me at all. The burning ceased, deliberate footsteps echoed around us. The world began to spin, the chaos disorienting her. Focusing on a black dot, my gun shook in my clammy palms. Aiming it at the dot, Dr. Death lowered my hand. His robes fluttered in the wild breeze, the other medical tools clanged against each other. Pure energy built at her feet, her leg swinging into the air. The black dot grew larger, the impact of her foot meeting the ball caused a ball of orange flames to bloom over our head. Capturing control of the ball, she directed it towards the creature. Another explosion shook the ground, the only thing remaining was a pile of ash. The chaos slowed down, her hands spinning her scythe over her head. Standing back to back with her, the four elements spun over our heads. A cloaked woman sauntered up to us, more of those creatures roared behind them. The ash gray robes flowed around her petite body, a pair of inky black eyes glittered with malice. Raising her hands over her head, storm clouds rumbled. Knowing what was going to happen next, the chains flooded from the rubies. The chains knocked her back, the metal links weaving into a thick dome. Small drops of venomous rain seeped through, pieces of her dress melted away. Covering her body, the rain grew steadier. The venom didn’t affect me, the panic of her passing out shook me to the core. She needed to get out of here before she died from the poison in the air. Whistling sharply, Elvira pounded to my feet. Crouching down to her level, her tail wagged.
“Take her to the surface. She can’t stay here much longer.” I ordered firmly, tossing her onto her back. “Dr. Death, can you take down those revolting creatures?” Nodding solemnly, he scooped up Elvira. The chains whipped back into her scythe, a loud howl erupted from Elvira’s snout as he threw her through the dwindling crack. A wave of relief crashed over me, the venomous raindrops soaking us both with no effect. Tucking my gun into my pocket, pure terror widened my eyes. Icy hands grabbed my head, a third one ripped my head back. Flames built around my fist, a fourth one pushed it against my legs. My vision blurred, Dr. Death’s blur of black faded in and out.
“Hitting me with flames would make you a very bad boy.” A sickly voice taunted cruelly, her inky black eyes bore into mine. “Let’s rip you apart, piece by piece.” Her gnarly fingers dug into the corner of my mouth, my jaw groaning with protest. My free hand gripped my blade made of black iron and silver, a shrill scream shattered the musty air the moment I stabbed her in the leg. The hands faded away, another scream of agony burst from her lips as I punched her repeatedly with my flames. Daemon’s hand guided my hand to her heart, the smell of burning flesh sickened me. Pushing my hand into her chest, my clawed fingers wrapped around her black heart. Ripping it out, the hot organ pumped in my palms.
“Don’t kill me.” She pleaded desperately, bloody tears stained her cracking skin. “Don’t do it! I promise to behave.” Hesitation showed on my face, her face twisted with malice. Wicked laughter rumbled in her throat, blood painted her face the moment she jammed her hand through my throat. Onyx stained my suit, my chest tightening with each second without air. A ball of white flames whizzed by my head, the flames licking the dark surface of the heart. A worn Vy hung over the edge, her hair hung over the edge. A wicked grin dawned on her lips, her laughter twinkling in the air. Cracks lined her skin, her porcelain skin decaying to ash. The flames traveled up my arm to my throat, the flames sealed my wound.
“It seems our roles have shifted.” She joked tenderly, her head resting on her hands. “I was your angel from above today.” Dropping a rope to me, the twine creaked as I climbed up. Dr. Death shot up next to me, my eyes rolling. Her hand cupped mine, her real smile brightened her face. Yanking me up, the crack rumbled shut with a bright white light. Strands swayed in front of her face, my heart skipping a beat. How could I ever be so lucky to have her in my life? Did she still want to marry me?
“Are you ready to get married?” She queried excitedly, resting on top of me. The afternoon sun bathed her features, the townsfolk wandered out with anxious grins on their faces. Jumping to her feet, her hand hovered in front of my face. Accepting it cautiously, a quick yank had me back on my feet. Time stopped, her lips pressing against mine passionately. Getting lost in the moment, bitter thoughts snapped me right back.
“We are a mess..” I protested weakly, her shoulders shrugging. Dragging me to the destroyed altar, Chainsy stepped out in my family’s navy robes. Our friends lined up behind us, a serene feeling washed over us. Opening the book, Alex waited by the side with black boxes in his hands. Chainsy adjusted the black iron chain around his waist. His pleased face told me that he definitely wanted to be here, his presence was something to be thankful for.
“Are both parties ready?” He chirped cheerfully, smoothing the page. “Are you sure you guys don’t want to get cleaned up?” A soft chuckle tumbled from her lips, the warmth of her hands holding mine melted my heart. White flames intertwined with my red flames, everyone gasped in wonder. Had they never seen such a sight?
“I call upon the vampire lord to bless this marriage.” He began, a lump forming in my throat. “Shall we begin? As the head of the Shermon clan, I bless this union. Believe me, it’s been a long time coming. Let us begin. The first part has happened on its own. Say your vows. We really have nothing other than the magic flowing from my family’s book. Black iron chains snaked up our legs, Vy going first. Clearing her throat, the words rested on the tip of her tongue.
“Jack Shermon, you crashed into my life. You woke me up and exposed me to a world more magical than I ever have imagined. You have had my back more times than I can count. We may look a mess right now, but there is no other way that I would ever have. Everywhere we go, we make a mess and we clean it up together. Let’s keep cleaning them up together. I vow to make you my husband.” She proclaimed proudly, clammy sweat drenched her skin. Smiling through the pain, concern flashed in my eyes. What the hell was going on with her? Were the twins coming?
“Violet Sunders, you moved into my life. From the moment I saw you my heart was yours. Your smile could light up the whole world.” I stuttered nervously, her breathing growing quicker. “Most importantly, you put up with me no matter what I do. Waking up next you everyday makes me thankful for everything we have together. You will always be my queen, and I your king. I vow to make my wife.” Chainsy pressed his palms together, he bowed in our direction. Could he speed this up before Vy collapsed on the stage!
“The rings, young lad.” He pointed to Alex, her brother opening up the boxes. “Please place your rings on your mates.” Selecting the thick scarlet band, her trembling fingers slid it onto my finger. Tears flooded from her eyes, her bright smile grew wider. Swallowing the lump in my throat, my fingers picked up the onyx band of twisted branches. Sliding it onto her finger, Chainsy slammed the book shut. Raising his hands in the air, a wink greeted us both.
“You may now kiss the bride.” He announced jovially, cheers erupted the moment my lips kissed her passionately. The flames danced into the sky, white and red rose petals fluttered around us. A rush of air lashed our cheeks the moment the chains whipped back into the book. Cheers erupted, her head resting on my chest. Her fingers gripped my torn jacket, a rush of warm water soaked her legs. A panic expression passed between the two of us, her legs trembling.
“What was that?” I stuttered nervously, her body quivering in my arms. Wrapping her arms around my neck, her next words broke me. My face paled, her tiny yelp escaping her lips. The words I expected left her lips, the effect proving to slap me in the face.
“I think the venom sped it up a bit, and my water broke.” She laughed nervously, fighting the urge to scream. “I need to lay down or something.” Saphiro told everyone to enjoy the reception and that we wouldn’t be attending. Scooping up my wife, Saphiro wasn’t far behind me. Rushing into the hospital, a nurse sat her down in the wheelchair. Passing Saphiro a delivery gown, he tucked his hair into a cap.
“I am going to assume your children sped up the pregnancy to protect themselves. Let’s have babies on your wedding day.” He chimed gleefully, Vy grabbing his tie. Yanking him close to her face, her mood darkened. A low growl rumbled in her throat, his pointed ears pinned back. Feeling for him, a quick shrug did little to ease his nerves.
“You better get them out before I burn your whole world down.” She threatened seriously, letting out a blood curdling scream. “This is the worst pain I have had in my whole life and I have almost died more times than I have wished for. Get them out!” Seeing her like this scared me, her hair sticking to the side of her face. Getting her into a room, the nurse laid her down. The next couple of hours passed with me passing back and forth while she suffered audibly. Only the sound of two tiny cries made her sigh with sweet relief and pride. Soaked with sweat, the sight of two white haired boys melted my heart. Kissing her on the forehead, two pale babies squirmed in her arms. Pride swelled in her eyes, the corner of her lips twitching. Tears of joy streamed down her cheek, the sheer accomplishment of what she had done hitting me in the face. Father, I was a father. What if I fuck up?
“I am so proud of you, Vy.” I sobbed softly, playing with their fluffy hair. “I love you so much, my dear wife.” It felt so nice to say that, her ears perking up. Lifting up the one in her left arm, her genuine smile illuminated her worn face. Kissing their foreheads, the serenity on her face said it all. Happy, she looked happy.
“How about we name him Orion Puck Sherman and his brother Arden Saphiro Sherman?” She suggested sweetly, my eyes falling on Orion’s face. An inky black colored his left eye while a rich ruby colored his right eye. His brother’s eyes were the opposite of his, both of their black lips curling into tiny smiles. Moving over, she slapped the bed. Plopping down next to her, my arm wrapped around her shoulders. Resting her head on my shoulder, her wet eyes met mine. We did it! We really did it!
“I love it.” I wept joyfully, not knowing this emotion. Sobs wracked her body, knowing full well what she was upset about. Alex bounced in with a family photo in his hands, his shaking hands placing the photo on the nightstand. The three of them hung over their shoulders, her eyes falling on their father. Tears flooded from both of their eyes, the fact that their father wouldn’t be there tearing them apart. Nothing needed to be said, all of us living in the moment.

On one of my nightly strolls, I saw something interesting. Usually, I walk the same route. After work, I change, grab my raycons, and take a leisurely 2-to-3-mile walk, depending on how I feel. It starts out in my neighborhood, a condo community that spans over a couple city blocks. There’s a nice park I cut through. It has a bridge that I take a moment to admire the river that runs through. More of a creek, but it’s still pretty. If I’m lucky I’ll catch a pair of swans or a mallard family, mom in front, several tiny babies trying their best to follow.
Before I exit the park, there’s a big open area on both sides of the walking path. On most days it’s filled with the normal park-going activity. Picnics, parents monitoring their children on the playground, baseballs or frisbees being thrown, and a handful of older folks watching the sun go down.
What caught my eye was a fairly large pink sign. Even as dusk set in, it was such a brilliant shade of pink, it radiated. From about 50 feet away it looked out of place. I certainly have never seen it before. Finally getting closer I can make out the cursive writing:
Easter EGG-stravaganza 1st annual egg hunt, please bring your children for a day of family fun Easter Bunny will be here!
And then the requisite who/what/where/when details followed underneath. Well, that seems pretty nice actually. This park usually doesn’t do any events so it’s good for the community. Thinking nothing more of it, I finished my walk. Noting that not one other person was out that night.
It’s been a week since my last walk. Busy, busy, unfortunately. It’s Saturday night. Most people would be out having fun, or a nice dinner with their significant other. Me, I’m at work. Enough of that. I’m going for my walk. Beside, I can see if they set up for the Easter “Egg-stravaganza.” Easter is tomorrow after all.
Same process. Change, raycons in, setlist of creepy stories ready. What I saw again, was interesting.
When I got to the park, not much had changed. No people, which is odd. Especially for a Saturday night, and the same sign spouting tomorrow’s festivities. I can’t say why this gave me a weird feeling, I suppose I was expecting to see more things set up, booths, fenced off area for the egg hiding, something. Standing there for a while, I finally told myself to move on. Again, not sure why this seems odd to me, I ju—
(hears twig snapping)
What the hell was that?
I snapped my head back to where I thought the sound came from. I should have just left when I heard the branch breaking, or whatever it was. Walking into the tree line, where the forested part of the park begins, was a giant rabbit. I don’t mean an actual rabbit of course, clearly, it’s a person in a bunny costume. From where I stood, maybe 100 yards away, the upright walking rabbit must have been over 6 feet tall. It was just passed dusk, but the “fur,” was white. It was moving methodically as I froze in place watching. Then it turned, locking eyes with me like it knew EXACTLY where I was.
I turned and kicked it out of there. Not running but walking very fast. I’m not too proud at all to admit that. I don’t want anything to do with the next killer clown fad of 2016, if that’s what this is. Except with people dressed as bunnies.
The worst thing about that rabbit looking at me.. its eyes reflected, as if it were a real animal. It could of course be part of the mask. There could have been working lights underneath. I don’t know why, but it’s possible. Either way, I wasn’t waiting to ask.
All night I thought about this. Why hasn’t anyone been in the park the last two times I was there? Why is there just a sign in the middle of the park? There’s no trailers, no roped off area, no nothing. And last but not least, why the shit did I see a giant easter bunny walking into the woods? I’m not a detective, and usually run from any kind of danger. But this I was intrigued with. I had to figure out what the end of this story was going to be.
Sunday morning, 10am. I haven’t been to church in some time, but I assume in another hour most people will be exiting their places of worship, only to drag their screaming kids to hunt for plastic eggs that contain sugar, little toys, or even money. What a weird tradition linked to the day of Jesus’ reanimation.
I’m on my way to the park. Thank goodness, a huge breath of relief. It’s not busy yet, but children and their parents are trickling in. An area has been set up to take what I assume is pictures with the Easter Bunny. For right now I’m just going to wait and observe. Yes, I understand this might not look great, but I’ve dressed in my usual running gear, and I’m trying to look like I’m warming up for a run. I don’t know. Anything to not seem too out of place here.
In the middle of my warmup, there it is. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. The same man in a bunny outfit, about 50 yards from the children, hiding easter eggs. Do the kids not see that that thing is just blatantly placing their little plastic prizes down right now? Shouldn’t that have been done way ahead of time? Come to think of it, there doesn’t seem to be other employees around either. Maybe the parents showed up too early, and they weren’t ready to set up yet. But the parents aren’t really paying attention. Strangely.
It reminded me of a movie called “Harvey,” starring James Stewart. This imaginary bunny follows the main character around, and he’s the only one that can see him.
The bunny man gets closer. Now my skin is going cold. Could he possibly recognize me? It’s most likely a he now, the closer it gets. Broad shoulders, even under the outfit. Over 6 feet, I can clearly see now. The walk though… just seems off. Like an animatronic. One more thing I do not like is the suit itself. It’s dirty. There’s long dark spots staining the front. Like a car exhaust backfired onto it. And most bunny costumes have that hula hoop type thing inside to make the appearance of a bigger belly. Even though he had broad shoulders, I could tell he was very slight. Disturbingly so, even. The costume hung off of him. An emaciated rabbit is more sickening to see than I thought.
“Welcome!” I almost fell at the sound of the bullhorn. My earbuds were in, but not on, and it was still loud enough to give me a nice little jump scare. A man dressed casually in khakis and a pastel purple shirt was the voice behind the noise amplifier. He went on to say the festivities will begin shortly, get ready for the easter bunny, etc. A squeal erupted from the crowd of kids that had now grown to about 75 or so. Some parents clapped, some admonished their children for screaming so loud. I looked back to where the sickly easter bunny was. He was staring at me. We stood looking at each other for maybe 10 seconds, and then he slowly walked back to the woods. I had to ask the man behind the bullhorn about this.
I did my best to gain my composure. Taking a deep breath, I made my way towards him. “Um.. Hi, hello,” I said, trying to sound as normal as possible. He politely turned to me with a half-smile and his eyebrows raised. A “How may I help you,” kind of look. “Yes, um, my kids are so excited for this egg hunt.” I figured I should throw in the farce of having children here to not set off any alarm bells.
“Aaaand, I just thought it was strange that you had the “Easter bunny,” hiding eggs while the children were here. Not a huge deal or anything but-“
The man’s head moved back slightly, pushing his chin into his neck. His face scrunched up in confusion. Laughing, he spoke. “Sir, we made sure to hide the eggs early this morning, when no one was around. We certainly wouldn’t have the easter bunny here in full view hiding eggs.”
That familiar feeling of my blood turning into ice slowly crept back in. I tried my best to keep my cool. “But I, I mean, clearly he was just here, I saw hi-“
Before I could finish my sentence, the man looked over to the chair and booth where the children would be taking pictures with the Easter bunny. A proper bunny costumed person come out from behind the curtain set up.
The man once again put the bullhorn to his mouth. This time when he used it, It sounded like he was speaking underwater.
“OH my GOODNESS, the Easter bunny is here kids! Parents, please line your children up. We will take pictures first and then can start the exciting egg hunt!”
I stood frozen, feeling like everything was moving in slow motion. The children ran up to the start of the que. Patient parents stood by, making sure the kids didn’t get too out of hand. As the first child got up to the Easter bunny, I hustled back over to the man I was speaking too. This time he seemed more annoyed as I gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder.
“Sir, look, I’m sorry to bother you again, but.. I’m just wondering why you would have two easter bunnies here.”
“We don’t HAVE two easter bunnies, ok. I don’t know what you are talking about, and frankly this is starting to sound a bit odd to me. Are you ok?”
I tried to say something, but my mouth had gone dry. I think I just moved my head up and down.
“Ok, well then line up with your children so we can get these pictures done.”
With that he went back into host mode, encouraging the kids to smile as the photographer took pictures. He made sure to remind them that the egg hunt would be full of fun prizes.
Thoroughly confused, I stepped away to get a view of the woods, to see if this now “imposter,” Easter doppelganger was still around. Just as I had, the fake bunny rabbit had just slipped into the woods.
I wiped a disturbing amount of sweat away from my forehead, for the first time realizing that I truly must appear to be a real piece of work. I turned to the poor organizeMC to apologize for my strange behavior, but he was long gone directing children to the “start,” line where the happy chubby cheeked kids were ready to hunt for their precious treasure-filled eggs.
I’m too far in now. I followed the dirty rabbit into the woods. Wonder what those parents thought of some random guy walking through the park into the trees. Be very very quiet, I’m hunting rabbits. . . As soon as I broke the threshold into the tree line, time and space appeared to stop. I’m being dramatic of course, but it was noticeably darker inside the woods. I’ve never walked through here. Why would I? There are no trails that I’m aware of, and I don’t make it a habit to—
(running sound)
What was that? I swear I just heard something running close to me. This can’t be happening. Quick look to my left and right reveals nothing. A twig breaking again snaps my focus dead ahead. Slowly, I soldier on. After a few minutes I’m getting worried. I expect to see this degenerate bunny impersonator holed up in a serial-killer looking shack. Silly, now that I think about it, I’m sure there’s no housing structures built inside of a small forest that’s also inside a major suburban area.
Before I know it, the forest clears, and I’m on the other side. I wasn’t there as long as I think, I imagine. Looking around and getting my thoughts straight, I know where I’m at. It’s a side of town I’m familiar with. Everyone here knows this place, it’s the “bad,” part of town. There’s no reason to be here. I avoid this area if at all poss—
There he is. Not staring at me this time. I just happened to catch his dirty cottontail shimmy into the apartments. Everyone knows these apartments. Sketchy tenants at best. Like I said, I’m in too deep now.
I quietly make my way to the side of the apartment. I only glimpsed a shadow going into the main door, and it appeared to make a right. No way I’d be able to see where he went, unless he left his blinds up. One window.. nothing. Next apartment window.. nothing. Maybe you should just call it a night. An intense rotting smell smacked me in the face that almost took me off my feet. I should have left.
I knew as soon as I saw it. A window with crusty newspaper covering it from the inside. But unfortunately there was a small piece near the bottom that was missing. I put my good eye up to it. Son of a bitch that’s him. All I can make out is a man, sitting at a folding table. His back to me. How could I tell it was him? He still had that stupid costume on, minus the bunny ears. The back of his head had patchy dark hair, and his neck was .. dirty. Just.. fear-inducing.
Realizing I was holding my breath I did my best to quietly exhale all the air I had. Which made the rabbit jerk his head to the left. Shit. I ducked. What I saw before I did haunts me. The best way I can describe what his side profile looked like was a methed out Voldemort. After being fairly sure I had not soiled myself, I slowly peeked again. He was gone. On the table… were eggs…. plastic easter eggs. . . And next to those eggs…. Were parts. I hesitate to say what they were because it makes me want to vomit.
Eyes. Fingers. Nails. I think I saw a nose. They were small. Dear God, how many easter egg hunts are there today.

On one of my nightly strolls, I saw something interesting. Usually, I walk the same route. After work, I change, grab my raycons, and take a leisurely 2-to-3-mile walk, depending on how I feel. It starts out in my neighborhood, a condo community that spans over a couple city blocks. There’s a nice park I cut through. It has a bridge that I take a moment to admire the river that runs through. More of a creek, but it’s still pretty. If I’m lucky I’ll catch a pair of swans or a mallard family, mom in front, several tiny babies trying their best to follow.
Before I exit the park, there’s a big open area on both sides of the walking path. On most days it’s filled with the normal park-going activity. Picnics, parents monitoring their children on the playground, baseballs or frisbees being thrown, and a handful of older folks watching the sun go down.
What caught my eye was a fairly large pink sign. Even as dusk set in, it was such a brilliant shade of pink, it radiated. From about 50 feet away it looked out of place. I certainly have never seen it before. Finally getting closer I can make out the cursive writing:
Easter EGG-stravaganza 1st annual egg hunt, please bring your children for a day of family fun Easter Bunny will be here!
And then the requisite who/what/where/when details followed underneath. Well, that seems pretty nice actually. This park usually doesn’t do any events so it’s good for the community. Thinking nothing more of it, I finished my walk. Noting that not one other person was out that night.
It’s been a week since my last walk. Busy, busy, unfortunately. It’s Saturday night. Most people would be out having fun, or a nice dinner with their significant other. Me, I’m at work. Enough of that. I’m going for my walk. Beside, I can see if they set up for the Easter “Egg-stravaganza.” Easter is tomorrow after all.
Same process. Change, raycons in, setlist of creepy stories ready. What I saw again, was interesting.
When I got to the park, not much had changed. No people, which is odd. Especially for a Saturday night, and the same sign spouting tomorrow’s festivities. I can’t say why this gave me a weird feeling, I suppose I was expecting to see more things set up, booths, fenced off area for the egg hiding, something. Standing there for a while, I finally told myself to move on. Again, not sure why this seems odd to me, I ju—
(hears twig snapping)
What the hell was that?
I snapped my head back to where I thought the sound came from. I should have just left when I heard the branch breaking, or whatever it was. Walking into the tree line, where the forested part of the park begins, was a giant rabbit. I don’t mean an actual rabbit of course, clearly, it’s a person in a bunny costume. From where I stood, maybe 100 yards away, the upright walking rabbit must have been over 6 feet tall. It was just passed dusk, but the “fur,” was white. It was moving methodically as I froze in place watching. Then it turned, locking eyes with me like it knew EXACTLY where I was.
I turned and kicked it out of there. Not running but walking very fast. I’m not too proud at all to admit that. I don’t want anything to do with the next killer clown fad of 2016, if that’s what this is. Except with people dressed as bunnies.
The worst thing about that rabbit looking at me.. its eyes reflected, as if it were a real animal. It could of course be part of the mask. There could have been working lights underneath. I don’t know why, but it’s possible. Either way, I wasn’t waiting to ask.
All night I thought about this. Why hasn’t anyone been in the park the last two times I was there? Why is there just a sign in the middle of the park? There’s no trailers, no roped off area, no nothing. And last but not least, why the shit did I see a giant easter bunny walking into the woods? I’m not a detective, and usually run from any kind of danger. But this I was intrigued with. I had to figure out what the end of this story was going to be.
Sunday morning, 10am. I haven’t been to church in some time, but I assume in another hour most people will be exiting their places of worship, only to drag their screaming kids to hunt for plastic eggs that contain sugar, little toys, or even money. What a weird tradition linked to the day of Jesus’ reanimation.
I’m on my way to the park. Thank goodness, a huge breath of relief. It’s not busy yet, but children and their parents are trickling in. An area has been set up to take what I assume is pictures with the Easter Bunny. For right now I’m just going to wait and observe. Yes, I understand this might not look great, but I’ve dressed in my usual running gear, and I’m trying to look like I’m warming up for a run. I don’t know. Anything to not seem too out of place here.
In the middle of my warmup, there it is. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. The same man in a bunny outfit, about 50 yards from the children, hiding easter eggs. Do the kids not see that that thing is just blatantly placing their little plastic prizes down right now? Shouldn’t that have been done way ahead of time? Come to think of it, there doesn’t seem to be other employees around either. Maybe the parents showed up too early, and they weren’t ready to set up yet. But the parents aren’t really paying attention. Strangely.
It reminded me of a movie called “Harvey,” starring James Stewart. This imaginary bunny follows the main character around, and he’s the only one that can see him.
The bunny man gets closer. Now my skin is going cold. Could he possibly recognize me? It’s most likely a he now, the closer it gets. Broad shoulders, even under the outfit. Over 6 feet, I can clearly see now. The walk though… just seems off. Like an animatronic. One more thing I do not like is the suit itself. It’s dirty. There’s long dark spots staining the front. Like a car exhaust backfired onto it. And most bunny costumes have that hula hoop type thing inside to make the appearance of a bigger belly. Even though he had broad shoulders, I could tell he was very slight. Disturbingly so, even. The costume hung off of him. An emaciated rabbit is more sickening to see than I thought.
“Welcome!” I almost fell at the sound of the bullhorn. My earbuds were in, but not on, and it was still loud enough to give me a nice little jump scare. A man dressed casually in khakis and a pastel purple shirt was the voice behind the noise amplifier. He went on to say the festivities will begin shortly, get ready for the easter bunny, etc. A squeal erupted from the crowd of kids that had now grown to about 75 or so. Some parents clapped, some admonished their children for screaming so loud. I looked back to where the sickly easter bunny was. He was staring at me. We stood looking at each other for maybe 10 seconds, and then he slowly walked back to the woods. I had to ask the man behind the bullhorn about this.
I did my best to gain my composure. Taking a deep breath, I made my way towards him. “Um.. Hi, hello,” I said, trying to sound as normal as possible. He politely turned to me with a half-smile and his eyebrows raised. A “How may I help you,” kind of look. “Yes, um, my kids are so excited for this egg hunt.” I figured I should throw in the farce of having children here to not set off any alarm bells.
“Aaaand, I just thought it was strange that you had the “Easter bunny,” hiding eggs while the children were here. Not a huge deal or anything but-“
The man’s head moved back slightly, pushing his chin into his neck. His face scrunched up in confusion. Laughing, he spoke. “Sir, we made sure to hide the eggs early this morning, when no one was around. We certainly wouldn’t have the easter bunny here in full view hiding eggs.”
That familiar feeling of my blood turning into ice slowly crept back in. I tried my best to keep my cool. “But I, I mean, clearly he was just here, I saw hi-“
Before I could finish my sentence, the man looked over to the chair and booth where the children would be taking pictures with the Easter bunny. A proper bunny costumed person come out from behind the curtain set up.
The man once again put the bullhorn to his mouth. This time when he used it, It sounded like he was speaking underwater.
“OH my GOODNESS, the Easter bunny is here kids! Parents, please line your children up. We will take pictures first and then can start the exciting egg hunt!”
I stood frozen, feeling like everything was moving in slow motion. The children ran up to the start of the que. Patient parents stood by, making sure the kids didn’t get too out of hand. As the first child got up to the Easter bunny, I hustled back over to the man I was speaking too. This time he seemed more annoyed as I gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder.
“Sir, look, I’m sorry to bother you again, but.. I’m just wondering why you would have two easter bunnies here.”
“We don’t HAVE two easter bunnies, ok. I don’t know what you are talking about, and frankly this is starting to sound a bit odd to me. Are you ok?”
I tried to say something, but my mouth had gone dry. I think I just moved my head up and down.
“Ok, well then line up with your children so we can get these pictures done.”
With that he went back into host mode, encouraging the kids to smile as the photographer took pictures. He made sure to remind them that the egg hunt would be full of fun prizes.
Thoroughly confused, I stepped away to get a view of the woods, to see if this now “imposter,” Easter doppelganger was still around. Just as I had, the fake bunny rabbit had just slipped into the woods.
I wiped a disturbing amount of sweat away from my forehead, for the first time realizing that I truly must appear to be a real piece of work. I turned to the poor organizeMC to apologize for my strange behavior, but he was long gone directing children to the “start,” line where the happy chubby cheeked kids were ready to hunt for their precious treasure-filled eggs.
I’m too far in now. I followed the dirty rabbit into the woods. Wonder what those parents thought of some random guy walking through the park into the trees. Be very very quiet, I’m hunting rabbits. . . As soon as I broke the threshold into the tree line, time and space appeared to stop. I’m being dramatic of course, but it was noticeably darker inside the woods. I’ve never walked through here. Why would I? There are no trails that I’m aware of, and I don’t make it a habit to—
(running sound)
What was that? I swear I just heard something running close to me. This can’t be happening. Quick look to my left and right reveals nothing. A twig breaking again snaps my focus dead ahead. Slowly, I soldier on. After a few minutes I’m getting worried. I expect to see this degenerate bunny impersonator holed up in a serial-killer looking shack. Silly, now that I think about it, I’m sure there’s no housing structures built inside of a small forest that’s also inside a major suburban area.
Before I know it, the forest clears, and I’m on the other side. I wasn’t there as long as I think, I imagine. Looking around and getting my thoughts straight, I know where I’m at. It’s a side of town I’m familiar with. Everyone here knows this place, it’s the “bad,” part of town. There’s no reason to be here. I avoid this area if at all poss—
There he is. Not staring at me this time. I just happened to catch his dirty cottontail shimmy into the apartments. Everyone knows these apartments. Sketchy tenants at best. Like I said, I’m in too deep now.
I quietly make my way to the side of the apartment. I only glimpsed a shadow going into the main door, and it appeared to make a right. No way I’d be able to see where he went, unless he left his blinds up. One window.. nothing. Next apartment window.. nothing. Maybe you should just call it a night. An intense rotting smell smacked me in the face that almost took me off my feet. I should have left.
I knew as soon as I saw it. A window with crusty newspaper covering it from the inside. But unfortunately there was a small piece near the bottom that was missing. I put my good eye up to it. Son of a bitch that’s him. All I can make out is a man, sitting at a folding table. His back to me. How could I tell it was him? He still had that stupid costume on, minus the bunny ears. The back of his head had patchy dark hair, and his neck was .. dirty. Just.. fear-inducing.
Realizing I was holding my breath I did my best to quietly exhale all the air I had. Which made the rabbit jerk his head to the left. Shit. I ducked. What I saw before I did haunts me. The best way I can describe what his side profile looked like was a methed out Voldemort. After being fairly sure I had not soiled myself, I slowly peeked again. He was gone. On the table… were eggs…. plastic easter eggs. . . And next to those eggs…. Were parts. I hesitate to say what they were because it makes me want to vomit.
Eyes. Fingers. Nails. I think I saw a nose. They were small. Dear God, how many easter egg hunts are there today.

On one of my nightly strolls, I saw something interesting. Usually, I walk the same route. After work, I change, grab my raycons, and take a leisurely 2-to-3-mile walk, depending on how I feel. It starts out in my neighborhood, a condo community that spans over a couple city blocks. There’s a nice park I cut through. It has a bridge that I take a moment to admire the river that runs through. More of a creek, but it’s still pretty. If I’m lucky I’ll catch a pair of swans or a mallard family, mom in front, several tiny babies trying their best to follow.
Before I exit the park, there’s a big open area on both sides of the walking path. On most days it’s filled with the normal park-going activity. Picnics, parents monitoring their children on the playground, baseballs or frisbees being thrown, and a handful of older folks watching the sun go down.
What caught my eye was a fairly large pink sign. Even as dusk set in, it was such a brilliant shade of pink, it radiated. From about 50 feet away it looked out of place. I certainly have never seen it before. Finally getting closer I can make out the cursive writing:
Easter EGG-stravaganza 1st annual egg hunt, please bring your children for a day of family fun Easter Bunny will be here!
And then the requisite who/what/where/when details followed underneath. Well, that seems pretty nice actually. This park usually doesn’t do any events so it’s good for the community. Thinking nothing more of it, I finished my walk. Noting that not one other person was out that night.
It’s been a week since my last walk. Busy, busy, unfortunately. It’s Saturday night. Most people would be out having fun, or a nice dinner with their significant other. Me, I’m at work. Enough of that. I’m going for my walk. Beside, I can see if they set up for the Easter “Egg-stravaganza.” Easter is tomorrow after all.
Same process. Change, raycons in, setlist of creepy stories ready. What I saw again, was interesting.
When I got to the park, not much had changed. No people, which is odd. Especially for a Saturday night, and the same sign spouting tomorrow’s festivities. I can’t say why this gave me a weird feeling, I suppose I was expecting to see more things set up, booths, fenced off area for the egg hiding, something. Standing there for a while, I finally told myself to move on. Again, not sure why this seems odd to me, I ju—
(hears twig snapping)
What the hell was that?
I snapped my head back to where I thought the sound came from. I should have just left when I heard the branch breaking, or whatever it was. Walking into the tree line, where the forested part of the park begins, was a giant rabbit. I don’t mean an actual rabbit of course, clearly, it’s a person in a bunny costume. From where I stood, maybe 100 yards away, the upright walking rabbit must have been over 6 feet tall. It was just passed dusk, but the “fur,” was white. It was moving methodically as I froze in place watching. Then it turned, locking eyes with me like it knew EXACTLY where I was.
I turned and kicked it out of there. Not running but walking very fast. I’m not too proud at all to admit that. I don’t want anything to do with the next killer clown fad of 2016, if that’s what this is. Except with people dressed as bunnies.
The worst thing about that rabbit looking at me.. its eyes reflected, as if it were a real animal. It could of course be part of the mask. There could have been working lights underneath. I don’t know why, but it’s possible. Either way, I wasn’t waiting to ask.
All night I thought about this. Why hasn’t anyone been in the park the last two times I was there? Why is there just a sign in the middle of the park? There’s no trailers, no roped off area, no nothing. And last but not least, why the shit did I see a giant easter bunny walking into the woods? I’m not a detective, and usually run from any kind of danger. But this I was intrigued with. I had to figure out what the end of this story was going to be.
Sunday morning, 10am. I haven’t been to church in some time, but I assume in another hour most people will be exiting their places of worship, only to drag their screaming kids to hunt for plastic eggs that contain sugar, little toys, or even money. What a weird tradition linked to the day of Jesus’ reanimation.
I’m on my way to the park. Thank goodness, a huge breath of relief. It’s not busy yet, but children and their parents are trickling in. An area has been set up to take what I assume is pictures with the Easter Bunny. For right now I’m just going to wait and observe. Yes, I understand this might not look great, but I’ve dressed in my usual running gear, and I’m trying to look like I’m warming up for a run. I don’t know. Anything to not seem too out of place here.
In the middle of my warmup, there it is. I can’t believe what I’m seeing. The same man in a bunny outfit, about 50 yards from the children, hiding easter eggs. Do the kids not see that that thing is just blatantly placing their little plastic prizes down right now? Shouldn’t that have been done way ahead of time? Come to think of it, there doesn’t seem to be other employees around either. Maybe the parents showed up too early, and they weren’t ready to set up yet. But the parents aren’t really paying attention. Strangely.
It reminded me of a movie called “Harvey,” starring James Stewart. This imaginary bunny follows the main character around, and he’s the only one that can see him.
The bunny man gets closer. Now my skin is going cold. Could he possibly recognize me? It’s most likely a he now, the closer it gets. Broad shoulders, even under the outfit. Over 6 feet, I can clearly see now. The walk though… just seems off. Like an animatronic. One more thing I do not like is the suit itself. It’s dirty. There’s long dark spots staining the front. Like a car exhaust backfired onto it. And most bunny costumes have that hula hoop type thing inside to make the appearance of a bigger belly. Even though he had broad shoulders, I could tell he was very slight. Disturbingly so, even. The costume hung off of him. An emaciated rabbit is more sickening to see than I thought.
“Welcome!” I almost fell at the sound of the bullhorn. My earbuds were in, but not on, and it was still loud enough to give me a nice little jump scare. A man dressed casually in khakis and a pastel purple shirt was the voice behind the noise amplifier. He went on to say the festivities will begin shortly, get ready for the easter bunny, etc. A squeal erupted from the crowd of kids that had now grown to about 75 or so. Some parents clapped, some admonished their children for screaming so loud. I looked back to where the sickly easter bunny was. He was staring at me. We stood looking at each other for maybe 10 seconds, and then he slowly walked back to the woods. I had to ask the man behind the bullhorn about this.
I did my best to gain my composure. Taking a deep breath, I made my way towards him. “Um.. Hi, hello,” I said, trying to sound as normal as possible. He politely turned to me with a half-smile and his eyebrows raised. A “How may I help you,” kind of look. “Yes, um, my kids are so excited for this egg hunt.” I figured I should throw in the farce of having children here to not set off any alarm bells.
“Aaaand, I just thought it was strange that you had the “Easter bunny,” hiding eggs while the children were here. Not a huge deal or anything but-“
The man’s head moved back slightly, pushing his chin into his neck. His face scrunched up in confusion. Laughing, he spoke. “Sir, we made sure to hide the eggs early this morning, when no one was around. We certainly wouldn’t have the easter bunny here in full view hiding eggs.”
That familiar feeling of my blood turning into ice slowly crept back in. I tried my best to keep my cool. “But I, I mean, clearly he was just here, I saw hi-“
Before I could finish my sentence, the man looked over to the chair and booth where the children would be taking pictures with the Easter bunny. A proper bunny costumed person come out from behind the curtain set up.
The man once again put the bullhorn to his mouth. This time when he used it, It sounded like he was speaking underwater.
“OH my GOODNESS, the Easter bunny is here kids! Parents, please line your children up. We will take pictures first and then can start the exciting egg hunt!”
I stood frozen, feeling like everything was moving in slow motion. The children ran up to the start of the que. Patient parents stood by, making sure the kids didn’t get too out of hand. As the first child got up to the Easter bunny, I hustled back over to the man I was speaking too. This time he seemed more annoyed as I gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder.
“Sir, look, I’m sorry to bother you again, but.. I’m just wondering why you would have two easter bunnies here.”
“We don’t HAVE two easter bunnies, ok. I don’t know what you are talking about, and frankly this is starting to sound a bit odd to me. Are you ok?”
I tried to say something, but my mouth had gone dry. I think I just moved my head up and down.
“Ok, well then line up with your children so we can get these pictures done.”
With that he went back into host mode, encouraging the kids to smile as the photographer took pictures. He made sure to remind them that the egg hunt would be full of fun prizes.
Thoroughly confused, I stepped away to get a view of the woods, to see if this now “imposter,” Easter doppelganger was still around. Just as I had, the fake bunny rabbit had just slipped into the woods.
I wiped a disturbing amount of sweat away from my forehead, for the first time realizing that I truly must appear to be a real piece of work. I turned to the poor organizeMC to apologize for my strange behavior, but he was long gone directing children to the “start,” line where the happy chubby cheeked kids were ready to hunt for their precious treasure-filled eggs.
I’m too far in now. I followed the dirty rabbit into the woods. Wonder what those parents thought of some random guy walking through the park into the trees. Be very very quiet, I’m hunting rabbits. . . As soon as I broke the threshold into the tree line, time and space appeared to stop. I’m being dramatic of course, but it was noticeably darker inside the woods. I’ve never walked through here. Why would I? There are no trails that I’m aware of, and I don’t make it a habit to—
(running sound)
What was that? I swear I just heard something running close to me. This can’t be happening. Quick look to my left and right reveals nothing. A twig breaking again snaps my focus dead ahead. Slowly, I soldier on. After a few minutes I’m getting worried. I expect to see this degenerate bunny impersonator holed up in a serial-killer looking shack. Silly, now that I think about it, I’m sure there’s no housing structures built inside of a small forest that’s also inside a major suburban area.
Before I know it, the forest clears, and I’m on the other side. I wasn’t there as long as I think, I imagine. Looking around and getting my thoughts straight, I know where I’m at. It’s a side of town I’m familiar with. Everyone here knows this place, it’s the “bad,” part of town. There’s no reason to be here. I avoid this area if at all poss—
There he is. Not staring at me this time. I just happened to catch his dirty cottontail shimmy into the apartments. Everyone knows these apartments. Sketchy tenants at best. Like I said, I’m in too deep now.
I quietly make my way to the side of the apartment. I only glimpsed a shadow going into the main door, and it appeared to make a right. No way I’d be able to see where he went, unless he left his blinds up. One window.. nothing. Next apartment window.. nothing. Maybe you should just call it a night. An intense rotting smell smacked me in the face that almost took me off my feet. I should have left.
I knew as soon as I saw it. A window with crusty newspaper covering it from the inside. But unfortunately there was a small piece near the bottom that was missing. I put my good eye up to it. Son of a bitch that’s him. All I can make out is a man, sitting at a folding table. His back to me. How could I tell it was him? He still had that stupid costume on, minus the bunny ears. The back of his head had patchy dark hair, and his neck was .. dirty. Just.. fear-inducing.
Realizing I was holding my breath I did my best to quietly exhale all the air I had. Which made the rabbit jerk his head to the left. Shit. I ducked. What I saw before I did haunts me. The best way I can describe what his side profile looked like was a methed out Voldemort. After being fairly sure I had not soiled myself, I slowly peeked again. He was gone. On the table… were eggs…. plastic easter eggs. . . And next to those eggs…. Were parts. I hesitate to say what they were because it makes me want to vomit.
Eyes. Fingers. Nails. I think I saw a nose. They were small. Dear God, how many easter egg hunts are there today.

Hello there! If you work for Air Canada whether you work at: ground operation, behind the scene, ticketing & sales, customer services, pilot and flight attendants, or head office (HQ) - corporate, what is it like?
Obviously, you don't need to be specific, but in general. Are you happy? How is your experience at your department?
Edit: Just out of curiosity :)
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Thank you