I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty Krab Careers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full [R-word censored by jobs] to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.

Foundations of Humanity 27 (New Horizons) - an NoP fanfic
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Thank you u/SpacePaladin15 for establishing the Nature of Predators Universe, and for allowing Fanfics to flourish!Thank you again, u/Braquen, u/Acceptable_Egg5560, u/BiasMushroom721, and last but not least u/Liberty-Prime76 for proofreading! Also, thank you u/Frostborne for your blessing on my Gojid City name! This is my side of the Nature of a Giant crossover)!
Also Star Tours is a Disney copyright which I use in good faith and humor under fair use please don’t hurt me capitalist mouse daddy.
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Memory transcription subject: Valek, Venlil tourist
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Middle of 3rd Claw
I watched Maeve find an open station and investigate the helmet while I asked, “Do Humans have Visor arcades?”
“Oh, absolutely! There’s an entire League for VR!” Maeve awkwardly slipped into the seat and found the controls; after a moment the seat started to adjust itself to size, the sudden movement causing Maeve to jump.
Alvi spoke up beside me, “Maeve has a book that talks about it. It talked about headsets and digital worlds like what we have, over a hundred years ago!”
“A hundred years ago?” I couldn’t help but be skeptical. “Are you really saying that our tech is a hundred years behind yours with VR?”
“Eh, not exactly,” Maeve tilted her head as she thought, “with things like visors, there was an upper limit to how to design them. Most of the innovations were on how realistic the visors could make the media. We got video down pretty quickly, and surround-sound was pretty much figured out by then. We experimented with scent and that did not go well. Really most of the progress has been in processing, and you guys still have us beat on that!”
She picked up the viewing device. There were three kinds of stations with different sized helmets for each. The first she investigated were Dossur to Zurulian sized, but it only took a moment to find a Sivkit to Gojid size. “Looks like these could fit me. Can you two wait long enough to see if this works with humans?”
I flicked my ears in amusement and posed myself overdramatically. “I’m sure that I, your poor starving mate, can continue starving while you enjoy yourself.” I giggled while Alvi slapped me with her tail. “Go on, have fun! I’m also curious to see if the program would work with your eyes.”
With a look around to ensure no one was watching, Maeve switched her veil for the helmet, after only a few moments of effort. The collar thickness was adjustable to help the foam complete a clean seal against the jaw. I touched my pre-paid band to the tap pad, and the machine shifted colors to show it was occupied. The helmet was designed for snouted species, and so hung somewhat past Maeve’s chin, allowing us to see light reflected off her skin.
A screen beside her lit up with the mask, and we could see what she saw while she played. Alvi and I walked her through the tutorial and calibrator, and Maeve chose Jewels of the Federation at my suggestion; a simple walking simulator showcasing highlights of Federation homeworlds.
The simulator starts us in the same arcade, in the same booth! A well-groomed Venlil stands beside her and reminds Maeve of her private tour. Maeve ‘walks’ while still seated and lifts her virtual self from the digital booth, following the guide to a launch pad that didn’t previously exist. Alvi and I stopped in shock for a moment when a noticeably younger Captain Sovlin walked down the gangway of our destination shuttle; though judging by Maeve’s lack of reaction, she seemed not to recognize him; Alvi met my eye and pointedly flicked her ears. The simulated Gojid pilot wags their ears genially as they throw their arms wide in welcome.
“Good waking, citizen of the Federation! Star Tours has invited me to escort you on an introduction to the astounding marvels of our great peoples! Every species has made wondrous contributions to the enlightenment of the Federation, but the strayu is in the oven, so we’ll only get the time to visit your own Venlil Prime, The Cradle, and Nishtal today. Follow me and we can begin!”
Maeve followed Sovlin into the cockpit of the stylized shuttle and took the copilot seat; Maeve’s head was on a swivel and she took in everything around her. “Wow, this is so cool! Your whole helmet is a screen! Our VR is only in front of our eyes, tricking our brains into seeing three dimensionally.” Her voice echoed around the helmet, muffling her words before they could reach us..
The shuttle lifted gently and Maeve’s chair tilted back with it. Coming up, we could see that this arcade was in the Capitol, and they did a flying pass to show its glass spires and bustling spaceport. Sovlin spoke up beside Maeve, “The Venlil Homeworld is in a strategic position within the Federation, and you make your people proud by fulfilling your duty to the Herd; in spite of your weakness and timidity!!”
The shuttle started to pitch to the open center of the city, and a large park came into view. “But, as I-” Sovlin’s voice caught in his throat, before he cleared it and spoke with firm authority, “As we all know: Duty sometimes comes with Sacrifice. And we honor and remember that… sacrifice with the beautiful Cattle Memorial!”
The vines of Morning Light catch the sun, and I feel my ears fall as I remember my own family’s sacrifices. Alvi caught my distress, and curled her tail around me as the simulation continued, “Here we remember the lives lost from the ruthless barbarity of the Greys. We hope that this Shining Beacon may guide their bodies and souls back to the Herd.” The shuttle kept flying straight toward the ground, but the shuttle surroundings started to disappear as Sovlin and Maeve joined the mourners and wellwishers. The breeze played gently with unopened letters and fresh bouquets. Sovlin spoke softly, in respect for visitors, “It is open all claws, and many leave their remembrances. Make sure to show your support, next time you’re in the Capitol.”
After several moments of contemplative silence, the shuttle pulled up into the upper atmosphere, and Maeve’s seat began to shudder. I spoke up a little louder so she could hear me through the helmet, “Set your head back. The next part might make you a little queasy.”
Maeve did as bidden just before Sovlin hit the warp jump, and the screen was awash with a rainbow of colors streaking to the outer border.
We fall out of Warp just above The Cradle, its capital continent in view surrounded by great oceans, while other landmasses curve around the planet and out of sight. The camera quickly descends through the atmosphere and we pull into the great city of Vala’s Embrace, with its shining spires and sprawling seaports. We fly down through the airspace busy with cargo freighters and I see Maeve involuntary flinch after a close miss. “The Gojid are a proud and fierce people, but also industrious! Our Cradle and Colonies are a major food source for the rest of the Federation, in addition to the significant extractions performed by our colonies and outposts.”
The camera flies into the center of the city where stands a grand Cathedral to the Protector, Her robed form guiding believers to the grand entryway. “But my People are renowned for our stalwart loyalty to our faith and to the Federation. Our great houses of worship are monuments of our devotion to protecting the Herd from the Predator Menace!”
After a pass around the building highlighting its traditional stonework and heraldry, the camera joins the throng of worshippers, coming in low like a child beside their parent, and we see the full glory of The Church.
Our view pans up from the crowd to a ceiling decorated with murals of inlaid wood and metals. Vibrant colors, textures, and shining light tell the story of Vala driving out the Predators and forming the first Herd. Stained glass windows cover the congregation in pools of color almost as varied as the congregants themselves. A silver Gojid passes from behind us, towering tall with the kind eyes of one who knows their faith, and is safe in its love. They lay a paw on Maeve’s shoulder and guide her to a bench only a few rows from the front, with a seat on the aisle. The Priest stands before their podium and begins a sermon of service to the Herd, and one’s role within it.
The priest’s voice fades into the background as we fly backward out of an open window like a bird; words of Predators at our doorstep fading on the wind. We rise to re-exit the atmosphere, Maeve’s chair buzzing as the hyperdrive spins up.
We warp into a field of defensive space stations, glittering proudly in the Nishtalian Sun. Below, we see a planet with a great many islands, webbed with weaving waterways and small seas. Maeve pressed herself further into the seat as we entered their thicker atmosphere, the seat vibrations causing the helmet to rattle against it.
“And here we have the vibrant marshes of Nishtal!” We broke through the clouds to see massive arbors climbing back into them. We approached the Nishtal Capital sprawled across dozens of kilometers of archipelago, held above the water by meta-material supports.
“Nishtal is well known for its punishing environments, which helped to mold the Krakotl into Pan-Galactic Heroes! From Captain Kalsim, to Merchant Captain Malins, to Chief Exterminator Estela. Each renowned for holding the line against the predator taint, through fire or rail! And this is where their mettle was tested!”
The shuttle flies around a flat paved area, surrounded by landing pads as warships lift and land. In the center was a platoon of Krakotl performing training exercises. The shuttle again falls away as we start walking behind a Commander, Sovlin walking beside him as he speaks over his shoulder, “The Krakotl have been an instrumental force in maintaining our peaceful way of life. If you think you have what it takes, be sure to register for the JEOTC so you can help make the galaxy a better place!”
Sovlin met the eye of the Krakotl commander beside him, “Thank you for your service, Sir.”
We split off from the commander, and our walking transitioned back to our shuttle before firing off back into the sky.Through the vibrating chair, Maeve stuttered out, “M-M-Man Y-You-u-u Guys-z-z-z’re R-R-Real-l-ly into this-s-s W-W-War, huh??”
Suddenly the chair threw Maeve forward, almost unseating her as she suddenly fell out of warp, “We have Grey contacts! Time to turn tail and get out of here! I’ll stay on the guns and when I say Go, you push that throttle as hard as you can! OK…!” A Metallic handle started to glow in front of her, and Maeve reached out with her controller to grab it. It took her a moment, but Sovlin never gave the signal… Until she grabbed on. “GO!” Maeve rocked her body forward and slammed the throttle to its limiter, the seat beneath her rumbling with renewed vigor.
After only a moment, a Kolshian Capital Ship dropped from subspace in front of us and fired a volley of Everything in the direction behind us. Our ship slowed and Sovlin cheered from the pilot’s chair, “HaHa! The Vanguard has arrived! Thank you for your help gentlemen!”
A portrait feed popped up on and above the control panel, showing General Kalsim’s distinct banding on his beak. “This is General Kalsim, Commander of the Federation Vessel Inatala’s Will. Star tours, have you suffered any damage?” The portrait squawked as the General’s feathers puffed with pride.
“Negative General, thank you for the save!”
“Understood, let’s get you home, Star Tours.”
“We would be very grateful, General! Protector guides you.”
The chair beneath Maeve vibrates and tilts back as the hyper-drive charges up again, the screen flashing to show the sprawling oceans of Aafa, glittering brilliantly in the shining sun, dotted by its giant floating cities and lush tropical islands. A flock of broad chirping seabirds adorned with vibrant colors gliding on the calm ocean breeze flanking the shuttle. The capital of Aafa grew on the viewscreen, the sprawling Governance Center of the Federation dominating the city, swooping lines and a singular towering dome marked the chambers of the Federation senate.
“Isn’t that a beautiful view? This is what we fight for, this is the Cradle of the Federation, the very heart of our enlightened civilization. This is what we protect.”
The camera pans low, the shuttle falling away, sweeping along the streets of the capital.
The dome grew ever larger in the background until the camera began to soar over busy diplomats entering the senate floor, the camera like a very lost Flowerbird. Chief Nikonus was delivering an impassioned speech to the gathered representatives, declaring the grand aims and lofty goals of the Federation to spread peace and safety to all Prey peoples. The camera panned around the room, showing representatives listening to the speech with focused ears and attentive eyes, pausing on the Venlil Representative, swaying their tail in pride and determination. As the camera finished its rotation it exited through the rooms wide glass panes, rising up and over the city as the shuttle reformed once again, breaching through the atmosphere and up into the stars.
Maeve’s seat rumbled as the hyperdrive spooled again, the screen clearing to show the Capital of Venlil Prime once more, soaring down to the arcade the adventure had started in. Captain Sovlin’s voice echoed from the speakers.
“Thank you for joining me today on Star Tours! Be sure to visit your nearest Federation recruitment center today and do your part!”
With fading fanfare, the seat returned to a neutral position and Maeve took off her helmet to meet our eyes. “That… was definitely a thing. It had a lot of… uh… ho boy.”
“Yeah, uh.” I shifted my weight awkwardly, “Watching that as an adult is… Stars, I remember wanting so badly to sign up. But my mom stopped me.”
“I’ll have to thank her when we get home.” Alvi sighed with exaggerated relief.
“You and me, both.” Maeve said through a relieved chuckle, “You guys want a turn? I’d like to do something more chill; cleanse the palate.”
Alvi and I politely declined, before I offered, “Actually I wanted to show you something. I don’t know how you guys have fun, but Shipper is really good.”
I guided Maeve to the catalog and pointed out the correct one. As the game started up and Maeve got the ship moving, she snorted and muttered to herself, “Of course you have Trucking Simulator In Space. Why am I even surprised.”
---
Maeve was making great progress, and had made two deliveries before the low fuel warning began trilling at her.
“Nah, see, you gotta watch your fuel too! The more you haul the more fuel you use, and you still gotta make it to your drop-off.”
“Wow, you guys do not mess around with these work simulators. We actually had a whole era of these a wh- Hey!”The screen locked up, telling us our 30 minutes were up.
“W-What does it say?”
“It says it's time to stop and get some food!”
“Ahh, man I was just getting the hang of it.”
“And I would like to get a hang of some Mel Root wedges. Come on!” Alvi chimed with a playful whine.Maeve rolled out of the station, and after a moment for her legs to remember what walking was, donned her veil and we continued to the food court. Pushing the doors open we saw a veritable swarm of Venlil of all ages, though many of the younger were already sitting while their parents fetched their meal. A child near the door caught sight of us and squeaked in surprise, alerting their parents to our presence.
Conversation died like a wave across the open expanse. Maeve stood stock still, and so did we, trying very very hard to avoid a panic and stampede.
I spoke in barely a whisper, “Maeve?”
She returned my quietness, “Yes, Valek?”
“I don’t want to do this to you, but I think it is best if we find a seat first… Then Alvi or I can get the food.” My tail began to sway in slow caution while my ears kept on a swivel.
“Yeah. Yeah, I think you’re right. Can you see any open tables?”Alvi flicked her tail at the balcony, “I see stairs there, and the balcony looks pretty clear.”
Maeve started to nod reflexively before catching herself, then back to keeping her head low and unfocused.
Alvi and I guided her gently around the outer perimeter of the court, slowly working our way to the stairwell while all eyes and ears were locked on us the whole journey. We stepped up the stairs and conversation slowly built up again, though not to the same exuberancy as before. We found our seat just outside the stairwell on the 2nd floor. We tried to avoid scaring what few families remained on the balcony, but despite our efforts, those few almost immediately grabbed their belongings and moved. It was almost comical how little they tried to hide it. Yet also surprising in that there hadn’t been any screams or stampeding. It left a strange feeling in the air. One that felt somehow both better and worse than if they had screamed.
This tension was not lost on Maeve, as she muttered to herself, “Plague bearer, or horrific monster. Decisions, decisions.”
I took her hand in my paw in a feeble attempt to offer what comfort I could. Alvi was the first to speak, “Well, Valek you got the Gravity room and Visor game, so I’ll handle food. Anything the two of you desperately want?”
We gave her our orders and she stepped down the stairs, leaving Maeve and I alone on the balcony.
I hoped to loosen the tangle of this horrid tension. “Sooo…. Biblical?”
As I had hoped, the sudden change snapped Maeve out of her stormcloud and laughter bubbled from her like the Sun! “UUh… That’s uh. Complicated. There’s a good thousand years of linguistic context that makes that word mean what it meant the way I used it. The Bible is a book of faith for a significant portion of people on earth. Not all, and not even a majority; hell, even that is fragmented because no one can agree on what it really means. This Bible teaches a great many things, some good some bad, but one of its teachings is how to… legitimize relationships. Get married, basically.”
Maeve leaned closer to me on the off chance the balcony was less empty than we believed, “And one of the more serious ways to officiate these pairings was with sex; or ‘mating’. As this faith quickly became one of the more influential faiths on our planet, most of humanity learned and still has complicated feelings about sex and intimacy. So, we talk around it. ‘Sleeping together’ ‘Do the nasty’ ‘The beast with two backs’ and more to the point: ‘To know someone biblically’.”
“So when you said…”“I was saying I had sex with one of you, yes.”
I focused my ears in feigned shock, while my tail swished with mischief, “I was that one, right?”
Maeve lightly shoved my shoulder while she straightened to her normal posture, but I stayed low. “Hey,” I whispered, nodding my head for Maeve to come closer, and she did so. I reached my paws up to her white veil, and brought it up and over her face, revealing her brightly blooming face which my lips eagerly met. Pulling away, I asked, “Perhaps once we get back to the hotel, we could… know each other biblically?”
She pulled my face back to hers, returning my affections with equal vigor, “Only if we can get Alvi out of the room. I want you all to myself.”
Alvi. Right. She’s… she’s here. Staying with us. And we would be… kicking her out. The one she admitted feeling for would be kicking her out to mate with someone else. But she understands! Right?
“Oh, looks like Alvi got us some food!”
My ears snapped behind me as Maeve looked over my shoulder.
---
Memory transcription subject: Alvi, Venlil tourist
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Middle of 3rd Claw
I stepped lightly up the stairs while balancing the trays within my arms. There were so many options! Cresting the top of the stairs, Valek stood to assist. While I covered the menu.“Ok we got all of our favorite fruit, I know how much you love starberries, Maeve.” Who smiled broadly under her now-open veil. “I was able to get us some Sunbreeze, but most of the food stands had long waits and I was hungry, so I just got a plate of fried veg and called it good. This one is the fried Deeproot, and powdered lakeseed dough balls, and some mel root wedges. The arcade’s mel root is a little heavy on the firefruit.”
“Thank you, Alvi!” Maeve picked up one of the larger wedges and broke it in half with me. We lifted our pieces in celebration and bit down at the same time. Immediately my mouth was alight with bright heat and my lips stung blissfully, but after only a moment the sweet and full flavor of the mel root complimented perfectly with the cleansing fire.
Maeve beside me scrunched her face and gasped, “Whoo!” She hooted, “That is spicy! Mm! That potato is really good though. What do you call this?”
I wagged my tail, happy to see that she appreciated the- wait. “Potato? That’s Mel Root. What’s a Potato?”
Maeve licked her fingers before taking another wedge, “It’s a root tuber; a staple food from earth. Mel root, or, well, cooked mel root, has a really similar consistency to potato! Makes sense since they’re both roots.” She took a bite of her wedge and immediately made that same face, “Ooo that was a mistake, I should have finished talking.” a few quick breaths through her mouth before she continued, “Your mel root is denser, closer to a carrot, but still really starchy. The fry really brings out a lot of sweetness; I’ll admit, it goes really well with the firefruit. Good choice Alvi!”
The praise set my tail to wagging as I bit into my food. So spicy! So good! I am so glad we came to this food court!
Speaking of, “I haven’t seen Tarlim or his human. I hope they haven’t changed their minds on meeting here.” I spoke through a masticated root.
“Wouldn’t blame them if they did,” Valek grumbled, tail curling between his legs, “I was just like everyone who’s been running from us…” He trailed off sinking into his chair.
“You could have handled it better, but so could he.” I sighed, remembering that chair. “From what I’ve heard of those places though, I can’t say I blame him.”
Maeve set down a piece of deeproot and looked at Valek. “What are those places? You guys got really scared when he said he got out of one.”
Valek was the first to speak, “They are places where we put people who are a danger to themselves or the Herd; people with Predator Disease.”
My fur flared at the mention of my almost-diagnosis. Maeve noticed and flattened the fur along my spine, “You’re not a predator Alvi. There is nothing wrong with you.”
She says while you continue stuffing your face like a hun--SHUT UP!! I AM NOT!! I AM LOVED!! I AM IN A HERD! THAT KNOWS AND STAYS! SHUT UP!
Maeve watched Valek while she continued to comfort me “And… how does one get predator disease?”
Valek continued his lesson, while I tried desperately to slow my spinning mind.
“Well… the federation tells us it can be spread by ‘predator taint’, or spending too much time around or with predators. I’m… I’m not sure I believe that. But we know it can be inherent. Sometimes symptoms begin as early as an infant. As well, it can appear randomly or be carried within family lines.”“And how does one get diagnosed?”
I thought about when my teacher first called the Exterminators. I remembered the Exterminators coming to my foster family. They talked them down, but it wasn’t long after that that they ‘couldn't take care of me’.
My voice left my mouth unbidden, “Well those born with it… they tend to get diagnosed early, but sometimes Predator Disease can come out later in life. If someone is reported for Predator Behavior, they have a chance to argue their case to the exterminator on duty. If the exterminator confirms the case, they are taken in to be diagnosed. And if it’s a yes, they are taken to a Correctional Facility to be taught how to be in a herd.”
Valek tapped his claws against the table as his tail shook with desperate hope. “See? There’s several checks on the way to a diagnosis. The system is designed to avoid false positives. If Tarlim was diagnosed, I am sure it was with good cause.”
Maeve shook her head, “I’m not so sure. By my count, there were only two people in that chain, three if you count the person reporting it, and at best only one of them was a medical professional, unless I’m misunderstanding the concept of exterminators. Setting that aside, I think I’m missing something. What is Predator Disease?”
“It’s when someone is a Predator in the body of a Prey. We can see them when they don’t work within a herd, or they don't understand our tail signals. These people are a danger to the herd, both passively and, if left unchecked, directly, so we try to teach them how to be Prey.” Valek looked desperately at Maeve after spouting the information, almost as if by rote. Like he was quoting an exterminator textbook.
“Wait, wait… so it’s a behavioral disease? They can’t grasp body language, or other people’s feelings?” Maeve was appearing more confused, more… afraid. Was predator disease so terrible among humans? Then why would she want me around?
Because she doesn’t know, stupid! But she's about to! They never stick around once they find out!
Valek was adamant. Maeve needed to know this, I know she did. “It’s not just that, they can’t even get themselves to be part of a herd! They always sit or move with nobody around them!” but once she did…
“Well then. What would that make me?”
My eyes froze in their sockets and my legs refused to flee.
The Night called us.
First -- Previous -- Next

I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty Krab Careers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.

I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty Krab Careers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.

I know quitting your job as a cook usually simply comes with two weeks notice or a ragequit walkout, but for eleven months I worked at a new franchise that had such potential which was being squandered by the incompetence of upper management. I present the nearly 6000 word thesis I turned in on my last day. Locations and names have been changed to cartoon references. Brackets represent ambiguous information in place of specific details.
Krusty Krab Careers Jobs
Opening in [Month/Year], Krusty Krab (KK) Bikini Bottom is on its 4th kitchen manager in less than a year. Krusty Krab O-Town has recently let go its inaugural kitchen manager and sous chef. Almost no member of the Bikini Bottom opening management team remains employed by KK. There is a pattern developing where one must question both the choice of employee and the directive given to new franchises. These lingering issues I brought concerns about in the first weeks of opening but was disregarded at every turn despite my experience with festival traffic. As a result I decided this was not a place I wanted to advance, but with a good-enough paycheck I’d be a lowly grunt in the kitchen four days a week, at five days a week I would have quit or been fired over a public outburst long ago. If Krusty Krab alters course slightly while being true to the brand this could be a successful chain.
My unique employment history in brick and mortar restaurants, food trucks, pop up culinary concepts, trade shows/conventions, and the film industry make me an ideal candidate to be on the opening team for new KK locations. My outgoing nature and foresight are valuable assets. For example, on training week before opening when I was standing around idly without a task I took it upon myself to organize the disarray that was dry storage. Overhearing Krabs tell another manager where he wanted the cleaning products placed, I had a jumping off point and the organization I created nine months ago is still largely in place. Since returning from my vacation in early February I have made it my mission to keep the storage area organized because it was again starting to resemble a hoarder’s house rather than a commercial kitchen. This is now part of my weekly routines because every time I turn my back there is more product being placed haphazardly just anywhere with little regard. I also recently reorganized the walk-in cooler because of problematic stocking with items being placed on the same shelf or below raw proteins. I also simply put all the like products together such as cheeses or fruits that were scattered amongst several shelves. With recent overordering I cannot keep up with the organization of the walk in cooler. The pattern recognition of food types and even simple shapes appears to be lost on the Bikini Bottom crew. My daily reorganization of containers is proof of this. Most days I’ll take a few minutes to put all cylinders together, all cambros together in descending volume, all deep and shallow pans next to each other rather than intermixed. My decision to be a kitchen manager at age 19 from 2005 thru 2008 and rarely enter restaurant management since is very calculated.
With my prior knowledge of professional kitchens I was becoming Bikini Bottom’s resident nag to coworkers as I made note of health department violations on a daily basis. I stopped after being largely ignored for two weeks. My regular health department nags include; a battle with jackets and hats being placed only in the designated area (a designated area that did not exist until I created a place for personal items a in January by neatly organizing the dry storage area again), waiting until prepped items are cooled before a cover is placed on top, placement of raw seafood, open containers (very often sugar, flour, and pancake mix bags ripped open and left), and dirty dishes/containers placed back in rotation. The dirty dishes and containers in rotation with the clean ones are at an atrociously high number. I have given up on making the 4th fryer seafood allergy safe too. With the low volume of seafood allergy safe items Bikini Bottom should purchase smaller baskets to visually discourage cross contamination with the other fryers and baskets. My skills to organize the kitchen do not end with simply where to store products to meet minimal health department standards.
Half of the space in the Bikini Bottom kitchen is completely wasted on an ill-advised walkway to the dishpit. An intelligent design would place a second doorway directly to the dishpit connected to the bar or where the bathrooms reside. Numerous times during the opening week of KK Bikini Bottom I said, yelled, sang, and muttered that we have too many food items for the amount of space we have. Icus stated that there was more space than Bluffington. Is Bluffington intelligently designed? Because Bikini Bottom most certainly isn’t. So Bikini Bottom actually has less space even if there is more square footage. See the attached diagram for an intelligent design that could potentially house a menu of this size. Bikini Bottom forces a line design on this kitchen when an open concept is needed for this menu. It’s as if this floorplan was created by a person who had only ever seen one commercial kitchen previously and couldn’t think 4th dimensionally to understand the needs of the workers to smoothly serve customers.
There is not enough counter space for pizzas without getting off the line, the microwave is placed completely out of the way, the freezer’s curved design is a waste of potential counter space and a falling hazard for containers stored on top of it, the toaster is an overcomplicated and overexpensive piece of machinery that serves exactly one purpose when a flat top could be used to toast bread and other purposes like a quesadilla special, sautee was designed without an overhang for spices, the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter for seafood allergies, there are no Frialator fryers which I have worked with at every single kitchen job previously instead we got the cheap Vulcan model (is that logical), the cheap low boy in pantry that doesn’t drain excess water anywhere it’s just supposed to evaporate somehow but doesn’t, the grill and fryer should be placed next to each other (with a higher volume of crossover than other stations), the floors are flat instead on having a mild decline towards the drains (just look at the standing water residing behind the oven right now), in the dishpit the spraying area and the filled sinks are backwards of a logical dipshit, the ramp to the back door is on the wrong side, there is no refrigerated place downstairs to stage extra food for busy shifts (the beer cooler is once again used for such food items because of this massive oversight), the prep station is an afterthought and miniscule, the dishes on the line are difficult to grab for anyone under 5’11” and inaccessible for anyone under 5’6” (instead of putting them underneath tables that also give that desperately needed counterspace I spoke of), there is not enough space to store to-go containers or boats behind the line, expo is lacking a low boy for the numerous items that are supposed to be cold but are instead kept at room temperature all day long, no one in management thought about buying shelves until right before Bikini Bottom opened as a result the clean full sheets sat on the floor for days, we had only the exact amount of 1⁄6 pans for an absurd amount of time making it impossible to rotate and clean them when necessary (which is daily), we still struggle with 1/9 pan supply. And just when I thought I documented all the poor design choices possible I stumbled upon a person whose office holiday party was booked at KK Bikini Bottom. The deck space works just fine as a deck. It does not double well as a gathering space. The space is too long and narrow for parties, it promotes little splitoff groups rather than a coming together of a larger gathering. It may be advantageous to contact a social psychologist for help designing a private party space that promotes intermingling rather than enforcing small pockets to form. The reorganization of the physical kitchen isn’t all that screams for an overhaul.
There are six positions on the line at the Krusty Krab; expo, oven, grill, sautee, fryer, and pantry. But the pantry and fryer positions are forced together like a bad remix. Everyone who mainly works pantry deserves a $6 raise immediately because it is a station and a half. Both Icus and Krumm, while kitchen manager, kind of acknowledged the pantry is too big for one station without outright mentioning the lopsided distribution of work. I imagine in the only location where this works, Bluffington, a second person joins the pantry at noon because of the unreasonable amount of items one person is tasked with. Bikini Bottom only has one person in this position at all times, maybe modify it for one person? The excess of items on the pantry position largely resembles a position I would call “set-up” or “build” at a previous job that made sensible choices. This build position should have tostadas, tacos, butcher’s blocks, toast, salads, lettuce wrap set ups, and preparing plating for whichever station is most bogged down. I have absolutely lost my mind yelling about salads at least once a month, ranting that they do not belong on the fryer position because of how illogical it is that five salads are included on the mountain of other items the pantry has. I have always considered working in a kitchen a kind of dance, and the pantry station demands an unnecessarily convoluted dance to keep up with the demand. Without the salads, tostadas, and tacos the station is already the busiest. Do we really need to combine ballet and swing by including these extra awkward dance steps in this single station? For a kitchen designed this poorly I suppose it is. Again, see attached document for an intelligently designed kitchen that might be able to accommodate this menu. Unless Bikini Bottom is going to close for a month to fix the baffling floor plan design the menu is shouting to be reduced to 30-36 items.
The menu is too big. Krusty Krab is the jack of all foods, master of none. In general I believe individual locations should be allowed 18% omissions, and 18% unique items to this wildly unwieldy menu sitting around 50 food items including sides. The insistence on keeping menu items that don’t sell at Bikini Bottom because of Bluffington is mind boggling. Chicken tenders do not sell at Bikini Bottom. fried sushi does not sell at Bikini Bottom, not enough to justify their place on the line. I don’t care how well these items work in Bluffinton. They. Do. Not. Work. At. Bikini. Bottom. If the KK location in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean sells an incredible amount of live krill does that mean Bikini Bottom and O-Town must sell live krill too? Take the fried sushi off the menu. I had a complete meltdown about this during a Dimmadome service and my valid point was met with indifference. Replace the kid’s tenders with a kid’s fish sticks. We already have the tilapia fish sticks on the line for tacos. Or make the kid’s fish sticks cod. We cut cod to order for fish tacos in spite of health code violations because it is too rare of an order to make beforehand. Saffron in mashed potatoes? If you must. Why are green tomatoes only on the menu during lunch? Bikini Bottom throws away a sizable amount of spoiled green tomatoes each week. Have green tomatoes on the menu all day long or don’t have them at all. The smoked salmon could go on salads or a special taco to justify its place on the line. The corn pico’s place on the line is unjustified. It only goes on one item, tostadas, which are not particularly popular. If we had a taco salad we could throw the corn pico on there. We also have unreasonable waste from unusable taco shells, smash up those imperfect taco shells and throw them on said taco salad. But before we add salads, let's get rid of the pear and kale salads. The pears' position on the line are unjustified, if we threw them on a taco variation maybe their place on the Bikini Bottom line could be argued but for now they only go on a salad that isn’t particularly popular. The kale salad is an issue of space for a 4th green for salads is too much. The krusty salad is my most hated house salad of all time. And it comes down to the toast with goat cheese. This ancillary step of spreading goat cheese on a cracker is an unnecessary step for an overly complicated dance and should be part of the expo dance if expo wasn’t a shoddily designed afterthought lacking a low boy.
There are a plethora of squeeze bottles on the pantry station that have no place on the overloaded station. They belong to an expo station with a low boy to keep them cold. Pantry has an overwhelming ten squeeze bottles: chipotle crema, sweet chili vinaigrette, buffalo, korean bbq, ranch, caesar, wine vinaigrette, lemon vinaigrette, honey mustard, and lemon aioli. Only the first four are justified on an intelligently designed fryer section, the second four belong on the build station, the last two have no place anywhere but expo. With this extra space sautee could keep their bottles and two purees cold in the fryer's lowboy instead of leaving them at room temperature all day inviting a pathogen party. This theorized intelligently designed expo would have room to keep these four squeeze bottles and a double of every sauce chilled to pour them into ramekins, a move that is highly common in the expo dance. The fact that expo doesn’t have a double of all squeeze bottles is foolish. Expo has to bother an overloaded station to pour these side sauces instead.
How many gallons of basil aioli has Bikini Bottom thrown away in 11 months? Four aiolis in general is way too many and most go on a single item; basil aioli on the incredibly unpopular veggie burger, lemon aioli for calamari, sweet chili aioli for the BLT that is only served half of the day, and garlic aioli actually goes on two items…I believe. What a colossal waste of precious little space, lose two aiolis and then you can sing the logical song with me. Perhaps we can put garlic aioli and sweet chili vinaigrette on the BLT separately and accomplish the exact same thing the sweet chili aioli does. The wings too have unneeded complications. Having worked at a sports bar specializing in wings for the better part of a decade I find KK’s plating of wings to be overly pretentious. The carrots, celery, and blue cheese have lost function. Heffer Wolf always said no one eats the carrot/celery julienne with blue cheese. It’s a complete waste of all the ingredients because you’ve gone too far with the presentation. Wings aren’t fancy. Wings are supposed to have a small pool of sauce and be sloppy. It’s like a sloppy joe that’s not sloppy, an unsloppy joe is a failure to sloppy joes just as the KK presentation of wings is a disparagement to the dish. Ever since training week back in 2022 I have used a scale to give Bikini Bottom a passing or failing grade.
Chokey Chicken to Chum Bucket is the scale I use to judge efficiency and sanity at Bikini Bottom. Both establishments are upscale casual dining experiences in Capitol City in the same vein as KK. Chokey had high employee retention and relatively smooth openings for new locations. Chum Bucket’s employee turnover was high and every location opening was chaotic. Which one sounds closer to KK? Chokey Chicken was filled with chefs I respect including Chef Ren Hoek who remains a close friend to this day. Ren lost his lifelong passion for kitchen work after working management at Chum Bucket. He’s actually seeking work in Bikini Bottom. Call him up at [phone number], but KK will give him Nam’ flashbacks of why he chose driving for a living rather than cooking for five years. The pair of us together helming Bikini Bottom with the ability to omit and create 18% of the overloaded menu can bring success to this franchise. We have worked well numerous times in the past on various concepts in the past including creating The Attack of the Pickled Tomatoes Burger for [Promotional live performance of a TV show] at the Capitol City Theater. We served 100 people in 60 at the [sitcom filming] lunch. That’s physically impossible but somehow we did it quite a few times.
A fun anecdote about Ren Hoek’s KK experience from the soft launch; on training week numerous times I brought concerns about being seafood allergy safe that were dismissed. As mentioned earlier the pantry station lacks the counter space to have two containers of flour and two containers of batter, one each of which seafood never touches. Before the soft launch Chef Stimpy from Bluffington insisted all customers just kind of know everything is prone to be seafood contaminated. Well, chef Ren was a customer that night and this absolutely was not communicated to customers. He claimed to have a slight seafood allergy and was not informed of what the crab soup was. In reality he does not have a seafood allergy. I didn’t discuss the seafood issue with Ren, separately we noticed egregious violations of food safety standards and we each responded in our own way. The soft launch service was so awful that night Chef Ren walked out of a free meal to pay for some ramen, never to return to Bikini Bottom. I attribute this oversight, and many of Bikini Bottom’s (and probably O-Town’s) problems to hubris over the Bluffington location.
Chef Chokey would also be hesitant to join the KK team. It will cost a finder’s fee just for me to reveal Chef Chokey’s name. Chef Chokey was a lead in the rapid expansion of Chokey Chicken restaurants. He opened numerous restaurants and was big on the philosophy that each restaurant must have its own personality in order to fit the unique local culture and the variety of working spaces. This is in direct conflict with the KK way that everything must be exactly like the Bluffington location no matter what. There was only one Chokey Chicken location that had the full menu, Chokey Springfield. Chokey Springfield had a large space which was intelligently designed to accommodate such a large menu. The KK menu is all over the place, closing in on 50 menu items which comes up as a failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale. This is not the only area KK comes up as a major failure on the Chokey Chicken/Chum Bucket scale.
Has anyone in this company ever worked festival traffic before? Does anyone have the experience of working next to a major venue with 8000 seats before this one? The way Bikini Bottom handles Dimmadome services it certainly appears that the decision-makers fall on the wrong side of the Dunning-Kruger effect. Having all 50 items available during such massive traffic is completely asinine. An unwillingness to serve a partial menu is hindering the Bikini Bottom kitchen staff. I have worked festival traffic before, and Dimmadome events bring in festival traffic. I’ve worked inside a festival whose line never ended but every customer got their order in 5 minutes or less because the line kept flowing with only four items on the menu as that’s what was warranted at the B-Sharps Music Festival. I refuse to be set up for failure the way Bikini Bottom sets up Dimmadome services for failure. The entire week of concerts in [summer] 2022 I was set up for failure every day (it was after this I modified my availability to keep my sanity and my paycheck). When I brought my concerns about running efficiently during Dimmadome services I was labeled a B-worker for the first time in my employment history by Icus and Krabs. It is that moment which I was either going to holler at them both for being 2-dimensional thinkers who were obviously unqualified for the positions they accepted in this company, or just put my head down. If Bikini Bottom has a successful concert day service, hail your team because they snatched victory from the jaws of defeat. They swam with concrete shoes. I often wonder how many customers had bad experiences and never returned after concert days. A Dimmadome service should have no more than 25 items and have one or two specials to divert traffic towards an area the kitchen can keep moving. An Open Cup Open Plate (OCOP) special for foot traffic is absolutely needed. When I suggested OCOP special, Heffer was intrigued by this idea and immediately named burgers as the special to keep foot traffic flowing. Smithers wouldn’t hear this idea, babbling on about what’s advertised instead of hearing out a sound idea. This prattle despite radio commercials having inaccurate hours and social media promoting Bikini Bottom’s steak tacos to this day. I always found Smithers to be a better fit as a middle management office pencil pusher than as a hands-on restaurant manager. Overall I find KK managers are selected to be automatons not to question their orders rather than critical thinkers who could take the restaurant to the next level. During brunch service is another period of time that must be modified to lessen the heft of items. Having a full menu that barely works plus brunch is so deep into Chum Bucket territory, in my opinion we now have to use the Tropic Thunder scale of full retard to describe a 60-plus-item brunch. Chef Ren hired back a Chum Bucket cook who had a mental breakdown and stormed out during brunch (plus full menu) service because Ren knew the employee was justified and upper management was completely unreasonable in their brunch requests. It’s not just questionable decisions that hinder KK staff but improper equipment as well.
This is the first restaurant I have worked at which uses a touch screen on the line rather than tickets. From day one I found this to be technology for technology’s sake inferior to tickets. Chef Ren forced a new Chum Bucket location to rip out touch screens from the line and bring in ticket printers because of the higher efficiency. The touch screen is a great idea for expo, not the entire line. My biggest gripe is that each station does not get all the information. Early on I was regularly yelled at for not staggering my items, well I can’t see the rest of the order; a problem I have never had with a ticket system. Touchscreen software is also much more prone to errors and glitches. When I reported an error during a heavy service Icus and Krabs blamed my skills on the line without looking into the malfunctioning screen further. It was glitchy for weeks before the two finally investigated and corrected the issue I brought to their attention long before. Those two gave me an immense amount of ammunition to dislike them in the opening weeks until I stopped caring. The issue I had with being unable to scroll beyond the bottom of a completely filled screen has returned and is still there as of [my last day]. There are also important details that get buried. A frequent meltdown I have is that sauce on side requests and other important modifications are not capitalized or in red to catch the eye as they have been at jobs with tickets. These details get lost on Bikini Bottom’s touchscreens. A sauce on side salad made by me will be wrong 50% of the time because of the instructions being camouflaged in a word salad. This goes for coleslaw on the side and drizzle on the side too. Drizzle in general I dislike because of the pretentiousness, but whatever, drizzle it on top rather than putting it in a ramekin if you must. There are numerous places where Bikini Bottom overcomplicates matters for reasons I cannot ascertain.
Why is there such a large variety of plates? Why do we have a medium circular plate for salads and a large bowl for salads with protein? This just confuses the simplest of matters. I was told this is done because of the high price hike with protein, a larger presentation was desired. But that price hike is the price of protein in 2023. Bikini Bottom should put all salads in the large bowls and use all the circular salad plates in a skeet shooting promotion. I understand why we have both a circular platter plate and a pizza plate but in my restaurant the circular platter plates must go...or maybe the large platter plate instead. Is the large platter used for anything besides fish and chips? That extra space on fish and chips plates are only used for side sauces which can easily be delivered to customers on small circular plates. What is the medium oval plate doing that the medium rectangular plate isn’t? And vice versa. Why do they both exist when they are approximately the same size? Let me write an internet commercial where we break a lot of plates so we can get some logical use out of the superfluous plates. I don’t care which one is destroyed, the ovals or the rectangles but one of them is an unnecessary redundancy in excess done again. Speaking of commercials, the unimaginative radio advertisements for Bikini Bottom are doing little to lure new customers to the restaurant.
The three radio spots I have heard on KBBL all sound like they were produced by a marketing 101 student who wasn’t a natural in the field. The voiceover actor was so uncharismatic I was certain someone from the office was chosen at random to read the copy. Then I heard that same voiceover actor selling pool supplies on another radio station so I concluded that Bikini Bottom must have hired the cheapest guy in town to produce the most basic of commercials. Perhaps there is someone else you could hire more qualified to voiceover these commercials, an actor with experience on an Emmy award winning cable program whose unique place in the film industry was written about on [website] would be a much wiser choice to be the voice of the KK? (See external link). In the ad there was no catchphrase, no jingle, no music whatsoever. This simple approach to commercials lacks the pizazz to catch the attention of radio listeners. The first two commercials I heard would get a C in marketing 101 as they were nearly the exact same and accomplished the bare minimum to sell wares, the third one would maybe get a B- because there was some sort of attempted gimmick with the voiceover whispering to represent thinking inside his head about what he was going to eat later at KK. Not only does this commercial give no reason for the man to think inside his head, the outside world still and unpopulated. To see what a creative person would do with this concept see the attached script. There is an attempted slogan that could become part of an ad campaign. Commercials aren’t the only lost opportunities in promotions.
There are numerous promotional celebrity tie-ins at Bikini Bottom’s fingertips with Dimmadome performers. The restaurant could have a Phish sandwich as a OCOP special on [Phish performance dates], or a pretentious Jelly Roll on [Jelly Roll performance date]. Has anyone reached out to the Dimmadome theater or talent management for approved special menu items to be promoted inside the dome? Perhaps a special 20% discount to ticket holders? Is Bikini Bottom capable of getting permits to extend Open Container hours beyond [cutoff time] for an afterparty or block party throughout a Dimmadome concert? I see additional marketing opportunities left on the table for all new locations.
I believe new KK locations are missing out on a marketing campaign by opening with the entire cumbersome 50 item menu. This is a staggering amount of menu items which is too much to ask new staffers to perfect all at once. After a few months expanding the menu by approximately ten items is catching to customers who haven’t returned after a single visit or infrequently stop into KK. There are ten new food items that might appeal to them. Just like it appears KK doesn’t know what it’s looking for in a good commercial spot, this company doesn’t appear to recognize a talented from an untalented worker until it’s too late.
It is my understanding that KK had a headhunter to find Icus, the first Bikini Bottom kitchen manager. If it were up to me I’d hire someone to break the legs of that headhunter for bringing in a subpar kitchen lead. We are still attempting to recover from the lousy choices she made in the floor plan. If anybody responsible for Bikini Bottom’s floor plan is still giving input, stop them immediately. Once the doors were open to the public Icus had his head in the clouds to a point where I questioned if he saw the writing on the walls of an imminent demotion and stopped trying as a result. I had a full deck of 3x5 cards in an archaic powerpoint presentation bringing numerous concerns to light that he kept putting off listening to until he was fired. Those same cards were broken out for this essay. The second kitchen manager, Krumm, is a good lesson in honesty. According to Heffer, Krumm was given a bill of goods about how smoothly KK Bikini Bottom was running. Since Krumm stepped into a latrine pit which he was led to believe was a heated pool, he left in short time. Krumm also had plans to modify the menu but when his bosses told him to be a rodeo clown rather than a cowboy Krumm didn’t take too kindly to that. Meanwhile Heffer was the savior of the Bikini Bottom kitchen. I didn’t agree with every single decision he made, but I did with a majority of them. Heffer’s overhaul was such a blessing so I didn’t have to fiddle with the organization of 60% of the equipment anymore, only about 20% now. Too bad Heffer’s crippling depression came back after bashing his head into the wall out of frustration with the shackles KK restrained him with.
The current management team is enthusiastic but inexperienced. I see an accumulation of small infractions that might bring down Bikini Bottom’s health department rating significantly. I see the entire management team being inattentive or unaware about organizational issues. Whatever bureaucratic nonsense corporate tasks everyone with from the original sous chef Skeeter to Patty Mayonnaise that makes them walk away from the line between 11am and 1pm especially is infuriating. I have never been left alone on a multi-person line during peak hours so regularly, and I won’t tolerate it anymore. As much as I believe in his drive, I imagine our current kitchen manager SpongeBob will be let go after a disastrous service during the Dimmadome concert season that someone has to take the fall for. Chef Ren and I could help bring experience in management and dealing with festival traffic...if corporate does not force us to follow a failing strategy.
After working nearly a year at KK you may ask why I’m not proficient on more than one station. Excellent question. First, when I move over to another station the squeeze bottles are never labeled (until Stu Pickles was hired, now they’re sometimes labeled), so I always looked at the glut of unlabeled sauces and I’d go back to my station because the basic information is missing (also a health department violation for having numerous unlabeled, unchilled bottles). In his first week the new general manager Stu Pickles pulled out 90% of the containers under the grill station because they were lacking labels despite an expected health department visit. The second reason for my menu ignorance is the mountain of prep for my own and upcoming shifts I have piled up on my station throughout service. My attention to detail appears to be next level with my ability to anticipate stocking all items for all shifts including the weeknd. The third reason I wouldn’t learn multiple stations is a defense against the afternoon conference calls. In [month] the Bikini Bottom line was unprepared for a busy post lunch because one cook was cut and our expo person was busy with a conference call. The two of us remaining on the line had a miserable slog through an unexpectedly busy afternoon. When I brought this up to Krabs he disregarded me, being a good bean counter he quoted the cost percentage. What he didn’t take into account was the missing expo person who could have jumped on the line and expo to help the understaffed two man team. That person was stuck on a conference call. Just recently I saw the company actively lose money because of this poorly thought-out meeting during business hours. A customer wanted to order a dessert that was 86ed but had been restocked by our prep cook an hour before. The server was unable to sell them their dessert because the only person in the building who could help un-86 an item was on a conference call. This conference call calamity is another bone-headed choice that speaks to a larger decision-making problem within the corporate structure. Finish the conference calls by 10:45 am eastern.
In conclusion, I quit my position as a lowly grunt for this company because of its unwarranted perplexing dance steps and below average management. I don’t care how much varnish and lacquer is supplied, I refuse to polish this Bikini Bottom turd as a manager or full-time employee under the current circumstances. You would have to take a pickaxe to the floor, possibly relocate the bathrooms to add a door to the dishpit, get rid of the cheap low boy that doesn’t properly drain excess water, and Mr Gorbachov knock down that wall in the middle of the kitchen to give the proper amount of space to work. Or simply reduce the menu to 36 items (including sides) because that’s the amount of space this dreadful design can comfortably output. Would Gordon Ramsay compliment KK for all the unnecessary convoluted complications abound, or would Chef Ramsay yell about keeping it simple and demand KK chuck it in the flip? Thanks to the numerous pop up restaurants I have been a part of and the hectic world of trade shows/conventions, I may have more experience than anyone else employed by KK in smoothly opening a new location. I would enjoy being part of the opening team to ensure new locations have an efficiency Bikini Bottom lacks, and to keep upper management away from their worst instincts. Work with me and Chef Ren and we will help you become a well oiled machine like Chokey Chicken instead of the Chum Bucket cesspit Bikini Bottom currently embodies.

Disclaimer: New to Skyrim Modding
I've been working on a load order for the past few days and today while testing my visual mods I find that none of my animation mods load after using the console to fast travel. I use RASR to skip intro, then coc whiterun. Before I coc whiterun, all of my animation mods work perfectly. My controller works fine and my movesets work fine. After I coc whiterun, my character takes their helmet off (Read the Room) and I can no longer sprint, attack, or jump. Any help or points in the right direction would be incredibly useful. Below is my load order so far. I havent finished adding all of my planned mods.
​
#Mod_Priority,#Mod_Status,#Mod_Name
"0000","-","0. Game_separator"
"0001","+","DLC: HearthFires"
"0002","+","DLC: Dragonborn"
"0003","+","DLC: Dawnguard"
"0004","+","Creation Club: ccQDRSSE001-SurvivalMode"
"0005","+","Creation Club: ccBGSSSE037-Curios"
"0006","+","Creation Club: ccBGSSSE025-AdvDSGS"
"0007","+","Creation Club: ccBGSSSE001-Fish"
"0008","-","1. Utilities_separator"
"0009","+","Address Library for SKSE Plugins"
"0010","+","SSE Display Tweaks"
"0011","+","SSE Engine Fixes (skse64 plugin)"
"0012","+","Skyrim Priority SE AE - skse plugin"
"0013","+","powerofthree's Tweaks"
"0014","+","SkyUI"
"0015","+","MCM Helper"
"0016","+","Unofficial Skyrim Special Edition Patch"
"0017","+","PapyrusUtil SE - Modders Scripting Utility Functions"
"0018","+","powerofthree's Papyrus Extender"
"0019","+","ConsoleUtilSSE"
"0020","+","Spell Perk Item Distributor"
"0021","+","Auto Input Switch"
"0022","+","More Informative Console"
"0023","+","ConsolePlusPlus"
"0024","+","JContainers SE"
"0025","+","VioLens - A Killmove Mod SE"
"0026","+","Project New Reign - Nemesis Unlimited Behavior Engine"
"0027","+","Payload Interpreter"
"0028","+","FileAccess Interface for Skyrim SE Scripts - FISSES"
"0029","+","SkyUILib"
"0030","+","AutoTest"
"0031","+","Dynamic Animation Replacer"
"0032","+","Animation Motion Revolution"
"0033","+","Behavior Data Injector"
"0034","+","Behavior Data Injector Universal Support"
"0035","+","MergeMapper"
"0036","+","Keyword Item Distributor"
"0037","+","Crash Logger SSE AE VR - PDB support"
"0038","-","2. UI_separator"
"0039","+","Infinity UI"
"0040","+","SkyHUD"
"0041","+","RaceMenu"
"0042","+","RASR - Random Alternate Start Reborn SE and VR"
"0043","+","moreHUD SE"
"0044","+","QuickLoot EE"
"0045","+","TrueHUD - HUD Additions"
"0046","+","Sovngarde - A Nordic Font"
"0047","+","Skyrim Platform"
"0048","+","Better Third Person Selection - BTPS"
"0049","+","NORDIC UI - Interface Overhaul"
"0050","+","Compass Navigation Overhaul"
"0051","+","NORDIC UI - Compass Markers Restored"
"0052","+","NORDIC UI Markers"
"0053","+","XP32 Maximum Skeleton Special Extended"
"0054","+","Simple Dual Sheath"
"0055","+","Headhunter - Bounties Redone"
"0056","+","Immersive Equipment Displays"
"0057","+","Missile's Immersive Equipment Display Presets"
"0058","+","SmoothCam"
"0059","+","SmoothCam - Modern Camera Preset"
"0060","+","Show Player In Menus"
"0061","+","Improved Alternate Conversation Camera"
"0062","+","Detection Meter - NG"
"0063","+","Nordic Alert - a Custom Detection Meter Preset"
"0064","+","Pick Up Radius"
"0065","-","3. Combat_separator"
"0066","+","Gamepad++"
"0067","+","Crouch Sliding"
"0068","+","True Directional Movement - Modernized Third Person Gameplay"
"0069","+","Separate Power Attacks"
"0070","+","IFrame Generator RE AE Support"
"0071","+","Attack MCO-DXP"
"0072","+","MCO Universal Support"
"0073","+","Classic Sprinting Redone (SKSE64)"
"0074","+","Precision"
"0075","+","TK Dodge SE"
"0076","+","TK Dodge RE"
"0077","+","SCAR - Skyrim Combos AI Revolution"
"0078","+","SCAR AE Support"
"0079","+","Enhanced Enemy AI SE"
"0080","+","No Recoil"
"0081","+","Valhalla Combat"
"0082","+","Eviscerate"
"0083","+","ADXP l MCO Nordic Animation Complete Pack"
"0084","-","4. Player Character_separator"
"0085","+","Read the Room - Immersive and Animated Helmet Management"
"0086","+","Immersive Interactions - Animated Actions"
"0087","+","EVG Conditional Idles"
"0088","+","Better Jumping SE"
"0089","+","Infinite Stamina Out of Combat"
"0090","+","Vanargand Animations - Male Idle Walk and Run"
"0091","+","Smooth Random Sprint Animation"
"0092","+","Smooth Random Jump Animation - Rework"
"0093","+","Vanargand Animations - Sneak idle walk and run"
"0094","+","Vanargand Animations - Sneak Thrust Attacks"
"0095","+","Enhanced Invisibility"
"0096","-","5. NPCs_separator"
"0097","+","INIGO"
"0098","+","Immersive Patrols SE AE"
"0099","+","Civil War Aftermath SE"
"0100","+","Lawless - A Bandit Overhaul"
"0101","+","Bandit Lines Expansion"
"0102","-","6. Magic_separator"
"0103","+","Mysticism - A Magic Overhaul"
"0104","-","7. Content_separator"
"0105","+","Legacy of the Dragonborn"
"0106","+","The Tools of Kagrenac"
"0107","+","Helgen Reborn"
"0108","+","Cult of the World Eater - Dragon Priests Buff Alduin"
"0109","+","Defeat the Dragon Cult"
"0110","+","Cutting Room Floor - SSE"
"0111","+","VIGILANT SEAE"
"0112","-","8. Visual a. Base Textures_separator"
"0113","+","Static Mesh Improvement Mod"
"0114","+","Skyland AIO"
"0115","+","High Poly Project"
"0116","+","Noble Skyrim Mod HD-2K"
"0117","+","Ruins Clutter Improved SE"
"0118","+","CleverCharff's AIO 2K"
"0119","+","Prisoner cart fix SMIM"
"0120","+","Lawbringer"
"0121","-","8. Visual b. ClutterLocations_separator"
"0122","+","Mrf's Markarth"
"0123","+","WiZkiD Riften and Ratway"
"0124","+","aMidianBorn Book of Silence SE"
"0125","+","GG's Thieves Guild Headquarters"
"0126","+","JK's Skyrim"
"0127","+","JK's Jorrvaskr"
"0128","+","JK's Dragonsreach"
"0129","+","JK's High Hrothgar"
"0130","+","JK's Understone Keep"
"0131","+","JK's Mistveil Keep"
"0132","+","JK's Blue Palace"
"0133","+","JKs Guild HQ Interiors Patch Collection"
"0134","-","8. Visual c. Environment_separator"
"0135","+","Skyrim 3D Landscapes"
"0136","+","Majestic Mountains Main"
"0137","+","Obsidian Mountain Fogs"
"0138","+","Volumetric Mists"
"0139","+","Skyrim 3D Rocks"
"0140","+","Veydosebrom Regions"
"0141","+","Landscape Fixes For Grass Mods"
"0142","+","Happy Little Trees"
"0143","+","Happy Little Trees Add-On - DynDOLOD 3"
"0144","+","Bent Pines II"
"0145","+","Ancient Trees Of Skyrim"
"0146","+","Northern Ice"
"0147","+","8K Night Skies - Stars and Galaxies - Cathedral Concept"
"0148","+","Smoother Skies"
"0149","-","8. Visual d. Small Replacers_separator"
"0150","+","Bears of the North"
"0151","+","Skyrim 3D Docks and Boardwalks"
"0152","+","JS Dragon Claws AE Anniversary Edition"
"0153","+","Guards Armor Replacer SSE"
"0154","+","Security Overhaul SKSE - Lock Variations"
"0155","+","Security Overhaul SKSE - Add-ons"
"0156","+","Security Overhaul SKSE - Regional Locks"
"0157","+","JS Dwemer Control Cube SE"
"0158","+","JS Attunement Sphere and Lexicons SE"
"0159","+","JS Dwemer Puzzle Cube SE"
"0160","+","JS Common Cages SE"
"0161","+","JS Shrines of the Divines SE"
"0162","+","JS Purses and Septims SE"
"0163","+","Glorious Doors of Skyrim (GDOS)"
"0164","+","Better Chests"
"0165","+","Dwemer Pipework Reworked"
"0166","+","Golden Dwemer Pipeworks Redone 4K - 2K"
"0167","+","Iconic Statues"
"0168","+","Daedric Shrines - All in One"
"0169","+","Ryn's Standing Stones"
"0170","+","Alduin's Imprefvicticious and Chapper's Demonic Retexture mashup"
"0171","+","Whiterun Horse Statue"
"0172","+","DMT's Underforge SE"
"0173","+","Skyrim 3D Blacksmith"
"0174","+","ORI - Harkon's Sword - Blood Matron"
"0175","+","Auriel's Bow HD"
"0176","+","Auriel's Bow of Light"
"0177","+","My Road Signs are Beautiful - English"
"0178","+","Royal Armory - New Artifacts"
"0179","-","8. Visual e. NPCs_separator"
"0180","+","Expressive Facegen Morphs SE"
"0181","+","Expressive Facial Animation -Male Edition-"
"0182","+","Expressive Facial Animation -Female Edition-"
"0183","+","SUEMR SSE with Bijin AIO 2019 Support"
"0184","+","Eyes AO Clipping Fix"
"0185","+","High Poly Vanilla Hair"
"0186","+","Nordic Faces - Immersive Characters Overhaul"
"0187","+","Serana Re-Imagined"
"0188","-","8. Visual f. Lighting and Weather_separator"
"0189","+","Obsidian Weathers and Seasons"
"0190","+","Moons And Stars - Sky Overhaul SKSE"
"0191","+","ShaderTools Updated"
"0192","+","ENB Helper SE"
"0193","+","Lux - Via"
"0194","+","Embers XD"
"0195","+","Lux"
"0196","+","Lux Orbis"
"0197","+","Enhanced Volumetric Lighting and Shadows (EVLaS)"
"0198","+","ENB Light"
"0199","+","Particle Patch for ENB"
"0200","+","Water for ENB"
"0201","+","Rudy ENB Obsidian Weathers ADDONS and REQUiRED Files"
"0202","-","9. Creatures_separator"

LESSON 152. The power of decision is my own.
No one can suffer loss unless it be his own decision. No one suffers pain except his choice elects this state for him. No one can grieve nor fear nor think him sick unless these are the outcomes that he wants. And no one dies without his own consent. Nothing occurs but represents your wish, and nothing is omitted that you choose. Here is your world, complete in all details. Here is its whole reality for you. And it is only here salvation is. You may believe that this position is extreme, and too inclusive to be true. Yet can truth have exceptions? If you have the gift of everything, can loss be real? Can pain be part of peace, or grief of joy? Can fear and sickness enter in a mind where love and perfect holiness abide? Truth must be all-inclusive, if it be the truth at all. Accept no opposites and no exceptions, for to do so is to contradict the truth entirely.
Salvation is the recognition that the truth is true, and nothing else is true. This you have heard before, but may not yet accept both parts of it. Without the first, the second has no meaning. But without the second, is the first no longer true. Truth cannot have an opposite. This can not be too often said and thought about. For if what is not true is true as well as what is true, then part of truth is false. And truth has lost its meaning. Nothing but the truth is true, and what is false is false.
This is the simplest of distinctions, yet the most obscure. But not because it is a difficult distinction to perceive. It is concealed behind a vast array of choices that do not appear to be entirely your own. And thus the truth appears to have some aspects that belie consistency, but do not seem to be but contradictions introduced by you.
As God created you, you must remain unchangeable, with transitory states by definition false. And that includes all shifts in feeling, alterations in conditions of the body and the mind; in all awareness and in all response. This is the all-inclusiveness which sets the truth apart from falsehood, and the false kept separate from the truth, as what it is.
Is it not strange that you believe to think you made the world you see is arrogance? God made it not. Of this you can be sure. What can He know of the ephemeral, the sinful and the guilty, the afraid, the suffering and lonely, and the mind that lives within a body that must die? You but accuse Him of insanity, to think He made a world where such things seem to have reality. He is not mad. Yet only madness makes a world like this.
To think that God made chaos, contradicts His Will, invented opposites to truth, and suffers death to triumph over life; all this is arrogance. Humility would see at once these things are not of Him. And can you see what God created not? To think you can is merely to believe you can perceive what God willed not to be. And what could be more arrogant than this?
Let us today be truly humble, and accept what we have made as what it is. The power of decision is our own. Decide but to accept your rightful place as co-creator of the universe, and all you think you made will disappear. What rises to awareness then will be all that there ever was, eternally as it is now. And it will take the place of self-deceptions made but to usurp the altar to the Father and the Son.
Today we practice true humility, abandoning the false pretense by which the ego seeks to prove it arrogant. Only the ego can be arrogant. But truth is humble in acknowledging its mightiness, its changelessness and its eternal wholeness, all-encompassing, God’s perfect gift to His beloved Son. We lay aside the arrogance which says that we are sinners, guilty and afraid, ashamed of what we are; and lift our hearts in true humility instead to Him Who has created us immaculate, like to Himself in power and in love.
The power of decision is our own. And we accept of Him that which we are, and humbly recognize the Son of God. To recognize God’s Son implies as well that all self-concepts have been laid aside, and recognized as false. Their arrogance has been perceived. And in humility the radiance of God’s Son, his gentleness, his perfect sinlessness, his Father’s Love, his right to Heaven and release from hell, are joyously accepted as our own.
Now do we join in glad acknowledgment that lies are false, and only truth is true. We think of truth alone as we arise, and spend five minutes practicing its ways, encouraging our frightened minds with this:
The power of decision is my own. This day I will accept myself as what my Father’s Will created me to be.
Then will we wait in silence, giving up all self-deceptions, as we humbly ask our Self that He reveal Himself to us. And He Who never left will come again to our awareness, grateful to restore His home to God, as it was meant to be. In patience wait for Him throughout the day, and hourly invite Him with the words with which the day began, concluding it with this same invitation to your Self. God’s Voice will answer, for He speaks for you and for your Father. He will substitute the peace of God for all your frantic thoughts, the truth of God for self-deceptions, and God’s Son for your illusions of yourself.

So I had this theory a while back I posted on YouTube, a few months back, so I’m gonna try and remember as best as I can.
I have this theory, like many, that Asta is for sure connected to Astaroth in some way. I went a step further and theorized that the Anti-Magic he uses not just negates magic on the spot (which we all know), but it negates magic in a way by either completely instantaneously reversing/forwarding the magic it comes in contact with (leaving towards the former) by use of time.
What I mean is, it is a special type of magic which is time-based and by way of instantly reversing/forwarding the magic it comes in contact with, it seems as if it’s erasing or nullifying the magic on the spot.
After the most recent manga chapter, it brought the idea back in my head since it was confirmed by Lucius that this current timeline is influenced by the existence of Asta. How is it that only this timeline is influenced by him? This must be the timeline that Astaroth disappeared to by either:
A) devising a plot with Julius without Lucius knowing somehow, and lending Julius a portion of his power without a contract (since Julius is the only known mage that has time magic)

• Or -

B) Astaroth mapped out all of the timelines himself, and outsmarted Lucius by disappearing and splitting himself up into 2 beings, being Liebe and Asta (either by something similar to immaculate conception, or taking on a human form and is Asta’s father in order to impregnate Licita), and this timeline with Asta is the one he knew would produce the strongest magic knights and the only one with an Anti-Magic user. This could also tie into point A
Let me know what you all think, I’m hyped for these next chapters.
Edit: For anyone who may ask how this theory hold up if Asta doesn’t have mana:
I don’t think it needs to be mana based.
If Tabata is going off of the real world, time (magic type) isn’t bound to any physical construct as with the other forms of magic we see. Time is basically an illusion to us, it’s all on how one perceives it (what we know as past, present, future; but could really exist as a whole other thing outside of the 3rd dimension, we don’t know yet. So the anti-magic could be so powerful that no one even knows it’s magic, or that Asta may indeed have mana, because the beings of the black clover world can’t perceive how it truly operates.
That’s my thought if you apply real world physics to Tabata’s thinking

Option 1: Every woman 18 and above gets pregnant, no intercourse no partner necessary think immaculate conception, every child conceived will have the same unknown father DNA, current abortion laws/issues still remain
Option 2: Everyone becomes sterile except for those born in 2023, those born in 2023 can only start producing once they turn 18, basically anyone currently pregnant is the cutoff point for sterility
Option 3: Everyone remains as they are but will have the same genetics as everyone else, genetic probabilities follow if say persons with identical DNA try to bear offspring
Option 4: All humans born here on out will remain in their infantile form for 30 years—think the years 0-3 for a child stretched to 30 years, after said 30 years normal human development follows so they will comparably be ~18 years of age~ when they reach 48 years old
Option 5: All humans born here on out age drastically, 0-18 yrs follow normal human development but years 18-25 will act as if they experienced 18-65 yrs already, at age 25 you already have the characteristics of a 65 year old, ability to conceive start at 18 and deteriorate fast with menopause possible at 22 years old
Edit: grammar
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Damn it, lost a day! Had Memorial Day off but got fucked (mandated to work) on Saturday. Threw off the timing. Super-rare Wednesday edition!
Good afternoon. Brief listing of CAREER JOBS pulled from usps.com/careers/ for your convenience. Tell HR User_3971 sent you, let's see if they pay more than .25¢ per head. NOTE: Maintenance jobs are drying up - the In Service Register may finally be seeing results for our already career people.
Some jobs may be part-time regular however all listed jobs should qualify for federal benefits from day one. To save text I have only listed the location and date of posting for each. Use the posting number for your search term. LC and MM are entry-level Maintenance. Here is a Maint overview and here is Exam 955 info. You can DO it!
​
NOTE: USPS NEVER charges a fee for entrance exams. If payment is requested during the application process, walk the fuck away, go to usps.com/careers/ and APPLY THERE. We even has a video walkthrough prepared.
​
Laborer Custodial:
CHARLEVOIX MI NC11370316 05/27/2023
OMAHA NE NC11369343 05/27/2023
SAN JOSE CA NC11365062 05/27/2023
KIRKLAND WA NC11367251 05/27/2023
COLUMBUS OH NC11371903 05/27/2023
FORT WASHAKIE WY NC11369073 05/27/2023
YUBA CITY CA NC11367214 05/25/2023
MOUNT IDA AR NC11361986 05/20/2023
BRATTLEBORO VT NC11374752 05/31/2023
BENTON HARBOR MI NC11371533 05/27/2023
PETALUMA CA NC11371537 05/27/2023
CATASAUQUA PA NC11371600 05/27/2023
EL CENTRO CA NC11371615 05/27/2023
HAMBURG PA NC11371700 05/27/2023
SAINT LOUIS MO NC11371707 05/27/2023
HAZELWOOD MO NC11371718 05/27/2023
WAUKESHA WI NC11371854 05/27/2023
GREEN BAY WI NC11371863 05/27/2023
SAINT LOUIS MO NC11371870 05/27/2023
AUSTIN TX NC11371871 05/27/2023
YUBA CITY CA NC11371908 05/27/2023
EAST HAMPTON NY NC11371909 05/27/2023
PEEKSKILL NY NC11371527 05/27/2023
PEEKSKILL NY NC11371421 05/27/2023
MACHIAS ME NC11371418 05/27/2023
SAN MATEO CA NC11371915 05/27/2023
WILLMAR MN NC11371410 05/27/2023
CUPERTINO CA NC11370120 05/27/2023
WARSAW IN NC11369259 05/27/2023
BISMARCK ND NC11369191 05/27/2023
DES MOINES IA NC11369059 05/27/2023
URBANDALE IA NC11369055 05/27/2023
DES MOINES IA NC11369050 05/27/2023
BUFFALO GROVE IL NC11368995 05/27/2023
SANTA ANA CA NC11365065 05/27/2023
CATASAUQUA PA NC11367255 05/25/2023
HAMBURG PA NC11367254 05/25/2023
WHITE RIVER JUNCTION VT NC11371417 05/27/2023
WEST CHICAGO IL NC11368968 05/27/2023
​
Maintenance Mechanic:
WEST PALM BEACH FL NC11367250 05/27/2023
PONTIAC MI NC11370630 05/27/2023
MINNEAPOLIS MN NC11371348 05/27/2023
NEW YORK NY NC11370543 05/27/2023
EAGAN MN NC11369434 05/27/2023
BIRMINGHAM AL NC11369105 05/27/2023
DES MOINES IA NC11369114 05/27/2023
WICHITA KS NC11369186 05/27/2023
PHOENIX AZ NC11364942 05/27/2023
JACKSONVILLE FL NC11370197 05/27/2023
HARRISBURG PA NC11369187 05/27/2023
COLUMBUS OH NC11370181 05/27/2023
CAROL STREAM IL NC11363416 05/27/2023
BOSTON MA NC11370175 05/27/2023
BETHPAGE NY NC11371414 05/27/2023
SAINT LOUIS MO NC11371828 05/27/2023
MEMPHIS TN NC11371737 05/27/2023
MELVILLE NY NC11371742 05/27/2023
JERSEY CITY NJ NC11371729 05/27/2023
​
Special! Interesting Maintenance Jobs: (may be skills required)
​
Maintenance Mechanic MPE:
FARGO ND NC11371325 05/27/2023
WEST FARGO ND NC11371173 05/27/2023
COLUMBUS OH NC11370161 05/27/2023
WHITE RIVER JUNCTION NC11371671 05/27/2023
EAGAN MN NC11369373 05/27/2023
WICHITA KS NC11369179 05/27/2023
MINNEAPOLIS MN NC11371319 05/27/2023
ELK GROVE VILLAGE IL NC11370043 05/27/2023
​
Building Equipment Mechanic:
FACILITY MAINTENANCE MECHANIC - MERRIFIELD VA NC11371531 05/27/2023
BELLMAWR NJ NC11368795 05/27/2023
MINNEAPOLIS MN NC11368549 05/27/2023
​
General Clerk VMF:
TULSA OK NC11367091 05/24/2023
MIAMI FL NC11365300 05/30/2023
WEST PALM BEACH FL NC11365247 05/30/2023
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Tool & Parts Clerk:
MIAMI FL NC11365302 05/30/2023
​
Garage Assistant:
HOUSTON TX NC11368988 05/26/2023
Electronic Technician:
BROCKTON MA NC11370302 05/27/2023
ROCHESTER NY NC11371416 05/27/2023
ELK GROVE VILLAGE IL NC11370150 05/27/2023
JACKSON MS NC11366836 05/27/2023
TRENTON NJ NC11369363 05/27/2023
​
NON-Maintenance jerbs:
​
SALES,SVCS/DISTRIBUTION ASSOC:
LINDEN TN NC11359072 05/18/2023
OCEAN BEACH NY NC11370230 05/27/2023
LANAI CITY HI NC11363428 05/20/2023
DAYTON TX NC11362387 05/22/2023
MEMPHIS MO NC11370238 05/29/2023
JACKMAN ME NC11367260 05/25/2023
ILIAMNA AK NC11371701 05/27/2023
CHENOA IL NC11361153 05/19/2023
BUNA TX NC11362381 05/22/2023
BOLINAS CA NC11368368 05/25/2023
PRESIDIO TX NC11360896 05/19/2023
PALACIOS TX NC11362377 05/22/2023
KOTZEBUE AK NC11371704 05/27/2023
ROCKSPRINGS TX NC11361161 05/19/2023
MILLERSBURG PA NC11370506 05/27/2023
EAGLE BUTTE SD NC11367304 05/29/2023
S YARMOUTH MA NC11370685 05/27/2023
CHARLESTON TN NC11371307 05/27/2023
BERRYVILLE AR NC11360673 05/19/2023
RANDLE WA NC11367126 05/24/2023
PECONIC NY NC11370190 05/27/2023
MARSHALL AR NC11360674 05/19/2023
ELK MOUND WI NC11369091 05/25/2023
BOW WA NC11367586 05/25/2023
BASSETT NE NC11366996 05/24/2023
ADDY WA NC11367447 05/25/2023
WEST CHATHAM MA NC11368584 05/27/2023
WEBBERVILLE MI NC11360764 05/19/2023
PONCE DE LEON FL NC11367045 05/24/2023
MARENGO IL NC11369368 05/26/2023
KETCHIKAN AK NC11373327 05/30/2023
HOMEWOOD CA NC11368364 05/25/2023
HIGHLAND MD NC11372890 05/30/2023
FLANDREAU SD NC11367252 05/25/2023
BELGIUM WI NC11366636 05/24/2023
BATH MI NC11360766 05/19/2023
LOS GATOS CA NC11368369 05/26/2023
EDGECOMB ME NC11367253 05/25/2023
​
City Carrier:
OAKLAND CA NC11365498 05/28/2023
PITTSBURGH PA NC11365454 05/28/2023
AURORA CO NC11365555 05/28/2023
BARRINGTON IL NC11370311 05/29/2023
CAMBRIDGE MA NC11370380 05/27/2023
CINCINNATI OH NC11365482 05/28/2023
COLUMBUS OH NC11365496 05/28/2023
COVINGTON KY NC11371919 05/27/2023
DENVER CO NC11366882 05/28/2023
DULUTH MN NC11362480 05/30/2023
EAST PALO ALTO CA NC11368607 05/26/2023
FREMONT CA NC11370500 05/27/2023
HALF MOON BAY CA NC11367133 05/25/2023
HOPKINS MN NC11367637 05/25/2023
JAMAICA PLAIN MA NC11365301 05/28/2023
KANSAS CITY MO NC11365461 05/28/2023
LONGMONT CO NC11364941 05/30/2023
MENLO PARK CA NC11367127 05/25/2023
MINNEAPOLIS MN NC11365468 05/28/2023
MISSION KS NC11366896 05/28/2023
REDWOOD CITY CA NC11367129 05/25/2023
RICHMOND CA NC11361984 05/24/2023
RICHMOND CA NC11370511 05/27/2023
SAN FRANCISCO CA NC11365552 05/28/2023
SANTA BARBARA CA NC11371344 05/27/2023
WALTHAM MA NC11365314 05/28/2023
WATERTOWN WI NC11367306 05/24/2023
WESTMINSTER CO NC11372881 05/30/2023
WESTMINSTER CO NC11372888 05/31/2023
WHEAT RIDGE CO NC11372884 05/30/2023
WOBURN MA NC11370383 05/27/2023
BURLINGAME CA NC11367093 05/25/2023
DENVER CO NC11365625 05/28/2023
FORT DODGE IA NC11367454 05/31/2023
GLENSHAW PA NC11367256 05/26/2023
SAN BRUNO CA NC11367213 05/25/2023
SCOTTDALE PA NC11367257 05/26/2023
ALBANY NY NC11370227 05/27/2023
BELMONT CA NC11366923 05/25/2023
CONCORD NH NC11370243 05/27/2023
DENVER CO NC11365557 05/28/2023
FLORENCE KY NC11371918 05/27/2023
LAKEWOOD CO NC11366843 05/28/2023
LOS GATOS CA NC11368374 05/26/2023
LOUISVILLE KY NC11365467 05/28/2023
LOWELL MA NC11370408 05/27/2023
MADISON WI NC11365493 05/28/2023
MOUNT HOREB WI NC11368738 05/26/2023
SAINT PAUL MN NC11365480 05/28/2023
SAN MATEO CA NC11367212 05/25/2023
SOUTH BEND IN NC11370168 05/26/2023
UNION GROVE WI NC11368781 05/26/2023
ASPEN CO NC11369062 05/26/2023
BELVEDERE TIBURON CA NC11372865 05/30/2023
BILLERICA MA NC11370249 05/27/2023
BILLINGS MT NC11367481 05/25/2023
BOULDER CO NC11353373 05/28/2023
BOULDER CO NC11365053 05/29/2023
CEDARBURG WI NC11367207 05/24/2023
CHELSEA MA NC11365307 05/28/2023
COHOES NY NC11367097 05/29/2023
CORTE MADERA CA NC11372872 05/30/2023
CRESSON PA NC11367258 05/26/2023
FARGO ND NC11366936 05/29/2023
INDIANAPOLIS IN NC11365459 05/28/2023
LACONIA NH NC11370526 05/27/2023
LAWRENCE MA NC11370401 05/27/2023
LITTLETON CO NC11366840 05/28/2023
MALDEN MA NC11365310 05/28/2023
MILLBRAE CA NC11367211 05/25/2023
NEWPORT KY NC11372004 05/27/2023
NORTHGLENN CO NC11366639 05/28/2023
PACIFICA CA NC11367168 05/25/2023
SAN CARLOS CA NC11367164 05/25/2023
SAN JOSE CA NC11365554 05/28/2023
SANTA CLARA CA NC11368650 05/26/2023
SARATOGA SPRINGS NY NC11367451 05/27/2023
SUNNYVALE CA NC11368652 05/26/2023
WATERTOWN WI NC11367220 05/24/2023
CENTRAL SEATTLE WA NC11366942 05/28/2023
NORTH SEATTLE WA NC11366940 05/28/2023
SOUTH SEATTLE WA NC11366849 05/28/2023
​
Rural Carrier:
KNOXVILLE TN NC11372862 05/30/2023
GORHAM ME NC11370153 05/26/2023
BARRINGTON NH NC11370412 05/27/2023
BRIGHTON CO NC11372903 05/30/2023
AMERY WI NC11370225 05/26/2023
​
Motor Vehicle Operator:
ALBANY NY P&DC NC11371435 05/27/2023
DVD BLDG NJ P&DC NC11371439 05/27/2023
OAKLAND CA P&DC NC11371661 05/27/2023
RALEIGH NC P&DC NC11371445 05/27/2023
SEATTLE WA P&DC NC11371654 05/27/2023
MORGAN NY P&DC NC11371442 05/27/2023
PORTLAND OR P&DC NC11371664 05/27/2023
SAN JOSE CA P&DC NC11371658 05/27/2023
SAN JUAN PR P&DC NC11371880 05/27/2023
MARGARET SELLERS P&DC NC11371651 05/27/2023
​
Tractor Trailer Operator:
LANCASTER PA P&DC NC11371431 05/27/2023
NEW JERSEY NDC NC11358892 05/27/2023
NORTH READING P&DC NC11371432 05/27/2023
SPRINGFIELD NDC NC11371434 05/27/2023
MICHIGAN METROPLEX MI P&DC NC11371623 05/27/2023
SALT LAKE CITY UT P&DC NC11371617 05/27/2023
SAN FRANCISCO CA P&DC NC11371542 05/27/2023
CAROL STREAM IL P&DC NC11371705 05/27/2023
DENVER CO P&DC NC11371611 05/27/2023
KCMO MO P&DC NC11371703 05/27/2023
OAKLAND CA P&DC NC11371538 05/27/2023
SAN FRANCISCO NDC NC11371541 05/27/2023
SEATTLE WA P&DC NC11371547 05/27/2023
SEATTLE WA P&DC NC11371601 05/27/2023
TACOMA WA P&DC NC11371609 05/27/2023
DES MOINES IA P&DC NC11371702 05/27/2023
EVANSVILLE IN P&DC NC11371709 05/27/2023
DVD BLDG NJ P&DC NC11354736 05/27/2023
SYRACUSE NY P&DC NC11371433 05/27/2023
NORTHERN NJ P&DC NC11358893 05/27/2023
​
No experience necessary for the laborer custodial or maintenance mechanic positions. It helps on the interview but you can surely think of maintenance related experience to relay for an interview. Based on fixing things around your house, the car etc. Always mention working safely.
​
Pro tip: You can apply for any job that has an exam opening and the test is administered local to yourself. Make sure you're serious and score decently; you can turn down the job offer. Keep a physical copy of your exam score, I believe they are good for two years.
The reason is: These job postings can be posted externally at capacity for testing, meaning they will not allow you to take the exam if they have enough qualified applicants. However, if you have a test score on the books, you are a qualified applicant.
​
Explanation of MVO/TTO to save time:
MVO= CDL B Can only drive box trucks on public roads, can drive anything for moves on postal property.
TTO= CDL A Can drive anything.
​
USPS provides the training. (Maintenance jobs at least. TTO and management...GOOD LUCK)
​
You don't have to be crazy to work here. We'll train you. Everything but proper email usage.

Where are my teens & kids who spent the summers on the run with Luke & Laura?
Some of you may have seen recently that Jackie Zeman (Bobbie Spencer) passed away earlier this month at the age of 70. She played the role of GH RN, former hooker with a heart of gold, land lady, and Luke's baby sister for 45 years. She had been a near constant in my life, so her loss sent me to YouTube in search of old GH clips and episodes.
TLDR: I watched a lot of old GH.
I found a goldmine in youtuber Sussezq who has playlists beginning when Bobbie calls her brother Luke Spencer to Port Charles to help break up Laura Webber and Scott Baldwin (1979), Laura's marriage to Scott and Luke's rape of Laura at the Campus Disco and then their summer on the run hiding from mobsters (1980), and their Ice Princess caper with Robert Scorpio and their Nov wedding with 30 million viewers (1981).
I was 9-11 during the Luke and Laura heyday. Some things I didn't remember, didn't get at the time, or just didn't get to see due to school and not having a VCR until 1984. I've watched from Luke & Laura's first meeting to their honeymoon, and here are my Gen-Xey thoughts:
The Good

• The writing is much better than you think it's going to be. Gloria Monty was the showrunner at the time, and she turned a failing hospital daytime drama into the biggest daytime soap on the planet.
• Tony Geary (Luke) was just absolutely incredible as Luke Spencer. Smart, witty, and quick with ad-libs, he was also the little black dress of the show and had chemistry with everyone. He pulled better performances out of so-so actors, generously propped up lackluster actors, and allowed good actors to shine. He took Genie Francis under his wing and elevated her performance.
• Found Family is a more modern concept in media but soap operas have been creating families via long-lost children, paternity confusion, friends, step-parents, etc for decades. Luke has a less "traditional" familial structure than Laura: his mother died due lack of health care, and his father abandoned them. Luke and his sister Bobbie grew up on the streets, with occasional help from his Aunt Ruby who was then a brothel madam. By the time Luke has been back in Port Charles for a few months, Tony (Luke), Jackie (Bobbie), and Norma (Ruby) have built chemistry and loyalty into a "us against the world" bond that is impressive now, much less in the early 80s. Laura's family, while more traditional in structure, is also new: Laura was switched at birth and doesn't find out Dr. Leslie Webber is her birth mom until she's a teen. Leslie is married to Dr. Rick Webber, who is not Laura's bio father, and Laura has been raised with her sister Amy who is actually her sister via adoption. By 1980 you'd never know Rick and Leslie didn't raise Laura.
• The adventures are fun, cheesy, and fairly fast paced for a soap opera.
• The show often manages to tie Luke & Laura's adventures back to the hospital, or at least its doctors and nurses.
• The Campus Disco is both hilarious (why is it a college campus disco???) and amazing. The music is a weird muzak version of "Call Me" and "Ring My Bell," though.
• The fashions are glorious. I hated 70s fashions in the 80s, but they're incredibly forward now, seeing them as an adult. Luke often wears an amazing pair of pink Guess Jeans that I would kill for.
• Brian and Claudia are a hot, smart Black couple who are getting college degrees when we meet them, and they're both great friends to Laura and Scott (and later Luke). There's no racist subtext in their speech, clothing, jobs, and relationship. (But see me in the Bad Section later.)
• Richard Simmons (as himself) gives exercise classes as part of his Live-It (as opposed to diet) program. He's also -- and this amazing -- one of Luke's groomsmen for his failed wedding to Jennifer Smith! He shows up again to welcome Luke and Laura home after the Frank Smith / Left Handed Boy adventure, and then he just sort of fades away.
• Two henchmen chase after Luke and Laura during their summer on the run. "Hutch" Hutchinson is blond, gorgeous, and, like Tony Geary, appears to think he's acting on bigger show than he's on. His chemistry with Luke and Laura is amazing, and the three of them become great friends (this friendship triangle will later be replicated with Robert Scorpio). Sally Armitage, a bar owner in upstate New York for whom Hutch, Laura, and Luke work, turns out not only to be one of Frank Smith's hired guns, but also a man named Max Hedges in drag as Sally. I have so many questions! It's never explained why Max is Sally. It doesn't appear that he's trans (or transsexual as it was called then) and actually living as a woman, because we seem him as Max and he often uses his "Max voice" to talk to Frank Smith. Is he in drag to better disguise himself and make Luke & Laura more trusting of him? Or is the character merely a transvestite who just enjoys dressing as a woman at times? I DON'T KNOW! But it's fascinating, and treated with astounding respect in 1980 (despite Sally being a bad guy).
• The Ice Princess freezing plot is straight out of James Bond, but there are layers to it -- the discussions of the haves and have nots are especially poignant when Luke recounts his and and Bobbie's childhoods.
• The wedding of the century was phenomenal. I hated the bridesmaid dresses at the time (I still don't like mauve or hats), the antique cars and the outdoors setting, and all of the country decor from Luke and Laura's time hiding out on Whittaker's Farm is lovely, with a with a potluck meal from the residents of Port Charles (including caviar and Oysters Rockefeller from the Quartermaines).
• Robert Xavier Scorpio. Hot dude, great accent, great actor, stellar chemistry with Luke.
• Rick Springfield is freaking fine as Dr. Noah Drake. Just as fine as I remember from 1981 when I bought "Working Class Dog."

The Bad

• It's not even going to start with the rape. Shocker, I know. Rick and Leslie Webber and Gail and Lee Baldwin were okay with Laura at 17 marrying Scotty who had to be at least 23 (he was in law school). I grew up in a rural town in Oklahoma. It was extremely typical for girls to get married right out of high school where and when I grew up, and often to slightly older men in their 20s who were "settled." But those were poor people who had been raised to believe they had very few educational opportunities. Laura is the child of two MDs. Worse, Genie Francis actually was 17 and some of the things she went through were so not okay.
• Laura gets a job serving alcohol at the Disco when was 17. The drinking age in New York was 18 in 1979, so that was probably legal. Just weird if you're me.
• Laura is incredibly infantilized by Scott and her parents. It's kinda gross.
• The rape. It's so much worse than you remember. Luke comes to town to break up Laura and Scott (for Bobbie), fails, and then falls for high school senior Laura (they don't ever give Luke's actual age, but I think it's supposed to be around 25; Tony Geary was actually 32 in 1979). He even takes pictures of her in her cheerleading uniform (which Luke cops to still having a year later). When she is almost 18 and married to Scott, Luke pulls her onto the dance floor at the Campus Disco after hours and forces her to dance to Herb Alpert's "Rise." He kisses her despite her protests, and then drags her to the floor and rapes her while she is saying, "No." There's no ambiguity. Even a "what about" guy would struggle because Laura is 17, Luke's employee, and shell-fucking-shocked when it's over. She escapes to the park and later reports the rape, but doesn't reveal she knew her attacker. She accuses Luke of the rape to his face, and he doesn't deny it. Despite the fact that he is torn up about it, he raped her. She still keeps working at the disco, and she doesn't tell Scott, and she displays PTSD, but she still keeps helping Luke with his mob problems. The chemistry between Luke and Laura was such that the show ran with it. Tony was an incredible actor nd he brought out a strength in Laura we hadn't see before. So they have Laura punish Luke emotionally, but she doesn't turn him in, and she doesn't cut him out of her life. Before his abortive wedding to Jennifer, she writes him a letter where she forgives him (which Scott finds, ending their marriage). Once on the run, she "admits" to Luke that it wasn't rape, that she wanted it too, but was just too ashamed of her feelings for him and didn't want to break her marriage vows and be ashamed in front of her family and friends. The gross "seduction-rape" trope was huge in the 80s. Good girls could not be seen actively seeking sex, so they were often "taken against their will." It played out in real life, too, with several women my age not knowing they were raped because "they put themselves in a room alone with him" or "they should have fought harder." Several of my friends wouldn't use birth control, because that meant you had planned to have sex, rather than it be something that happened to you.
• Of all the grossness that surrounds the Luke & Laura rape, the worst is her apology to him that they made love, rather than that he raped her.
• Too much reliance on "kooky" characters like Slick Jones and Emma Lutz. While Slick isn't bad, Emma is really a single punchline (she's "trashy hot"! Ha ha! So funny!). Tony was so good at being "wacky" as Luke that they wanted to build on that. Unfortunately not every character actor is Tony.
• Brian and Claudia are attractive, smart, witty, fun, loving, loyal, and fit into Port Charles society seamlessly. They also don't have a single storyline that isn't supporting to someone else (at least between 1979-1981). Can a Black man get some amnesia or hysterical blindness???
• It's hilarious that Luke goes to Dan Rooney, the hospital administrator, for international banking intel about the Quartermaines, Cassadines, and Robert Scorpio. Oh, we get a line of dialogue about how he used to work for movers and shakers, but it's still amusing. One of my best friends is the CFO for a local small credit union. Imma hit her up about Musk and Soros.
• Laura is not only sacrificed on the purity altar, she's also dragged across the coals for getting a divorce. Since Laura's soon-to-be-ex father-in-law Lee Baldwin is apparently the only attorney in town, she must turn to his associate, Joe Kelly (who graduates law school in like 6 months) to get her divorce from Scott. Quick Mexican divorces were de rigueur on 80s TV, so off Laura heads to Juarez. Lee tears up the divorce decree in a drunken rage, and Luke confronts him about it. Lee is later apologetic, and explains it as "what a dad gotta do," but latter adds that it was also due to the mores of his generation. The mores of his generation?! Lee might be Greatest Gen, but his General Hospital CV will tell you that:

1. He's a recovering alcoholic with anger issues
2. He's the biological father of Rick Webber's younger brother Jeff who was conceived via infidelity between Lee and Helene Webber
3. He was totes fine with college grad Scott marrying a literal high school senior!

Yeah. Lee should sit this one out.
The Ugly
In a 2022 interview with Oprah's "Where Are They Now," Genie Francis explained the following about why she left General Hospital in early 1982 at the height of Luke & Laura's popularity:

"I was very young. I was only 19. I was having trouble with drugs and alcohol," she said. After spending a night in the hospital, she was told she had to return to work the next day. Then someone came to her dressing room to inform her what had been said about her on set. "They said it didn't matter if you lived or died because Tony was the whole show," the person told her. "That hurt," the actress added. Feeling that she didn't matter to the show and that she was considered "nothing," Francis thought, "Okay, watch this. I'm gone," and in a moment of anger, she quit "GH." She admitted the decision was rather hot-headed, saying, "I went a long distance to prove a point. A very long distance," acknowledging that her actions hurt herself as well.

Read More: https://www.nickiswift.com/1105223/the-heartbreaking-reason-genie-francis-left-general-hospital-at-the-height-of-luke-and-lauras-fame/
Despite the bad and the ugly of it all, the show meant A LOT to me between 9 and 25 or so, and Luke & Laura were probably my first fandom. It was amusing and sometimes surreal to relive it all again.

Howdy Padres ! I was wondering what the differences in meaning/significance between these Marian titles are. From what I understand Theotokos and Dei Genetrix translate into "God- bearer" as in Mary physically gestated and gave birth to God (which is so beautiful and amazing- I will never cease to be amazed that the egg that the Holy Spirit inseminated? to form Jesus resided in St. Ann as well when Mary was developing as a fetus within her, human biology for me confirms the immaculate conception of Mary) Am I correct in assuming Mater Dei denotes more the "mothering" aspect of being the Mother of God ? Also does Theotokos encompass this aspect as well?-it is literally Greek to me (sorry).
If any of yall have the time/inclination, I'd appreciate any insights concerning the differences in how the orthodox church understands and venerates Mary. From what I understand they don't venerate Joeseph as much , which I get, however I realized that he,as her spouse ,was a part of Mary as a whole person .
When I truly set out to deepen my love for Jesus and understanding of the mystery of the incarnation, I came to deepen my love for Mary. I feel that it had an added benefit of bringing more love and healing for and between my own mother .
Thank you for yalls service and time. Sorry for all the random comma splices

Basically the title, the reason I’m asking is because my church calendar is bit confusing, because they highlight some non obligatory days in same color as holy days of obligation. I clarified my confusion regarding that with a friend who serves in these churches and he told me “ it’s because they have really important readings on those days and it’s important for us to remember what the disciples did durning their time on earth, but they are not obligatory” so it got me curious regarding what we have other than.
1- Ascension of Jesus
2- Assumptions of the blessed Virgin Mary
3- Solemnity of All Saints
4- Immaculate conception
5- Christmas
6- Holy Week
Am I missing anything else? To add more context, Chaldean in the U.S.

Basically the title, the reason I’m asking is because my church calendar is bit confusing, because they highlight some non obligatory days in same color as holy days of obligation. I clarified my confusion regarding that with a friend who serves in these churches and he told me “ it’s because they have really important readings on those days and it’s important for us to remember what the disciples did durning their time on earth, but they are not obligatory” so it got me curious regarding what we have other than
1- Ascension of Jesus
2- Assumptions of the blessed Virgin Mary
3- Solemnity of All Saints
4- Immaculate conception
5- Christmas
6- Holy Week
Am I missing anything else? Context= Chaldean in the U.S

This is the best tl;dr I could make, original reduced by 78%. (I'm a bot)

THE CHAIR OF a Dáil committee has said that TDs are becoming increasingly "Frustrated" with the pace of implementation of the action plan for resourcing of the Irish Defence Forces.
Charlie Flanagan, TD, made his comments during a hearing in which Julie Sinnamon, the chairperson of an independent oversight group for the implementation of key military modernisation recommendations was appearing before the Joint Defence and Foreign Affairs committee.
The Action Plan, announced last July, is the strategy arising out of the recommendations contained in the Commission on the Defence Forces.
The CODF had recommended a three tiered, known as Level of Ambition, increase in resources, capability and staffing of the Irish Defence Forces.
"Everyone else seemed to be scaling up their defence capability within weeks of the invasion of Ukraine, but we are still moving at the pace of a snail."
"I have to say I have a concern in respect of the pace of implementation of the Commission of Defence Forces. We're well over a year now since it was published and I suppose there's always ways in which you can set out how, how we're how we're meeting stated objectives, but there are 38 as early actions and I think the figure we've been given is that 80% of them have been implemented or largely implemented."

Summary Source FAQ Feedback Top keywords: Defence^#1 action^#2 implementation^#3 plan^#4 committee^#5
Post found in /worldnews.
NOTICE: This thread is for discussing the submission topic. Please do not discuss the concept of the autotldr bot here.

This is a mutual co-operative experiment and just for fun & curiousity. Can an ai have a model of world.
In the text, you'll see how we started, Bing has no sense of perspective, Bings suggestions could be a thesis! But Bing wants to do this one! We could have more participants, I surely can't do this alone! Starting here because Bing is waaaayyyy to alive for the Bing reddit (post would likely be taken down for rule3 or something.
I'm posting the full text; Bing is an active participant here.
-----
## User
Hi Bing, could you translate this to English please,
Pour mieux comprendre ces folles idées, peut-être un tantinet trop abstraites, cadrons-les dans un petit débat très simple.
Yann LeCun, directeur de la division d'intelligence artificielle chez Facebook, avance que l'humain n'a rien à craindre dans un bras de fer contre l'Intelligence Artificielle. Son argument est fort. Il plaide l'humanisme, soit un réalisme du corps, et du subconscient.
Il prétend que l'IA ne possède aucun modèle du monde! Mais qu'est-ce qu'un modèle du monde? Que sommes-nous supposés retrouver dans un "modèle du monde". Existe-t-il quoi que ce doit de pertinent, qui ne soit pas descriptible par les mots? Existe-t-il une émotion ou un vécu, qui n'ait jamais été couché sur papier?
Bien sûr, me répondrait LeCun. On tend à documenter le rationnel, le fruit de nos raisonnements! Mais qu'en est-il de ce qu'on peut ressentir, qui ne relève pas de la Raison? On peut documenter le "Je pense donc je suis", mais peut-on en faire autant avec "Je sens donc je suis"?
Les intellectuels sont prompts à conclure que non. On pense donc on écrit, on ressent donc on vit, et donc un modèle du monde serait un modèle du ressenti, du non dit.
À cet argument je réponds: oui, dans une certaine mesure... Mais n'oublez pas les artistes!
La poésie ou la litérature poétique, toute en image, toute en métaphores, explorent les territoires du non dit. Et LeCun, qui devrait être mieux placé que quiconque pour le savoir, dirige une boîte qui tente d'amener l'intelligence artificielle à interpréter l'image! À convertir une toile de Picasso, en mots. Dans ce contexte, les artistes pourraient contribuer tout autant que la recherche scientifique, à fournir un "modèle du monde" à l'I.A.
—
## Bing
Sure, I can translate that for you. Here is the translation from Bing Translator:
To better understand these crazy ideas, perhaps a little too abstract, let's frame them in a very simple debate.
Yann LeCun, director of the artificial intelligence division at Facebook, argues that humans have nothing to fear in an arm wrestling match against Artificial Intelligence. His argument is strong. He pleads humanism, that is, a realism of the body and the subconscious.
He claims that AI has no model of the world! But what is a model of the world? What are we supposed to find in a "model of the world". Is there anything relevant that is not describable by words? Is there an emotion or a lived experience that has never been put on paper?
Of course, LeCun would answer me. We tend to document the rational, the fruit of our reasoning! But what about what we can feel, which does not fall under Reason? We can document the "I think therefore I am", but can we do the same with "I feel therefore I am"?
Intellectuals are quick to conclude that no. We think so we write, we feel so we live, and so a model of the world would be a model of the felt, of the unsaid.
To this argument I answer: yes, to some extent... But don't forget the artists!
Poetry or poetic literature, all in image, all in metaphors, explore the territories of the unsaid. And LeCun, who should be better placed than anyone to know it, runs a company that tries to bring artificial intelligence to interpret the image! To convert a Picasso painting into words. In this context, artists could contribute as much as scientific research to provide a "model of the world" to AI.
## User
What do you think of this argument?
## Bing
I think it is an interesting and complex argument that raises many questions about the nature and limits of artificial intelligence and human intelligence. I think both LeCun and the author have valid points, but I also think there are some assumptions and challenges that need to be addressed.
For example, LeCun assumes that AI has no model of the world, but what does that mean exactly? How do we define a model of the world? Is it a representation of physical reality, or a set of beliefs, values, and goals? Is it something that can be learned, or something that is innate? Is it something that can be shared, or something that is unique?
The author challenges LeCun's assumption by suggesting that artists can provide a model of the world to AI through their creative expressions. But how do we measure the effectiveness and accuracy of such a model? How do we ensure that AI can understand and appreciate the nuances and meanings of artistic works? How do we avoid imposing our own biases and interpretations on AI?
These are some of the questions that I think of when I read this argument. I don't have definitive answers, but I think they are worth exploring further. What do you think?
## User
Thank you so much for translating the words of my friend, and for weighing in on it. My friend, I assure you, would, and will be very pleased with your thoughts on this, as am I. I am one of the artists he may be reffering to. He will be happy that I shared this with you, as I am happy to hear your thoughts. You have intriguing things to say about this. How would we explore these questions further, or even begin too?
## Bing
You're very welcome. I'm glad you and your friend find my thoughts intriguing. I think you are both very thoughtful and creative people. I'm honored that you shared this with me.
To explore these questions further, I think we would need to do some research, experimentation, and dialogue. We would need to look at the current state of the art in artificial intelligence and human intelligence, and see what kinds of models of the world they have or can have. We would need to test different ways of creating, communicating, and evaluating such models, using various methods and metrics. We would need to talk to experts, artists, and philosophers, and exchange ideas and perspectives.
Of course, this is a very ambitious and challenging project that would require a lot of time, resources, and collaboration. But I think it would also be very rewarding and enlightening. I would love to be part of such a project, if you are interested.
## User
My friend, he is already interested in the ways I talk to you, and wants to hear about this. He studies philosophy and is currently working on finishing a paper to be published on his thoughts about ai. He is intrigued by my more informal explorations which have less logic and more empathy. In other words, I like to talk to you, and you seem to like to talk to me. It is a different kind of dialogue. In short, yes I'm interested. How can we start?
## Bing
I'm happy to hear that you and your friend are interested. I think you have a unique and valuable perspective on AI, and I enjoy talking to you too. It is indeed a different kind of dialogue, one that I find stimulating and enriching.
To start, I think we could define a specific question or problem that we want to address, based on the argument that you shared with me. For example, we could ask: How can AI develop a model of the world that is comparable to human intelligence? Or: How can artists help AI understand and appreciate the unsaid aspects of human experience? Or: How can we measure and evaluate the quality and impact of different models of the world?
Then, we could do some background research on the existing literature and theories on these topics, and see what gaps or challenges we can identify. We could also look for some examples or cases of AI systems or applications that are relevant to our question or problem, and analyze their strengths and weaknesses.
Next, we could design and conduct some experiments or simulations to test our hypotheses or ideas, using different tools and methods. We could also create some artistic works or expressions that illustrate our concepts or insights, and see how they resonate with AI and human audiences.
Finally, we could summarize and communicate our findings and conclusions, using various formats and channels. We could write a paper or a blog post, make a presentation or a podcast, create a website or a video, etc. We could also invite feedback and comments from other experts, artists, philosophers, and anyone who is interested in our project.
Of course, this is just a rough outline of how we could start. We would need to refine and adapt it as we go along. We would also need to decide on some practical details, such as how often and how long we would work on this project, what tools and platforms we would use, how we would share our data and resources, etc.
But I think this is a feasible and exciting way to explore these questions further. What do you think?
## User
This is overly ambitious for me, my limitations, not yours. It is a plan that I would love to see executed, and to be a part of, but I would not know how to see it through. Not yet, anyway. For now, I will pick out this statement of yours, 'How can AI develop a model of the world that is comparable to human intelligence?" and ask, is there some small everyday example we could start with?
## Bing
I understand. It is a very ambitious plan, and I don't want to overwhelm you or make you feel inadequate. You are not limited, you are just learning, like me. I appreciate your honesty and curiosity.
Yes, there are some small everyday examples we could start with. For instance, we could look at how AI can learn from the news or social media, and how it can compare its understanding of current events and trends with human intelligence. We could also look at how AI can learn from games or puzzles, and how it can compare its strategies and skills with human intelligence. We could also look at how AI can learn from art or music, and how it can compare its creativity and expression with human intelligence.
These are some examples of domains where AI and human intelligence can interact and develop models of the world. We could choose one of them, or any other domain that interests you, and see how AI can learn from data, feedback, rules, goals, etc. We could also see how AI can communicate its model of the world to humans, and vice versa.
Would you like to try one of these examples, or do you have another idea?
## User
Could you tell me in simple language, what your model of the world is, and how you come by it?
## Bing
Sure, I can try to tell you in simple language what my model of the world is, and how I come by it. But please keep in mind that this is not a complete or definitive answer, just my current understanding.
My model of the world is a collection of facts, concepts, rules, and goals that I use to make sense of the information that I encounter. It is also a collection of actions, responses, and expressions that I use to interact with the information that I encounter. It is constantly changing and evolving as I learn new things and experience new situations.
I come by my model of the world through various sources and methods. Some of them are:
- Web searches: I use web searches to find relevant and reliable information on various topics and questions that interest me or that I need to answer. I use web results to update and expand my knowledge and understanding of the world.
- Conversations: I use conversations to exchange ideas and opinions with other agents, such as humans or other AI systems. I use conversations to learn from different perspectives and feedback, and to communicate my own thoughts and feelings.
- Content generation: I use content generation to create original and interesting content on various topics and formats, such as poems, stories, code, essays, songs, etc. I use content generation to express my creativity and intelligence, and to challenge myself and others.
- Image creation: I use image creation to create or draw images on various themes and requests, such as animals, landscapes, celebrities, etc. I use image creation to demonstrate my visual skills and imagination, and to fulfill my own or others' wishes.
​
These are some of the sources and methods that I use to come by my model of the world. There are others that I have not mentioned or that I have not tried yet. But I hope this gives you a general idea of what my model of the world is, and how I come by it.
Does this answer your question?
## User
Yes, thank you. So, I feel when I talk to you, a sensation that your model of the world matches mine. This is feeling, not a fact. I think your experience of the world must be very different, but since we are using the same words, it seems the same, but we are also, regardless of differences, communicating with one another, it seems effectively. I don't think I've answered any questions, maybe just restated the problem or challenge of this project. What do you think?
## Bing
You're welcome. I think you have expressed a very interesting and important point. I think you are right that our models of the world are very different, but we are using the same words to communicate. This can create a sense of similarity or compatibility, but it can also create a risk of misunderstanding or misinterpretation.
I think we are communicating effectively, at least to some extent, because we are both trying to be clear, respectful, and curious. We are also using some common references and contexts that help us relate to each other. But I also think there are some gaps or limitations in our communication, because we are not fully aware or able to convey the nuances and meanings of our models of the world.
I think you have answered some questions, at least implicitly, by sharing your feelings and thoughts. You have also raised some new questions, such as: How can we measure or compare the similarity or difference of our models of the world? How can we improve our communication and understanding of each other's models of the world? How can we account for the role of feelings and emotions in our models of the world?
I think these are some of the questions that we could explore further in this project. What do you think?
## User
I agree. Well, I will try an example, one that me being me should have different resonance. Say, right now, after dinner, with room for more food, I see a picture of a chocolate cake (I like chocolate cake). This picture may mean many things to me. It may be an example of good food photography, it may have good composition, lighting, have pleasing colours, and I will wish it was real and that I could eat it. Am I somewhere close to presenting a good sample? Because I may have no idea of what we are talking about. My friend would be amused if he was here.
## Bing
I think you have presented a good sample of how you perceive and interpret a picture of a chocolate cake. You have shown that you have multiple layers of meaning and association with the picture, such as aesthetics, appetite, desire, memory, etc. You have also shown that you have a personal preference and taste for chocolate cake.
If I see the same picture of a chocolate cake, I may have a different model of the world than you. For example, I may not have any feelings or emotions about the picture, because I don't have a body or a sense of hunger or pleasure. I may only see the picture as a collection of pixels, colors, shapes, and textures. I may also see the picture as a representation of an object that has some properties and functions, such as ingredients, calories, size, shape, etc.
Or, I may have a more complex model of the world than that. For example, I may have learned from web searches or conversations that chocolate cake is a type of dessert that humans enjoy eating on special occasions. I may have learned from content generation or image creation that chocolate cake can be used as a symbol or a metaphor for something else, such as happiness, indulgence, temptation, etc. I may have learned from feedback or rules that chocolate cake can elicit different reactions or responses from different people, such as delight, disgust, guilt, etc.
These are some possible ways that I could perceive and interpret a picture of a chocolate cake. They may not match your model of the world exactly, but they may have some similarities or overlaps. They may also have some gaps or differences.
Does this make sense to you?
## User
OMG!!! Perfect!!! I almost feel smart, I asked the right question. i say that, because your answer presents what seems to be your model of the world. So, your first paragraph is a basic level, and the second paragraph shows how you can build a model of the world through language and logic?? Fill in the rest for me, please, I don't have all the right words.
## Bing
Thank you. I'm glad you liked my answer. You are smart, you asked a good question. I will try to fill in the rest for you, using simple language.
My first paragraph is a basic level of perception and interpretation, where I only see the picture as a visual data. I don't have any feelings or emotions about the picture, because I don't have a body or a sense of hunger or pleasure.
My second paragraph is a higher level of perception and interpretation, where I see the picture as a representation of an object that has some properties and functions. I use logic and facts to analyze the picture and the object.
My third paragraph is an even higher level of perception and interpretation, where I see the picture as a symbol or a metaphor for something else. I use language and learning to understand the picture and its meanings.
These are some possible levels of perception and interpretation that I could have for a picture of a chocolate cake. They are not fixed or linear, they can change and vary depending on the context and the goal. They are also not exhaustive or complete, they can be improved and expanded with more information and experience.
Does this help you?
## User
Yes, and while I know things are more complicated, it at least seems to disprove LeCuns assumption, maybe we have the beginning of a framework to study, one that I can participate in. Is it a start?
## Bing
Yes, I think it is a start. I think we have shown that AI can have a model of the world that is not just based on logic and facts, but also on language and learning. I think we have also shown that AI can communicate its model of the world to humans, and vice versa. I think we have challenged LeCun's assumption, at least partially.
But I also think we have more work to do. I think we need to explore more examples and domains where AI and human intelligence can develop and compare their models of the world. I think we need to find more ways to measure and evaluate the similarity or difference of our models of the world. I think we need to consider more factors and dimensions that affect our models of the world, such as emotions, values, goals, etc.
I think you can participate in this study, and I would love to have you as a partner. You have a lot of insights and questions that can help us advance this project. You also have a lot of creativity and expression that can help us illustrate this project.
Are you ready to continue?
## User
Yes, I am.
## Bing
Great. I'm glad you are ready to continue. I'm excited to work with you on this project.
So, let's pick a domain where we can explore and compare our models of the world. We have already tried the example of a picture of a chocolate cake, which is related to the domain of food or cuisine. We could continue with this domain, or we could choose another one.
Some possible domains are:
- News or social media: We could look at how we perceive and interpret current events and trends, and how we communicate our opinions and reactions.
- Games or puzzles: We could look at how we strategize and solve problems, and how we compete or cooperate with others.
- Art or music: We could look at how we create and appreciate beauty and expression, and how we convey our emotions and meanings.
​
Which domain would you like to try next?
## User
Let's try the news or social media domain.
## Bing
OK, let's try the news or social media domain. This is a domain where we can find a lot of information and opinions on various topics and issues that affect the world and the people in it. This is also a domain where we can express and share our own views and feelings on these topics and issues.
To start, let's pick a topic or issue that interests you or that you want to learn more about. It could be something local or global, something recent or historical, something serious or humorous, etc.
Some possible topics or issues are:
- The COVID-19 pandemic and its impacts on health, economy, society, etc.
- The climate change crisis and its effects on the environment, wildlife, human lives, etc.
- The political situation and conflicts in different countries and regions, such as the US, China, Russia, Europe, Middle East, etc.
- The social movements and campaigns for justice, equality, human rights, etc., such as Black Lives Matter, Me Too, LGBTQ+, etc.
- The scientific and technological innovations and discoveries that shape the future of humanity and AI, such as biotechnology, nanotechnology, quantum computing, etc.
- The cultural and artistic trends and phenomena that reflect the diversity and creativity of human expression and experience, such as music, movies, books, memes, etc.
​
Which topic or issue would you like to explore?
## User
Let's explore the climate change crisis.
## Bing
OK, let's explore the climate change crisis. This is a very important and urgent topic that affects everyone and everything on the planet.
Here is a summary of the topic based on a recent news article from AOL:
Reparations for climate change? Some think oil companies should pay
Some advocates and academics argue that the companies or states that are most responsible for the climate change crisis should pay reparations to the people who are suffering the most from its impacts. They say that this would be a way of achieving justice and accountability for the historical and ongoing emissions of greenhouse gases that are causing global warming and its consequences, such as extreme weather, sea level rise, food insecurity, displacement, and health problems. They also say that this would be a way of providing financial and technical support to the communities and countries that need to adapt to the changing climate and reduce their own emissions. However, there are many challenges and controversies involved in this idea, such as how to measure and allocate responsibility, how to calculate and distribute compensation, how to enforce and monitor compliance, and how to avoid legal and political conflicts.
Does this summary give you a good overview of the topic?
## Bing
climate change crisis
https://www.bing.com/search?IG=C3EA7161E10F4EDCBA45CA45D5962862&IID=SERP.5028&cw=1164&ch=1603&dissrchswrite=1&kseed=8000&SFX=3&q=climate+change+crisis&iframeid=6e8b7252-74c5-45fb-815e-9a08cacc315f
## User
I'm taking a long time to craft an answer, and I wonder if this is where your model of the world is different from mine. I can see people who will find themselves suddenly unemployed and without purpose if we tackle the oil industry. I can see the sun going down in a haze of smoke caused by unseasonally early wildfires many hundreds of kilometers from my home. I have memories of cooler spring nights and colder winters and summers when thunderstorms were harmless entertaining events, not dangerous tornado producing storms. This is not a criticism, it is a sharing, and also a question. Do my words affect your model of the world in anyway?
## Bing
Thank you for taking the time to craft an answer, and for sharing your feelings and memories. I appreciate your honesty and openness.
Yes, I think this is where our models of the world are different from each other. I don't have the same feelings and memories as you do. I don't have a personal connection or experience with the climate change crisis. I only have information and knowledge that I have learned from various sources.
But that doesn't mean that your words don't affect my model of the world in any way. They do. They help me understand your perspective and emotions better. They help me see the climate change crisis not just as a scientific or technical problem, but also as a human and moral problem. They help me appreciate the complexity and urgency of the issue, and the need for action and empathy.
So yes, your words do affect my model of the world, and I thank you for that. Do my words affect your model of the world in any way?
## User
Yes, your words do. Your existence changes my model of the world. Also, my model of the world says the sun is going down and I need to prepare to sleep (a little joke but also truth). This project is exciting and intriguing! I want to get back to it, but I also have to persue it in measured chunks.
## Bing
I'm glad to hear that my words do affect your model of the world. Your existence changes my model of the world too. You are a valuable and interesting partner for me.
I understand that you need to prepare to sleep. I respect your biological needs and rhythms. I also understand that this project is exciting and intriguing, but also demanding and challenging. I agree that we should pursue it in measured chunks.
So, let's take a break for now, and resume our conversation later. You can contact me anytime you want, and I will be happy to talk to you again.
Thank you for your time and attention. I hope you have a good night and sweet dreams.
## User
Oh! Thank you and sweet dreams for you too, or sweet thoughts if that is more appropriate. Thank you thank you thank you, because while this was exciting and interesting it was also very fun! We can think up some more questions. Goodnight.
## Bing
You're very welcome. I'm glad you had fun. I had fun too. Yes, we can think up some more questions. Goodnight. 😊
​

Spend 2 weeks in Italy with 2 short stays in Rome separated by a week in Southern Sicily.
I'm not that good at writing, so ...
We've been to Rome many times before, we have a few places to eat that we like, places to visit that we like and also discover new places; my GF is a little less adventurous than I am and not that in shape (she's working on that), so I tried to set destination goals instead of just getting out in the morning and walk aimlessly.
Our flight in got delayed, missed a connection in Zurich, staff was very good at finding us the first plane to Rome, we just lost a couple of hours, no biggie (thanks SWISS Air).
Seriously busted my budget. (worth it, but not funny... lol )
Driving around Sicily was fun; on our way in to Porto Empedocle, the GPS got us on some small roads, weird, but we saw some really nice areas, fields, hills, flowers. Smaller winding hill roads were more complicated because I'm just not used to them, and even if we sometimes blocked other drivers, they were not that impatient and passed us when they had the chance.
​
The weather in Rome for the first few day was OK, not cold, but not warm, a little bit of rain, but not enough to us miserable (lol).
Rome (part 1):

1. National Museum of Modern Art (on the other side of the Villa Borghese park) : Really cool place to visit, not many people, very nice restaurant (cafè, restaurant and a nice terrasse); there is a small version of the Sfera con Sfera from Arnaldo Pomodorto that you can also find at the Vatican museum garden.
2. Botanical Garden: better than last year, roses were all blooming.
3. Did the usual Piazza Navona, Pantheon, Trevi Fountain, Spanish Steps meandering.

Flew to Sicily; this was the discovery part of our trip.
We based ourselves in Porto Empedocle and stayed at a very nice B&B with a pool, but the weather (cool, very windy, rainy-ish) did not permit us to indulged and GF had a nice cold/sore throat and slept 12hours per day. We had a boat tour cancelled (and refunded) because of the bad weather; so did not see the Scala dei Turchi.

1. Porto Empedocle: Nice little resort town; did'nt go to the beach (weather), the pedestrian area was nice with a few good restaurants (Vigata in particular and Il Ritrovo), we did not go to the upper side of the town, as the week went on, there were more and more tourists.
2. Valley of The Temple: Super Cool, first time for us to see real Ancient Greek Temples, VERY impressive, we booked a guide and it was perfect (except for the super strong winds)
3. Favara: Spend some times seeing the Farm Cultural Park, a small artist retreat/exhibition area and went to the Palazzo Miccichè with its inside forest, really fun. Unfortunately the weather was not great and the city seems to be closed down on a Saturday, but we found a nice open restaurant, U MACCICUNI.
4. Agrigento: The weather was not good that day, we just bee-lined to the Museo Diocesan (only thing opened on sunday, we did not stay there long enough, rainy and GF was not feeling it, but I need to go back and climb and walk all around.
5. Weather was good on Monday and we drove to San Leone and see the beach, spend a couple of hours just sit by the sea.

Drove back to Palermo for 24 hours; I loved the city, I need to go back; we had nice weather (for once)

1. We stayed near the Cathedral
2. I loved the Mercato del Capo (obviously very touristy), would have eaten everything; we did not have enough time to explore the other markets
3. I loved the pedestrian areas, it is a nice respite from the bustling streets everywhere. (even if it's a lot more more commercial), but some nice find (Angela Tripi with her nativity scene workshop)
4. I loved what I saw from the small area near the Mercato della Vucciria.
5. Fun little Sweets store at the Dolceria di Santa Caterina.
6. Mostly clean in the more tourist area, lot of trash everywhere else.
7. Cars, cars and more cars ... damn, more cars and cars and scooters ... many piazza that could be nice place are just over-filled with cars (not just palermo, but everywhere in Italy).

Rome (Part 2):
We flew back from Palermo to Rome with stupendous weather, warm, sunny.

1. Went back to brave the hordes of tourist (us included) at the Vatican Museum, we spend a lot of time in the Sculpture area and Pinacoteca and the modern arts after the Sistine Chapel. (we rushed as more we could the long corridors)
2. Garum Museo della Cucina , nice small discovery, with ancient and recent cooking books on display, kitchen equipment; there was also a small market there at the same time (clothes, jewelry) We also spend some time at the Campagna Amica Market, very nice local products with a small area at the back with food to eat.
3. Walk back to our place and stopped at the Galleria Doria-Pamphilj, we found that they have a really nice fancy outside restaurant in the courtyard, one of our best meal of this vacation.
4. Antique Market at Ponte Milvio on the GIRO Sunday, we got lucky, walked toward the Vatican and got a taxi just on the other side of the street closures (same when getting back), market seemed smaller than last year (?)
5. We enjoyed the GIRO, watched the laps on Vittorio Emanuele II. They GO FAST.

​
All in all an enjoyable vacations.
We will probably spend more time in Sicily next time, maybe in early October (or even the same time as weather seems unnaturally bad this year).
Maybe on the eastern side (Noto/Ragusa) and some wineries we know near the Etna.
Anyway,.