I'm hoping someone financially savvy can help to guide me in the right direction. First, here's my spouse (33F) and I's (34M) financial background:

• $205k income + $85k income from spouse ($14850/month take home after taxes, health insurance, current retirement contribution)
• Personal loan - $1k/month ($3k left at 5.0%, 3 months left on loan. Used to replace driveway before last winter)
• Student loans - $270/month ($21k left at 4.5%, 8 years left on loan)
• Rent + utilities - $3300/month ($440k left at 3.25%, 30 year loan)
• Daycare - $1100/month for a 4 year old
• College savings - $600/month
• Emergency funds - $8k (I had to nearly drain this at tax season due to my extra withholdings not being high enough, but that's fixed now. I'm currently adding 1k per month to this.)
• Current 401k/403b contribution for my wife and I - both at 4% with 2% employer matching
• Own both cars, one is getting old
• My work provides a pension of about 50% income replacement at retirement
• Additional income has been put towards house renovations and furnishing, which is nearly completed

I just started working as a medical professional, so this was my first year at full income. We bought a house after right after I accepted my job and put 20% down. We knew the house had an old roof when we bought it and ended up getting some water damage after a wet winter this year. Insurance is covering the interior damage repair, but I believe it's time to fix the roof before this becomes a recurring problem. I've gotten a couple estimates for the roof replacement, and it looks like it will be upwards of $50k for asphalt and $80k for steel.
I'm getting a 10% pay bump soon. My plan was to dump the new income into savings and max out my 403b, but given the urgency of the roof issue, should I try to pay off a HELOC/loan as fast as possible? I've shopped around and the best HELOC I've seen so far was at 7.5% for a $80k loan. It doesn't seem like my 403b gains would beat 7.5% but I also feel the need to save more after being in training for so long. I could balance the two out and squeeze my remaining budget more?
I appreciate any advice given.

I am one of the lucky few that ended up dating my FP. From the day I met them, they became my FP. It was a large struggle in the beginning, but now we're in a long-term, committed relationship. I think now, they're even clingier than I was.
When I started feeling safe and secure in the relationship, my anxieties faded. They gave me all the attention I needed and even more, so I stopped showing half the symptoms of my BPD usually related to the FP. And over time, I grew to show less and less symptoms, and not considered to have BPD in the DSM-5 now.
But I know that I am still the same inside. I'm only "cured" because my FP is there by me. I often think what would've happened if my FP rejected me. Or if my FP was someone else that was just a friend. I wouldn't be the same. And if my parnter were to die or disappear one day, I would relapse so hard that I don't think I could stay alive.
These thoughts worry me, I don't think I am cured. I just don't exhibit symptoms because my partner is like my medication, but if I were to not have that, I would still be the same as I was.
I still exhibit BPD thoughts with close friends, and to avoid that, I try to not get too close with anyone. But recently, someone broke that barrier intentionally, knowing I have BPD tendancies, knowing all the warnings I gave them of what could happen, and chose to be close to me. I feel my old habits creeping back, and that's what makes me feel that I haven't been cured.
I've always internalized my BPD as much as possible, so I've never exhibited abusive actions or tried to make my BPD someone else's problem. But those internal emotions are coming back, and it makes me scared that I could become someone dangerous.

The tags for this can be budget, credit, or debt.
32m I live in the city of Toronto and am a pretty modest guy. I know what I want to spend and need in a month, but can't help but going over budget intradaily. I'm not a high earner, sitting at $38k a year with one of the major banks, which translates to $2,200 a month.
My expenses per month are $1,000 for rent. $500 for groceries. Phone $80. Gym $80. Haircut $50. It fluctuates but that's generally the breakdown. So I have roughly $500 spending money by the end of the month.
Groceries and gym look expensive but I work on my body a lot and I'm following one of the safer and cheaper ways to bulk up, which costs a bit more. I go to one of the cheaper gyms and also one of the cheaper martial arts gyms which is where I got the total from.
The challenge I'm encountering is spending. I WFH but don't work inside my house because it wreaks havoc on my mental health. I take my work with me to a nearby coffee shop to get things done - meaning I spend $5 after tips on coffee. After work I like to walk around the city, usually resulting in me spending $5-20 more on coffees here and there. It's the small things I let slip by, like once in awhile I'll want a cool beverage, a burger, a pint, or whatever. Sometimes I go further overboard, like on weekends my buddies and I will go out to drink, I can end up spending $40-100 on drinks. This issue is especially prominent at nights because i find I have less self control then. (This is an uncommon thing)
The ease of access of me pulling out my credit card to pay for everything is troubling. My credit card is "Tap Payments" on my phone. The solution is to take it off my phone, but I've been battling this for months, because it's so simple to readd it and forget about it. I know that deep down my issue is self control, discipline, and impulse control. I have a spending problem.
In terms of work, I'm always looking for new work. My friends all have higher paying jobs and I'm looking to pick up additional jobs ex. on Taskrabbit where some of my friends are making double my salary from now. That will help pay down debts but still a lot of this mess comes from impulse control. I have a therapist I speak to about this stuff but at the end of things it still comes down to impulse control; my therapist helps me guide my actions but ultimately is not responsible for me spending money.
I don't feel hopeless or like this is the end of the world, but what can I do to make my spending habits better? Has anyone gone through this? What would you recommend?

Hey everyone, I’ve been struggling for the past few weeks. I (28F) found out about my husband’s (28M) secret sexual life in July 2022. This included onlyfans, porn, hentai, and dating apps over the 5 years we’d been married. He promised no more porn, in December 2022 I found out he’d been lying and watching porn regularly. At this point we acknowledged the addiction. He started going to SPAA meetings in January 2023 and started seeing a CSAT as well.
As far as I knew everything was going alright. He was going to a SPAA meeting everyday, even leading the meeting one day a week, CSAT every week, reading multiple books about addiction, etc. He had a slip up in February which he told me about and he had a relapse a few weeks ago which he also told me about. Our full disclosure was scheduled for next week and I informed him I would require a polygraph, which he agreed to.
Yesterday I had the bomb dropped on me that he has never truly been in recovery and his longest sobriety was about 30 days. He told his CSAT last week that he had been lying to me, him, SPAA, everyone, and he only admitted it because he knew he could not pass the polygraph. He had bought an explicit manga and hid it, used a smart tv in his room to act out on a business trip, and most recently has been using his work computer by turning off the VPN. And finally, this is what is really horrible to me, during his nightly SPAA meetings where he closes the door he has been acting out and masturbating while in his meeting.
My CSAT said the fact that he fooled his CSAT, her, me, and everyone is indicative of a personality disorder. She wants to support me no matter what but I can tell she thinks I should leave him. I’ve made him leave to the guest room and he is going to stay with his sister starting next week. He thinks he needs to be alone to work on himself without me to “give him emotional, financial, etc support” because he is not okay being alone with himself.
Despite all of this, I cannot leave. I was ready to end it last night, I called him a psychopath, told him he’d never find anyone to love him, told him he’d never be with me again, he ruined his life, that I was glad I never had a baby with him, that I don’t love him anymore, everything I could say to hurt him, I said. And then I woke up this morning and saw he was looking at apartments and new bank accounts and I just broke down. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like I’m crazy.

Mary loves balloons!
Balloons are fun and super colorful!... Her mum and pop used to buy her all the balloons in the world! She used to love to go to the carnival just for the balloons!… And the clowns.

 Mary loved clowns. And balloons. 

….Mary doesn't remember the last time she had gotten a balloon…
Mary also doesn't remember the last time she saw her mum and pop…
…

Oh well! 

Who cares about some adults who control her every move? Mary did not care for balloons anymore. Though, she did still love clowns! Who could not?

Mary loves the masked man too! 

The masked man took good care of Mary while she stayed in the dark place. He would bring down food and toys for her to play with! Though, sometimes the food tasted a little funny, and the toys were also missing their heads. Sometimes the toys would shout…Whenever Mary would hold one of them to her ears she would hear screeches of terror coming from the toys. Mary would try to ask the Masked Man about the screeching but he got angry and took them all away…

One day Mary noticed how the Masked man started to bring down other small bobbleheads when he came back to check on Mary. He would leave them on a high shelf away from Mary’s reach. 

“You are not old enough to be playing these toys” He would say with a sickeningly scratchy voice.

 Nonsense! Mary thought. 

All toys are good toys and are made to be played with accordingly!
Mary made a plan to retrieve the ‘toys’ while the Masked Man was away.

Mary would climb the shelf and get the toys all for herself! “A perfect plan!” Mary would say to herself. The next night Mary went on with her plan as the masked man went along to his study upstairs. Mary never could see upstairs since the entrance was always covered with a preposterous number of balloons. Mary began to walk over to the shelf as the creek of the floorboards filled her ears. 

Mary then quickly reached for the lowest shelf and pulled herself up with her frail and pale arms.
She repeated this action until she got to the halfway point. That is when she heard the screeches again. Small and weak, but they still filled her ears, almost torturing them.
As she repeated her climbing motion the screeches got louder and clear enough to hear the words they were saying. Things like “You don't belong here” and “One of us you are”.
When Mary reached the top, she encountered a red and thick liquid. Mary knows this liquid. This is the liquid that her Mum and Pop would clean off of her knee when she got a booboo from tripping.

Mary pulled herself up to peek over the shelf to see the horrifying sight of headless bobbleheads covered in booboo liquid reaching her vision. 

“YOU DON’T BELONG HERE RUN”

Mary listened to the bobbleheads and turned her body around to try and get down from the shelf, though when she did, she saw the masked man smiling creepily up at her. 

He whipped his hand out and grabbed onto her ankle and tugged making Mary screech in pain and fall onto the floor next to him.

“Wrong choice little Mary” He cooed. 

“Now you will have to suffer the consequences and become just like them.” He said
“That's too bad hm?”

 On a street somewhere in a neighborhood a missing person poster along with many other missing child posters flew in the wind. The paper stated “Mary Foughner missing last seen at the carnival on June 13th if found call 904-555-0044” 

“Suspect of all missing children: A tall man 6 '5 dressed in a clown costume and mask.”

Currently engaged for over a year and 5 months pregnant with my fiance's child. We were planning the wedding and had picked out a venue for this fall days before finding out I was pregnant and so decided to postpone. We've been together for 5 years and it's been a wild ride. Covid really derailed our lives and it's been a lot of financial strain and stress on the relationship and our careers with all the moving around since the start of covid. (we were living in NYC at the beginning of covid when my partner lost his job and we could no longer afford it so had to leave).
At this point, I'm not enthusiastic about getting married. I feel old. Our lives still dont feel ready for that kind of financial burden even though my dad has offered to contribute. It's starting to feel tacky, and at this point, I just really can't imagine walking down the aisle and not feeling like a complete joke. We've talked about eloping a lot over the years but the enthusiasm was never there to just get up and do it, even though we were living within driving distance of vegas for 2 years and both love pokevegas/etc. SO can't even talk about marriage because he's so focused on making money right now and stabilizing his life and finances for our child, which I can understand. He really can only focus on one major life thing at a time and I've grown to understand and accept his singular focus. We did register a domestic partnership a couple years ago, but that was also a couple states ago so it doesn't carry over. But we've made commitments to eachother.
I can't imagine living without my SO, trust me we've tested the relationship and there's been some strain over the years but despite everything we have gotten stronger and closer. Neither of us can imagine living without the other, we are best friends despite how frustrating things can be at times. But at this point I just don't like the idea of marriage. SO doesn't seem to care either way, which doesn't help. Maybe it's the stage of my life I'm in and I'll change my mind but for lack of a better word, it feels 'tacky' and it's a no brainer that we stay together because we are both dedicated to being good partners to eachother and good parents since we both come from broken homes. I'm sure this isn't helped by the fact that my mother was married 4 times, now divorced, and my dad 2 times, also now divorced. It just seems like a very expensive and out of reach prospect at this point. Am i too jaded? can anyone relate? Should I try for one and only one wedding in my life? Both of us have never been married. I'm starting to think that although at one point in my life I really wanted it, marriage is just no longer for me. Like I missed the boat or I've outgrown the idea of it. WDYT
tl;dr My SO and I are undoubtedly staying together but have moved on in our lives as if we are already married and are not particularly motivated to get married anymore.

Session 5 - Prison Break!
https://imgur.com/a/Hx3xpGr

The setup: the party had just managed to skirt a brewing riot in front of the city stockades and were now prepping to go into their first actual dungeon. I pulled in a few NPCs for some RP and dialogue in the upper chamber and the party had successfully escorted their quarry from Northshire to the prison. The party didn't pick up on the "most crimes are now a death sentence, especially defias affiliation" and listened to Padfoot's request to be taken to prison rather than killed on the spot. He definitely knew the prison break was imminent.

The session: So the party gets to the warden, an old, half-blind octegenarian that was conscripted to guard the prison alongside adolescents and pre-teens. One of the kids was trying to scold a prisoner for fashioning a defias mask out of the few blankets available to them, and was shanked for it, sparking the prison break. Outside, the townspeople caught wind of the murder and wanted to confront the warden directly about sending kids down to certain death.
The rogue hands over the bounty papers Dughan provided on the way to Northshire, but also takes a second to forge an extra crayoned-on zero to the bounty reward. So 500 becomes 5000 gold, the warden shrugs and accepts it because he's old and why not, the party is ecstatic. I make a note.

The Stockades: I'd built this before we'd acquired any actual terrain (beyond the river setting my WH40k player provided), and I'd had K'Nex from my childhood unearthed from the back of a closet since my wife and I had just bought a new house. The K'Nex being what they are meant that measuring things out and scaling it to what appears in game was remarkably smooth. I'd created a number of side rooms and accounted for roughly 5 enemies in each cell, and I'd roll a d4 to determine how many rounds it would be before a not-yet-cleared cell would send another wave at my party. Came out to be about 90 bandits possible, depending on how my party advanced.

Since this was earliest in my campaign writing, I hadn't yet thought of any mechanical fun to have except bog standard melee nonsense and the occasional cultist or madman. This is where I figure I have to spice things up going forward.
A problem I should've expected: My players picked up on the layout pretty quick and stood back at the entry hallway to create a bottleneck so that every new wave of enemies would have to go through that intersection, and the ranged PC's would just turn that square into an absolute meat grinder.
As they cleared the initial cells, I put a twilight cultist barricaded in one of the front ones that was preaching on a soapbox about the end times. He was a madman but had a small following gathered to hear him out, and eventually fight on his behalf. They snagged Val (mage) and swarmed him in melee in a cramped cell, a few followers blocking the small entrance and not allowing support to get in. Val's got a 1-per-short-rest wing buffet that will let him shift a few squares with his dragon wings, and some clutch use of frost nova let him get the upper hand.
Outside the cell, Xalatath woke up on Baldris' (Druid) belt. A failed Wisdom save later and he assured the party he'd cover Val and the rest should move deeper into the prison, and that he heard the cries of a trapped guard just out of view (this was corroborated by a low DC group perception check).
This worked twofold because Orfiz (rogue) couldn't make the session because of a Covid scare and couldn't dedicate time to participate online beyond just observing over a makeshift discord stream. After talking with both players before the session, we agreed Baldris would use this opportunity to knock Orfiz out and lock him in the first cleared cell. Orfiz told the party he was going to check for loot, and then clunk.
I put the bosses at the extreme ends of each branching hallway- Targorr The Dread, a large Orc barbarian beating up on a guard and a defias prisoner, to the west. Kam Deepfury, a Dark Iron dwarf still in his cell, to the east, and Bazil Thredd, the defias lieutenant, to the north.
Dorgon made it to the intersection and heard an orc grunt down the west hallway and just charged in solo. Ferren went to eavesdrop on a defias thug berating Kam. Val and Baldris were treating the beaten guards, Bazil intimidated them and caused them to run in and engage in combat. So all 3 bosses were pulled in a round.
I had a trap fashioned out of a hanging-light-thing in front of Bazil's cell, yknow like the old wooden chandeliers in dungeons and castles, that Bazil cut the rope on as a guard approached and knocked them down headfirst at his feet. Bazil used this opportunity to threaten to kill the guard if the players tried to stop the escape. The other rescued guard was searching a cell and found a healing potion (if a player had it, healing pot; if the guard had it, toilet water). The guard drank it and couldn't help in the fight because he was busy puking.
Dorgon going one on one with the orc meant he had to pull out all of the stops when it came to damage mitigation and the little self healing he had at the time. With heroic strike rerolls and stoneform and dull pain, it played out like the Saving Private Ryan knife scene.
Ferren overhears the defias telling Kam that he did his part and needs to commit further to the cause, and Kam just wasn't having it. Ferren killed the defias and approached Kam, who blew him off, and after one attempt of RP he basically gave the dwarf the finger and turned back to support the others fighting their own bosses. Kam's cell wasn't locked, and he took offense, so he followed Ferren back to the main intersection and started blasting away with a mysteriously acquired blunderbuss. The party was using crates around the hallways as cover, but didn't think to look in them or question how the bandits were armed with short bows and other non-shank weapons. Baldris was going boomkin to assist with Targorr and Bazil in the intersection but when Kam entered the fray he swapped to bear and kept the dark iron busy.
The guard's throat is cut, and Val goes loud with every high level spell slot he had left. Dorgon finishes up Targorr and charges back to the center intersection, catching eyes with Kam. Dorgon's player is a classic vet so he knew the relation between dwarven clans, and throws out a dwarven slur he intended to be one of those words you can only say the first letter of. I didn't make him roll, because I was laughing too hard, and I said "yep, you've got his attention now and even though he has a bear jaw latched on his arm he REALLY hates you, Dorgon".
The party mops up the bosses, and I don't dick around with them clearing out minions from every cell since they were just supposed to be fodder until the bosses anyhow. Targorr had a map to some place in the mountains where orcs were gathering called "ragefire chasm", and after rolling on a random loot table, Ferren got a disguise kit. That comes up later.
Orfiz is liberated by the party figuring he just got jumped by a wayward prisoner, Baldris chooses not to divulge what happened.
The party re-emerges from the stockades and is awarded their bounty. They question the girl who was throwing produce at Dorgon and Orfiz questions Padfoot. The session ends here, and Orfiz comes by my place during the off-week to have a solo session.
Been crazy busy with work and the holiday so I'll knock out the next few sessions with more mechanics and stuff in the next few days. Thanks for hanging around so far!
END OF SESSION 5
Up Next: Session 5.5 - Orfiz, Noir Private Eye

Overview:

• This is a comprehensive guide for how to create an outstanding resume so you set yourself up with the most success. Disclaimer: I am NOT a recruiter. The tips and resources I've linked have been a culmination of the words of wisdom and resources I've spent years learning about that I hope will benefit you.

Resources:

• Resume Templates:
  • Indeed Resume Builder (repository of many templates)
  • Reddit u/SheetsGiggles (good example template linked here)

Overview:

• 5 Guiding Principles:
  • Keep formatting consistent (use same font & style)
  • Keep resume to 1 page max (unless you have 5-10+ yrs work experience)
  • Don’t include pictures (wastes space)
  • Keep your accomplishments/professional history concise (keep it simple)
  • Make your resume as specific to the qualifications in the job you are applying for (customize your resume to the job)

​

• Work Experience
  • Keep it 4 dot points max per work experience/position if you have multiple
  • Your sentences should be action-oriented
    • Action (what you did) -> Result (what/who was impact, quantifiable if possible)
    • ex: Created first integration playbook resulting in successful API integrations with major client, leading to 5M increase in yearly revenue
  • If you have less than 5 years of work history, keep it to one page
  • If you have 5+ years of work history, you may use multiple pages, but be cautious about over including information
    • Oftentimes recruiters/managers spend at most 30 seconds reviewing through your whole resume
    • If you find yourself in a position without as much work history, include additional dot points describing the impacts you’ve had
    • If you have extensive work history, pick and choose the roles that are most applicable to the job you are applying for

​

• Education
  • Include this if you’ve had less than 5 years of work experience
  • Highlight any major accolades, scholarships, achievements
  • If you have over 5 years of work experience consider whether it makes sense to include your education
    • Is the school worth highlighting? Does it support the skill set/qualifications listed on the job description? If not, you could use that space to fit in something more relevant.

​

• Projects/Community Involvement
  • Good opportunity to highlight any projects or volunteering that you’ve done
  • If your work experience is solid, this is a good supplement to add to show you’re multifaceted and have other interests

​

• Skills/Additional Information
  • Highlight any certifications, awards, and unique skills
    • ex: project management certifications: PMP, CAPM, PMI-ACP, etc.
    • ex: if you’re bilingual, call out the other fluent languages
    • call out any platforms or services you’re skilled in using

​
Remember, simple is better! Keep your formatting simple and let your experience be the shining factor. Hope you find these tips helpful in making your resume STAND OUT!
If you’ve found this guide helpful and would like to stay connected, consider subscribing and following my YouTube channel:

• https://www.youtube.com/@themaxmao/videos
• https://www.linkedin.com/in/maxmao247/

Cheers,
Max

Gen X likes to talk about movies and TV shows that they remember from their youth, and I'm here for it. But what about books?
What books did you read while growing up, or even in early adulthood, that made an impression on you.
For me, it was:
1) On The Road - Jack Kerouac: 6 months after reading On The Road, I had quit my job, broken up with my fiancee, packed everything I owned into my car and went to live in another state. No other book had made me change my entire lifestyle like OTR did. Still a towering achievement.
2) Fear & Loathing In Las Vegas - Hunter S. Thompson: One of the few books where I literally laughed out loud while reading it. Funny, awkward, poignant, and with razor sharp insight, Dr. T takes us on a Hearts Of Darkness trip down through 70s Las Vegas looking for the American Dream. Still relevant even today.
3) Less Than Zero - Bret Easton Ellis: Yeah, American Psycho gets all the fame, but Ellis' exploration of the rich and disaffected youth of Southern California packs an even greater emotional punch, at least for me. Because, while I wasn't these kids, I KNEW these kids. There's often a comparison between LTZ and Bright Lights, Big City by Jay McInerney (which, honestly, might be the better book), I've always been drawn into this world and these characters more. Also, fuck that movie version.
4) A Home at the End of the World - Michael Cunningham: Four characters trying to find their place in the world, trying to understand, and ultimately redefine, the terms of family, friendship, love and relationships. Probably the most Gen X book I've ever read, in terms of what the characters have gone through, and what they are still going through in the story.
5) Microserfs - Douglas Coupland: Yes, his book Generation X gave our generation it's title, but Microserfs is one of the best descriptions of our coming of age.

AITA I “motivated” a hoarder roommate to move out.
Let me start off by saying I am the confrontational type. I was raised by an undiagnosed bi-polar father who was a neat freak and a mother who was a slob.
I am not emotionally capable of empathizing (in a living space situation) with hoarders, the mentally unstable, junkies, perpetrators of animal neglect, or any other personality type that causes a lack of regard for your personal surroundings and the space you share with other people.
When I first moved in, I was trying to be everyones friend. I worked at Dominos, so every night after work there was a pizza party for the whole apt. Chris (33) and Sara (32) both would come out and eat and smoke free weed that I supplied night after night.
Early on, i noticed that Chris would take my dishes to his room and they would sit for weeks. When they finally surfaced in the sink they were sticky with food debris, grease, cat hair, ash, and god knows what else. I got tired of asking for more consideration so I locked up my cabinet. Problem solved.
Chris very condescendingly lets me know that “Lock’s gotta go. You can’t put a lock up in a shared space.” I had made sure to fill only one out of 6 cabinets with only my dishes and cook-wear. I felt like I was being colonized, and this was actually on COLUMBUS DAY, ironically! I’m Native American so I drew a parallel, naturally.
Chris had a cat named Mona with no hair on her legs and according to him she’d “always been anxious.” I took his word for it, i had no reason not to believe whatever he said about his own pet at the time. I’d also not seen the inside of his room yet.
One day 2 months after moving in I come home to the worst combination of smells I’ve ever encountered.
I peeked into Chris’s room and he has piles and piles of clothing and trash that has all been sitting for months on end. Everything has cat piss all over it. Mona’s litterbox was full of feces piles that were overflowing onto the floor around the box.
There was basically no cleared walk way in the room anymore.
That was also the moment I realized Mona was kept in the room as a prisoner companion, and she had accepted piles of trash as her bed.
A mattress with no sheets, with urine and blood stains sits in the middle of the room surrounded by heaping piles and the floor littered with bottles, fast food bags, and food debris.
The cat was just “anxious” my ass. She was chewing shit and trash off of her legs after walking around his environment.
To top it all off, Chris had a candle burning on the very edge of his desk and I was just thinking “fire hazard.” I put out the candle and gave his cat water.
I confronted Chris when he returned about the fire hazard, him needing to at least keep it clean enough for a cat to be happy in the space, and let him know I would contact animal control or whoever I could contact to ensure his cat got a better life.
He came at me very condescending like I was a small kid who was caught rummaging through his personal belongings. He said “You know nobody is allowed in each others rooms, here, right?”
I let him have his ego/power trip about his personal space.
When he went to work I put kitty in the living room and proceeded to pile every last item and piece of trash right on his bare mattress.
I forced him to confront what he had built up and avoided right under his nose and before his eyes. What I had been forced to smell for months, causing me headaches and throat problems, was now firmly on his to-do list.
When he came home he called the police and my landlord to the house and claimed I was driving him to self-nixing ideas and that I was physically and verbally abusive, he felt unsafe, etc. Mind you I couldn’t be in the room to share my side without him switching back to being condescending. I talk and he cuts me off “Yeah, thanks, we’re talking here, bye, nobody asked”
Chris then has a full on nervous breakdown (faked imo, he was buddy buddy shit talking to me with his brother who came over to “protect him”
He had everyone but the landlord and I fooled and they were all buying his line of BS
Its also important (imo) to mention that Chris is a white/ginger engineering dropout from Michigan.
Anyways months go by and he’s padlocking his room now (LOL, like I want to go in there???) and never showing his face in public areas for more than a few seconds.
I decide to go on vacation for a month and my other roommate Ace tells me that was when he talked about me so much that he drove himself crazy and moved to a halfway house before I even came back.
Okay you know what, I’m obviously AN asshole, but I wanna know if I’m THE asshole or if EHS.
What I want to know more is: Would you do the same?
Edit: For everyone who asked about Mona: While I was on vacation Chris moved out and took Mona. I don’t know how fruitful it would be to report a person to animal control if you don’t know where they live.

After some research (asking here on relationship_advice, google, etc.), it turns out I have been in an abusive relationship for more than 5 years. I didn't even realize it, even though I did become suspicious that it just isn't normal to get hit by your SO.
The thing is that we've been talking these past few days, and I tend to leave the discussion open, without reaching a conclusion, because even though all sources tell me I should leave, I just can't bring myself to cut the cord.
If I do decide to be alone, she will leave and live with her dad. I have told her that it's best for us to just end it, but then she tells me I won't ever find anyone like her, who knows me so well and loves me so much. That I will regret it and if we do break up, she will become a ghost and never talk to me again. Hearing that stuff hurts, and it may in fact be true.
To be honest, I truly haven't tried my hardest in fixing our relationship, but with the things that are happening (her hitting me (not constantly, but the fear of this escalating down the road if we move our relationship further is just overwhelming), her not wanting to visit my family in the past 8 months, me not having anyone to talk about this, her constant wanting to check my cellphone, all our problems piled up, etc) and I am just afraid of breaking up because if we proceed, I might always regret not trying and these thoughts just have me on limbo and I think I am even depressed.
Has anyone here gone through something similar?

I had Callam for 2510. He seemed to actually care about his students, he was super encouraging, and I thought his tests were fair. He’s also the prof who did this in 2016: https://twitter.com/espn/status/772895013617491969?s=46&t=hdgg9RNfB73VfxbMO7YDqA So, obviously, pretty chill. He curved about two letter grades (eg. if you have a D you’ll end with a B). I’m pretty certain he only teaches fall semester, and if it helps when scheduling, I had him from 12:40-1:35 in McPherson.
I had Nagib for 2520. Avoid him at all costs. He speaks so softly, with no personality, which makes the boring content he’s teaching even harder to listen to. He made the weekly quizzes more difficult, because he didn’t like how high the averages were. He was just useless in every possible way. I learned more from the TAs than I did from him. He also taught so many things incorrectly— eg. hydrogens would just pop off of molecules with no explanation (if we were to do this on an exam, we would get the question wrong). He also curved a lot less than Callam did— a little bit over 1 letter grade. Again, if it helps with scheduling, I had him spring semester from 12:40-1:35 in McPherson.

Di ko na rin talaga alam what’s an ideal guy para sakin, met a few people and connected naman even though di yun inisip ko na magugustuhan ko. So here we go hahah
About me: - Currently in Manila - Can hold a conversation kahit anong topic pa yan basta interested ka we’ll talk about it. - 5’10” - Moreno and average build - Plays PC games, switch, gacha - Soft boi (not too effem)
About you:

• Looking for something serious din
• Someone with a talking voice (malalim boses)
• Someone who can make time for me
• Can cater my love language na words of affirmation
• Can hold a convo (Dude, necessary to. Di tayo magwowork if ako lang tanong ng tanong)
• top/side (just in case lang we get to that part hahah)
• Astigin pero baduy talaga
• Mapangasamapagbiro na may suyo
• Preferably not too far or kayang kaya icommute yung place
• Asks things about each other and is willing to know one another
• Can keep things private about us but not a secret

Just chat me sana with a short intro about yourself. Cant really say much with “hi” for starters

I'm fairly new here, I've mainly just been a lurker. I've been overweight my entire life usually sitting between 180/190 lbs until I went to college when I got to 200 lbs and then 220lbs. I figured it was a combination of stress and school and Covid so I just made more of an effort to watch portions sizes and what I ate. But then in October 2022 I noticed my period was coming every 2 months instead of 1 month and in the time between when it should have started and when it actually did I would feel miserable. Time progressed and come December I realized I unintentionally gained 30 pound and was at 250lbs. I was in school so I couldn't do much but I made an appointment for May. Since January I've noticed these massive red stretch marks, constantly tired, frequent acid reflux, and still an abnormal cycle. When I finally got to the doctor they did tests and noticed I had what they assumed was fatty liver. So they told me to just lose weight, and said my abnormal menstrual cycle was because of the weight gain even though the weight gain came after the abnormal cycles. I ended up getting in to see a specialist but not til September. I am so embarrassed though between the weight gain and the stretch marks and being told I have a fatty liver. So I said I would give weight loss a try this summer. This morning I went for a 30 minute walk and walked about 1.3 miles over mostly hilly terrain. Instead of a whole bacon, egg and cheese, sandwich I tried just making eggs with a little cheese and a scoop of peanut butter on the side for brunch. I know this is a lot of word vomit but I'm writing this out for accountability and to keep track of my plan.
I usually only eat two meals as is and snacks are very minimal. I plan to stick to the two meals, making a more conscious decision to eat less junk foods, making decisions like no bread or low carb bread instead, doing less on drinking away my calories in terms of soda and alcohol (trying to slowly wean off caffeine), etc. When there is something unhealthy I want I plan to focus on watching portion sizes. I also plan to track foods the best I can as I don't always have control on what I eat that might be not as accurate. I also plan to walk daily for at least 30 minutes and for fun (or rainy days) I'm getting either Fitness Boxing or Ring Fit Adventure (Maybe both) for my switch.
My only exception will likely be my birthday (as I turn 21), and maybe one-two other special occasions.
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I'm nervous though. What else am I missing? Any tips in terms of ways to make exercising fun (i.e. games or fun routines), what to eat, etc. I don't have anyone else in my life I can really go to for support on this so I'm here to hopefully find a community.

Hi everyone,
I was wondering what the general consensus is on a 401k loan. My assumption is the interest paid back goes back into my account, so if the interest rate is higher than the current market's return rate, then I'd be better off doing the loan (given I don't do additional investments).
I'm thinking of taking out a loan to pay off credit card debt at a 9.25% interest rate over 3-5 years (undecided on the length of the loan). I'd save money on credit card interest payments and I'd get a 9.25% annual return from repayments to my 401k account. Now, if the market performs better than 5% annually, I'd end up losing money over the next few years, but if it doesn't, I could potentially end up with more money in my 401k. The breakeven point seems to be the market gaining ~4.8% each year consistently. If the market performs great at ~8% per year returns over the lifetime of the loan, then I'd be out a few thousand bucks.
I do not intend on changing my current contributions to my 401k either way, but was hoping for advice from others with experience on this. I currently contribute the company match, and it equals out to ~18% of my paycheck when including my employers contribution.
Are there tax penalties for doing a loan?
As I consistently make payments towards the loan, do the payments and interest paid go back into my 401k immediately, on a monthly basis, and begin accumulating market return values?
Is this a good idea, or will I be crippling myself long-term? I still have 35 years to my retirement, but have a relatively hefty sum for my age in my 401k. I'd be taking out roughly a third of what I have in my retirement account with the loan.
Thanks!

I knew my group would want to participate in every event, and while they are skill based there was two that stood out to me as uninteresting (personal opinion). I ended up replacing both the One-Shot Solution and the Wetwalks paddywhack with an archery contest and a dance contest respectively. If anyone is interested I’ll post how I did them below:
Archery Contest:
This essentially boiled down to a series of attacks with increasing ACs. Each contestant received 5 arrows to hit 3 targets. The first target was set at 30 ft. and had a AC of 10, the second at 60 ft. With an AC of 14, and the final target was also 60 ft. but the Goblin running the event was using mage hand to move it back and forth so it had an AC of 18. Four members of my party participated with two succeeding.
Dance Contest:
I made this a paired event. With a party of 5 one person was left out of both our party and the rival party, so our Fairy Ranger ended up dancing with Maggie the Ogre. This led to some great roleplay. Mechanically the contest worked in a series of performance checks with the average being taken from each pair. We did 3 checks and then added each average roll from the pairs. Irvan and Galsariad ended up taking the medal.
Edit: I should note that I made this the final event of the day before the finale taking place just before the closing ceremonies so that both groups culminated in one place in their entirety.
If anyone wants to replace any of the events I hope this post can serve as inspiration or as a resource!

aAa after 4 months and 7 days of being an independent contractor, i reached one of my goals: save 6 months worth of expenses!
my estimated monthly expenses right now is around 20k and my savings reached 120k+ this cutoff. im a graduating student (22F) and im planning to live alone after grad so im expecting my expenses to increase to 30-35k a month. breakdown would be:
14k - rent 5k - water + utilities (overestimated) 2k - wifi 10k - grocery + food 2k - laundry and transpo
for rent, since ill be living solo i want to value security and accessibility. my budget is at most 14k and units ive seen around that price is semi-furnished naman (ref nalang ata need ko bilhin) and may windows for natural light. its also near MRT and 3.5 km away from my workplace. ill be in hybrid setup (will start july) and baka mga once a week lang ang RTO.
i tried searching for other places na cheaper but ang tradeoff ay security (for apartments), and yung iba from the pics wala masyado natural light. ill be working on my day job (40k basic + allowances) and two independent contractor jobs at night or during weekends (60-65k combined).
even if i feel like i can sustain myself given that jobs, im still worried na baka bigla ako iterminate sa independent contractor jobs ko huhu. ayon lang naman ang aking kinababahala.
im planning to look for a unit owner na papayag na for 6 months contract lang and when the unexpected happen, ill look for a cheaper place.
what do you think? any advice? also, is it worth it to reserve a unit as early as now? (ill try to haggle and make the move in period around last week of june or first week of july)
note: im also renting now near the campus (4k all in) and move out will be in first week of august pa. idk if justifiable ba na gumastos for a one month rent to settle (14k) agad and para na rin my tutulugan parents ko during the graduation since mas mauuna ako magwork bago ang graduation proper (end of july)
++ alsoo worth it ba maglive alone after grad? hehe