Blues clues steve gets the sniffles
I don't *want to* want to kill myself
2023.03.26 11:54 pandanitemare I don't *want to* want to kill myself
But I want to, more than anything in my life right now. I know I have a future but I can't imagine it. I haven't been able to for months, maybe even a year. I'm young and I have so much to live for, but really what am I living for now?
I can't get a job, not for a lack of trying. I've spent over a year putting in application after application for a job but I'm not even getting interviews. I'm not able to go to school right now, and I literally have no friends. My family was abusive in every way except sexual all my life and only my mom is realizing it NOW, but I'm 21 and I have siblings so she doesn't think she has to be a mom to me now. She only ever messages me now to complain about my dad since they're divorced and how he's abusing my siblings and how she can't do anything about it (she can, she chooses not to, I know because i was going to try to fight for custody when i turned 18 so i was looking into how to get primary custody), and my stepdad that shes married to, and my stepmom whos only 7 years older tham me. Occasionally she messages me out of the blue apologizing how she sacrificed me to save the other 2, and how she's sorry that she failed me and could have helped me with college.
I was forced into parentfication, I never got my childhood, I didn't get help from my parents and now I have an extensive mental illness history. I'm no contact with my dad and his family, and with one of my siblings (the sibling wasn't my choice, it was theirs)
I got married, I moved across the world. Way faster than we should have. Known each other for 2 years before we dated, got engaged 2 weeks afterwards, and got married 6 months later. He promised me the world and I fell for it, but I also used him as an escape from my life I had. In hindsight, it was a mistake going so fast.
He's made my birthday about him, he's made Christmas about him. I had to go to the ER to find out I have a disease we don't know the cause of is, I'll literally go blind, and he ignored me and neglected me. We talked about it over a dozen times and nothing changes. I basically have to be his caregiver too when I can barely take care of myself now.
I can't hold a conversation for the life of me. I've only ever experienced truama and nobody wants to hear that all of the time. I don't know who I am and I can't do things I want to make friends and meet people because he's an apprentice who makes minimum wage and we have bills for my visa and new medical bills. I had to get a fucking spinal tap.
He keeps spending all of our money on his things and lies to me about it because he feels "ashamed". He doesn't even see his therapist (which he gets to go for free because he's Aboriginal). He broke his phone out of anger and then didn't even fucking get it fixed. His SISTER had to take it herself.
He has AuADHD and has finally realized his ADHD is effecting our lives a lot more than he thought originally. He says he'll fix it and get medicated and get help for EVERYTHING including neglecting me AND HE STILL DOESN'T DO ANYTHING.
I have nothing to live for and I can no longer live out of spite. I have been alone my entire life and I can't keep going. I don't want to kill myself but I've started writing the letters. I just don't have the energy anymore. I can't afford a therapist anymore.
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2023.03.26 11:52 shellready #1 BEST SHOP ANEXLY.US HIGH QUALITY ACCOUNTS CHEAP PRICES SUPPORT 24/7
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2023.03.26 11:52 Otherwise_Status6565 Never going to be alone again
I feel absolutely terrible posting this, but even worse saying it out loud and I need an outlet. I’m on day 3 with a new 1yo rescue dog and I can’t stop thinking “I can’t do this!” I see people post about puppy blues, and I can’t tell if that’s what I’m experiencing or if I just shouldn’t have a dog.
For context, she is basically a dream. No accidents in the house, calm, already understands gentle biting, etc. I feel like I’m in the best case scenario with her.
And yet I keep thinking about how I just wish I could still: be alone, sit on my phone, not have to keep a schedule, could literally waste time however I want, etc. Honestly, it feels like the same feeling I always get at a certain point in relationships, which I then stress about and break up with them. Am I terrible? Or am I just running into the standard feelings/my own issues?
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2023.03.26 11:50 jeopardy_themesong I’ve been taking depression showers for months now.
What is a depression shower, you ask? I wash my hair (which I keep super short, so it’s not taxing) and any crevices that can hold a smell.
Now, before you think I smell like a Magic the Gathering tournament, I’m not a monster. I completely change clothes every day, apply deodorant 1-2 times a day, and do laundry whenever my store of clean clothes gets low. And my spouse, who knows I struggle with this aspect of self care and so regularly reminds me, hasn’t cottoned on to these half assed showers either.
Been going like this for months, because it’s the best I can do RIGHT NOW.
It’s nearly 3am here. I’m procrastinating going to sleep, because that means “tomorrow” is Sunday and the Sunday Scaries means I have to go back to work. I have a love hate relationship with my job so this is really hard.
Today I took a real shower, and even took it a bit further and exfoliated the dry skin I’m self conscious about. Even put on moisturizer.
Am I going to be able to do it again tomorrow? No fuckin’ clue. But I did it today, and that’s something.
If you’re struggling, I see you.
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2023.03.26 11:50 DarkAngel358 Advice on dating a girl
I am bisexual and polyamorous. I have a male fiancé that is aware of my bisexuality and consents to me being poly and dating girls.
That being said…
I’ve been seeing this really cute girl at my local bookstore/coffee shop (she is a barista). I’ve only seen her a few times and every time I do I just wish I could get to know her and ask her out.
Part of me thinks she might be “not straight” but I’m not sure. I’m mainly going off of stereotypes and general vibes. She has long brown and blue hair that she wears in a ponytail, wears plaid often, and likes quiche. I would ask her but I don’t want her to out herself in public if she is. And even if she is or isn’t, I don’t know if she’s taken. I’m scared to ask her out because that location is where I get my coffee and I don’t want our future encounters to be awkward.
I don’t even know how to start a conversation with her because I keep freezing and only the words “you look nice today” keep falling out of my mouth. I’m neurodivergent and I’ve never dated a girl before and I’ve never been good at dating in general. I don’t know where to begin. What to say? What to do? I can’t even really drive aside from my fiancé driving me places. Plus, I’m tight on money right now due to bills. Is there even a chance for me to date her? I don’t know where to go, what to do, or even how I’ll be able to do it.
Can anyone please offer me any advice?
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2023.03.26 11:49 DarkAngel358 Advice about dating a girl
I am bisexual and polyamorous. I have a male fiancé that is aware of my bisexuality and consents to me being poly and dating girls.
That being said…
I’ve been seeing this really cute girl at my local bookstore/coffee shop (she is a barista). I’ve only seen her a few times and every time I do I just wish I could get to know her and ask her out.
Part of me thinks she might be “not straight” but I’m not sure. I’m mainly going off of stereotypes and general vibes. She has long brown and blue hair that she wears in a ponytail, wears plaid often, and likes quiche. I would ask her but I don’t want her to out herself in public if she is. And even if she is or isn’t, I don’t know if she’s taken. I’m scared to ask her out because that location is where I get my coffee and I don’t want our future encounters to be awkward.
I don’t even know how to start a conversation with her because I keep freezing and only the words “you look nice today” keep falling out of my mouth. I’m neurodivergent and I’ve never dated a girl before and I’ve never been good at dating in general. I don’t know where to begin. What to say? What to do? I can’t even really drive aside from my fiancé driving me places. Plus, I’m tight on money right now due to bills. Is there even a chance for me to date her? I don’t know where to go, what to do, or even how I’ll be able to do it.
Can anyone please offer me any advice?
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DarkAngel358 to
polyamory [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 11:46 typer_fibre23 ALevel subject choice stress- please help!
We've just finished up our mocks for iGCSEs in our school and they're already asking us for what we would like to do in ALs. I want to pursue engineering or something related to that in the future so I'm definitely going for Maths and Physics. I wanted to choose economics as well since I get good grades in that and its fun but I'm really back and forth on my last choice. I want to do either Computer science, chemistry or literature. I haven't taken Computer science at the gcse level so I have zero clue on how I'll do. I'm really good at literature and I enjoy it but I'm not sure whether taking two unrelated subjects would help me when I apply for Uni. I don't really like doing chemistry but realistically its the best option for me. The reason I didn't mention FM is because I'm not sure if I'd be able to handle the course. I did take further maths for GCSE but still.. Please help me in my choice!!
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typer_fibre23 to
alevel [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 11:44 weirdalsuperfan First time build; Portable/SLIM, gaming, programming, casual video editing, emulation, VR
Please show me the path to not overheat, oh great ones!
What will you be doing with this PC? Be as specific as possible, and include specific games or programs you will be using.
- Gaming, Programming, Virtual machines, VR, maybe some video editing, Windows 10 Pro latest version with WSL2
- WSL2, Genymotion, Android Studio, Dropbox, Chrome, pcsx2, makemkv, playstation now and remote play, Tekken 8, Vscode, Django, Plover
- amazon music, windows media player, OBS, logitech capture, desktophut or similar for video wallpaper
- Postgresql, FF9 moguri mod, VR chat, VR Virtual Desktop or equivalent, Half Life: Alyx, modded fallout new vegas, preferably Cyberpunk (max settings not necessary, but want ray/path tracing or w/e) , preferably hooking up a midi keyboard, preferably RPCS3 PS3 emulator
- possibly Davinci resolve, possibly stuff from Topaz Labs, possibly sklearn/pytorch/tensorflow, likely openCV and tesseract
What is your maximum budget before rebates/shipping/taxes?
When do you plan on building/buying the PC? Note: beyond a week or two from today means any build you receive will be out of date when you want to buy.
What, exactly, do you need included in the budget? (ToweOS/monitokeyboard/mouse/etc)
- Everything but peripherals. I need the case/tower included.
Which country (and state/province) will you be purchasing the parts in? If you're in US, do you have access to a Microcenter location?
- Florida, US - no microcenter
If reusing any parts (including monitor(s)/keyboard/mouse/etc), what parts will you be reusing? Brands and models are appreciated.
- ASUS BW-16D1HT bluray drive inside OWC Mercury Pro sata > usb enclosure, moergo glove80 wireless keyboard, blue yeti mic, logi mx master 2s mouse, logitech webcam C980GR, casio privia px 360-M, acer H236HL 23-inch LCD monitor, microsoft wireless display adapter, JBL bluetooth headphones, seagate backup plus drive, dell wired sk-8125 keyboard or similar, apple earpods, ps4 and xbox controllers, ethernet cable
Will you be overclocking? If yes, are you interested in overclocking right away, or down the line? CPU and/or GPU?
- Maybe later but I don't know how or why to so I don't plan to initially; btw I want this PC to last (with periodic replacements)
Are there any specific features or items you want/need in the build? (ex: SSD, large amount of storage or a RAID setup, CUDA or OpenCL support, etc)
- 64 GB RAM upgradable to 128 (so maybe 2x32 w/2-4 slots?)
- 1TB+ main SSD (and on top of that I'll definitely have another external drive or want more hd space, but I can get that later unless it's better to fit it in the case)
- support for VR, VMs, wacom/touch screens/ink
- good multithreading
- needs to support 4k and preferably ultra-widescreen/curved stuff; ideally even projectors
What type of network connectivity do you need? (Wired and/or WiFi) If WiFi is needed and you would like to find the fastest match for your wireless router, please list any specifics.
- Need both wired and wireless. tp-link archer a10 pro at the moment but might want something better. Ideally supports 10 gigabit internet (or upgrading to), and MUST support 1GB since I already have that
Do you have any specific case preferences (Size like ITX/microATX/mid-towefull-tower, styles, colors, window or not, LED lighting, etc), or a particular color theme preference for the components?
- if at all possible, able to transport in a regular backpack; whatever is thinnest without being too long (for reference, my backpack can only fit 17.5 in) - otherwise, at least able to transport easily via suitcase+backpack combination
- want microSD, idk if VGA is possible but if I can get both that and HDMI that'd be cool; needs a 3.5mm headphone jack, needs at least 3 USB A and 2 USB-C ports
Do you need a copy of Windows included in the budget? If you do need one included, do you have a preference?
- I guess I'm including that in the budget - I'm planning on spending $110 on Windows 10 Pro retail already; so $2900 budget
Extra info or particulars:
- either i7 or i9 with integrated graphics for troubleshooting
- The loudest my current pc gets is about 50 DB right next to the fans, about 25 DB a foot away, so I'd like to stay about that quiet if possible
- I basically want something upgradable/salvagable every 3-6 years for life (if that's realistic), so I want something top of the line now that will last me a while - it doesn't need to be top of the line in 5 years (I've never had great graphics so I don't mind not upgrading those for 5 years)
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weirdalsuperfan to
buildapcforme [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 11:42 Icy-Cycle6470 I feel guilty about hating to go to church
This is a throw away account.
I grew up with a family who is heavily religious and frowns upon anyone who doesn’t attend church. I’m 20 now, still living with my family since they’re housing me while I attend university. I am forever grateful that they didn’t kick me out, but since I’m still under their roof I still have to follow their rules.
Maybe it’s just an Asian thing, or maybe just a strict parent thing. Either way, they don’t take no for an answer. Ive seen how they talk horribly behind the rest of the families backs. About how they’re going to hell for not attending masses on Sunday. Usually I can bear it, suck it up because if I speak out it would honestly get worse. But as of late the church I’m forced to attend has been giving transphobic and homophobic sermons.
I can’t help but always tear up whenever I’m forced to sit through them. I can’t leave, and I can’t cry. Because if I cry, my parents would just tell me to get over it after.
My family knows about me being gay, when I came out though they went on that iconic homophobic rant about how I’d go to hell and how it’s “Adam and Eve, not adam and steve blah blah blah.” But they came around enough to tolerate and pretend i never came out. Though I learned my lesson about coming out as gay to them. If i were to ever come out to them as non-binary, I think they would have actually murdered me.
But yeah I feel guilty and I feel as if I owe my parents to attend a place that makes me miserable.
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Icy-Cycle6470 to
offmychest [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 11:40 Iron_Chef12 Trying to restart my journey in Interior Design and Architecture. Need some guidance to figure out how
First off I apologize if this post isn't relevant to the sub. Hello everyone! I’m a 24 year old with a bachelors degree in Interior Design from a fairly decent institute in South India. I had finished my final semester exams in May-June 2020, around the time when Covid kicked off. I had a somewhat clear plan of pursuing masters in Interior Architecture somewhere in the UK or Italy.
Thing is, my father got really sick during the first wave of Covid and I had to take care of the family business for 7-8 months. Going abroad to study was a no go because of how dire the situation was in Europe around that time. So I reluctantly told myself that maybe I should take this time to better my skills and postpone my plans for masters by a year. It’s been 3 years and I’m still stuck at my family business, because my parents have somewhat pressured me into accepting that my father needs a helping hand and once he retires, it’s up to me to run the business. Over these past 3 years, I’ve tried multiple times to explain to my parents how Design and Architecture is the field I wanna pursue but they haven’t budged. I even went rogue for a couple of weeks and didn’t show at work, went to a cafe to sit and work on my projects from university, trying to improve my portfolio but that didn’t work for long. Even now, I don’t think I can take time out in the day to work on my designs cause my business is a proper 11 hour shift from 10 am to 9 pm. I tried staying up for a few nights and that took a toll on my health.
Right now I’ve accepted that the only way I can pursue what I want is by putting in the effort and stay up in the nights irrespective of how that affects me. “Short term discomfort for long term peace” is what I tell myself everyday.
What I need help with is that over these 3 years, I feel like I’ve lost touch with design and what I learnt at my university and that scares me so much, cause I don’t want to be stuck with the family business all my life. I can’t figure out how to kick start my learning again. How am I supposed to go about it? Start sketching, read up on design articles and websites, start practicing my software’s again? I’ve got zero clue. I just need to know how to begin, cause I know that if I focus and put in the effort, I’ll figure it out as I go along.
I also wish to work under a designer for a year or two and then try and pursue masters, but that I think is for me to figure out at a later stage.
Hoping to get some guidance from the this community.
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Iron_Chef12 to
india [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 11:33 remix_tape I want to go back to freeletics because of @unjani (IG)
Before getting pregnant in 2020, I did Freeletics from 2019 - Oct 2020 (when I found out I was pregnant. After getting pregnant, I was only allowed to go back to my regular Freeletics exercise in January 2022. I did Freeletics for a year Jan 2022-Dec 2022, and hardly noticed any difference. I did lose post-partum weight and toned up a bit.
After reading Blue Zones (book about the longest-living people in the world), I decided to switch to Yoga. Because I'm afraid doing too much HIIT might be bad for my joints when I grow old...
Three months into practicing Yoga, I noticed much more definition in my abs and legs, but the other day I saw a picture of a woman freeletics ambassador @unjani with a four-pack!
I'll be honest, I was envious and that made me want to go back to freeletics.... before I do so, I just want to ask these questions:
- How long did you start noticing gains? (especially for women!) If I remember correctly, Unjani has been doing freeletics since 2014. That's why she probably has badass gains.
- What have been the downsides of doing HIIT for you?
- How do you think HIIT will affect your longevity (in terms of joints etc)?
- How many times a week do you do Freeletics?
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remix_tape to
freeletics [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 11:33 Leather_Guava_1690 2 pearlescents in one night!
I'm currently overwhelmed with happiness and this is an insane feeling. A couple of days ago I posted on how I finally acquired the Ajax Ogre and that was such an accomplishment for me as I wanted a good version of it for a while and only got heavy variants. After I got my Ogre I started farming the armory again since I wanted to get a pearl (if it was possible), I farmed the armory for so many runs that I lost count. Back in may of 2020 I dedicated a whole week to getting a pearl and 3 days in of spending the whole day doing armory runs I got a pearl at 4 in the morning. It was a Nemesis and although the stats were not the best, it was still a pearl and I was so happy.
It's been almost 3 years since and I never thought I'd see one ever again untill today, I managed to get A Tsunami and Bessie in the SAME night!
The amount of dopamine that I felt when seeing that cyan hue off of the beam and triple checking if it's not simply a pair blue and green guns at an angle was crazy to say the least.
Here are the stats (the Tsunami is sadly pretty bad but I am really happy with the Bessie)
HZ 500 C COBALT TSUNAMI
Level: 66
Damage: 361
Accuracy: 95.3
Fire Rate: 4.2
18 mag size
4.3x Weapon Zoom
DVL450 ZZ FEARSOME BESSIE
Level: 67
Damage: 1615
Accuracy: 98.8
Fire Rate: 0.4
2.8x Weapon Zoom
+121 Damage
+500% Critical Hit Damage
6 mag size
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Leather_Guava_1690 to
Borderlands [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 11:31 Jerri_man Entry turntable (automatic) in Aus?
Hey all, sorry if this has been asked to death but the products on every single post/list I've been through on the subject have been out of stock/not available anywhere/3x listed price on ebay here (even accounting for austax).
I've got a budget of ~$400 and I'd like to get a record player preferably with a built in pre-amp, keeping things simple. Besides that I really have no clue what I'm looking for and the local store I went into gave me bad vibes, felt like they were just pushing to up-sell me and took a walk.
Flair is what I'll be listening to for the most part, if that makes any difference. Thank you for any and all advice
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Jerri_man to
vinyl [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 11:29 Gaylittlebrother Been curious about what this was
A couple months ago I was getting in bed and just laid down sideways facing the wall, behind me I locked my door and left the tv on a screensaver. I saw a weird blue light on the wall and suddenly it felt like there was a tornado in my room, i could feel abnormal gusts of wind everywhere surrounding me, i just stayed awake staring at the wall for like 10 minutes when it suddenly stopped, have never gotten this to occur a 2nd time so I have no idea what had happened.
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Gaylittlebrother to
Paranormal [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 11:28 evilbubblefrog94 Advice please
I've compiled a list of my major issues with this man. I have discussed until I am blue in the face with him. Do you think we have any hope.
- Never matched your loving energy which has had a negative impact on how you show love.
- Didn't compliment you / show affection for years
- Didn't change until he had to change
- He is willing to go to the extreme to lie to you. So much so you never know what to believe.
- Never would have found out secrets if you didn't go digging for them. He has never came forward voluntarily
- Would use manipulation to guilt you for spending time with family/friends
- Guilted you about wedding band but would never save to buy you one that fit.
- When trying seriously to get pregnant he wouldn't try to help you/ease stress in anyway.
- Always uses excuses to cover himself
- Emotionally neglected you for years. Hit it's peak when mom passed away.
- Does not take care of you when you're sick
- Lied about using a condom with girl he slept with while split
- He never "showed you off"
- Got upset when bestfriend needed you after molestation incident
- Emotionally abandoned you when mom passed away
- Played video games for days/weeks/hours not acknowledging you.
- He used your mom's money and guilted you when you ask him to stop
- He tried to kick you out of his car & the clamed abuse when you put your middle finger on him in response the abandoned you there.
- He has tried to turn people against you
- Sociopath or narcissist
- All the girls he talked to were "friends"
- Lied about his virginity for 10 years & went to extremes to cover it up
- Stonewalls and gaslights constantly
- Your hair started to fall out & grew back when he left.
- Made your own manager act shitty towards you & knew why but didn't tell you
- Promised to go to go to therapy, and get std test. Still hasn't looked into it
Pros
- Been together 10 year, he knows everything about you & you can talk to him anything
- Enjoy some of the same hobbies
- Can be lazy & a pothead with him
- Can have nerd conversations with him
- Has never called me names
- Doesnt yell
- Has always stood by your side when times got harsh.
- Helps with house cleaning 9.
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evilbubblefrog94 to
Marriage [link] [comments]
2023.03.26 11:18 Fantastic_Thanks_790 Voice Acting [NS]
Hey daddies! I'm just wondering if anyone would help with myself getting into voice acting?
I've been into this show for a long ass time and I love these guys. Really gotten me out of many dark places. Anthony really has inspired me in creative writing with my own DND sessions. I do grab a fair few ideas from this podcast!
I live is Australia, and I love doing different voices for all of my characters. Now that I have been doing this for a while, my mates have asked as to whether or not I have ever thought about voice acting, which I have. They have since told me to just go and do it but I have no clue where to start? So i figured I would come to my fellow daddies and ask if anyone has done this kind of thing before?
I work away a lot so i practice different voices in the work car alone, and boy oh boy I must look like a fucking weirdo to most people of the road hahaha
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Fantastic_Thanks_790 to
DungeonsAndDaddies [link] [comments]