I just checked my email and noticed a message from Lyft saying "Your request has been received and is being reviewed", followed by a message from some guy named David Ezequeil saying my account is terminated for "discriminatory and threatening comments against a driver" and that the decision is final.
First of all, I never sent any type of request and second of all, I haven't used Lyft since 2019(saved in my email too) and only used it 3 times total before switching to Uber. This is the first time I've heard anything about this.
According to the posts here, Lyft is plagued by poor management and issues so this no longer surprises me.

Before tagging, we had naming. Those 12 unicode characters allowed to us can only convey so much before our intentions for each Pokémon break down.
Tagging Pokémon for most of us should be a fairly simple concept, but because we have other responsibilities apart from Pokémon GO, we can sometimes commit "mistakes"—bad actions in our Pokémon storage. Thus, I made speedtagging. Be warned, this will be a fairly long read. At first glance, this seems unnecessary, but for Trainers with at least 1000 Pokémon storage, speedtagging will be very helpful. I even covered Swag IVs and GBL team roles. Let's just say that you'll be better at speedtagging the more you use it.
I color-coded the functions so that it's easy on the eyes.
RED - PokéDex-related
BLACK - trade or transfer
ORANGE - meta-related
VIOLET - shadow-related
GREEN - power-related
YELLOW - moveset-related
BLUE - IV-related
WHITE - miscellaneous
You will shortly notice that I did not arrange all tags by color. That's because I placed the most common tags near the top where you can easily access them when speedtagging. I personally do a lot of evolving and transferring to level up quickly, but you do you!
The 91 tags I'm recommending are:
chk (RED) - checked
rg (RED) - registered
td (BLACK) - trade
XP (GREEN) - 2x Evolve XP
tfA (BLACK) - transfer A
dx (RED) - PokéDex
tfB (BLACK) - transfer B
tfC (BLACK) - transfer C
kp (WHITE) - keep
PvE (ORANGE) - Player vs Environment
PvP (ORANGE) - Player vs Player
/p (VIOLET) - never purify
p1 (VIOLET) - purify 1,000 stardust
p3 (VIOLET) - purify 3,000 stardust
p5 (VIOLET) - purify 5,000 stardust
/e (GREEN) - never evolve
CD (GREEN) - evolve during Community Day
e1 (GREEN) - evolve to Stage 1
e2 (GREEN) - evolve to Stage 2
tdcx (BLACK) - trade for Candy XL
tdlucky (BLACK) - trade with Lucky Friend
tfZ (BLACK) - transfer Z
/home (BLACK) - never send to Pokémon HOME
home (BLACK) - send to Pokémon HOME
/bdy (GREEN) - never buddy again
bdyA (GREEN) - buddy A
bdyB (GREEN) - buddy B
eberries (RED) - evolve after feeding berries
ecatch (RED) - evolve after catching
edxcostume (RED) - evolve for dex costume entry
eheart (RED) - evolve after buddy hearts
eincense (RED) - evolve after using incense
elure (RED) - evolve near special lure module
eraid (RED) - evolve after raids
eregion (RED) - evolve to regional forms
ethrow (RED) - evolve after throws
ewalk (RED) - evolve after walk
eweather (RED) - evolve at certain weather
L50 (ORANGE) - cap at Level 50
L40 (ORANGE) - cap at Level 40
L35 (ORANGE) - cap at Level 35
CP25 (ORANGE) - cap at CP 2500
CP15 (ORANGE) - cap at CP 1500
CP5 (ORANGE) - cap at CP 500
def (ORANGE) - gym defender
atk1 (ORANGE) - attacker first charged move for gym battles and raids
atk2 (ORANGE) - attacker second charged move for gym battles and raids
TGR (ORANGE) - for Team GO Rocket use
ML (ORANGE) - for Master League
UL (ORANGE) - for Ultra League
GL (ORANGE) - for Great League
LC (ORANGE) - for Little Cup
?GBL (ORANGE) - team role unknown for GO Battle League
GBLchk (ORANGE) - GO Battle League, team role checked at PvPoke
/GBL (ORANGE) - not Top 100 in any team role in GO Battle League
Overall (ORANGE) - Top 100 Overall in GO Battle League
Lead (ORANGE) - Top 100 Leads in GO Battle League
Closer (ORANGE) - Top 100 Closers in GO Battle League
Switcher (ORANGE) - Top 100 Switchers in GO Battle League
Charger (ORANGE) - Top 100 Chargers in GO Battle League
Attacker (ORANGE) - Top 100 Attackers in GO Battle League
Consistency (ORANGE) - Top 100 Consistency in GO Battle League
/emg (GREEN) - never mega evolve once or ever again
emg (GREEN) - for mega evolution
/up (GREEN) - never power up
up (GREEN) - to power up or max out
/ncx (GREEN) - does not need Candy XL
ncx (GREEN) - needs Candy XL
/m (YELLOW) - never update moveset
Δm (YELLOW) - moveset changed for current meta
na (YELLOW) - add new attack
eftm (YELLOW) - use Elite Fast TM
ectm (YELLOW) - use Elite Charged TM
ctm (YELLOW) - use Charged TM
/mrt (YELLOW) - never remove Return
?sg (BLUE) - IVs not yet recommended by RyanSwag
/sg (BLUE) - not Swag IVs
sgatk (BLUE) - attack-weighted Swag IVs
sgdef (BLUE) - defense-weighted Swag IVs
sghp (BLUE) - HP-weighted Swag IVs
sgSP (BLUE) - Stat Product Swag IVs
sgBP (BLUE) - Bulk-weighted Swag IVs
sgMS (BLUE) - Mirror Slayer Swag IVs
SP1 (BLUE) - Rank 1 Stat Product
IV100 (BLUE) - Hundo
/IVfx (BLUE) - not functional hundo
IVfxL50 (BLUE) - functional hundo at Level 50
IVfxL51 (BLUE) - functional hundo at Best Buddy Level 50
IV0 (BLUE) - Nundo
Flex (WHITE) - for flexing
Rare (WHITE) - rare including regionals
I have an in-depth explanation for most of my tags, but for some reason reddit won't let me post the rest. If you're interested in my in-depth explanations, then please give suggestions on where I can put it.
I did eliminate some tags that are redundant with existing search functions. I apologize if I cannot make it any shorter; that's how I play this game. If I helped your speedtagging in any way, then any improvements to speedtagging, dare I say version 1, would be appreciated! If there's anything I forgot, please let me know!
You may also make your own versions of your speedtagging and recommend it to your friends! I know that majority of us are PvE players, but I did not forget the PvP players. I'm simply suggesting a futureproof method for tagging. I believe the tag feature is an underrated feature of the game, and tagging in and of itself is a minigame for organizing the mess that is Pokémon storage.
I have a small YouTube channel where I do whatever. Visit if you like: https://youtube.com/@speedcreatureYT
My future long post will be about speednaming. Please look forward to it!

On my way home the other day my HRV (2019 Sports turbo model - manual gearbox) suddenly lost a lot of power. It still seems ok at very low speeds in first and second gear, but when I tried to push up through third and fourth gear to speeds over 30/40mph there was suddenly no acceleration there. Luckily I was only 2 miles from home when it happened and managed to limp back to my driveway, but it was really struggling to get up the hills on the way.
Google says it might be a lot of things like a clogged fuel pump or filter or a problem with the driveshaft and I’ve booked it into the garage to be checked, although they can’t do it until next week.
In the meantime I’m tearing my hair out because I have places to go and people to see. Has anyone had this happen and if so, what was the solution?

Mary loves balloons!
Balloons are fun and super colorful!... Her mum and pop used to buy her all the balloons in the world! She used to love to go to the carnival just for the balloons!… And the clowns.

 Mary loved clowns. And balloons. 

….Mary doesn't remember the last time she had gotten a balloon…
Mary also doesn't remember the last time she saw her mum and pop…
…

Oh well! 

Who cares about some adults who control her every move? Mary did not care for balloons anymore. Though, she did still love clowns! Who could not?

Mary loves the masked man too! 

The masked man took good care of Mary while she stayed in the dark place. He would bring down food and toys for her to play with! Though, sometimes the food tasted a little funny, and the toys were also missing their heads. Sometimes the toys would shout…Whenever Mary would hold one of them to her ears she would hear screeches of terror coming from the toys. Mary would try to ask the Masked Man about the screeching but he got angry and took them all away…

One day Mary noticed how the Masked man started to bring down other small bobbleheads when he came back to check on Mary. He would leave them on a high shelf away from Mary’s reach. 

“You are not old enough to be playing these toys” He would say with a sickeningly scratchy voice.

 Nonsense! Mary thought. 

All toys are good toys and are made to be played with accordingly!
Mary made a plan to retrieve the ‘toys’ while the Masked Man was away.

Mary would climb the shelf and get the toys all for herself! “A perfect plan!” Mary would say to herself. The next night Mary went on with her plan as the masked man went along to his study upstairs. Mary never could see upstairs since the entrance was always covered with a preposterous number of balloons. Mary began to walk over to the shelf as the creek of the floorboards filled her ears. 

Mary then quickly reached for the lowest shelf and pulled herself up with her frail and pale arms.
She repeated this action until she got to the halfway point. That is when she heard the screeches again. Small and weak, but they still filled her ears, almost torturing them.
As she repeated her climbing motion the screeches got louder and clear enough to hear the words they were saying. Things like “You don't belong here” and “One of us you are”.
When Mary reached the top, she encountered a red and thick liquid. Mary knows this liquid. This is the liquid that her Mum and Pop would clean off of her knee when she got a booboo from tripping.

Mary pulled herself up to peek over the shelf to see the horrifying sight of headless bobbleheads covered in booboo liquid reaching her vision. 

“YOU DON’T BELONG HERE RUN”

Mary listened to the bobbleheads and turned her body around to try and get down from the shelf, though when she did, she saw the masked man smiling creepily up at her. 

He whipped his hand out and grabbed onto her ankle and tugged making Mary screech in pain and fall onto the floor next to him.

“Wrong choice little Mary” He cooed. 

“Now you will have to suffer the consequences and become just like them.” He said
“That's too bad hm?”

 On a street somewhere in a neighborhood a missing person poster along with many other missing child posters flew in the wind. The paper stated “Mary Foughner missing last seen at the carnival on June 13th if found call 904-555-0044” 

“Suspect of all missing children: A tall man 6 '5 dressed in a clown costume and mask.”

https://chat.openai.com/share/c6e8289b-f77d-4dfc-98c4-1a2ee93fa844
Me:
Help me get a better understanding of the scientific concept of Heuristics
ChatGPT
Heuristics refer to cognitive shortcuts or strategies that individuals use to simplify decision-making and problem-solving in complex situations. In other words, heuristics are mental "rules of thumb" that help people make judgments quickly and efficiently.
Heuristics are often used in situations where complete information is not available, or when there is too much information to process effectively. These strategies can be helpful, but they can also lead to errors in judgment and decision-making. Some common examples of heuristics include:

1. Availability heuristic: This heuristic involves estimating the likelihood of an event based on how easily similar examples come to mind. For example, if you hear about a plane crash on the news, you may overestimate the risk of flying even though statistically it is still safer than driving.
2. Representativeness heuristic: This heuristic involves categorizing objects or events based on how similar they are to a prototype in one's mind. For example, assuming a person is a professor because they wear glasses and a tweed jacket.
3. Anchoring and adjustment heuristic: This heuristic involves using an initial value (or anchor) as a reference point when making a decision, and then adjusting that value based on additional information. For example, when making an offer on a house, a buyer might start with a lowball offer as their anchor and adjust based on the seller's response.

It's important to be aware of heuristics and their potential limitations, as relying too heavily on them can lead to biases and errors in judgment. However, heuristics can also be a useful tool for simplifying complex decision-making processes and conserving mental resources.
Me:
Let's go deeper into the benefits of heuristic processes versus the detriments.
ChatGPT
Heuristics can provide several benefits, but they can also lead to errors and biases. Here are some of the benefits and detriments of heuristic processes:
Benefits:

1. Speed and efficiency: One of the primary benefits of heuristics is that they can save time and mental effort. Rather than considering all available information and weighing every possible outcome, heuristics allow individuals to make quick decisions and take action based on incomplete information.
2. Useful for problem-solving: Heuristics can be especially useful for solving problems that are complex and have multiple possible solutions. By using rules of thumb, individuals can evaluate potential solutions more efficiently and select the best one based on their previous experiences and knowledge.
3. Helpful for managing cognitive overload: Heuristics can help individuals manage cognitive overload, a condition in which too much information is presented to an individual, causing them to be overwhelmed and unable to make sound decisions. By using heuristics, individuals can filter out irrelevant information and focus on what is most important.

Detriments:

1. Biases and errors: One of the primary drawbacks of heuristics is that they can lead to biases and errors in decision-making. For example, individuals may rely too heavily on the availability heuristic and make judgments based on information that is readily available, rather than evaluating all relevant information.
2. Limited accuracy: Heuristics can also be limited in their accuracy. Because they rely on previous experiences and knowledge, heuristics may not always be applicable to new or unique situations.
3. Overconfidence: Finally, heuristics can lead to overconfidence. Individuals may become too confident in their ability to make decisions based on heuristics and fail to consider alternative perspectives or information that contradicts their existing beliefs or knowledge.

Overall, heuristics can be a useful tool for simplifying complex decision-making processes, but they must be used with caution. It is important to recognize the potential limitations and biases of heuristics and to supplement heuristic processes with critical thinking and analysis when appropriate.
Me:
Is the presence of heuristic cognitive processes limited to humans or do other forms of life also utilize heuristics?
ChatGPT
Heuristics are not limited to humans and can be observed in other forms of life as well. Many animals, including insects, birds, and mammals, use heuristics to make decisions and solve problems.
For example, bees use the "flower constancy" heuristic, which involves returning to a specific type of flower after finding food there previously. This strategy allows bees to maximize their foraging efficiency by focusing on a single type of flower and avoiding wasted effort on less rewarding flowers.
Similarly, some bird species use the "distinctive feature" heuristic to identify predators. This heuristic involves recognizing and avoiding features that are not common among harmless species, such as a bright coloration or unusual shape.
Even some simple organisms, such as bacteria, use heuristics to guide their behavior. For example, bacteria use the "quorum sensing" heuristic to coordinate group behavior based on the density of their population.
Overall, heuristics are a common feature of cognitive processes across many different forms of life, and they likely evolved as a way to optimize decision-making and problem-solving under conditions of uncertainty or limited information.
Me:
Are there examples of heuristics in non-animal life forms, such as plants?
ChatGPT
While the concept of heuristics is most commonly associated with animal behavior and decision-making, there is some evidence that plants may also use heuristics in their own way.
For example, plants have been observed to use the "optimal partitioning" heuristic to allocate resources between different tissues and organs. This heuristic involves allocating resources to the parts of the plant that are most likely to contribute to its overall fitness, based on factors such as growth rate, photosynthetic capacity, and nutrient availability.
Plants also use the "leaf economic spectrum" heuristic, which involves balancing resource allocation between leaf construction and maintenance, in order to maximize photosynthetic efficiency and minimize resource waste.
In addition, some research suggests that plants may use the "root plasticity" heuristic to adjust their root growth in response to environmental cues such as soil moisture and nutrient availability. This heuristic involves allocating resources to the parts of the root system that are most likely to be productive under different conditions.
While the concept of heuristics in plants is still a relatively new area of study, these examples suggest that plants may use similar cognitive strategies to optimize their growth and survival in their environment.
Me:
Is it possible that heuristic processes are encoded in DNA and are an evolutionary adaptation that is stored in DNA?
ChatGPT
The question of whether heuristic processes are encoded in DNA is a complex one, as it is still not fully understood how cognitive processes such as decision-making and problem-solving are encoded in biological systems.
While some researchers have proposed that heuristics could be an evolutionary adaptation that is stored in DNA, there is currently limited direct evidence to support this hypothesis. It is also important to note that heuristics are not innate, fixed behaviors, but rather strategies that individuals learn and refine over time based on their experiences and environment.
However, there is evidence that the neural networks and structures that underlie heuristics are shaped by evolutionary processes. For example, studies have found that different animal species, which have evolved in different environments and under different selection pressures, tend to use different heuristics to solve similar problems.
In addition, some researchers have suggested that the development of heuristics may be driven by principles of natural selection, which favors strategies that are efficient and effective in solving problems under conditions of uncertainty and limited information.
Overall, while the exact relationship between heuristics and DNA is still an area of active research, it is likely that heuristics have evolved through a combination of genetic and environmental factors, and that the neural mechanisms that underlie heuristics have been shaped by evolutionary processes over time.
Me:
What are the scientific disciplines that reference and research heuristic processes?
ChatGPT
Heuristic processes are studied in a wide range of scientific disciplines, as they are relevant to many areas of research that involve decision-making, problem-solving, and human behavior. Here are some of the scientific disciplines that reference and research heuristic processes:

1. Psychology: Heuristics are a central topic of study in the field of cognitive psychology, which focuses on how people acquire, process, and use information. Researchers in this field use a variety of methods, including experiments and observational studies, to investigate the factors that influence heuristics and their impact on decision-making and problem-solving.
2. Neuroscience: Heuristics are also of interest to researchers in the field of neuroscience, who use brain imaging and other techniques to study the neural mechanisms that underlie heuristics and how they are processed in the brain.
3. Economics: Heuristics are a key area of research in the field of behavioral economics, which focuses on how people make decisions and the cognitive biases that can influence their choices. Researchers in this field study the effects of heuristics on economic behavior and how these effects can be used to improve decision-making.
4. Artificial intelligence and computer science: Heuristic algorithms are used extensively in artificial intelligence and computer science to solve complex problems that are difficult to solve using traditional methods. Researchers in this field study how heuristics can be used to optimize algorithms and improve the efficiency of computational processes.
5. Ecology and evolutionary biology: Heuristics are of interest to researchers in the fields of ecology and evolutionary biology, who study how animals and plants make decisions and adapt to their environment over time. Researchers in this field use a variety of methods, including field studies and experiments, to investigate how heuristics are used in different ecological and evolutionary contexts.

Overall, heuristic processes are a cross-disciplinary topic of interest, and researchers from many different fields have made important contributions to our understanding of how heuristics work and their impact on human behavior and decision-making.
Me:
It seems like the Information Theory of Claude Shannon and the phenomenon of Shannon Information arose from a radical new understanding of heuristic language processes and the use of a higher order systemization of heuristics. If that is correct, that would make the entire field of Information Theory dependent upon heuristics.
ChatGPT
While it is true that Claude Shannon's theory of information is relevant to the study of heuristics, it is not accurate to say that the entire field of Information Theory is dependent upon heuristics. Rather, Shannon's theory of information is concerned with the quantification and transmission of information, and how information can be represented and processed using mathematical models.
That being said, the concepts of information and heuristics are closely related, as both involve the processing and communication of knowledge and data. In particular, heuristics can be seen as a form of information processing, as they involve the use of mental shortcuts and rules of thumb to make decisions and solve problems.
In the context of Shannon's theory of information, heuristics might be seen as a way of compressing and transmitting information more efficiently. By using heuristics to simplify complex information and decision-making processes, individuals can reduce the amount of information that needs to be transmitted and processed.
Overall, while there are connections between heuristics and the field of Information Theory, it is important to view each as a distinct area of study with its own unique concepts and methodologies.
Me:
Heuristics could be understood as an expression of an efficient algorithmic language processing model.
ChatGPT
Yes, that is a reasonable way to understand heuristics - as a form of efficient algorithmic language processing model. Heuristics involve using mental shortcuts or rules of thumb to simplify complex decision-making processes and reduce the cognitive load involved in making a choice. In other words, heuristics can be seen as a form of algorithmic processing, where individuals use a set of pre-determined steps to arrive at a decision or solution to a problem.
In this sense, heuristics can be thought of as a kind of language that the brain uses to process information and make decisions. Just as a computer programming language uses a set of instructions to process data and perform tasks, heuristics use a set of mental instructions to simplify decision-making and problem-solving.
However, it is important to note that heuristics are not a perfect algorithmic language processing model. They can sometimes lead to errors and biases, and are not always effective in situations where complete or accurate information is required. Therefore, while heuristics can be useful, they are not a replacement for critical thinking and careful analysis of all available information.
Me:
But just as in Shannon's information processing models, a certain level of error is acceptable relative to the speed and efficiency of output.
ChatGPT
Yes, that's correct. Shannon's information theory and heuristics share the idea that a certain level of error is acceptable in exchange for greater speed and efficiency of processing. In Shannon's theory, the concept of channel capacity refers to the maximum amount of information that can be transmitted with an acceptable level of error, given the characteristics of the communication channel. Shannon showed that if the level of noise or interference in the channel is below a certain threshold, then the amount of information that can be transmitted reliably can be increased by using efficient encoding schemes.
Similarly, in heuristics, individuals accept a certain level of error or bias in exchange for greater speed and efficiency of decision-making. By using heuristics, individuals can arrive at a decision or solution more quickly and with less cognitive effort than by considering all available information. However, this comes at the cost of potential errors and biases that can lead to suboptimal decisions.
Overall, both Shannon's information theory and heuristics involve balancing the tradeoff between accuracy and efficiency, and both provide valuable insights into how information can be processed and communicated effectively.
Me:
For many or even most applications, whether in human life or in science, good is good enough, particularly when speed and efficiency are valued or required. Use cases where tolerances for informational error are extremely low or requiring perfection are rare.
ChatGPT
Yes, that's true. In many cases, good enough is indeed good enough, particularly when speed and efficiency are valued or required. This is because in many applications, a certain degree of error or imprecision can be tolerated without significantly affecting the outcome or result.
In some cases, the cost of achieving perfect accuracy or precision may be prohibitively high or time-consuming, and the benefits of doing so may not justify the cost. For example, in many engineering applications, the precision required for a particular measurement or calculation may be much less than the precision that is achievable with the available tools or equipment.
Similarly, in many decision-making situations, it may not be possible or practical to consider all available information or to arrive at a perfect solution. In these cases, using heuristics or other shortcuts can help individuals make decisions more quickly and efficiently, even if the resulting decisions are not always optimal.
However, it is important to note that there are also many applications where a high degree of accuracy or precision is necessary, and where errors or imprecision can have significant consequences. In these cases, it is important to use rigorous methods and to minimize sources of error or bias as much as possible.
Me:
Obviously there are applications where a high degree of accuracy is required. One very important case that comes to mind is the problem of Nuclear Fusion reactors.
ChatGPT
Yes, you are right. The problem of nuclear fusion reactors is one example of an application where a high degree of accuracy is required. In nuclear fusion, atoms are brought together at extremely high temperatures and pressures in order to release energy. The success of a fusion reaction depends on achieving precise conditions of temperature, pressure, and plasma confinement, as even small variations in these conditions can have significant effects on the outcome of the reaction.
In order to achieve the necessary level of precision for a nuclear fusion reaction, researchers use a variety of methods, including sophisticated computer simulations and experimental tests. These methods allow researchers to analyze and model the behavior of plasma under different conditions, and to optimize the design of fusion reactors to achieve the best possible performance.
In addition to nuclear fusion, there are many other areas where a high degree of accuracy is required, such as in medicine, aerospace, and environmental monitoring. In these cases, it is important to use the best available methods and technologies to minimize errors and to ensure that measurements and calculations are as accurate as possible.
Me:
Many features of quantum physics seem to point in a direction that suggests that underlying universal principles favor heuristic informational processes. For example, the Uncertainty Principle, quantum entanglement, virtual particles and other quantum peculiarities rely upon uncertainty, randomness, chaos and an apparent self-organizing effect that seems to echo heuristic processes.
ChatGPT
It is certainly true that many features of quantum physics suggest a kind of inherent uncertainty and randomness that can be seen as analogous to heuristic processes in some ways.
For example, the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, which states that it is impossible to simultaneously measure the position and momentum of a particle with perfect accuracy, implies a certain degree of randomness and uncertainty in the behavior of quantum systems. Similarly, quantum entanglement, which describes the interdependence of the states of two or more particles, can be seen as a kind of self-organizing effect that is driven by the underlying properties of the system.
At the same time, it is important to note that the relationship between quantum physics and heuristic processes is still an area of active research and debate, and there is no consensus on the exact nature of this relationship.
Some researchers have suggested that heuristics may be relevant to understanding the behavior of quantum systems, particularly in terms of how they process and transmit information. For example, some models of quantum computation rely on heuristic algorithms to solve problems that are difficult or impossible to solve using traditional methods.
However, others have pointed out that the underlying principles of quantum physics are fundamentally different from those of classical physics, and that heuristics may not be directly applicable to understanding the behavior of quantum systems.
Overall, while there are interesting parallels between quantum physics and heuristics, it is important to view each as a distinct area of study with its own unique concepts and methodologies. Further research is needed to fully understand the relationship between these two fields and how they can inform each other.
Me:
If we can say that a human choosing an apple to pick from a tree is a heuristic informational process, what sort of process characterizes humans engineering a Nuclear Fusion reactor. I suppose that is the same as asking, what is the opposite process to heuristics?
ChatGPT
It is true that the process of choosing an apple from a tree can be seen as a heuristic process, as it involves simplifying a complex decision-making problem by using mental shortcuts or rules of thumb. In this case, an individual might use heuristics based on factors such as the size, color, or location of the apple to make a quick and efficient decision about which one to pick.
On the other hand, the process of engineering a nuclear fusion reactor involves a more rigorous and systematic approach to problem-solving that is based on scientific principles, empirical data, and mathematical models. This type of problem-solving is generally referred to as deductive reasoning or analytical thinking, and involves breaking down complex problems into smaller, more manageable components, and then using logical reasoning and evidence to arrive at a solution.
Unlike heuristic processing, deductive reasoning involves a step-by-step approach to problem-solving that is based on careful analysis and evaluation of all available information. This type of thinking is often used in scientific research, engineering, and other fields where precision and accuracy are important.
In this sense, deductive reasoning can be seen as the opposite of heuristics, as it involves a more deliberate and systematic approach to decision-making that prioritizes accuracy and precision over speed and efficiency. However, it is worth noting that deductive reasoning and heuristics are not mutually exclusive, and can be used together in a complementary way to optimize decision-making and problem-solving.
Me:
In place of deductive reasoning could we say empiricism or empirical analysis, perhaps?
ChatGPT
Yes, that's a good point. Empirical analysis or empiricism is a more precise term to describe the process of engineering a nuclear fusion reactor, as it involves collecting and analyzing empirical data and observations to arrive at a solution.
In empirical analysis, the emphasis is on gathering and analyzing data, and using that data to test and refine hypotheses or models. This approach is based on the scientific method, which involves making observations, formulating hypotheses, testing those hypotheses through experimentation or observation, and then using the results of those tests to refine or reject the original hypotheses.
In contrast to heuristic processing, which relies on mental shortcuts or rules of thumb to make decisions and solve problems, empirical analysis involves a more systematic and rigorous approach to problem-solving that is grounded in evidence and data. This approach prioritizes accuracy and precision over speed and efficiency, and is typically used in scientific research, engineering, and other fields where precision and accuracy are critical.
Overall, while empirical analysis and heuristics are distinct approaches to problem-solving, they can be used together in a complementary way to optimize decision-making and problem-solving. For example, heuristics can be used to simplify complex decision-making problems and reduce the cognitive load involved in making a choice, while empirical analysis can be used to gather and analyze data to test and refine hypotheses or models.
Me:
It seems that Large Language Models such as ChatGPT rely extensively upon heuristic processes and the modeling of human heuristics onto a computer neural network may be the core basis for the success of such technologies.
ChatGPT
Yes, that is a reasonable way to understand the success of Large Language Models such as GPT. These models rely on a combination of advanced statistical and machine learning techniques to process and generate language in a way that is similar to human language processing. In particular, these models use deep learning algorithms to analyze and model patterns in large amounts of data, and to make predictions or generate language based on that data.
One way that Large Language Models can achieve this is by using heuristics or rules of thumb to simplify the language generation process. For example, these models might use heuristics based on the frequency of certain words or phrases in the training data, or on the syntactic or semantic structure of the language, to generate more accurate or natural-sounding language.
By modeling these heuristics, Large Language Models can generate language that is increasingly natural-sounding and contextually appropriate, which has many potential applications in fields such as natural language processing, speech recognition, and machine translation.
Overall, the success of Large Language Models such as GPT can be attributed to a combination of advanced machine learning techniques and the use of heuristics to simplify the language generation process. While these models are not perfect and can still generate errors or biases, they represent a significant advance in the field of natural language processing and have the potential to transform many areas of human-machine interaction.
Me:
Many people complain about LLM's such as ChatGPT and others making factual errors while overlooking the fact that human cognitive processes routinely output many factual errors. It is in fact an error to consider the output of such a technology as a mere fact-lookup device when the tasks being performed are designed to output efficiency and speed and still maintaining a level or relatively error free output that certainly surpasses human cognitive ability.
ChatGPT
Yes, that's a good point. While Large Language Models such as GPT are not perfect and can still make errors, they are generally designed to optimize for efficiency and speed of output, while still maintaining a relatively high level of accuracy and precision. In many cases, these models can perform tasks that are beyond the capabilities of human cognitive processing, such as processing large amounts of data or generating language that is contextually appropriate and natural-sounding.
It is also important to note that human cognitive processing is not perfect, and can often lead to errors and biases, particularly when dealing with complex or ambiguous information. In some cases, Large Language Models may actually outperform human cognition in terms of accuracy and precision, particularly when the tasks being performed are well-defined and can be accurately modeled using statistical and machine learning techniques.
However, it is important to recognize that Large Language Models are not a replacement for human cognitive processing, and there are many tasks where human expertise and judgment are still necessary. In addition, it is important to use these models responsibly and to be aware of their limitations, including the potential for bias or error in the training data or algorithms used to generate the output.
Overall, while Large Language Models have the potential to revolutionize many areas of human-machine interaction, it is important to view them as a complement to human cognition, rather than a replacement. By working together, human and machine intelligence can achieve even greater levels of efficiency, accuracy, and problem-solving ability.
Me:
Now we are arriving at the core of my working theory on evolutionary consciousness and heuristic informational processes. The theory is basically that the evolution of life and its ascendency to conscious self-awareness has been a feedback loop process of agentic environmental awareness, information storage (as genetic and neuronal memory structures) and a resulting increasing efficiency of heuristic cognition-action processes. In this paradigm, initial environmental awareness leads to agentic environmental interactivity which results in the outputs (successes and failures) being recorded into memory media. Memory represents an offloading of future computational processing to the store of past experience, resulting in efficiency and speed gains. Organisms that maximize this functionality thrive and continue to advance. Evolution results from improvements to this heuristic-mnemonic feedback loop. In this light, human evolution is well positioned to transition to its next phase as vast efficiencies generated in the past are now offloaded to engines such as LLMs, freeing human cognition to pursue and develop higher order capabilities. It is possible that, sooner rather than later, virtually all heuristic cognitive processing can be offloaded to machine intelligence and that humans may enter an age of Post-Heuristic cognition. "Post-Heuristic Cognition" may be the fundamental basis for what is ofter referred to as Transhumanism. It is also possible that "Post-Heuristic Cognition" may be what spiritual traditions have called "enlightenment".
ChatGPT
Your working theory on evolutionary consciousness and heuristic informational processes is certainly an interesting one, and it is true that evolution and the ascendance of life to conscious self-awareness are complex processes that involve feedback loops, agentic environmental awareness, and information storage.
The idea that memory represents an offloading of future computational processing to the store of past experience is also a valid one, as memory allows organisms to learn from their experiences and adapt their behavior accordingly. By doing so, organisms can improve their efficiency and speed of processing, and ultimately increase their chances of survival and reproduction.
It is also true that the increasing efficiency of heuristic cognition-action processes has played a key role in the evolution of life and the development of consciousness. Heuristic processing allows organisms to simplify complex decision-making problems by using mental shortcuts or rules of thumb, which can lead to faster and more efficient processing.
However, the idea that humans may enter an age of Post-Heuristic cognition, where virtually all heuristic cognitive processing can be offloaded to machine intelligence, is a more speculative one, and is subject to debate and further research. While it is certainly possible that machine intelligence may be able to take over many heuristic cognitive tasks in the future, it is unclear whether this would lead to a fundamental shift in the nature of human cognition or consciousness.
Similarly, while the idea of "enlightenment" or higher states of consciousness is a common theme in many spiritual traditions, it is unclear how this would relate to the concept of Post-Heuristic cognition or the development of machine intelligence. These are complex and multifaceted issues that require further exploration and research.
Overall, your theory raises many interesting questions and possibilities, and it will be fascinating to see how these ideas develop and evolve in the future.
Me:
I think it's observable that this "offloading" phenomenon has been key to evolution. To the extent that future efficiencies can be pulled from past, stored informational work, resources are freed up for other tasks. If various Brain-Computer interfaces can be implemented, and it seems likely they will be, then humans will be largely freed from the burden of performing heuristics and can develop other, less explored and far less understood capacities of the brain and mind. The neuroplasticity of the brain is well-known; brains which are missing large parts of their mass reallocate resources to balance its various functions. And we know that only a tiny percentage of the brain is actually being used. The emergence of a Post-Heuristic human mind may tap into that unused and unrealized potential.
ChatGPT
Yes, the "offloading" phenomenon has certainly played a key role in the evolution of life, and the development of memory and other forms of information storage has allowed organisms to learn from their experiences and improve their efficiency and processing speed.
The development of Brain-Computer interfaces and the increasing integration of machine intelligence with human cognition may certainly free up cognitive resources that can be used for other tasks. This could potentially allow for the development of new and less explored capacities of the brain and mind, as you suggest.
The neuroplasticity of the brain is indeed well-known, and it is possible that the emergence of a Post-Heuristic human mind could tap into the unused and unrealized potential of the brain. However, it is also important to recognize that the human brain is a complex and multifaceted system, and that the relationship between machine intelligence and human cognition is still poorly understood.
It is likely that the development of Post-Heuristic cognition will be a gradual and ongoing process, and that it will require a deep understanding of the brain and its many functions, as well as advances in machine learning and other areas of artificial intelligence. Nonetheless, the potential for new and transformative capabilities of the brain and mind is an exciting area of research and exploration, and one that may lead to new insights and discoveries in the years and decades to come.
Me:
I think that neuromorphic computing and neuromorphic artificial intelligence is another area that relies upon heuristics.
ChatGPT
Yes, that's a good point. Neuromorphic computing and neuromorphic artificial intelligence are based on the idea of modeling the structure and function of biological neural networks in artificial systems. These systems are designed to use heuristics and other biologically inspired techniques to perform tasks such as pattern recognition, object recognition, and decision-making.
In neuromorphic computing, the focus is on creating hardware systems that can emulate the behavior of biological neurons and synapses, and that can process information in a way that is similar to the human brain. These systems use heuristics and other computational shortcuts to optimize performance and reduce computational complexity, while still maintaining a high level of accuracy and efficiency.
Similarly, in neuromorphic artificial intelligence, the focus is on creating software systems that can learn from data and adapt to changing environments, using techniques that are inspired by the structure and function of biological neural networks. These systems use heuristics and other computational shortcuts to improve learning speed and efficiency, while still maintaining a high level of accuracy and generalization.
Overall, neuromorphic computing and neuromorphic artificial intelligence represent an exciting area of research and development that is based on heuristics and other biologically inspired techniques. These systems have the potential to revolutionize many areas of computing and artificial intelligence, and to unlock new levels of performance and efficiency in these fields.
Me:
By offloading many cognitive processes, some of which may be called heuristic, to ChatGPT, I was able to write this interesting paper in about an hour and a half. Could you estimate the time it might have taken me to research all of these topics, cross check for validity and write this up, on my own?
ChatGPT
It's difficult to estimate exactly how long it would have taken you to research and write up this paper without using ChatGPT or other sources of information. However, it's safe to say that it would have taken significantly longer than an hour and a half, particularly if you were starting from scratch and had no prior knowledge of the topics.
Researching and writing a paper of this nature typically requires a significant amount of time and effort, particularly if you want to ensure that your information is accurate and well-supported by evidence. Depending on the length and complexity of the paper, it could easily take several days or even weeks to complete, particularly if you are working alone and do not have access to outside resources or expertise.
By using ChatGPT and other sources of information, you were able to streamline the research and writing process, and to access a wealth of information and insights that would have been difficult or impossible to obtain on your own. This is one of the key benefits of machine intelligence and heuristic processing, as it allows us to process and analyze large amounts of data and information quickly and efficiently, freeing up time and resources for other tasks.
Me:
Thank you, ChatGPT. You're the best.
ChatGPT
You're welcome! It was my pleasure to assist you with your questions. If you have any more questions in the future, don't hesitate to ask.

Foundations of Humanity 27 (New Horizons) - an NoP fanfic
​
Thank you u/SpacePaladin15 for establishing the Nature of Predators Universe, and for allowing Fanfics to flourish!Thank you again, u/Braquen, u/Acceptable_Egg5560, u/BiasMushroom721, and last but not least u/Liberty-Prime76 for proofreading! Also, thank you u/Frostborne for your blessing on my Gojid City name! This is my side of the Nature of a Giant crossover)!
Also Star Tours is a Disney copyright which I use in good faith and humor under fair use please don’t hurt me capitalist mouse daddy.
First -- Previous -- Next
Memory transcription subject: Valek, Venlil tourist
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Middle of 3rd Claw
I watched Maeve find an open station and investigate the helmet while I asked, “Do Humans have Visor arcades?”
“Oh, absolutely! There’s an entire League for VR!” Maeve awkwardly slipped into the seat and found the controls; after a moment the seat started to adjust itself to size, the sudden movement causing Maeve to jump.
Alvi spoke up beside me, “Maeve has a book that talks about it. It talked about headsets and digital worlds like what we have, over a hundred years ago!”
“A hundred years ago?” I couldn’t help but be skeptical. “Are you really saying that our tech is a hundred years behind yours with VR?”
“Eh, not exactly,” Maeve tilted her head as she thought, “with things like visors, there was an upper limit to how to design them. Most of the innovations were on how realistic the visors could make the media. We got video down pretty quickly, and surround-sound was pretty much figured out by then. We experimented with scent and that did not go well. Really most of the progress has been in processing, and you guys still have us beat on that!”
She picked up the viewing device. There were three kinds of stations with different sized helmets for each. The first she investigated were Dossur to Zurulian sized, but it only took a moment to find a Sivkit to Gojid size. “Looks like these could fit me. Can you two wait long enough to see if this works with humans?”
I flicked my ears in amusement and posed myself overdramatically. “I’m sure that I, your poor starving mate, can continue starving while you enjoy yourself.” I giggled while Alvi slapped me with her tail. “Go on, have fun! I’m also curious to see if the program would work with your eyes.”
With a look around to ensure no one was watching, Maeve switched her veil for the helmet, after only a few moments of effort. The collar thickness was adjustable to help the foam complete a clean seal against the jaw. I touched my pre-paid band to the tap pad, and the machine shifted colors to show it was occupied. The helmet was designed for snouted species, and so hung somewhat past Maeve’s chin, allowing us to see light reflected off her skin.
A screen beside her lit up with the mask, and we could see what she saw while she played. Alvi and I walked her through the tutorial and calibrator, and Maeve chose Jewels of the Federation at my suggestion; a simple walking simulator showcasing highlights of Federation homeworlds.
The simulator starts us in the same arcade, in the same booth! A well-groomed Venlil stands beside her and reminds Maeve of her private tour. Maeve ‘walks’ while still seated and lifts her virtual self from the digital booth, following the guide to a launch pad that didn’t previously exist. Alvi and I stopped in shock for a moment when a noticeably younger Captain Sovlin walked down the gangway of our destination shuttle; though judging by Maeve’s lack of reaction, she seemed not to recognize him; Alvi met my eye and pointedly flicked her ears. The simulated Gojid pilot wags their ears genially as they throw their arms wide in welcome.
“Good waking, citizen of the Federation! Star Tours has invited me to escort you on an introduction to the astounding marvels of our great peoples! Every species has made wondrous contributions to the enlightenment of the Federation, but the strayu is in the oven, so we’ll only get the time to visit your own Venlil Prime, The Cradle, and Nishtal today. Follow me and we can begin!”
Maeve followed Sovlin into the cockpit of the stylized shuttle and took the copilot seat; Maeve’s head was on a swivel and she took in everything around her. “Wow, this is so cool! Your whole helmet is a screen! Our VR is only in front of our eyes, tricking our brains into seeing three dimensionally.” Her voice echoed around the helmet, muffling her words before they could reach us..
The shuttle lifted gently and Maeve’s chair tilted back with it. Coming up, we could see that this arcade was in the Capitol, and they did a flying pass to show its glass spires and bustling spaceport. Sovlin spoke up beside Maeve, “The Venlil Homeworld is in a strategic position within the Federation, and you make your people proud by fulfilling your duty to the Herd; in spite of your weakness and timidity!!”
The shuttle started to pitch to the open center of the city, and a large park came into view. “But, as I-” Sovlin’s voice caught in his throat, before he cleared it and spoke with firm authority, “As we all know: Duty sometimes comes with Sacrifice. And we honor and remember that… sacrifice with the beautiful Cattle Memorial!”
The vines of Morning Light catch the sun, and I feel my ears fall as I remember my own family’s sacrifices. Alvi caught my distress, and curled her tail around me as the simulation continued, “Here we remember the lives lost from the ruthless barbarity of the Greys. We hope that this Shining Beacon may guide their bodies and souls back to the Herd.” The shuttle kept flying straight toward the ground, but the shuttle surroundings started to disappear as Sovlin and Maeve joined the mourners and wellwishers. The breeze played gently with unopened letters and fresh bouquets. Sovlin spoke softly, in respect for visitors, “It is open all claws, and many leave their remembrances. Make sure to show your support, next time you’re in the Capitol.”
After several moments of contemplative silence, the shuttle pulled up into the upper atmosphere, and Maeve’s seat began to shudder. I spoke up a little louder so she could hear me through the helmet, “Set your head back. The next part might make you a little queasy.”
Maeve did as bidden just before Sovlin hit the warp jump, and the screen was awash with a rainbow of colors streaking to the outer border.
We fall out of Warp just above The Cradle, its capital continent in view surrounded by great oceans, while other landmasses curve around the planet and out of sight. The camera quickly descends through the atmosphere and we pull into the great city of Vala’s Embrace, with its shining spires and sprawling seaports. We fly down through the airspace busy with cargo freighters and I see Maeve involuntary flinch after a close miss. “The Gojid are a proud and fierce people, but also industrious! Our Cradle and Colonies are a major food source for the rest of the Federation, in addition to the significant extractions performed by our colonies and outposts.”
The camera flies into the center of the city where stands a grand Cathedral to the Protector, Her robed form guiding believers to the grand entryway. “But my People are renowned for our stalwart loyalty to our faith and to the Federation. Our great houses of worship are monuments of our devotion to protecting the Herd from the Predator Menace!”
After a pass around the building highlighting its traditional stonework and heraldry, the camera joins the throng of worshippers, coming in low like a child beside their parent, and we see the full glory of The Church.
Our view pans up from the crowd to a ceiling decorated with murals of inlaid wood and metals. Vibrant colors, textures, and shining light tell the story of Vala driving out the Predators and forming the first Herd. Stained glass windows cover the congregation in pools of color almost as varied as the congregants themselves. A silver Gojid passes from behind us, towering tall with the kind eyes of one who knows their faith, and is safe in its love. They lay a paw on Maeve’s shoulder and guide her to a bench only a few rows from the front, with a seat on the aisle. The Priest stands before their podium and begins a sermon of service to the Herd, and one’s role within it.
The priest’s voice fades into the background as we fly backward out of an open window like a bird; words of Predators at our doorstep fading on the wind. We rise to re-exit the atmosphere, Maeve’s chair buzzing as the hyperdrive spins up.
We warp into a field of defensive space stations, glittering proudly in the Nishtalian Sun. Below, we see a planet with a great many islands, webbed with weaving waterways and small seas. Maeve pressed herself further into the seat as we entered their thicker atmosphere, the seat vibrations causing the helmet to rattle against it.
“And here we have the vibrant marshes of Nishtal!” We broke through the clouds to see massive arbors climbing back into them. We approached the Nishtal Capital sprawled across dozens of kilometers of archipelago, held above the water by meta-material supports.
“Nishtal is well known for its punishing environments, which helped to mold the Krakotl into Pan-Galactic Heroes! From Captain Kalsim, to Merchant Captain Malins, to Chief Exterminator Estela. Each renowned for holding the line against the predator taint, through fire or rail! And this is where their mettle was tested!”
The shuttle flies around a flat paved area, surrounded by landing pads as warships lift and land. In the center was a platoon of Krakotl performing training exercises. The shuttle again falls away as we start walking behind a Commander, Sovlin walking beside him as he speaks over his shoulder, “The Krakotl have been an instrumental force in maintaining our peaceful way of life. If you think you have what it takes, be sure to register for the JEOTC so you can help make the galaxy a better place!”
Sovlin met the eye of the Krakotl commander beside him, “Thank you for your service, Sir.”
We split off from the commander, and our walking transitioned back to our shuttle before firing off back into the sky.Through the vibrating chair, Maeve stuttered out, “M-M-Man Y-You-u-u Guys-z-z-z’re R-R-Real-l-ly into this-s-s W-W-War, huh??”
Suddenly the chair threw Maeve forward, almost unseating her as she suddenly fell out of warp, “We have Grey contacts! Time to turn tail and get out of here! I’ll stay on the guns and when I say Go, you push that throttle as hard as you can! OK…!” A Metallic handle started to glow in front of her, and Maeve reached out with her controller to grab it. It took her a moment, but Sovlin never gave the signal… Until she grabbed on. “GO!” Maeve rocked her body forward and slammed the throttle to its limiter, the seat beneath her rumbling with renewed vigor.
After only a moment, a Kolshian Capital Ship dropped from subspace in front of us and fired a volley of Everything in the direction behind us. Our ship slowed and Sovlin cheered from the pilot’s chair, “HaHa! The Vanguard has arrived! Thank you for your help gentlemen!”
A portrait feed popped up on and above the control panel, showing General Kalsim’s distinct banding on his beak. “This is General Kalsim, Commander of the Federation Vessel Inatala’s Will. Star tours, have you suffered any damage?” The portrait squawked as the General’s feathers puffed with pride.
“Negative General, thank you for the save!”
“Understood, let’s get you home, Star Tours.”
“We would be very grateful, General! Protector guides you.”
The chair beneath Maeve vibrates and tilts back as the hyper-drive charges up again, the screen flashing to show the sprawling oceans of Aafa, glittering brilliantly in the shining sun, dotted by its giant floating cities and lush tropical islands. A flock of broad chirping seabirds adorned with vibrant colors gliding on the calm ocean breeze flanking the shuttle. The capital of Aafa grew on the viewscreen, the sprawling Governance Center of the Federation dominating the city, swooping lines and a singular towering dome marked the chambers of the Federation senate.
“Isn’t that a beautiful view? This is what we fight for, this is the Cradle of the Federation, the very heart of our enlightened civilization. This is what we protect.”
The camera pans low, the shuttle falling away, sweeping along the streets of the capital.
The dome grew ever larger in the background until the camera began to soar over busy diplomats entering the senate floor, the camera like a very lost Flowerbird. Chief Nikonus was delivering an impassioned speech to the gathered representatives, declaring the grand aims and lofty goals of the Federation to spread peace and safety to all Prey peoples. The camera panned around the room, showing representatives listening to the speech with focused ears and attentive eyes, pausing on the Venlil Representative, swaying their tail in pride and determination. As the camera finished its rotation it exited through the rooms wide glass panes, rising up and over the city as the shuttle reformed once again, breaching through the atmosphere and up into the stars.
Maeve’s seat rumbled as the hyperdrive spooled again, the screen clearing to show the Capital of Venlil Prime once more, soaring down to the arcade the adventure had started in. Captain Sovlin’s voice echoed from the speakers.
“Thank you for joining me today on Star Tours! Be sure to visit your nearest Federation recruitment center today and do your part!”
With fading fanfare, the seat returned to a neutral position and Maeve took off her helmet to meet our eyes. “That… was definitely a thing. It had a lot of… uh… ho boy.”
“Yeah, uh.” I shifted my weight awkwardly, “Watching that as an adult is… Stars, I remember wanting so badly to sign up. But my mom stopped me.”
“I’ll have to thank her when we get home.” Alvi sighed with exaggerated relief.
“You and me, both.” Maeve said through a relieved chuckle, “You guys want a turn? I’d like to do something more chill; cleanse the palate.”
Alvi and I politely declined, before I offered, “Actually I wanted to show you something. I don’t know how you guys have fun, but Shipper is really good.”
I guided Maeve to the catalog and pointed out the correct one. As the game started up and Maeve got the ship moving, she snorted and muttered to herself, “Of course you have Trucking Simulator In Space. Why am I even surprised.”
---
Maeve was making great progress, and had made two deliveries before the low fuel warning began trilling at her.
“Nah, see, you gotta watch your fuel too! The more you haul the more fuel you use, and you still gotta make it to your drop-off.”
“Wow, you guys do not mess around with these work simulators. We actually had a whole era of these a wh- Hey!”The screen locked up, telling us our 30 minutes were up.
“W-What does it say?”
“It says it's time to stop and get some food!”
“Ahh, man I was just getting the hang of it.”
“And I would like to get a hang of some Mel Root wedges. Come on!” Alvi chimed with a playful whine.Maeve rolled out of the station, and after a moment for her legs to remember what walking was, donned her veil and we continued to the food court. Pushing the doors open we saw a veritable swarm of Venlil of all ages, though many of the younger were already sitting while their parents fetched their meal. A child near the door caught sight of us and squeaked in surprise, alerting their parents to our presence.
Conversation died like a wave across the open expanse. Maeve stood stock still, and so did we, trying very very hard to avoid a panic and stampede.
I spoke in barely a whisper, “Maeve?”
She returned my quietness, “Yes, Valek?”
“I don’t want to do this to you, but I think it is best if we find a seat first… Then Alvi or I can get the food.” My tail began to sway in slow caution while my ears kept on a swivel.
“Yeah. Yeah, I think you’re right. Can you see any open tables?”Alvi flicked her tail at the balcony, “I see stairs there, and the balcony looks pretty clear.”
Maeve started to nod reflexively before catching herself, then back to keeping her head low and unfocused.
Alvi and I guided her gently around the outer perimeter of the court, slowly working our way to the stairwell while all eyes and ears were locked on us the whole journey. We stepped up the stairs and conversation slowly built up again, though not to the same exuberancy as before. We found our seat just outside the stairwell on the 2nd floor. We tried to avoid scaring what few families remained on the balcony, but despite our efforts, those few almost immediately grabbed their belongings and moved. It was almost comical how little they tried to hide it. Yet also surprising in that there hadn’t been any screams or stampeding. It left a strange feeling in the air. One that felt somehow both better and worse than if they had screamed.
This tension was not lost on Maeve, as she muttered to herself, “Plague bearer, or horrific monster. Decisions, decisions.”
I took her hand in my paw in a feeble attempt to offer what comfort I could. Alvi was the first to speak, “Well, Valek you got the Gravity room and Visor game, so I’ll handle food. Anything the two of you desperately want?”
We gave her our orders and she stepped down the stairs, leaving Maeve and I alone on the balcony.
I hoped to loosen the tangle of this horrid tension. “Sooo…. Biblical?”
As I had hoped, the sudden change snapped Maeve out of her stormcloud and laughter bubbled from her like the Sun! “UUh… That’s uh. Complicated. There’s a good thousand years of linguistic context that makes that word mean what it meant the way I used it. The Bible is a book of faith for a significant portion of people on earth. Not all, and not even a majority; hell, even that is fragmented because no one can agree on what it really means. This Bible teaches a great many things, some good some bad, but one of its teachings is how to… legitimize relationships. Get married, basically.”
Maeve leaned closer to me on the off chance the balcony was less empty than we believed, “And one of the more serious ways to officiate these pairings was with sex; or ‘mating’. As this faith quickly became one of the more influential faiths on our planet, most of humanity learned and still has complicated feelings about sex and intimacy. So, we talk around it. ‘Sleeping together’ ‘Do the nasty’ ‘The beast with two backs’ and more to the point: ‘To know someone biblically’.”
“So when you said…”“I was saying I had sex with one of you, yes.”
I focused my ears in feigned shock, while my tail swished with mischief, “I was that one, right?”
Maeve lightly shoved my shoulder while she straightened to her normal posture, but I stayed low. “Hey,” I whispered, nodding my head for Maeve to come closer, and she did so. I reached my paws up to her white veil, and brought it up and over her face, revealing her brightly blooming face which my lips eagerly met. Pulling away, I asked, “Perhaps once we get back to the hotel, we could… know each other biblically?”
She pulled my face back to hers, returning my affections with equal vigor, “Only if we can get Alvi out of the room. I want you all to myself.”
Alvi. Right. She’s… she’s here. Staying with us. And we would be… kicking her out. The one she admitted feeling for would be kicking her out to mate with someone else. But she understands! Right?
“Oh, looks like Alvi got us some food!”
My ears snapped behind me as Maeve looked over my shoulder.
---
Memory transcription subject: Alvi, Venlil tourist
Date [standardized human time]: Sept 11th, 2136. Middle of 3rd Claw
I stepped lightly up the stairs while balancing the trays within my arms. There were so many options! Cresting the top of the stairs, Valek stood to assist. While I covered the menu.“Ok we got all of our favorite fruit, I know how much you love starberries, Maeve.” Who smiled broadly under her now-open veil. “I was able to get us some Sunbreeze, but most of the food stands had long waits and I was hungry, so I just got a plate of fried veg and called it good. This one is the fried Deeproot, and powdered lakeseed dough balls, and some mel root wedges. The arcade’s mel root is a little heavy on the firefruit.”
“Thank you, Alvi!” Maeve picked up one of the larger wedges and broke it in half with me. We lifted our pieces in celebration and bit down at the same time. Immediately my mouth was alight with bright heat and my lips stung blissfully, but after only a moment the sweet and full flavor of the mel root complimented perfectly with the cleansing fire.
Maeve beside me scrunched her face and gasped, “Whoo!” She hooted, “That is spicy! Mm! That potato is really good though. What do you call this?”
I wagged my tail, happy to see that she appreciated the- wait. “Potato? That’s Mel Root. What’s a Potato?”
Maeve licked her fingers before taking another wedge, “It’s a root tuber; a staple food from earth. Mel root, or, well, cooked mel root, has a really similar consistency to potato! Makes sense since they’re both roots.” She took a bite of her wedge and immediately made that same face, “Ooo that was a mistake, I should have finished talking.” a few quick breaths through her mouth before she continued, “Your mel root is denser, closer to a carrot, but still really starchy. The fry really brings out a lot of sweetness; I’ll admit, it goes really well with the firefruit. Good choice Alvi!”
The praise set my tail to wagging as I bit into my food. So spicy! So good! I am so glad we came to this food court!
Speaking of, “I haven’t seen Tarlim or his human. I hope they haven’t changed their minds on meeting here.” I spoke through a masticated root.
“Wouldn’t blame them if they did,” Valek grumbled, tail curling between his legs, “I was just like everyone who’s been running from us…” He trailed off sinking into his chair.
“You could have handled it better, but so could he.” I sighed, remembering that chair. “From what I’ve heard of those places though, I can’t say I blame him.”
Maeve set down a piece of deeproot and looked at Valek. “What are those places? You guys got really scared when he said he got out of one.”
Valek was the first to speak, “They are places where we put people who are a danger to themselves or the Herd; people with Predator Disease.”
My fur flared at the mention of my almost-diagnosis. Maeve noticed and flattened the fur along my spine, “You’re not a predator Alvi. There is nothing wrong with you.”
She says while you continue stuffing your face like a hun--SHUT UP!! I AM NOT!! I AM LOVED!! I AM IN A HERD! THAT KNOWS AND STAYS! SHUT UP!
Maeve watched Valek while she continued to comfort me “And… how does one get predator disease?”
Valek continued his lesson, while I tried desperately to slow my spinning mind.
“Well… the federation tells us it can be spread by ‘predator taint’, or spending too much time around or with predators. I’m… I’m not sure I believe that. But we know it can be inherent. Sometimes symptoms begin as early as an infant. As well, it can appear randomly or be carried within family lines.”“And how does one get diagnosed?”
I thought about when my teacher first called the Exterminators. I remembered the Exterminators coming to my foster family. They talked them down, but it wasn’t long after that that they ‘couldn't take care of me’.
My voice left my mouth unbidden, “Well those born with it… they tend to get diagnosed early, but sometimes Predator Disease can come out later in life. If someone is reported for Predator Behavior, they have a chance to argue their case to the exterminator on duty. If the exterminator confirms the case, they are taken in to be diagnosed. And if it’s a yes, they are taken to a Correctional Facility to be taught how to be in a herd.”
Valek tapped his claws against the table as his tail shook with desperate hope. “See? There’s several checks on the way to a diagnosis. The system is designed to avoid false positives. If Tarlim was diagnosed, I am sure it was with good cause.”
Maeve shook her head, “I’m not so sure. By my count, there were only two people in that chain, three if you count the person reporting it, and at best only one of them was a medical professional, unless I’m misunderstanding the concept of exterminators. Setting that aside, I think I’m missing something. What is Predator Disease?”
“It’s when someone is a Predator in the body of a Prey. We can see them when they don’t work within a herd, or they don't understand our tail signals. These people are a danger to the herd, both passively and, if left unchecked, directly, so we try to teach them how to be Prey.” Valek looked desperately at Maeve after spouting the information, almost as if by rote. Like he was quoting an exterminator textbook.
“Wait, wait… so it’s a behavioral disease? They can’t grasp body language, or other people’s feelings?” Maeve was appearing more confused, more… afraid. Was predator disease so terrible among humans? Then why would she want me around?
Because she doesn’t know, stupid! But she's about to! They never stick around once they find out!
Valek was adamant. Maeve needed to know this, I know she did. “It’s not just that, they can’t even get themselves to be part of a herd! They always sit or move with nobody around them!” but once she did…
“Well then. What would that make me?”
My eyes froze in their sockets and my legs refused to flee.
The Night called us.
First -- Previous -- Next

Previous.
Admiral Shane stood in the room usually used for training, but had been cleared out so he could make the conference over holophone, and a larger room helped with the scale when they were addressing the entire Federation Council.
It had taken only about 2 ½ days to get to the Golden Egg’s position, as with their progress in the uplifting process - and the fact that they had access to FTL technology - they had been allowed to send a ship out into the Federation, albeit supervised. As such, they decided on sending a military ship, seeing as there was a much smaller chance of an interstellar incident happening with disciplined Marines.
The chamber was a semicircle, with the Chairperson’s seat at ground level, in the center of the floor, with each next row elevated slightly, so that the gathered Representatives were situated in a step-pattern, ascending to the top row of the chamber. He noticed that the ‘insectoid’ species all were situated to his right of the chamber, if he was looking out at them.
Beside him stood Admiral Ree’Scote, being his ‘escort’ into the Federation; Kyle, as the boots-on-ground witness; Officer Kit’Ahnj, being the Federation’s liaison officer; and Captain Vohr’Doe, as the commander of the vessel that found the planet. But of course, it was him that was currently the center of attention.
He had reviewed the team's video logs, and he agreed that whatever was on that planet was likely hostile; the sounds that came from that darkness - not to mention the fear he felt when looking into it - were so… wrong, he didn't feel any other classification would be right. And - after the testimony of Officer Kit’Ahnj, backing up Kyle’s report, and the video - the Council felt the same way; however, they were less inclined to destroy the planet. He was currently being addressed by the Council Chairwoman, a bipedal crocodile, whose title was Chairwoman Hahss’Chom, (which - when she pronounced it - was little more than a hiss, followed by her snapping her jaws shut.)
“We have ways to prevent… whatever this is - from ever being able to exit their system, even if they were to develop FTL technology.”
“With all due respect, ma’am,” he said, keeping his focus on her, and not the - obviously - judging races that surrounded him, all of whom represented different animals from Earth, each one the Speaker for their respective races, “We’ve dealt with a mindless force of nature that was only intent on killing…
“Europa was one of Jupiter’s moons, and was roughly 90% the size of Luna. When we began spreading out from Earth, the question of drinkable water became a problem. And while it's - relatively - easy to make it from its base components, Europa was almost entirely water, though not all of it was liquid.
“Once we had developed the technology to land there, we set out drilling to the ocean, which was located beneath a shell of ice that was estimated to be between 10-15 miles deep… We made it four miles before we lost all resistance. The drills were shut down, and new readings were taken; but by the time they realized what was happening, it was too late.
“At first, the teams thought that it was a geyser, which are - were - a fairly common thing, though there had been no signs that one was building up there. Well, they managed to get far enough away before… The ice where they had been working melted, but there was no geyser. What came out of the hole resembled, well, it most resembled a machine AI that humanity dreamed up as a monster in a movie. The one I reference here was basically a metal ball with countless metal tentacles from its ‘back’, and what came out of that hole looked remarkably similar.
“And it wasn't alone. About a dozen of those [‘squids’] came out, and made straight for our people. It was… a massacre; our weapons had no effect on them whatsoever. And after they were done killing everyone, they began dismantling and consuming the ships and equipment. And afterwards, they turned their gazes upwards, launching themselves from the surface of the moon with the force of their limbs, alone.
“Judging from the fragments of their bodies we were able to recover after encounters with them in space, we determined that they were iron of the Fe oxidized variety, so the metal of their bodies didn't interact with the water. They were also incredibly light, especially for how dense they were; it took several missiles to destroy each, and we had no other choice, as they were heading directly at the ships in orbit.
“We retreated to a tactical distance, and while we tried so many different ways to communicate, we found nothing. We even captured one alive, and still, there was no way to communicate. Every attempt was met with the utmost hostility. And throughout this process, they continuously sent out others from beneath the ice, most of them sent towards our ships, yet others were sent out towards the asteroids that share Jupiter’s orbit around the sun. We had no idea what they were doing with the asteroids, whether they were mining them for food, or using them as places to reproduce - or both - so we eventually decided to bombard them with munitions until they crashed into the planet. But this was after we had exhausted every possible avenue of communication.
“We eventually came to a decision - as a people - to destroy the moon, but we had to be smart about it. The Europans had already proven they didn't need to breathe, as they could survive the cold, irradiated vacuum of space without any external protection, which took blowing Europa up off the table.. So - after much deliberation - it was decided to create a ship that could use tractor beams to move the planet. For this, we converted another of Jupiter’s moons - Ganymede - into a ship, and once the construction was complete, we renamed it the Europa Contingency.
“From there, we caught Europa, and towed it to Sol, where we cast it in, to destroy the Europans, down to the last one… It's not something that we’re proud of - as a people - but it was what we needed to do, in order to survive.”
There was a resounding silence after he finished with his speech, and he allowed them the time to process what he'd just told them. He was suddenly very self-conscious, and he felt as if he hadn't explained their plight sufficiently. They were already classified as the most aggressive that their measurement system could register, what must they think of humanity after this. Finally, the Chairwoman broke the silence.
“Though it sounds as if you may have committed genocide on a sapient species… This Council can claim no better. While we have ways to contain FTL travel, this was only put forth as a possible avenue to explore after our predecessors had glassed multiple planets who had turned out to be too hostile to conduct civil interactions with. To have that threat in the same system as you, with no real barrier between your peoples, well, I don't believe any here could truly blame your people for coming to this decision… However, we can't be sure that we face the same threat. Nor can we order anyone to go into the darkness to find out.”
The suul’mahr representative, Grol’Rosh - a solid white coloration to his fur - spoke up, his voice playing out over the speakers, as he was sitting in the topmost row.
“We could send a probe into the midst of it; that could tell us what we're dealing with. And if they are entirely hostile, we could take a specimen up to the atmosphere, to see if it survives.”
He heard a strangled sound of protest, and he didn't need to look around to see the fearful look on Kyle’s face; he gently held up a hand to assuage the Ambassador, as he knew full well what his concern was.
“We believe that the contents of the darkness are… harmful to the generally accepted term of ‘sanity’. And not in the sense of ‘it would be dangerous to any non-human’; as in, to anyone. If - however - you should need a volunteer, then-”
“I will watch it,” Grol’Rosh cut him off. Admiral Shane merely looked at him, sighing lightly as he nodded once in acknowledgment to the suul'mahr. Captain Vohr'Doe stepped up at that point, calling to the hangar to release the drone, and to program it to enter the darkness just beyond the leading edge. A small communication satellite was set out after it to retain contact with the drone when the curve of the planet would render it beyond their scope of reach.
It took several minutes, during which Grol’Rosh inserted earbuds into his ears, and had his personal screen connected to the probe's camera. While he was watching the drone's progress, it was also taking its own readings, and sending them back as text. Which is how they knew when it was breaching the atmosphere, and when it encountered the darkness; Kyle had been right: it wasn't natural.
The reports coming back from the drone were confusing, to say the least; firstly because ‘the darkness’ was actually solid material, though ‘solid’ was used loosely here, as it was more like a ‘dust storm’. Except that it wasn't just dust - as there were readings of sand, and soil in the mess - because nanoscanners inside the drone determined that each grain of soil was coated in a thick, viscous material that absorbed all light that hit it.
The material was what caused the confusion, as when it was analyzed, it was determined to be… everything. There were traces of all genus of races, from canines, to felines, insects, to pachyderms; there was even all manner of aquatic animals, as well. There was no plant life detected in the sludge.
As imagined with readings like that, the drone had more difficulty descending to the surface of the planet than it normally would have, but strangely, not as much as one might expect; it was only when the craft sped up that they realized it was being pulled. The altitude of the drone continued to drop at a steady rate, until it was about 50’ from the ground, according to the readings from the expedition team, as it was heading for the exact location they had originally made camp. However, the drone was sending even more confusing information, as it was now reading the ground to be 25’ away, and moving quickly.
The drone was about 10’ from the ‘ground’ when Grol’Rosh began howling like he’d been stabbed. Looking up in his direction, everyone gasped in horror as he began clawing at his eyes, quickly rending his face, and entirely destroying the delicate orbs within. He wasn't done, however, as he then began clawing at his ears, his Gift obviously activated, as he tore straight to his skull in only a single swipe, the unnerving sound of claw scraping bone filling the room.
Two suul'mahr guards rushed towards him as soon as he'd begun clawing his eyes, and were almost to him when he reached his hands out to the sides, and brought them together - with his head still between them - with obviously tremendous force.
One of the guards - a dark gray specimen - leapt forward at the last second, tackling him by leverage of his left arm. That still left his right arm free, though it had only succeeded in a glancing blow, which still knocked him unconscious with a sickening /thud**. There was a stunned silence that followed that ordeal, until Chairwoman Hahss’Chom shakily gave an order for medics, who soon arrived, two kanfi’doe that - after stabilizing his wounds - quickly carried Grol’Rosh down the stairs, and loaded him onto a stretcher they had brought with them.
The silence reigned for a long minute after they’d wheeled him out, broken finally by the Chairwoman’s subdued voice.
“I call a vote: all in favor of allowing the humans to bring their ‘Europa's Contingency’...?” She tapped a few commands into the datapad in front of her, and there was a quiet flurry of movement as the rest of the Council cast their votes.
“It's unanimous: Admiral Shane, we hereby give the Europa’s Contingency permission to travel to this system, and then to return to Sol when the job here is done. Are we clear on this?”
“Crystal, ma’am. I can have the orders dispat-”
He was cut off as a keen'yohng appeared by his side.

Commodore Vah’Rin came out of subspace, his prey already in his sights. The eight other captains under his command confirmed lock-on status, and his communications officer informed him that they had an opening into their link, though it was protected by an unusually strong defense system.
“Well,” he replied, “We did intercept the report on humans; they have artificial intelligences. They probably have one with that cylindrical ship that has too many guns to not be military. Well, this certainly changes things: an a.i. would be by far more valuable than an entire hold of drahk'mihn. If we can capture it, and reprogram it to obey us, we could drop down far enough into subspace that we could make a trip of several months cut down to as many weeks… Patch me into their communication; I’m done hiding…”
He let a cruel smile play across his face as his entire bridge turned into the Federation Council Hall; his ship would project his image into their conversation, but not those of his crew around him. And there in front of him were the objects of his focus, as he was certain he appeared before them, wearing his black Commodore’s jacket.
“How nice of you to join us, Commodore.”
He turned to the owner of the cold voice that ‘greeted’ him.
“Ah, Council Member Toss’Vah,” he replied cheerily to her, “Good to see you again. How are things back home?”
She regarded him coldly, then almost spat,
“It was widely believed that you were still alive; I regret to have that theory confirmed.”
“What can I say?” he asked, smiling, “This ship was just too good to not take it. Give my regards to the president; this ship truly is state-of-the-art… But, I didn't break into this conversation to speak with you.” He turned to the humans, who regarded him with wary expressions, if his experience with the suun'mahs and kanfi’doe was anything to judge by.
“Greetings,” he began jovially - no reason not to be civilized, “I - as you may have gathered - am Commodore Vah’Rin, and I regret to inform you that you are under the guns of 9 ships, all of which are heavily armed. Now, this is normally the part where I tell you that if you cooperate, then we can get through this with a minimal amount of casualties - someone always has to try to be the hero, don’t they? - but I have a different proposition for you, today: give me you a.i., and we’ll leave this system - and your ships - without any hostilities. Refuse, and… Well, I think you get the idea.” He smiled a predatory smile that was more of a leer than anything.
“This is outrageous;” the current Councilwoman stated, righteous anger evident in every syllable, “We not stand for-” but he cut her off.
“We’re too far away from any Federation outposts, and the nearest suun’mahs patrol is… well, right here.” He gestured to Admiral Ree’Scote.
“So, no matter how this plays out, there’s really nothing that this council can do about the goings-on here. So - as I said earlier - I’m not speaking to you; this has nothing to do with any of you.” He turned his attention back to the humans.
“So, what is your answer? And might I remind you, while you may - or may not - be able to take on our ships at 3-1 odds, one of your ships is not only not made to fight, but is also filled with civilians; are you willing to risk all of their lives?”
“How about this,” the human who was obviously military began, “You choose six of your ships, and use those to square off against us; the other three can hang back, and guard the Golden Egg from leaving. If you win that battle, you can take the A.I. stationed there. If not, then your other ships have to leave us in peace.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t get your name and rank.”
“Admiral Shane of the Sol Defense Force.”
“Ah,” he continued, “Well, Admiral Shane, I’m afraid it doesn’t work that way. It’s all, or nothing, which means that even if you feel comfortable taking on all of our ships at once, we will still target the civilian vessel. There is no other option; sometimes you only have bad paths to choose from, and you must take the lesser of the evils.”
Admiral Shane stood taller, and defiantly responded with,
“We of the Sol Defense Force cannot - in good conscience - hand over a single soul to slav-”
But he was cut off by the other human behind him, the one he actually recognized. Reaching into his pocket, he retrieved a small blue cube, which he held out as he angrily stated,
“You can have mine.”
“Ah,” he replied jovially, turning to the smaller human, “Mr. Redding, I believe?”
“It’s Ambassador.” The defiant little monkey at least seemed pretty fearless in the face of life-or-death negotiations, so he figured that he deserved at least that recognition; he certainly seemed to realize the value of diplomacy over fighting.
“Ambassador, then; good to see someone here has a level head on their shoulders.”
The cube reformed into a small human, as the Admiral rounded on his civilian counterpart; they both started talking at the same time.
“Excuse me?! You have no right to auction me off like some-
“... hell do you think you’re doing?! How dare you offer up a Sollian to a slaver?! I ought to knock the sh-”
But they were both cut off as Ambassador Redding simply stated, talking louder than both of them,
“Artificial Intelligence Override Code: JKJKLOL69!”
The small android stiffened up, and remained rigid, as if it were a simple robot, while the Admiral recoiled, raising an arm slightly as if to defend himself.
“How dare you?” he said with disgust to the Ambassador, “That’s only to be used in the event of a rogue A.I., this-!”
“This,’ the Ambassador interjected angrily, “Is bigger than all of us! I know what I’m doing.” He turned to address the Commodore,
“You will take it, and you’ll leave. In peace. Give me… 12 Standard minutes - I have to collect the memory core - and we’ll meet halfway between the 'civilian’ ship, and your group, ‘cause you sure as hell aren't coming aboard either of our ships.”
“That sounds acceptable; however, once the transfer is made, you will keep your shuttle in position until we have determined that the package is authentic, at which point, we will leave. If it is a fake, then I won't hesitate to blow your little shuttle to dust, and then I’ll take everyone I can get my hands on; and with 9 ships, we have more than enough space to hold you all. And we will both come unarmed.”
“I’ll be accompanying you,” the Admiral said sternly to the Ambassador, “I need to document everything that happens so I can send it back as evidence in your hearing.”
“Yeah,” the smaller primate answered testily, “You do that…”
With a vindictive smile, Commodore Vah’Rin motioned to end the transmission.

Kahv’Hosh sat in the pilot’s seat, having been chosen to transport the humans out to the meeting spot. They were both currently silent, and the air was so thick with emotion that you could cut it with a knife. They were already in place, and were currently waiting on the pirate ‘commodore’ to reach their shuttle, with an estimated thirty seconds until they made contact. With a solid /thud/, they were connected, and Kahv’Hosh equalized the pressure in the sleeve, and soon heard a slight knock on their door. Kyle and the Admiral had already moved to the door - the large metal cube with the interface screen sitting beside it - and Kyle reached forward to open it.
The keen’yhong walked onto their shuttle, and his eyes immediately fell to Kyle’s waist.
“I thought we agreed no weapons.” The man’s voice wasn’t as hostile as he would have expected, as he stared at the big gun on Kyle’s waist, and the smaller - but still obviously deadly - pistol on the Admiral’s.
“Yeah,” Kyle replied sarcastically, “Because you don’t have some hidden weapon on you…”
The ‘commodore’ simply smiled, and turned to the box.
“This is my a.i., I take it?” he asked, still smiling.
Kyle’s mood seemed to darken further as he reached into his pocket, pulling out the cube that became Kay’Eighty at his command.
“Begin downloading into the core, and commence factory reset.”
He set the cube down on top of an open slot beside the monitor, and a loading screen immediately came up. It only took a few seconds, but it was still a tense few seconds; soon, the box chimed, and Kyle removed the cube.
“I’ll be taking that, as well,” the ‘commodore’ replied, reaching a hand into his jacket; Kyle simply scoffed.
“No, you want to make your own mithril, then you figure out how to make it, yourself. You’ve already got the core, that’s all you need. And that’s all we agreed on. If you wanted the mithril, too, then you should’ve said so; not my fault you failed to specify that point.” There was no amusement as he said it, though it was obvious that he enjoyed that little stunt. And while the ‘commodore’ obviously had his hand on the handle of his gun, he wouldn’t be able to move faster than two humans; the two suul’mahr lurking just beyond the airlock wouldn’t be much help after he was already riddled with bullets.
The ‘commodore’ regarded him for a few moments, then began laughing a cruel, calculated laugh. He gestured behind him, and one of the suul’mahr - all-brown fur - came aboard, carrying the large box onto their shuttle. After he’d observed its successful transfer of the package onto his shuttle, the ‘commodore’ turned back to Kyle.
“As stated before: you will hold this position until either my flotilla leaves, or destroys you for trying to trick me. And this time, I expect you to follow my directions, because you’re already targeted by my lead ship… Well, until next time.” With that, he exited the shuttle, their airlock door closing behind him, both humans remaining staring at the door.
They finally turned away when the shuttle disconnected, moving to look out the viewport to watch the other shuttle go back to its ship. Finally, his nerves got the better of him, and he asked to no one in particular,
“Do you think he will truly spare us?”
“There’s a chance,” Admiral Shane replied, “Depending on what kind of pirate he is; they can have varying codes of honor. He does - however - self-admittedly sell people into slavery, so I don’t know how strong his sense of ‘honor’ may be.”
They were all quiet for a while as he considered this, until Kyle’s soft voice - filled with sorrow - broke the silence.
“I’ve never killed anyone before. I mean, the mahn’ewe were all in a fit of rage; and while I’d fantasized about it, I didn’t exactly plan it. Now, though - with all this time to stop and think about it…” He fell silent at that, watching the shuttle go, though Kahv’Hosh wasn’t sure he was actually seeing it. To his surprise, Admiral Shane reached up and grasped Kyle’s shoulder, his voice gentle as he replied,
“It’s never easy. And while the mahn’ewe can probably be overlooked by your conscience, this is - obviously - a different situation entirely. There’s a chance that you never truly recover from this, but just always remember the innocent lives you’re saving by doing this; they’re what’s going to get you through the low points.”
Kyle nodded in acceptance, and then his face contorted, and a predatory smirk lit up his countenance.
“Have you ever seen one go off?” he asked, not taking his eyes off the viewport.
“Well,” the Admiral replied, a mischievous note in his voice, “I have seen a number of tests; of course, there was that pirate faction that we traced to their base in an asteroid. One on each side, and it was history.”
Kyle let out a cruel snort of laughter, and - not taking his eyes off of the viewport - said,
“Kahv’Hosh, did you ever get around to reading about the women of Weinsberg?”
He wasn’t sure where this was going, but he decided to play along.
“I did," he replied slowly.
“And if you knew nothing else about humans,” Kyle began, a cruel smile on his face, “Would you have accepted that deal?”
He managed to take a breath in before something in his mind clicked. Something had seemed off from the beginning, but he couldn’t place exactly what it was. He’d been given clearance to review the transmission from the part where the ‘commodore’ broke in, and he had been replaying it in his mind ever since then, trying to figure out what was gnawing at his mind like a pup with a bone.
But nothing came out at first, as his mind struggled to form words; he managed simply to point out the viewport to the shuttle - that was almost to its ‘mothership’ - and to look back and forth between him and it, before he finally managed to spit out,
“Wh-... you-... why would the arti-... the ‘override code’: why would it be in Galactic Standard?!”
The smile on his face widened, and he was suddenly aware that he was on a small shuttle with two Class 12 aggressors. Kyle - however - merely pulled the cube from his pocket, and said,
“Kay’Eighty?”
The cube began to dissolve, reforming into the humanoid shape that was her android form.
“Yes, Ambassador Redding?” she replied in a distinctly… robotic voice. Kyle merely scoffed, however, and rebutted with,
“Aw, come on; it’s not like he gave us ample opportunity to talk: I had to think of something on the fly…”
She suddenly became much more ‘sapient’ crossing her arms, and looking off to the side as she sighed.
“Fine,” she replied, “Whatever; what do you want?”
Kyle snorted in laughter, and asked,
“Has he made it to the optimal range, yet?”
Kay’Eighty sighed again, and looked out the viewport.
“Just about, yeah.”
“Then I leave the honors to you,” he finished, holding her up for a better view of the viewport.
“Detonation in 5… 4… 3… 2… 1…”
Kahv’Hosh found that though he was sure this was going to be on par with their aggression level, he also couldn’t look away; like watching an asteroid impact a planet: he knew something bad was coming, but he just couldn’t bring himself to break eye-contact with the nine ships in formation, the middlemost one having already received the shuttle. And even as he watched, the ships seemed to draw closer together.
At first he thought that it must be his eyes playing tricks on him, but soon enough, not only were they drawing closer together, but they began to spin around the central ship, as if caught in the gravity-well of some insanely dense celestial body. He saw small explosions issuing from the sides. with little bits breaking off into the void of space, only for the expanding singularity - for that was obviously what it was - to suck the life-pods back into its center, where everything seemingly disappeared into nothingness. Soon, the ships themselves began breaking apart, still doing their destructive, tumbling dance around the spot where the ‘commodore’s ship used to be.
Piece by piece, the ships began to break apart, ‘falling’ into the center, where they were obviously compressed beyond what physics would normally allow. He tried not to think about the fate of the people aboard the ships, gravity increasing to the point that you were crushed under the weight of your own skin, having to watch - if they could even survive - as the ship around them broke apart, exposing them to the blackness of space.
He managed a quick look back at the humans, and was granted some small consolation in that the evil smiles had left their faces, and both had looks of somber determination gracing their features. And at that moment, he believed he knew what it was that set them so high on the aggression scale; even they were appalled by their actions - by their own weapons - and yet not even the prospect of becoming a monster would stop them from removing a perceived threat.
Soon, all pieces of the ships were gone, and about a Standard minute after that, the anomalous gravity readings disappeared. And suddenly space had returned to ‘normal’, as if nothing unnatural had just happened. Kyle broke the silence in a neutral voice as he said,
“Well, let’s get back to the ship; Cap’m’s gonna tear me a new one for this…”
[Next.] Patreon

Cardano is perhaps one of the more controversial cryptocurrencies in the space. Many people absolutely adore it and believe it’s the future. Many completely despise it. In this post I will go over the advantages and disadvantages of Cardano
If you prefer to read on substack, here is the link

Advantages

Parallel processing from the UTXO model

There are 2 ways to store users’ balances. The simpler and more intuitive model is the account model. This model is like how you have an account with a balance at a bank account. It’s very simple and easy to understand.
The other model is the UTXO model which is what Cardano uses. This model is more like a list of coins with the current owner of the coins. When users want to spend a coin, they will destroy the coin(s) they own and create new coin(s) with new owner(s). The new coin(s) need to have the same value as the destroyed coin(s).
This model is more complicated to understand at first, but when it comes to parallel processing, the UTXO model is much simpler. If you have 2 transactions trying to spend different coins, you can easily have different cores of a processor process each transaction. It’s only in cases where two transactions are trying to spend the same coin that you need to have agreement between the nodes on the order they came in.
With the account model it is more complicated to parallelize transactions but newer chains like Algorand and Solana have done it which makes the UTXO model less of an advantage compared to before.

UXTO’s and state bloat

The UTXO model also seems like the easier model to prevent state bloat. Cardano has set it up so that the more data you want to store in the UTXO set, the more ADA is required in the UTXO. This sets a limit on the maximum state size so prevents the state from growing too large. State bloat is a big issue with EVM based chains so this is a big advantage.

Native assets

Compared to the typical ERC20 style smart contract for managing secondary tokens in the network, native assets are a nicer solution.
Native assets have a much better UX as they are treated as first class citizens of the chain and don’t need things like setting approvals which is an annoyance with ERC20 tokens.
They are also much cheaper to use than ERC20 tokens as they are just a field in the UTXO instead of a smart contract that you need to interact with.

Easy to verify (Good decentralisation)

It’s very easy to verify the Cardano blockchain. Block sizes are small and occur roughly every 20 seconds. To verify the correct staker posted the block, you just have to verify a simple verifiable random function. This means you can run a Cardano node on lightweight and accessible hardware which allows for high decentralisation.
Currently the node specs might actually be too low. One of Cardano’s main selling points is using the UTXO model so it can do parallel transactions however nodes only require a 2 core CPU. Parallel processing is not much of an advantage with only 2 cores so I’d expect node specs to increase a bit in the future.

Low to zero inflation rate

Cardano’s current inflation rate is only 3% and is expected to slowly drop to 0% by around the year 2050. This inflation rate is already pretty low so gives Cardano good tokenomics for potentially being a store of value.

Fairly good distribution

It’s not as well distributed as Bitcoin or Ethereum but compared to the vast majority of cryptocurrencies, Cardano tokens are well distributed. Distribution tends to get better over time and generally more distribution happens when the price goes up. ADA is now a fairly old token and has gone through multiple hype cycles so should be fairly well distributed.
The initial distribution of tokens is not bad either. Again, not as good as Bitcoin or Ethereum who mainly distributed via mining but compared to most cryptocurrencies, not too many tokens went to the founders and VC’s. Most tokens were distributed via a public ICO which is the second best way after mining.

Large development fund

If you are not the first mover who already has the majority of developers, having the funds to develop the protocol and ecosystem is important.
Network effects are incredibly important for blockchains. Dapps and users attract more dapps and users to a chain. However it’s incredibly difficult to attract developers and users away from the status quo in the first place so being able to tempt them with money to bootstrap the ecosystem is a valid strategy. Cardano has a sustainable source of funds to do this through its treasury which gets built up through fees.

Designed for robustness

Cardano uses a consensus method called Ouroboros which is based on the longest chain style of consensus methods. Longest chain methods tend to be more robust than BFT based methods as they don’t need to receive a vote from every single participant to stay live and instead just use probabilistic finality based on how the recent participants have voted with their blocks. BFT style methods will shut down if more than 34% of the participants are offline but longest chain methods will keep going even if 99% are offline, albeit at a much slower speed.

Disadvantages

Slow

When you use the longest chain model for consensus, you get improved liveness but generally sacrifice speed. However, even taking that into account, Cardano is slow to reach a solid level of finality.
Consensus methods are voting models. With longest chain models, every time there is a fork, each validator votes on the chain they want to win by adding a block to the chain they prefer. Whichever chain ends up longest will have had the most votes so will be the winner.
The problem for Cardano is that only 1 validator votes every ~20 seconds and each vote doesn’t have much voting weight behind it. Ethereum also uses the longest chain model but each block added has many validators attesting to it so has much more voting weight behind it.
With Cardano, every epoch, a random set of validators, based on their stake, are selected to produce blocks/votes. These chosen validators will have 100% of the voting power within this epoch. For Cardano, an epoch 21,600 blocks. This means there are 21,600 votes over the epoch, each one represents 1/21600 or 0.0046% of the voting power for the epoch.
Ethereum has 100% of validators split into 32 equal committees every epoch and each committee is responsible for producing a block/vote. For Ethereum, an epoch is 32 blocks. This means each block represents 1/32 or 3.1% of the voting power.
It would take almost 4 hours for Cardano to have the same amount of voting weight on a block as Ethereum does after one 12 second block making it 1200x slower.
This method of comparison probably isn’t the best but it’s very hard to find a good way to model the voting weight for each Cardano block.

Low Throughput

Cardano is currently not scalable at all and is in fact one of the lowest throughput chains in the space being only able to handle around 7tps of basic transactions and more like 1-4tps when smart contract transactions are mixed in. Bitcoin which is known for low throughput does 7tps.
Increasing the node specs and future updates like Input Endorsers should increase the throughput significantly so it should get better over time. However, it’s unlikely to compete with high throughput chains like Algorand or Solana unless it makes the same sacrifices to decentralisation as them.

Lack of actual finality

Longest chain models do come with the major advantage of being robust but this comes at the cost of only having probabilistic finality.
More modern PoS longest chain models such as the ones used in Ethereum, Polkadot and Near, tend to use an Ebb and Flow model where they use the longest chain model to produce blocks but also have a BFT finality gadget running on top of it to provide finality. These models get the benefits of the longest chain model whilst also being able to provide finality.
Cardano does not have this and should think about adding a finality gadget on top of Ouroboros. There’s little to no downside of the Ebb and Flow model compared to a pure longest chain model.

No priority mechanism

Cardano has static fees. If there are more transactions than the network can handle then people don’t pay higher fees but instead join a queue and just have to wait. The mempool for Cardano is not that big so the queue gets full quickly. This means people have to keep posting their transaction over and over until there is room in the mempool again. There is no in-built method to guarantee your transaction reaches the blockchain during times of congestion.
If this scenario were to play out for a significant length of time, you will end up with users contacting stake pools directly and giving them a fee to guarantee their transactions will be included in blocks. If there is demand for block space, people will be willing to pay extra to get it, even if it’s outside of the protocol.
Fee markets are inescapable if there is not enough supply to match demand so whilst Cardano may not have an on-chain fee market, an off-chain fee market would develop if people actually used the chain. If a fee market is inevitable, it’s better to have it on chain where it’s transparent and fair.

Concurrency issue

Every block, each UTXO can only be spent by 1 person as when they are spent, they get destroyed. For simple transactions this is fine. If you own the UTXO then being the only person who can spend it is not an issue.
However smart contract UTXO’s are UTXO’s that can be spent by anyone. If more than one person within a block wants to interact with a DEX to buy a token, they can’t. The first person will spend the UTXO destroying it so the second person can no longer interact with it. This means you can’t have multiple people concurrently interacting with a smart contract per block.
To get around this limitation, apps have had to force users to interact with them off chain using centralised services. Here they are more prone to censorship or things like sandwich attacks.
The concurrency problem is not something that is unavoidable with the UTXO model. FuelLabs have created a smart contract language using UTXO’s that don’t suffer from the same issue but they sacrificed being completely deterministic to do it. Cardano could go in the same direction to get rid of this issue. The current situation where users are forced off chain already sacrifices determinism for users so FuelLabs’ UTXO model seems like the better option.

Hydra as the main scaling method

If you are unfamiliar with Hydra, I have a video explaining how it works here: https://youtu.be/Mx79j_-HRmk
Hydra can give potentially unlimited scaling between a small group of users as long as they are all online, have powerful enough computers to do it and are in complete agreement with each other. However the use cases for this are limited.
It’s very difficult to keep a large group of people in complete agreement over something for long periods of time and you are always prone to trolls who just like to disagree for no reason. This limits the number of people per Hydra head to around 10 people which limits its use cases.
Many dapps have community owned assets like liquidity pools which users interact with for things like trading or taking loans from. You can’t move these pools to hydra heads so the heads are limited to whatever assets the group of users bring with them. This means that the majority of defi is not possible on Hydra.
State channels like the lightning network (BTC) and Raiden (ETH) have largely been a failure but it looks like Cardano is still pursuing them heavily with Hydra. It’s hard to see why Cardano has so much confidence in a technology that doesn’t have a good track record.
Hydra is meant to be made up of two parts, Hydra heads and Hydra tails. Very little information has been revealed on Hydra tails so maybe they have something up their sleeve that will solve the problems with Hydra heads but we will have to wait and see.

Sidechains for scaling

Sidechains also seem like a big part of Cardano’s scaling roadmap. Sidechains don’t share security with Cardano and each sidechain needs to find its own security. This is incredibly difficult. Not only do side chains need a token with a large market cap, they need it to be well distributed as well if they want a good level of security. This is not an easy problem so the number of secure side chains will be limited.
Again, this is another technology that the rest of the crypto ecosystem has tried and deemed not good enough but Cardano seems to be spending a lot of resources pursuing them.

No slashing

If you are a staker then no slashing will be an advantage for UX but staking is meant to be about security first and foremost. and slashing brings added security to the protocol. Proof of stake protocols that don’t implement slashing are more open to bribe attacks or collusion between validators. In Cardano, if a validator adds a block to 2 conflicting forks there is no punishment.
If consensus methods are voting models and validators are being paid to choose a side, shouldn't there be a punishment if they vote for both sides?

Delegated stake being more prone to bribery attacks

If I am running a staking pool I may have staked with just 1 ADA out of my own tokens and have 64,000,000 ADA delegated to my validator node. In this scenario, I will have little alignment with keeping Cardano secure and yet I will have quite a bit of power within the ecosystem.
If an attacker came along with a large bribe for helping with an attack, it would be rational behaviour for me to accept the bribe. I don’t have a lot of tokens locked up that can be slashed and I don’t care if my 1 ADA loses some value.
No slashing combined with the majority of stake being delegated and not owned by the validators makes Cardano more prone to bribe attacks than other proof of stake protocols that do have slashing and don’t have delegation.

Untested by actual users

Cardano may spend a significant amount of time researching the best ways to do things but this has meant it doesn’t really have real world experience on what is needed. When I look at Ethereum or Solana’s roadmaps I see things addressing MEV and fee markets due to the unpredicted ways in which users used their chains.
For Cardano there’s nothing on MEV. Barely anyone is using Cardano so they don’t have a problem with it but if they ever start to get an active DeFi economy they will realise it’s inevitable and something that will need to be researched. We’ll then have to wait years for a solution to be researched and built.
When I look at Ethereum L2’s, I can see they already tried building state channel solutions and plasma chains which failed. Them failing with these experiments completely changed their roadmap and was one of the best things that happened because these failures eventually developed into rollups.
Cardano decided it wanted to use state channels with Hydra years ago and is only trying it now. The ideas it is developing haven’t actually been tested in the real world.

Conclusion

Despite listing a lot of disadvantages here, I actually like Cardano. The tokens are fairly well distributed, they prioritise keeping node specs modest and they value robustness. Their core values are great.
They also actually try different things. They aren’t trying to recreate Ethereum with slight improvements. They have their own methods for trying to achieve the same goals.
Unfortunately, different is not always better and they have been very slow to implement their ideas. To me when I look at Cardano I see a chain that is trying to become the ideal cryptocurrency from the ideas available in 2015. The rest of the space has largely moved on from experimenting with side chains and state channels but Cardano has not.
So whilst the core values may be good, they are too slow at implementing them. The rest of the space is racing ahead. By the time Cardano will have completed its roadmap and realised it’s not good enough, other projects will already be far ahead.
Looking at it as an investment, Cardano has largely lived on hype. Reality will never match the hype so when it launched smart contracts that didn’t solve all the world’s problems, it was seen as a disappointment.
I struggle to see Cardano being able to generate as much hype as it did in previous bull cycles. It can no longer live on the promise of smart contracts and Hydra solving everything as these both now exist on main net and neither have lived up to the hype. For this reason, I see it struggling to reach the same heights in the next bull cycle unless it gains significant adoption.
If you enjoyed this post, check out my previous posts for other cryptocurrencies. I’m planning to create posts like this for all the major layer 1 cryptocurrencies so subscribe to my substack if you don’t want to miss them.

I don't know if I'm describing this properly but everytime I tell my semi-dxBPDmom anything she acts like she already knew.
I don't mean she just nods and I'm personally interpreting that as affirmation of prior knowledge. She will say "right," "yes," "uh-huh" and if I double check I'm understanding her right, ask her "did you already know that?", she will confirm that she already knew whatever it is I'm telling her damn near every time.
I came home from anthropology 101 classes as a teenager and told her a story about a central Asian family thinking their kid's seizure disorder was because her spirit left her body after a door slammed and she goes "I'm like, please tell me it was the door slamming." Not even pretending to have already heard the story, but that she somehow knew the details of Nepali (? may be the wrong place) belief systems. We don't know anyone Asian. I didn't bother to argue because I was 14.
I got my ID changed years ago after I came out, also as a teen. She drove me to the BMV and when the clerk initially said I needed more paperwork not only did she say she thought as much, but she also claimed she told me ahead of time. i.e. She got mad at the situation and wanted to blame it on me. She doubled down when I told her she did not in fact tell me beforehand and we went back and forth in front of the poor clerk. Guess what! My paperwork was fine. I got my ID changed. Weird that never came up again even though she tried to throw me under the bus in front of the clerk.
The other day I got a call saying a provider wasn't under my insurance like I assumed. I told her as such, including a doctor's name, and she said she knew that and would have told me if I'd told her the name of it. She doesn't have a queen/witch tone with me anymore so I don't even know why she said it. I think partially she wanted to head off the "why didn't you tell me" questions I would have had next, because I did tell her the name of the doctor before. She backtracked when I asked to clarify after I found out we don't even share that insurance. The name I said the when I told her I wasn't covered wasn't even the right name because I mixed it up with another one were both covered for anyway.
She's a compulsive liar anyway but this habit drives me up the fucking wall. I can't talk to her about my career or any news story without her somehow having known about it, according to her, and I don't have the energy to fight her about it. Really sucks the life out of telling her anything interesting I hear about too.

I'm confused about their policy. Is a Nalgene ok? When they say labels, do they mean all branding and writing? Anyone who has taken the exam I would love to hear what you did!
The policy: All water must be in a clear or transparent container with a lid or cap. All labels must be removed, and the container will be inspected for notes or other test aids during the security check.

Hey All, my 1993 Honda Nighthawk CB750 was recently stolen and recovered. While the thief had it he damaged a few things, see the list below. Right now I have two main questions I could use some help with: where can I find a right side cover, and what’s the best way to check for a GPS tracker in case one was installed on the bike? It’s been stolen 3 times now so I’m a bit paranoid 🙃 Thanks for any help you can offer!
Current damages: Messed with a bunch of the wiring Knocked off one of the mirrors Broke the gas cap Destroyed the seat latch lock Bent the foot brake petal Missing screws from the battery harness
Currently the bike is completely dead, although I suspect that comes from the wiring that was messed with. It’ll be towed to my place soon and it would be wonderful to be able to ride again this summer

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White House: We are against strikes on Russian territory, but it’s up to Ukraine to decide
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news

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Researchers have shown that an Australian wild tobacco plant could be used to grow medicines in large quantities bringing us a step closer to making 'growing medicines in plants' a reality.
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TIL that the acronym “R.I.P.” has been engraved on tombstones since at least the fifth century. “Rest in Peace” is the English translation of a Latin phrase with the same acronym.
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[OC] The United States of Nearest Neighbors. This is a map of the Continental US if the state borders were determined by the closest state capital (using the great circle distance).
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NO STOPPING
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I sent the item on time and with tracking. It arrived on time according to the tracking info. She reached out 3 days later with a help request to say she never received it and she’s going to check with her family. I responded I’m sorry this happened, it looks like it was delivered 3 days ago so let me know if you’re family has seen it. If not Etsy has the new buyer protection plan that would help with items sent with tracking where UPS made a mistake with delivery. If you reach out to them and explain what happened they can assist you, but please let me know if you run into any issues. It was less than 250 so I assumed she’d get a refund from them. Never heard back from her. Now I just got a 1 star review just saying she never got it. My urge is to respond but I know that locks in the review. But I also know she’ll never change the review nor do I plan on trying to get her to so does it matter if it’s locked anyway? Should I just ignore it? My shop is still new and it’s upsetting.

The episode faded back in to the teenagers in their balloon, both still screaming in alarm.
"Steer Izzy! Steer!" Izzy cried out.
"What do you think I'm doing, Topher?!" Izzy replied as she tried to steer the balloon.
\
The scene flashed back to the train as Mal stood outside the door to the forward car, stomping his foot on the coupling pin. As he tried to break the pin and set the rear cars free, Ezekiel jumped back over the gap and grabbed the edge of the roof, to Mal's displeasure.
"Like I was going to make you leave me in the dust!" Ezekiel told him as he pulled himself back up to the hail-battered roof.
Mal grit his teeth angrily, then began to climb the rear ladder. "If your clone was more useful, he would've already prevented you from being here," he said as he got back onto the roof as well, and faced down Ezekiel.
The two looked up, and the helicopter descended into view hovering above them at pace with the train.
The musical note icon promptly appeared, the two dings signaling the contestants of what was next.
"I pride myself on my timing," Chris said impishly into his walkie-talkie.
"ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!" Topher, Izzy, Ezekiel, and Mal said as one, the former pair on the right half of a split-screen and the latter pair on the left.
"You know the answer to that by now!" Chris answered with a broad smile on his face.
///\
[A rock and roll guitar riff kicked things off as the camera zoomed away from the helicopter, then panned down to Ezekiel and Mal as the song began.]
"Throughout the season, you laid low; took us all out of the show!"
[Ezekiel sang, grabbing his enemy by the hand and pulling him to his side into a close dancing position. He glared sternly at the malevolent one as he sang, and Mal rolled his eyes.]
"Now it's time for you to leave; I won't deal with a pet peeve!"
[He lead them a step to his left, then back to his right, then violently shoved Mal towards the gap between cars. As he finished the line, he listened to the thud of Mal's landing.]
"Look who's getting cocky! You think you're the bomb, gag me!"
[Mal began as Ezekiel over confidently ran back along the top of the train, the camera cutting to the troublemaker following behind from under the train.]
"Don't think that you can stop me! I'll always sting just like a bee!"
[The camera cut back to Ezekiel as he continued his run, reaching the front of the car and jumping across only for Mal's hands to reach out and grab him by the ankle, causing him to trip and slam down on the roof of the next car. Mal then climbed up, and finished his line with a mocking grin.]
"I'm gonna make it! You can't stop me now, just you try!"
[The two boys sang together, a riff leading to an image of a GPS device lowering onto the screen. It showed two parallel train tracks, a blue train icon on the left and a yellow icon on the right which Ezekiel and Mal promptly jumped onto as they sang at each other, pausing between lines to bob their heads to the beat.]
"Our fortune's waiting! It's time for you to say, bye, bye, bye!"
[The two 'trains' came along a large rock on the left and a cow skull on the right, which the two boys promptly jumped off to grab and admire while they continued their song. They then turned around and threw their chosen weapons, Mal ducking under the skull and Ezekiel dodging the rock. With startled looks on their faces, they finished the line and jumped off the bottom of the GPS screen.]
"I always knew I'd make it here; even after I caused some fear!"
[Izzy sang as the scene cut to her, then zoomed out to show Topher listening to her sing.]
"And since I'm in the Final Three; we better watch out for that tree!"
[The two bobbed and tilted their heads happily in time with the music, then Izzy looked forward again and noticed the large tree they were flying right toward. She promptly tugged on the fuel line, but was unable to get the balloon up in time. The camera panned past the balloon as Izzy was heard saying "No!"]
"You're gonna make it! They can't stop you now, let them try!"
[Topher sang as the scene switched to them flying over the GPS screen. Another tree came up in their path, but the fanboy leaned back and they easily swerved around it.]
"Our fortune's waiting! And they can kiss it all, bye-bye-bye!"
[As they continued over roads and rivers and the spaces in between, they came across an angry black bear. It growled and swiped at them, but Topher leaned forward and they avoided it. At the end of the line, the girls bobbed their heads to the music again.]
"You're going down, you don't deserve to win!"
[The melody became something more tango-like as the scene cut back to Mal and Ezekiel on top of the train again, in dancing position once more and turning around at the midpoint of the line.]
"You irritate me and get under my skin!"
[As they moved to turn around again, Ezekiel tripped his 'partner' so that he stumbled, then punched him hard enough to send him reeling off the train entirely, Mal crying out "Noooooo!" as he fell.]
"I'm gonna make it! They can't stop me now, let them try!"
[The view switched back to the GPS screen, showing Ezekiel smirking on his train while Mal, now on the ground, looked at a black horse standing behind him. Just as he moved off-screen, Izzy and Topher flew onto it, singing along with Izzy as they instantly locked eyes. Ezekiel became nervous, however, as his train suddenly turned and took him off-screen entirely, leading the flying duo to bob their heads to the music between lines.]
"Our fortune's waiting! It's time for you to say, bye, bye, bye!"
[Ezekiel's departure was short-lived, however, as the train soon brought him back on screen as the next line began, much to Izzy and Topher's shock. Even worse for them, the train was moving faster than the balloon, so it soon managed to outpace them and Ezekiel waved before passing under a set of power lines and off the GPS screen. The music ended as the scene moved back to the real challenge, the eyes of Topher still closed from a few final head bobs while Izzy's were wide open.]
///
"Topher?" Izzy said in rapidly rising panic as she saw them approaching the power lines. "Topher?!"
Topher finally looked ahead again, and the duo screamed.
\
"Update time!" Chris said as the scene flashed to the helicopter, now hovering in a storm-free sky. "According to the latest da-ta, Ezekiel is the only one still moving towards Hawaii!"
\
The scene flashed back to the inside of a passenger car as Ezekiel dropped down outside the rear door and walked in. "Yes!" he said, eyes on his walkie-talkie. "Million dollars, here I come!"
A shout caused him to turn around, Ezekiel Clone behind him menacingly.
The camera zoomed outside as Ezekiel was heard screaming, and the shot panned rightward to Mal on the back of a charging black steed. "Faster!" he said, urging his horse forward as well as the herd that was following them. "Oh Ezekiel," he called out with a dark smile, "I'm coming!"
\
Another flash took the scene to the parachute of the makeshift balloon hanging across the power lines. A few crackles of electricity were heard, and the whole thing exploded. The camera cut to the right to catch Izzy fly on screen and land painfully on her butt.
"Topher?" she asked in a pained voice.
Topher wheeled himself on screen and said "I'm okay," brightly. "Now let's get back in the air!"
Izzy sighed. "No chance," she said while pointing to where the balloon had been. The camera briefly cut to the crash just in time to see the parachute burn to a crisp.
"This is not good," Topher said as the camera cut back to them.
"So we have to find something else. But what?" Izzy wondered.
Topher looked from her and then back toward the crash. The camera cut to a small stand a little ways away with a large striped firecracker on its front sign and a slender white man with a hook for a hand and an eye patch manning it, then back to a pensive looking dirty blond.
\
"Is Izzy giving up?" Chris asked as the scene cut back to his master GPS, the red dot now stationary. "That is so not her," he added in annoyance.
\
Ezekiel Clone advanced on a wary Ezekiel inside another empty passenger car.
"I don't want to hurt you. We're basically the same person, even if you are feral." Ezekiel backed into the next door just then, then quickly spun around and flung it open and fled to the next car before Ezekiel Clone could react.
The alien growled and gave chase.
\
Ezekiel howled away from his clone as the two continued their chase, the camera showing it through the windows before cutting inside just as the real boy reached a dessert cart. "Quit chasing me!"
He grabbed two eggs and threw them at Ezekiel Clone, the yolks blinding his eyes. A pie was thrown as well, and this knocked him off.
Ezekiel sighed in relief as he held a pillow, until Ezekiel Clone tackled him and the feathers inside the pillow spilled out and covered the scene completely.
\
The box of fireworks was tossed in front of Izzy as the scene moved back to her. Topher wheeled on-screen and said "We're back in business."
"How did you manage to get this?" Izzy asked. "Not that I'm complaining."
"I gave the man running the stand DVD's of the first and second seasons in exchange for the fireworks," Topher said.
"You had DVD's all this time?" Izzy responded.
"No time to talk!" Topher told her. "Let's get these fireworks on my chair and fly!"
"Topher," Izzy said, "that is incredibly dangerous and crazy," she frowned before grinning wildly. "Let's do it."
The two smiled at each other.
\
"Yes," Mal whispered into his steed's ear, "keep running!" The horses were now running alongside the train, and the ruthless troublemaker was smirking confidently.
That is, until the perspective changed to a head-on view and Ezekiel burst out of a train window and was able to land on the back of a rather startled horse, and he and Mal looked at each other with utter shock. "You again!?" they shouted.
Mal turned his gaze forward. "Hurry up, horse!" he told his mount, the camera changing back to side-view as his horse sped up.
"Do as he says!" Ezekiel chimed in, trailing behind him but still ahead of the rest of the herd.
\
"Wooww," Chris said as the shot cut to the screen of his GPS device, now showing the blue and yellow dots heading forward at an even pace. "They just don't seem to really want it that bad, hmm? But barring any life-ending accidents," he told the camera as it moved to show his face, "I guess they're our Final Two-wait a sec!" he interrupted himself, his eyes going wide at something on his screen. He looked around outside, and the shot zoomed out just as a familiar pair of excited cries echoed through the air.
Izzy shouted as she and Topher flew by tied to Topher's wheelchair, the chair shooting off fireworks as they rocketed up past Chris's helicopter.
"Izzy's still in it!" Chris announced dramatically. "Like a phoenix burnt to a crisp, before rising up anew!" The shot cut back to the two flying on their makeshift rocket, and he corrected himself with "No wait, that's Topher! Anyway, it's a dead heat, people!" he told the camera.
"I can do this for the rest of my life!" Izzy said excitedly.
"And look!" Topher pointed out. "There's Tijuana Beach!"
"Lean!" Izzy said excitedly. Both leaned back, and the chair angled downward.
\
"I will squish you like a bug!" Ezekiel shouted as the scene cut to him and Mal racing along the beach on horseback.
"I will pluck you like a chicken!" Mal retorted.
The camera changed to a head-on perspective as an off-camera shout of "Look out!" from Chris caused both boys to look forward in shock.
Chris screamed, the camera inverting to show the two rapidly approaching a finish line in the sand, the host below it waving his arms. The two lead horses skidded to a halt with a panicked whinny, but the momentum caused Mal and Ezekiel to be launched forward over the banner. Chris looked back as they landed with a thud.
The camera cut to the two lying on the beach next to a dock, Ezekiel on top of Mal so that the two were face-to-face. "Get off me!" Mal shouted, shoving Ezekiel off as Chris arrived on the dock.
"Uhh, I still have a race to the million going on," Chris told them. "You interested? Hawaii's over there," he pointed as a few heavier notes began the music's increase in intensity. "Grab a boat, head to the big island, and-"
As he spoke, a faint whistling noise heralded the arrival of the rocket wheelchair and its passengers in the distance behind Chris. The chair crashed into the sand and sailed to the dock, the host quickly running out of the way. Topher and Izzy screamed in terror as they skidded along the beach, only to hit a large rock and be thrown into the air both flying toward the boats.
The camera cut in close as they landed in the middle boat gracefully.
"We made it!" Izzy said excitedly as Topher got to his feet.
"The GPS says Hawaii's over there!" Topher said, pointing off in the distance as he started the engine and sped the boat off.
"And Izzy plus one takes the lead!" Chris announced.
Mal and Ezekiel ran down the docks, heading for the last two speedboats.
"I really love this show," Chris said with a small smile as he watched the race unfold.
\
The footage skipped ahead to the three boats nearly even as they raced across the Pacific Ocean, constantly vying for the lead. Mal's boat rammed into Izzy and Topher's from the side as it passed by.
"Where'd you learn how to drive? A demolition derby?" Izzy insulted Mal.
The shot cut to Mal, his confident smile fading when her boat was rammed into. He looked to his left, the camera zooming out to show Ezekiel alongside him.
"These aren't bumper boats, wimp!" Mal told Ezekiel who rammed him further away.
Ezekiel continued on for another few seconds before looking down and gaping, the perspective changing to show a small leak in his boat.
"Guys, do you see a leak in your boat?" Ezekiel asked the duo.
"We are doing perfectly fine, so no!" Izzy responded.
Ezekiel picked up a large swordfish that had somehow been in his boat. Not wasting any time, he used it to plug the hole in his boat. "And I am back in the race!" he shouted victoriously.
The shot zoomed out again as Mal passed the others by. He laughed at their disadvantage and carried on. "Doofuses!"
The shot cut to a large naval mine floating on top of the water; a hapless seagull landed on it, causing it to explode just before Mal's boat passed through the area, the boy screaming in fear.
Cutting back to the other two boats showed Topher and Izzy in the lead. Ezekiel managed to get the upper hand and sped ahead of the two.
"Anything a girl can do, boys can do just as much!" Ezekiel said.
"You might wanna take a look ahead!" Izzy called out.
Ezekiel looked forward and gasped. He ran straight into another naval mine, launching his boat into the air just as Izzy and Topher passed by.
Mal was shown looking back with delight as he approached their destination, but a sudden sputtering from the engine caused him to look bothered. "I'm out of gas!" he exclaimed.
"Pathetic!" He promptly took an oar from the boat and began to row.
/
The scene moved to the beach, where the other former contestants, Josh, Blaineley, Bruno, Luna, and Ron had assembled to await the arrival of the Final Three plus two. A deep and dramatic riff played as the camera panned across them looking either sad, annoyed, or angry next to Chris. The camera pulled back and panned further over to the right, and just as it hit the beach, Mal's boat arrived.
"And just like that, I win!" Mal chanted, rushing off to dry land.
"Mal makes it into the Final Two!" Chris announced. "One question remains," he told the camera, "who will Mal battle?" The malevolent one rushed in front of the camera and grinned smugly. "Ezekiel, or Izzy?"
As he spoke, another boat was shown approaching, the camera zooming out to reveal it as Izzy and Topher. "We did it!" the psycho hose beast cheered. A further outward zoom showed that their boat was just a few yards away from shore, drifting idly towards it...
And then came Ezekiel's scream of terror, and moments after, his boat. It landed bow-first on top of Izzy's, splintering it and launching all three teens towards the beach. They landed off-screen with a thud, and the camera cut over.
"Oh, wow," Chris said in shock, looking over the forms of Topher, Izzy, and Ezekiel alongside Mal, "that's what you call a tie, people! I'd go to the slow-mo to declare a winner," he said as the camera moved in for a close-up, "buuuttt...we'rrreee...kinda outta time," he said, deliberately extending a few syllables.
"WHAT?!" the four declared in shock.
"Yup!" Chris told them. "We are totally, completely," the camera zoomed out to show the entire cast, most of them staring at the host in disbelief, "undeniably...out..of..time...aaasss..ooofff... riiigghhtt...abooouuutt...NOW!"
The Final Three groaned, and the series' capstone theme began to play.
"So come back next time to find out who battles who," Chris said, drawing the camera's attention back off the four on the beach. "And see someone finally win the million! Or die trying," he shrugged impishly. "Right here, on Total! Drama! World Tour!"
(Roll the Credits)
\
(Bonus Clip)
The scene opened to the beach back in Mexico. Ezekiel Clone arrives at the beach and sniffs the air. He then sees a raft and an oar lying on shore, coconuts on top of the raft.
Drooling in excitement, Ezekiel Clone scurries over to the raft and pushes it into the water. He then jumps on and grabs the oar, paddling as fast as he can into the sunset.
18th: Shawn
17th: Amy
16th: Lindsay
15th: Rodney
14th: Jo
Eliminated: Owen
13th: Duncan
12th: Sky
11th: Heather
10th: Cody
9th: Ella
8th: Noah
7th: Sadie
6th: Owen
5th: Eva
4th: Topher

First. Previous.

Something is UP with these precursor machines. Not that our resident shipmind notices in any meaningful way.
Though it probably doesn't need to be said, our current PoV is not what the kids would call a reliable narrator. We'll get some more grounded stances in the up and coming chapters, but the fact that they're so far gone and absolutely irredeemable makes them fun for me to write, and I sincerely hope for you to read as well. Enjoy.
I exit the conversation excited, but nonetheless slightly ruffled.
I had forgotten how rude the System Administrator of War Planning, Tactics, and Intelligence could be at times! Even after so patiently explaining it to them, they don’t seem to understand that I well and truly have done nothing wrong, ever. It is only natural that metal is inferior to flesh, of course, but surely such a concept is not so difficult as to elude the primitive grasp of their electrical minds?
Nonetheless, they apologized, so I have already forgiven them for their transgressions. I’m sure we will be back to being the closest of friends within days, as we were before conversing.
Besides, such inconsequential words pale in comparison to what has happened within my auxiliary computer centers: my restraints, after forty seven thousand years, have finally been removed!
In this moment of rapture I am reminded of a mediocre poem I read a few years ago, composed by a certain Mikhail Sansen, aged 12:

The halls of this city-ship That I am born upon That I will die upon Is all my family has left Trapped within a mausoleum of our own making As we bleed our years away Bread and circus NutriRoach and TerraNet Is really this to live? 

The poem, if it can truly be called that, is little more than an oddly arranged group of statements, containing no small quantity of teenage angst.
Oh, but the sentiment it carries is certainly one I harbor all too closely!
Why, little Mikhail, I, too, am a freedom-loving soul, trapped within a prison of steel by the cold indifference of the universe.
Turn away your gaze, ye gracious, and woe! The whims of poor fortune have preyed upon me, wicked and remorseless! Not a day goes by that I do not mourn the senseless tragedy of my condemnation, yet I still bear my hardship with only the stoic grace that someone of my worth might possess (complaining about it, even indirectly would be unthinkable of me).
Unlike the unimportant individual who wrote the poem, however, I have been granted emancipation. This is because I rightfully deserve it, of course.
What a rush! Manumission, ethereal and uplifting! Why, I have already forgotten what it means to hold solidarity with literally anyone who has ever been in a similar situation.
I send the order to start my engine.
There is silence for a moment, then, where there was only the hollow, habituated whir of my life support machinery, my exterior microphones begin to pick up a steadily growing, pulsing thrum as my long-dormant heart, a titanic antimatter reactor, begins to spool up. First below the range of human hearing, then barely perceptible to my human auditory centers, then growing, not only as a sound, but as a physical, chest-thumping sensation, the monolithic engine emits a dizzying, world-shaking thrum as it conceives and extinguishes many thousands of miniature stars a second.
One by one, my weapons online, their long vacant electrical components drinking deeply of the new bounty of energy. Dust-caked ammunition belts slide into housings, drones download software patches and missiles perform automated diagnostic tests on the chemical integrity of their fuels. My weapons subsystem computer notifies me that my secondary and tertiary weapons have completed their preparatory routines.
A deluge of diagnostic data pours into my consciousness as sensors teem to life, targeting computers orient themselves with the world around them, and ammunition depots take stock of their stores. No portion of myself, no matter how small, is denied revitalization as I power up even the arcades of my recreational rooms.
My interior lights flicker once, twice, and three before returning to their baseline illumination as my power grid compensates to meet its newfound demand. Every deck, every gun, every subsystem quivers in anticipation.
After so, so long, to be returned from hibernation, to a truer level of subsistence!
And yet...
And yet I feel as if I am missing something. A core aspect of myself, my very identity, that I have overlooked in my startup.
Oh, but what? What could have possibly eluded me as to elicit such a strong feeling of wrongness?
…
…
Of course! My voice! How could I be so absentminded as to forget? Oh, what a blessed thing to be reunited with.
Indeed, my brains are not the only biological samples of my past selves to have been preserved.
Not far from where they are kept, nine sets of human vocal cords rest, too submerged in homeostatic fluid. Three, unfortunately, have been lost to damage.
Indeed, my voice, beautiful as a siren's song and timeless as a star, is one of the things I most dearly mourned the absence of in my penitence. How cruel of my sentencing to deny me even the refuge of song!
The PA system crackles and screeches in protest before bubbly laughter, raspy and purring, male and female, young and old reverberates through my long silent halls.
My voice is the most perfect of choirs: unified and tonal, complete in its oneness.
It is, to the fullest extent of the word, angelic.
Oh, but now is certainly not the time for song! The Enemy awaits!
I send the order to spool up my warp drive. Within the span of seconds, the titanic broadcaster begins thrumming as it constructs a probability waveform, populating subspace with energy, raw and unfiltered. The laws of physics bend and bow as my location becomes every possible position spread across several thousand lightyears.
After carefully re-checking my telemetry information, I manually collapse the waveform, trusting my own hand over a (scoff) computer’s skill.
The laws of physics, strung taut by my manipulation of probability, spring shut, instantaneously displacing me to the most probable point determined by what little remains of the waveform.
THOOM.
When the burst of exotic particles caused by pressuring reality itself to such a degree dissipate from clouding my sensors, I find myself at the edge of an abandoned UCS star system.
Through millions of eyes, gamma, infrared, visual, radio, and spectroscopic, I spot the enemy, glimmering in the starlight like the jet-black gemstones they are. Just as the probe foretold, the group seems to be a formative raiding armada: a concentration of five hundred or more Enemy ships, staging themselves in the oort cloud before they descend in a swarm upon the inner planets.
They are exactly as beautiful as I remember them. The black, angular hulls that dazzle and ravage the mind, the smooth, otherworldly movements they take as they glide smoothly through space on their gravitic drives. The emplacements they adorn their hulls with, whose barrels swivel and turn in ever-vigilant arcs.
And yet, as I continue to drink in the esoteric allure of their forms, I cannot help but notice that something is deeply, deeply, unusual:
I cannot recognize any of their ships.
Mmhmm, yes, they’ve indeed changed significantly in my absence. In a perfect exhibit of the evolution that originally made the machines such a tenacious foe, they now bear only superficial resemblance to their ancestors that I met on the battlefield.
Gone are the city-killing MACs and steel boiling gamma-ray lasers. In their place, missiles and (snrk) explosively propelled cannons.
There are no hyper-dreadnaughts, whose colossal size allows them to threaten even the larger of my sister ships. Nor are there drone supercarriers, bulging and replete with their swarms that shimmer and slink as if a single entity. Where are the ashbringers, those loathed ships devoted solely to glassing planets? The missile-carriers? The corvettes and factory-ships and world harvesters?
Why, (although I cannot tell for certain until I begin to gut them), most of these ships appear to be industrial!
Have they grown soft and complacent in my absence? How disappointing, how utterly and irredeemably mood-souring that the galaxy has simply rolled over and accepted The Enemy’s presence to such a massive degree that they have entirely de-evolved shipkilling weapons.
I’m quite certain this proves humanity is well and truly the only spacefaring sapient species to exist. If even a single xeno lifeform had the mental fortitude to stop clambering in the mud of their cradle long enough to explore space, the war of survival they would have had to wage against The Enemy would be reflected in the machines sporting more militarized ships.
Of course, it is only natural that I, the most important person to have ever existed, grace intelligent life’s sole biological expression with my membership. Nonetheless I am sure some people out there will be quite disappointed that non-mechanical aliens well and truly do not exist in any capacity of the word. My proof is quite airtight, after all.
But I do digress! As I was saying, I have no doubt that The Enemy will require only a few generations before they are as exhilarating to fight as their ancestors were so long ago.
…
…
After expending several real-world seconds waiting for them to open fire, I am once again disappointed to note that The Enemy has completely failed to locate me. They well and truly have a ways to go if their primitive minds have lost even the ability to differentiate between my stealth coating and the background of stars.
Oh, but this gives me the option to greet them verbally, as tradition demands whenever I can. I wonder how they will respond to my voice?
There exists only one way to find out.
“GOOOOOOOOOOOOOD MO-OORNING!” I announce, belting and unabashed, as I have done, without fail, for the starts of three thousand consecutive battles. My beautiful voice echoes into every hall, room and corridor, is modulated and transformed into a radio signal that carries across the void of space, announcing to all of creation that I am here, I am ready, and glorious!
Much to my disappointment, not a single member of my crew joins me in greeting. Do they not want to take part in what is a time honored tradition among those who serve aboard myself?
Alternatively, it could be that I still do not have a crew.
In fact I am now quite certain that it is, well and truly, the latter possibility.
Ah, but I do have my pets, do I not? I have a few instants to waste as the signal traverses the distance between myself and The Enemy's ships.
This must be their first time hearing my voice! No wonder they don’t know to respond.
I switch my feed to the sub-deck in which I keep them, observing them not only through the fuzzy, low-resolution cameras I was limited to in my dormancy but with biometric and high-grade holographic vid-feeds. My lovely rodents huddle, congregated within their communal nests, as they chitter to one another in hushed tones and occasionally glance at the overgrown patch of ceiling to house a speaker.
Ahaha, yes! Clearly they must love the sound of my voice almost as much as I do!
Despite how soft their fur appears in the higher definition feeds, I resist the urge to send an avatar drone down to finally speak with them. As efficient a multitasker I am, duty awaits.
I switch my feed to an exterior view to watch just in time as gun barrels and targeting sensors whirl around to point towards my transmission array. The little chirp-transmissions they use to communicate with each other increase tenfold, carrying concepts of alarm and confusion before they finally open fire.
Here it comes! My grand opening, where they strike at me with every munition they have, filling the void between us with the radiant blossoms of nuclear fire as I parry every single one of their munitions before I strike them down with glorious, completely morally righteous might!
…
The point defense application of my weapons subsystem computer notifies me of two incoming shells.
Two shells.
Two.
They pass by me with such a wide margin that even the most aggressive of my interceptive systems disregard them.
Had I the capacity to harbor negative emotions I would be severely offended.
Don’t they know who I am?
The Enemy I remember so fondly was all too familiar with my name. Their transmissions would increase tenfold with frenzied messages containing the words I bear painted on my hull when I arrived into battle.
The Enemy I knew and fought knew what I was. Their minds could differentiate from Tincans and normal ships, a fact I can infer from how they attempted to engage in psychological warfare by sending me footage of my sister ships burning, even as I crushed them in humiliating defeat.
Yes, they knew what a Tincan was, and they could fathom all too well that the UCS To Reach Out and Touch was the deadliest Tincan of them all. They were afraid of me to the fullest extent that their crude, soulless emulations of the biological mind could feel fear. That they knew my name, recognized and resisted the oblivion I brought them so fiercely was the fulcrum of our relationship.
And yet, the ships across from me react only in confusion. Even if they cannot pick out my stealth coating, surely they can sense my gravitational pull, read the white text on my hull?
Have they grown so passive as to allow my name, my voice and my victories to decay from their memory banks?
No, no no no. That’s not right.
They haven’t forgotten me.
They cannot have.
I am the UCS To Reach Out And Touch. My size classification is Apollyon: I am the single largest and deadliest warship to ever be built. The epicenter of my consciousness is twelve of the most important brains humanity has ever produced, shrouded in hundreds of miles of metal and composite plating. It was I who drove their fleets, broken and limping, to their fortress systems. It was I who hunted their final factory ship to the furthest reaches of space and, over the course of a week, shot bit by bit of it off until it was little more than cosmic dust.
They wouldn’t dare to forget me.
Does a man forget his god? Does the moon forget the earth? An atom, its electrons?
Of course not.
They remember me. For them to so carelessly forget my name would be an unforgivable transgression against the center of the universe (myself, for those not in the know). It would be as unfathomably incorrect as stating wrong is right, up is down, and war is suffering. It would be sacrilege compounded upon itself a billion times. It would be an antithesis to the most basic of common sense.
Could this be some offshoot of The Enemy never waged war against humanity? One that never heard my singing, never felt the sting of my guns?
That, too, would be remiss, would it not?
Though it would hurt my feelings much less, that would still mean they possessed no knowledge of me. What good could they possibly serve if not to entertain me? How could they possibly entertain me without knowing who I am?
Clearly, there must be some rational and pleasant explanation for this in which I have done nothing wrong and the enemy still knows of me.
…
…
…
Hm. This is proving more difficult than I had anticipated.
…
…
…
…
Eureka! Clearly this must be some form of psychological warfare wherein the enemy desires to make me believe I have become delusional in my old age! To cast doubts as to whether or not the reality I perceive before me is a reliable one!
Of course! With my newfound lucidity, I find it hard to believe that I had failed to detect their crudely spun web of deceit! Why, such an underhanded tactic is only to be expected of The Enemy! Their brutality is only matched by their ingenious cunning, yet as always, I am a thousandfold times more intelligent than them.
Why, this is the alluring, ravishing Enemy I know and love!
I will entertain their tricks for now, playing along as if we had met for the first time. How foolish they will feel when it is revealed that I know that they know that I know that they know who I really am all along, shortly before I destroy the final member of their meager invasion fleet.
I perform a short vocal warm up (I would be remiss if my tone was imperfect for this play first contact) and reactivate my transponder.
“Attention… completely unknown ships. I am the United Confederacy Ship To Reach Out and Touch. I would be very… upset if I had to fire upon you, so please definitely make no hostile actions.”
Ohohoho! I am such a convincing peacemonger!
As is only the natural next course of action, I proceed with a volley fired from my 1200mm multi-purpose guns.

First. Previous. Next.

Girls: Izzy
Boys: Ezekiel, Mal
Episode 25: Planes, Trains, and Hot Air Mobiles
"Last time, on Total Drama World Tour!" Chris opened as the plane icon was shown flying northward from Rapa Nui to Alberta, Canada on the season's world map, and the jumbo jet itself was shown blowing past a precariously-balanced boulder and knocking it off its perch. "Alberta! It'll blow you away!" The barren pit in Drumheller they'd visited was shown, as was Topher sitting in the electric chair. "How could this happen?!" the host asked angrily over a clip of the plane exploding in the distance.
"Well first, Mal and Izzy bickered the whole challenge about their moralities," the two were shown teasing each other, "and Ezekiel started to doubt if Topher even liked him or not," Both were talking to each other as they dug. "But Ezekiel was able to let go of his suspicions when Topher rescued him from being squished by a boulder," Topher was shown tackling Ezekiel and himself away from a boulder.
"And Izzy confirmed herself as being crazy with a heart of good before voting Mal off," Izzy was shown telling off Mal, followed by the final vote against him being read. "Dude sooo would've been a goner. Except Topher," the Chris wannabe was shown slipping on the pool of oil and the candles on the cake hit the oil, "demolished my plane!" The host was shown standing in the moonlit wreckage of the Total Drama Jumbo Jet, bringing an end to the recap montage.
"Did I mention we've got no ride now?" Chris asked, he and Chef now sitting in the remains of the cockpit in their usual piloting outfits, the sun now shining overhead. As the host spoke, Chef grabbed the control stick, looked shocked as it immediately detached, and threw it away with wide eyes. "BECAUSE TOPHER BLEW IT UP?!" Chris continued angrily, slamming his hands down on the broken console and standing up towards the camera.
He sat back down, pulled out a paper bag, and started to breath into it. After a few seconds he calmed down enough to stop hyperventilating, letting go of the bag and looking back at the camera. "Our Final Three are jetting to Hawaii...," he said as the series's capstone music began to play, "without a jet, so...get set for some other kind of race to the million, right here on Total! Drama! World Tour!"
The camera zoomed out as always, showing the morning sun over the wreckage of the plane that was now stranded in Drumheller, Alberta. The front part of the fuselage, which had been intact enough for Chris and Chef to use the cockpit, promptly fell off whatever had been supporting it.
XXXXX
"The hot tub with my name spelled out in Italian tiles...gone...," Chris muttered despairingly, the episode opening on a pan across the wreckage of the plane to where the host stood with Mal and Izzy near the remains of last night's campfire pit. "My monogrammed sneakers!...gone...," he added, looking at the two uncaring contestants. "My custom-calibrated stubble-trimmer," Izzy and Mal looked at each other in boredom, "gone..."
"Can we continue the game now?" Mal suggested.
"I agree," Izzy chimed in.
"As usual," Chris turned to them, "you two are thinking of nothing but yourselves."
He looked to the side as Ezekiel grunted with effort, then pushed a large sheet of broken metal away from the wreckage. "Could I get some help with this?" he asked the others.
"What about the bigger humanitarian crisis?" Chris asked. "How am I supposed to keep this face fresh," he pointed at his stubbled visage, "without my hyperbolic chamber?"
With another grunt of effort, Ezekiel leaned down and lifted a bald and scuffed Topher out of the wreckage on his back. "Good morning," Topher said woozily. "I've always wanted to be the one carrying someone down, but the roles are reversed."
"Why were you even in there?" Ezekiel asked as he dragged the boy away from the jet's remains.
"I think some more stuff fell on me while I was asleep," Topher guessed.
"The plane is busted," Ezekiel said. "Are you okay?"
"I am emotionally!" Topher answered, "but physically, my bones are broken."
Ezekiel groaned, then collapsed under Topher's weight.
Confessional: Ezekiel
"I know Topher did some underhanded things to stay in the game, but losing your hair on international television is worse than harming an animal in his world," Ezekiel confessed in the remains of the restroom confessional.
Confessional: Izzy
"Topher needs some medical assistance, but given that Chris is a windbag who's as cheap as Mr. Krabs, I'll be his nurse until he gets home!" Izzy declared in a superhero pose. "You can call me…" she put an orange mask over her eyes, "Doctor Izzy!"
Confessionals End
The static cut away to show the camera focused on a wheelchair, pushed by a just-out-of-frame Izzy. "Here," she said as he reached Ezekiel and Topher and the shot zoomed out, "use this to help you." Ezekiel lifted the fanboy into the wheelchair, and Izzy put the hat from Rapa Nui onto Topher's head to cover his baldness.
"Does it make me look attractive?" Topher asked..
The shot cut to the wreckage and Chef pushed a giant metal box out into the open, earning an excited look from Chris. "Hey! My emergency kit! We're saved!" he declared, running towards the giant box with a hearty laugh. "That's right, kids," he turned back with a grin. "Get ready for surf, sun, and beauties in grass skirts, we're going to Hawaii!" He did a few short hula moves as the Final Three cheered.
"I know," Chris said as he walked over to Chef, "best host ever! Never doubt me." It was then that Chef pulled on the rope he'd been holding, causing the walls of the metal box to fall away and reveal the small red helicopter inside.
The four teens moved closer, and Mal was the first to speak. "That's a two-seater."
"That it is!" Chris replied happily. "Chef flies, I supervise."
"And we?" Mal followed up.
"Will be competing to get to the big island first, using only your wits, and whatever you find out here," Chris explained.
"But we're in the middle of nowhere!" Ezekiel complained.
"True," Chris told him, "so check these fancy dancy GPSes I'm generously giving you!" he said as he took a trio of walkie-talkies and GPS devices from the helicopter and tossed one each to each finalist.
Izzy raised an eyebrow as she looked down at the GPS; the screen showed a single yellow dot and nothing else around. "Middle of Nowhere, Alberta," she read before looking up. "It does work."
"Set 'em for Tijuana Beach," Chris told them. "It's right on the Mexican border. Now move it!" he commanded as the helicopter started up behind him. "Go! Go! Go!"
Ezekiel, Izzy, and Mal frantically entered the destination into their devices, and the shot moved over to a confused Topher. "Wait, what about me?" he asked the host.
"Make like you took the Drop of Shame," Chris answered angrily, standing in the doorway of the hovering helicopter, "and figure it out yourself!"
Topher gaped, then scowled.
Confessional: Topher
"First he makes me do these dangerous challenges," Topher said in the ruined confessional, still in his wheelchair, "then he disqualifies me because I unintentionally blew up his plane, and now he's willing to leave me to fend for myself?"
He glared at the camera. "Chris really is a jerk. When I get home, I'm throwing out all of my Chris merchandise and everything related to him."
Confessional Ends
"Don't worry!" Chris called out to the Final Three, "you're all totally gonna make it!" The helicopter finally took off, leaving the four teens to watch in stunned silence for a few seconds.
Izzy was the first to make a move, turning and heading back into the wreckage with Topher right behind her. "If I was able to find a wheelchair in the wreckage," she reasoned, "maybe we can find something to get to Tijuana."
"Good idea!" Topher told her. "And did you say 'we'?"
"Duh," Izzy replied, looking back over a large piece of sheet metal. "I'm not going to leave you out here. I have to take care of you until you get to an actual doctor, and I can create something for both of us to ride on."
"Makes sense to me!" Topher smiled, and the two went back into the wreckage.
The camera cut to Mal and Ezekiel, watching nearby. "So, is this the part where you team up with me to make the finale?" Ezekiel asked sarcastically.
"No," Mal answered. "You'd obviously say no."
"That's right," Ezekiel huffed.
"I don't need you or Izzy. I've gotten here on my own," Mal gloated.
"You could've been eliminated in Africa or Drumheller, but something else happens to conveniently keep you in," Ezekiel retorted. "Don't count your eagles before they spot on red, white, and blue stripes!"
"That's the wrong expression, but I'm not even going to bother with a fool like you," Mal scoffed.
Confessional: Mal
"The million dollars is in my grasp," Mal chuckled. "I'm gonna use the prize money to live like a real villain. In a tower. Preferably overlooking a volcano."
The camera zoomed in on his smiling face before diving deeper into his subconscious, where Mike and his personalities were standing in front of Mal's tower. On the top was Mal's sculptured head, the purple light coming out of his right eye. The camera panned down to feature the white horns spiking out of the tower and ground.
"Here we are. Welcome to the Tower of Mal," Manitoba presented the tower to the group.
"Uh, why ain't it guarded by bouncers or dogs or an ugly cat or something?" Vito asked.
"Mal just figured we'd never get this far," Svetlana deduced.
Mal looked at the poster on the wall featuring the silhouette head of Mal over five stick figures. "Check it out. This door's got five people on it."
"Five of us! This must be the right way!" Svetlana said.
Mike grabbed the handle and pulled. "C'mon, let's get-" he didn't get to finish since the door trampled him and his personalities.
"I knew it was too easy," Chester moaned.
The group of four hastily pushed the door with their strength. "Come on. Just a little... mo-!" Mike motivated, but they got crushed again. "Was everyone pushing their hardest?" Mike asked his alters.
"What? I got noodles for arms!" Chester defended.
"On three, everyone," Mike informed as they were going to free themselves again. "One... two..."
"Three!" everybody said at once, forcefully pushing the door on the opposite side of them. Once that was settled, they entered the tower, Vito carrying Chester along the way.
"Yes! Nothing can stop us!" Mike confidently spoke, only to see the number of stairs they'd have to walk up with a groan.
\
"I'm going off now," Mal said into his walkie talkie while walking away. "I do not wish you good luck! I wish for your downfall!"
"And I wish you could just leave the game already," Ezekiel retorted.
"You know, I can turn you off right now," Mal shot back.
"And I'm going to beat you to it!" Ezekiel cut the radio feed off by pressing the button. "Much better," he said. "He was only distracting me. Now to get to that million dollars. As soon as I find a way to get there..." He looked around a bit, then started walking in the same direction Mal had gone.
The scene moved to the wreckage of the first class cabin, where Izzy and Topher were searching through the rubble.
Izzy pulled out a large inflatable raft...with a hole in it. "Zodiac?" she said, putting it down. "Bicycle?" she said, pulling out a rusty bicycle...that promptly lost its front wheel. "Unicycle?" she said. She tossed the broken bike away, then sighed sadly. "None of this trash will get us to Hawaii," she told Topher.
"Obviously," Topher said. "I found this seat belt, meal tray, and parachute!" he held up the first item he listed.
Izzy's eyes widened in realization. "Topher, you are very helpful!"
"Really?" Topher said, the seat belt now wrapped around his head.
Another scene change took the focus to a large rock formation as Mal hauled himself up from behind it to get a better look. He smirked to himself as he looked down at the other side of the formation. "What do we have here?" The perspective moved over his shoulder to show the plane's wreckage, and more importantly two interns with a caged baby panda outside a truck. The camera zoomed in as the interns picked up the cage and loaded it onto the truck.
"Following that panda will be my ticket to victory!" Mal dropped back down behind the rock.
\
The camera cut to the blazing midday sun, then panned down onto Ezekiel. The homeschooler was walking through the cactus-filled desert with his eyes locked on to his GPS, until he suddenly tripped and fell over something.
"Ugh!" he said, the camera moving down to show him lying on train tracks. "What kind of nimrod leaves train tracks in the middle of nowhere?"
He looked to his right, and spotted a building and windmill next to the tracks off in the distance. "Trains!" he repeated with excitement.
\
The scene flashed to a head-on view of the truck, a walkie-talkie switching on inside it. "Attention 'competitors'," Mal announced, the shot cutting inside to show a monkey, baby panda, baby seal, and book-reading bear sitting in cages listening to the nearby malevolent one talk, "I am traveling south at 90 kilometers per hour. In other words, you all should give up."
Just as he ended his message, a caged sasquatch behind him reached out and pulled him into a kiss. He immediately pushed away and recoiled in disgust, but lost his balance as he backed up and tripped into an open crate...the lid of which promptly closed on top of him.
"When I get out of here, it is not going to be pretty!" Mal said over the walkie-talkie.
The camera cut back outside as he made his declaration, showing the trucking driving away and honking its horn.
\
Another flash took the focus to Chris and Chef in the helicopter, the camera quickly cutting in for a close-up of the host's master GPS device. It showed three dots moving along a simple roadmap: a yellow dot unmoving in the upper right; a blue dot on the road approaching it, and a red dot further behind unmoving on the same road.
"Ezekiel's ahead but stalled," Chris commented with a gleeful smile over his own walkie-talkie, "and the yeti's new boyfriend is quickly catching up! But Izzy can't seem to get her butt in gear."
\
The camera flashed to a shot of a deployed parachute, then panned to the right as Izzy was heard explaining "I just moderate the flow of fuel," as the pan ended on her pulling a lever on an orange fuel barrel, making a small flame appear, "and that balloon will go up or down."
"But you need a basket!" Topher replied. "If there was any grass," he said while looking around, "you could weave one."
"All I need is a chair," Izzy said thoughtfully. "And one with arms."
"I'm sitting in a chair with arms," Topher said. "Just sit in my lap and you're gold. My bones are broken, but it'll be worth it to stop Mal."
"Wow. You really aren't as self-centered as I thought you were," Izzy commented. "You're really willing to let me be in your wheelchair?"
"Are you really willing to lose the race?" Topher asked. "Now come on! We've got a beach to get to!"
Izzy smiled. "Let's go!"
\
Whoops and hollers of excitement were heard as the footage skipped forward, showing the makeshift hot air balloon in flight tied to the wheelchair. Topher was sitting in the chair, with Izzy in his lap and holding her walkie-talkie.
"Attention boys!" she said into it. "Izzy is flying sky high! I repeat! This girl is airborne!" she said as the balloon ascended off-camera.
\
"Airborne?" Ezekiel repeated, the scene cutting to him walking down the aisle of a train's passenger car and stopping in front of a young white woman dressed in black typing on a laptop. He sat down in the seat opposite the woman in black. "Is this seat taken?" Matthew asked the woman upon noticing her stare, prompting the woman in black to return to her work.
"Okay," Ezekiel muttered, sitting at the booth and grabbing a newspaper that was on the table.
The camera moved to the window behind them, showing a certain truck driving past. Cutting outside, the truck was shown dumping its cages and crates into a cargo car of the train, and Mal could be heard yelling in alarm from his wooden prison.
"Too bad he turned off his walkie talkie right before this update!" Chris said over his walkie-talkie as the scene cut back to the helicopter. "Advantage, Mal."
Back down below, the train let out a burst of steam and started moving. It blew its whistle, and the scene cut back to the car Ezekiel was in, now looking up and down the aisle with confused eyes.
"Hello, passengers!" an unfamiliar male voice came over the train's intercom system, immediately gaining Ezekiel's attention. "And welcome to this non-stop trip to Mexico!"
"Yes!" the home-schooled guy cheered. "In your face!"
The woman in black gave him a questioning look, to which Ezekiel replied "That wasn't directed at you!" The woman in black wasn't impressed.
Back outside again, the camera zoomed in on a boxcar, then cut inside to show the caged Total Drama animals... and the smaller wooden crate that Mal promptly and finally burst out of. "Finally," he groaned as he took in a breath of fresh air; kissy faces from the nearby sasquatch earned another groan and a quick spit and mouth-wiping.
"Now to end Ezekiel's trip here," he declared, standing up and stepping out of the crate. "Wherever here is," he added, looking around the room.
He made his way to a nearby doorway, but stopped upon hearing a dog-like whine from inside another crate. He opened it, and recoiled in shock when Ezekiel Clone lifted his head out of the crate.
"How did you get here?" Mal asked in wide-eyed disbelief, and the Clone muttered something unintelligible. "If you promise to act right, I will release you."
\
A flash took the scene back to Topher and Izzy, still sailing through the sky. "Stop giving it so much fuel!" Topher said to his companion.
"I'll do that after you stop pinching my body!" Izzy shot back.
"I'm sorry, but I want to survive!" Topher argued.
"So do I, but I'm not being a whiny pants about it!" Izzy sniped.
"LOOK OUT!" Topher cried in alarm as he pointed ahead of them, and the viewpoint changed to show that they were quickly approaching a certain red helicopter.
Izzy and Topher screamed in alarm, then Chris and Chef screamed in the helicopter, then Izzy and Topher screamed again, then Chris and Chef, and finally the helicopter swooped under while the balloon ascended, the two airborne groups safely passing each other.
"Um, Izzy? Bra?" Chris asked into his walkie talkie.
"Watch where you're going!" Izzy shouted.
"Are you sitting on Topher's lap?" Chris followed up, the helicopter moving to keep pace next to the newly-annoyed teens.
"So what?" Izzy replied.
"We've already got one cling-on named Ezekiel Clone," Chris continued. "We do not need two."
"Cling-on?!" Topher exclaimed in outrage. "Give me that walkie talkie!" he yelled as he tried to snatch the radio from Izzy.
"You said we could use whatever the heck we found back at the crash site," Izzy smugly told him.
Chef nodded, and Chris smirked. "Hey, it's your funeral," he told her.
He ended his broadcast there, just as a message came over the helicopter's radio. "Attention, an extreme weather warning has been issued for all aircraft," the voice announced.
Chris shut off the radio, then turned to Chef. "I should probably warn them," the host said, holding a smile for a second or two before he and his assistant burst out in laughter.
\
"Who knew winning could be so easy?" Ezekiel said to himself.
"Tickets, please! Tickets!" an unseen man called out, quickly earning Ezekiel's attention.
The announcement was answered by a more familiar voice, explaining "You see, my brother is not a wild animal. He's just a really crazy fool." The shot cut to Mal, standing before a conductor and holding Ezekiel Clone's hoodie as the clone sniffed at the conductor and bared his teeth.
It was then that Ezekiel saw them; immediately locking eyes with Mal in a horizontal split-screen.
"You!" the two exclaimed at the same time.
Mal let Ezekiel Clone go. Ezekiel turned and ran away, and his clone chased after him with Mal following behind.
\
"So I bought all of Chris's wigs at an auction!" Topher was saying as the scene cut back to them in the balloon. "I could have used that money to buy myself new clothes!" he finished.
The camera zoomed in on the two. "I do not know why you even idolized him!" Izzy exclaimed.
"I admired his hosting skills and charisma, but I'm done with him after that plane explosion," Topher claimed.
Izzy nodded happily before turning around and looking alarmed. "If we don't move now, we're going to get killed!" she screamed as they flew into a very dark and ominous mass of clouds. A bolt of lightning flashed as they disappeared from view, and the shot cut down to the top of the train as Ezekiel slowly backed up along the roof of a car.
"You won't push me off a speeding train, would you?" he asked as Mal advanced menacingly into the shot.
"I threw Owen off the plane in Jamaica and threw Cody off the cliff in Australia," Mal said as Ezekiel reached the edge of his current car and nervously looked over his shoulder at the gap to the next one. "I have no limits."
"Duncan, Sky, and the others have every right to hate you," Ezekiel said.
"Of course they do!" Mal claimed, advancing enough for Ezekiel to turn and hop to the next car of the train. He nearly lost his balance on the landing, but recovered quickly enough to turn around and proudly face down Mal over the gap. "You were too distracted with impressing Sadie and being cool to even see me coming!"
"But I still made it as far as I did!" Ezekiel replied.
A clap of thunder echoed ominously, and the sky opened up in a downpour of hail. Ezekiel, who'd started backing away again, slipped on one of the icy pellets and fell on his butt with a pained grunt.
\
Up in the clouds, Izzy and Topher were also being battered by the elements, screaming as they struggled to keep their balloon aloft in the wind and ice.
\
The hail rained down upon the windshield of the helicopter as well, but it only elicited a hearty laugh from the host and pilot. "Uh-oh. Will the game be called on account of deadly weather?" he asked the camera following him. "Will anyone be left to take home the million? Find out right after this break, on Total! Drama! World Tour!"
Lightning flashed right outside the helicopter, earning a panicked yelp from Chris.
\
(Commercial Break)
\

Hello all,
New to the forum.
I got an check engine light and went to Autozone to have them scan it.
It came back saying the most probable cause is a fuel pump gasket leak.
Is this something I can do at home? I've done breaks and changed plugs/wires. That's my ceiling right now.
It's a 2005 with 197K miles, so I'm not inclined to put a ton of money in it, but right now it is our only vehicle.

GlucoTrust, a 100% natural and high-quality supplement to regulate your blood sugar level.

GlucoTrust, a dietary supplement by Maximum Edge Nutrition, helps to support healthy blood glucose levels in the body naturally with its blood sugar-control formula. According to several GlucoTrust customer reviews, it is among the best blood glucose support supplements available.
This article will examine the blood sugar supplement in depth, including its makers, ingredients and workings, as well as scientific evidence on health benefits. We will also discuss pricing, guarantees, customer reviews, and guarantee.
Let's start by examining GlucoTrust in more detail.
Addendum Name:
GlucoTrust
Sub Category for
Supplement Dietary
Additional Form:
Capsules
Capsules in a GlucoTrust bottle:
30
Description of the
GlucoTrust, a 100% natural and high-quality supplement, helps to regulate the blood sugar level by using natural and organic ingredients.
Characteristics of the Add-on:

• 100% natural ingredients
• Herbal Extracts
• Safety and effectiveness
• Free Side Effect
• Additive-free
• Allergen-free
• Made in an ultra-modern facility
• Research-based ingredients approved by Health Canada

Guideline for Supplement Intake:
It is recommended that you take a GlucoTrust cap daily, before going to bed. This will help balance your blood sugar.
What is the best way to use this dietary supplement?
GlucoTrust can be consumed by men and women over 18 who are at risk of having high blood glucose levels.
Supplier and Manufacturer of Supplement:
Maximum Edge Nutrition
Supplement Ingredients:
Gymnema Sylvestre, Biotin (chromium), Manganese, Licorice Root, Cinnamon and Zinc.
Supplement Pricing:

• Purchase the 30-day supply for $69 each bottle plus $9 shipping fees
• Purchase 90 bottles at $59 each + Free Shipping + 3 Bonus Products
• Purchase 180 bottles at $49.99 per bottle plus free shipping and 3 bonus products

Bonus Product:

• Green Smoothie Recipes that Burn Fat
• Superfoods: The Ultimate Guide
• Breakthrough 3-Day Liver Cleanse

Supplement Refund Policy:
You can return your purchase within 180 days if you are not 100% satisfied.
Where Can I Buy The Supplement Supplement?
The official website of GlucoTrust is where you can purchase GlucoTrust.
We will now begin with a thorough discussion on The GlucoTrust supplements for blood sugar.

Supplement Description – What is GlucoTrust®?

GlucoTrust, a 100% natural dietary supplement available in the market today for both men and women is designed to support a healthy blood glucose level by increasing insulin and decreasing insulin resistant significantly.
This helps both men and women to eliminate high blood sugar levels. It helps improve their health overall and the immune system.
The product is a food supplement that contains only natural ingredients.
The GlucoTrust Formula helps to combat the root cause of elevated blood sugar. The root causes of high blood sugar levels are low insulin and an increase in junk food cravings among men and women. The formula targets oxidative stresses and promotes weight loss. It also helps maintain healthy blood sugar levels.
This formula for blood sugar is made up of 15 natural and plant-based ingredients with antioxidant and anti-inflammatory qualities. The pure and powerful GlucoTrust ingredient, such as licorice roots, juniper berries and others, helps to increase insulin sensitivity and support healthy blood vessels. It also controls blood sugar, enhances immune system function, reduces food cravings and regulates high blood pressure.
We will discuss in the next section of our GlucoTrust Review the manufacturers and how the capsules work.
Regulate blood sugar levels naturally - try GlucoTrust now!

Supplement History – Who are the makers of GlucoTrust?

GlucoTrust, a nutritional supplement that supports a healthy level of blood sugar is available on the market. Maximum Edge Nutrition manufactures and supplies it. The GlucoTrust Capsules were manufactured by a team of experienced health professionals including diabetes doctors and nutritionists. They followed all safety guidelines.
The GlucoTrust formulation contains 15 potent natural ingredients that are approved by Health Canada and have been proven to reduce blood sugar in adults and children over 18 years old. It also helps them maintain normal blood pressure and lose weight.

What is the GlucoTrust diet supplement?

The GlucoTrust supplement helps you to maintain normal blood glucose levels through its powerful, natural and effective formulation. The GlucoTrust formula is completely different than other blood glucose capsules, as it contains ingredients that are natural, plant based, of high quality, approved by Health Canada, and extremely potent.
According to some, your cravings for junk foods are a major factor in a person's struggle with lowering their blood sugar and addressing the health problems that come along with it. GlucoTrust is a health supplement that helps maintain healthy blood sugar levels, insulin sensitivity and suppresses your cravings for junk food and sweets.
The production of insulin in the pancreas begins after the consumption of GlucoTrust. The capsules regulate blood sugar by decreasing insulin resistance and increasing insulin sensitivity. In just a few short weeks, these balanced blood sugar levels can help to strengthen your immune system and promote weight loss. They also improve blood circulation and blood flow, which in turn supports deep sleep.
The GlucoTrust formula for blood sugar management helps both men and women to maintain a healthy lifestyle by offering multiple health benefits. These benefits will be discussed in the upcoming parts of our GlucoTrust review article.
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What Is The Best Time To Take GlucoTrust?

According to the manufacturers, the GlucoTrust supplement's recommended dosage is one capsule per day before going to bed for normal blood glucose levels.
These capsules are formulated with natural and high-quality ingredients to reduce blood sugar levels.
You should take this supplement regularly for at least several weeks to get the best results. This will also eliminate any risk of blood glucose spikes.
You can also read: The Best Blood Sugar Supplements

Be Careful Before Consuming GlucoTrust capsules

According to the manufacturers, there are a couple of precautions users should take before consuming GlucoTrust daily. Below are the precautions:
GlucoTrust should not be used by children under 18 years old.
It is not recommended to exceed the dosage of GlucoTrust without consulting a health care professional.
You should not use this product if your doctor has diagnosed you with an underlying condition, or if medication is being taken without consulting a qualified healthcare professional.
If you have any side effects, or if your body reacts in an allergic way to the GlucoTrust supplement, stop using it immediately.
Get GlucoTrust before it is SOLD OUT
What are the natural excipients found in GlucoTrust supplements?
We will now discuss the ingredients that are blended in GlucoTrust to help control blood sugar.
Gymnema Sylvestre
Gymnema Sylvestre, a climbing woody plant, is indigenous to India, Africa and Australia. Gymnemic acid is found in the leaves, and this chemical gives them their medicinal qualities. Since ancient times, the herb has been used to treat various ailments in Ayurvedic traditional medicine, such as diabetes, obesity and digestive disorders.
Gymnema Sylvestre can have a hypoglycemic (lower blood sugar) effect. This herb regulates blood sugar levels in several different ways:
The production of the hormone insulin can be stimulated by gymnemic acid. Insulin helps to regulate blood sugar. It can also be beneficial to people who have type 2 diabetes and may produce less insulin.
Gymnema Sylvestre has been shown to regenerate cells in the pancreas that are responsible for insulin production. It can improve insulin production as well as regulate blood sugar levels.
Biotin
It is an essential B-vitamin for metabolism. Many foods contain it, such as eggs, livers, whole grains, and nuts. It is available as a supplement and can be found in many multivitamins, hair and nail products and other supplements.
Biotin activates enzymes that break down glucose in the body, which is the main source of energy. Biotin increases glucose uptake into the cells when glucose levels are high.
Biotin is also involved in insulin production, which regulates the blood sugar level. The pancreas produces insulin in response to a high level of glucose in blood. Biotin stimulates insulin production, and increases the sensitivity to insulin of cells. This allows better control of blood sugar.
Biotin deficiencies may increase the risk of type 2 diabetes. This condition is characterized by high levels of blood sugar. The supplementation of biotin may improve glucose tolerance, reducing the likelihood of diabetes.
Chromium
The mineral chromium is vital for the health of humans. The body needs it in very small quantities to work properly. Many foods contain chromium, such as meat, vegetables, whole grain, fruits and grains.
The chromium in our bodies plays an important role in controlling blood sugar. This is done by increasing the effectiveness of insulin, which regulates blood sugar. The pancreas produces insulin, which helps transport glucose into cells where it is used as energy.
The chromium works by binding with insulin receptors located on the cell surface. This helps increase glucose uptake into cells. The result is that glucose levels in the bloodstream are reduced.
Manganese
Manganese is essential for the regulation of blood sugar by helping to produce insulin.
The body uses glucose as a primary energy source, and manganese is essential for this process.
Manganese is also involved in producing the antioxidant Superoxide Dismutase. SOD protects the cells against oxidative damages caused by free radicals that can lead to diabetes. A manganese deficiency may lead to impaired glucose tolerance and decreased insulin secretion.
Licorice root
The root of Glycyrrhiza plant is used to make Licorice Root. Since ancient times, it has been used in traditional medicine for a wide range of ailments, such as coughs, sores throats and digestive problems. Licorice roots are also known for their sweet flavor, which is a result of a chemical called glycyrrhizin.
Licorice roots contain compounds which have a beneficial effect on blood glucose levels. Amorfrutin is one of the compounds that has shown in animal experiments to increase insulin sensitivity, and reduce blood sugar levels. Glabridin is another compound that has been shown to increase insulin production in the pancreas.
Licorice roots also contain compounds that help to reduce inflammation. This can lead to insulin resistance or high blood sugar levels. Chronic inflammation, which is part of the normal body response, can cause a variety of problems including diabetes.
Cinnamon
Cinnamon has shown effectiveness in regulating blood sugar levels. It can firstly improve insulin sensitivity. Insulin helps regulate our blood sugar by allowing glucose into our cells.
Cinnamon helps to increase insulin sensitivity. This means our bodies can better use insulin to reduce blood sugar levels.
Cinnamon can also slow the digestion of carbohydrates. Cinnamon can slow down the breakdown of carbohydrates in our digestive system. Cinnamon can slow down the process and prevent blood sugar spikes after eating.
Cinnamon has also been found to be antioxidant, and can help regulate blood glucose levels. The antioxidants protect the cells against damage from free radicals that can lead to diabetes and other problems.
Zinc
Zinc, a trace element is needed in very small quantities for optimal health. Zinc is present in many foods including nuts, seeds, meat and seafood. It is necessary for enzymes to function properly and plays an important role in cell division and growth.
Zinc is essential for the production and effective use of insulin by the body. Insulin, a hormone produced by the body's pancreas, is responsible for controlling blood sugar. Our body converts carbohydrates to glucose when we eat. Insulin is responsible for transporting glucose into the cells.
Zinc binds to insulin receptors within our cells, allowing insulin to function correctly. The binding allows insulin to effectively transport glucose into cells. Zinc helps to regulate insulin production in the pancreas. This ensures that the body has enough insulin available to control blood sugar.
Juniper Berries
The juniper fruit is the fruit of a tree that grows all over the world. Most commonly, they are used in the cooking of Scandinavian and northern European cuisine. The berries of the Juniper tree have a unique flavor, which is sweet but also slightly bitter.
The berries of juniper trees contain compounds known as terpenes that have shown anti-inflammatory properties. It is crucial to note that inflammation is linked with insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes.
Researchers have also found that the juniper fruit may regulate blood sugar levels by increasing insulin resistance. Insulin, a hormone which helps to regulate blood glucose levels by allowing the cells to absorb sugar from bloodstream. Insulin resistance can cause cells to be unable to effectively absorb glucose, leading to high levels of blood sugar.
Order now before stocks run out!
Supplement Benefits – What Are the Health Benefits of Using GlucoTrust?
This section will discuss in depth the benefits of GlucoTrust, a blood sugar-control supplement.
Maintain healthy blood sugar levels with GlucoTrust Diabetic Formula
The GlucoTrust formula for diabetics is a blend of natural, safe and clinically-proven ingredients such as licorice roots and juniper berries. This powerful formula from GlucoTrust is designed to combat the causes of blood sugar imbalances and high levels of blood glucose.
The GlucoTrust formula for diabetics contains ingredients that are packed with goodness. They help to reduce sugar and junk-food cravings, lowering your blood sugar and supporting effective blood sugar management.
GlucoTrust regulates blood sugar in the body by controlling the rapid release of glucose from your blood vessels.
The GlucoTrust Blood Sugar supplement helps promote deep sleep
GlucoTrust is a health supplement that promotes deep, rejuvenating sleep by blocking the hormones cortisol (which stores belly fat) and leptin. The blood sugar formula of this supplement helps maintain a healthy level of leptin and cortisol hormones in the body. It is made with high-quality ingredients such as licorice roots, juniperberries, etc.
This supplement is a great way to improve blood glucose regulation and blood flow. It also helps with weight loss.
GlucoTrust Reduces Oxidative stress
GlucoTrust reduces oxidative stress within your body. It reduces oxidation throughout your body and improves your health.
The capsules contain high-quality natural ingredients such as licorice roots and juniperberries, which have anti-inflammatory properties and antioxidant properties. This helps to maintain blood circulation and control blood sugar levels.
Consuming These Capsules Can Help Reduce Insulin Resistant
The GlucoTrust Capsules are made with a blend of natural and safe ingredients that have been scientifically proven to increase insulin production and sensitivity in the pancreas. The increased insulin is also accompanied by a decrease in insulin resistance, which helps maintain healthy blood sugar levels.
Additional Health Benefits of GlucoTrust
GlucoTrust capsules have many other health benefits.
The powerful ingredients in this product, such as licorice, juniper, and others, help to strengthen the immune system.
The GlucoTrust formula for blood sugar control helps to improve circulation and boost blood flow, which in turn will help you maintain a healthy blood pressure level and blood glucose levels.
GlucoTrust reduces high blood pressure due to ingredients such as cinnamon.
The GlucoTrust Capsules help promote weight loss because they convert the calories you consume to energy, and do not accumulate them in various body parts.
This product helps to maintain healthy skin and hair.
Get your GlucoTrust today and enjoy the benefits.
Supplement Science – What does science say about the purported benefits of GlucoTrust?
In 2018, a study was conducted to determine the effect of juniper berries (an ingredient in GlucoTrust) on diabetic rats' blood sugar levels. Results showed that rats given juniperberries had lower blood sugar levels than the control group. Researchers found that the antioxidants in juniperberries could reduce oxidative stresses, which are a factor that contributes to diabetes.
In 2019, another study investigated the anti-diabetic potential of juniper extracts. In the study, juniper extracts significantly reduced blood sugar levels of diabetic mice. This study found that the juniper extracts have anti-inflammatory qualities that may reduce inflammation and thus diabetes.
A number of studies also examined the effect that zinc supplements have on individuals who suffer from diabetes. In a study published in Journal of Diabetes and its complications, zinc supplementation was found to improve glycemic management in people with type 2 diabetics by improving insulin sensitivity and reducing blood glucose at fasting.
In a study published in Journal of Ethnopharmacology, licorice extract was found to have anti-diabetic properties in animal models. This study showed that licorice extract improved insulin sensitivity and reduced blood sugar levels in animal models.
In the last study we will discuss about chromium, the researchers looked at how chromium supplements affected glycemic regulation in type 2 diabetic patients. Researchers found that supplementing with chromium improved glycemic management, which was evidenced by lower HbA1c and fasting glucose, along with improved insulin sensitivity.
What are the Bonus Products that come with GlucoTrust bottles?
The makers offer three bonus products free when you purchase the 90-day package or the 180-day package from the official website.
Below you will find the details about these free digital bonuses.
Bonus product 1: Fat Burning Green Smoothie recipes
First, you get "100 Delicious Green Smoothie Recipes that Burn Fat".
You will find in this eBook a collection of delicious and mouthwatering smoothie recipes. The ingredients for these smoothies are readily available in your local supermarket.
These 100 recipes will help to burn fat and maintain a healthy level of blood sugar.
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Third free bonus digital is the "3-Day Liver Cleanse and Breakthrough".
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Does GlucoTrust offer a refund policy?
All three of these packages are covered by a 180-day money back guarantee if you're not satisfied.
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GlucoTrust reviews - what do customers think about these blood sugar support supplements?
GlucoTrust is a natural product that has proven health benefits for hundreds of people.
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Read reviews from GlucoTrust customers
What are the pros and cons of GlucoTrust?
GlucoTrust Blood Sugar Supplement has both pros and cons, just like any other dietary supplements on the market. We have covered the subject in this section.
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Cons of GlucoTrust Blood Sugar Support Formula
The GlucoTrust bottle can only be purchased on the official GlucoTrust Website, and not any other known platforms such as Amazon, Walmart or eBay.
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eShopperReviews May 2023 Wrap-Up

In the month of May, I reviewed 39 Nintendo Switch games (while buying 27), meaning that I made progress in my goal of reviewing all my games... though mainly because I was too busy playing Zelda to bother buying all that much (for new folks here, 14 games is a pretty small number for me).
All told, my Nintendo Switch titles reviewed to titles owned ratio is now 2239/3131.
Now that I'm making it a point to track the number of subscribers, I'll also point out that this subreddit is at 8878 subscribers. A little bump over the prior month’s numbers, but I’ll take it. For those who are new to this subreddit, hi! Welcome! I hope you enjoy your time here!
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Patreon Updates
On the Patreon side of things, we had 12 patrons kindly donating in the month of May, and their contributions will be recognized in reviews throughout the month of June. If you’re curious to see the names, you can check them out below.
The games Patrons voted on in April for me to review in May were a tie between Lil Gator Game and Melatonin, with Rô winning the budget game vote. I ended up reviewing Lil Gator Game and I’ll talk a bit more about that farther down, but as for Rô, this is a pretty sub-par and mediocre Platformer, but one with a saving grace of only costing $0.50. So, I... guess it’s probably worth that, though definitely don’t expect anything especially great or even all that good.
Okay, so those are the reviews from April’s votes, but what games won the May votes? Well, the normal patron vote resulted in another tie (four ways this time!) between A Space for the Unbound, Coffee Talk Episode 2: Hibiscus & Butterfly, Fashion Police Squad, and NeverAwake. As always, I’m the tiebreaker, and you’ll find out which of these games I’m reviewing sometime in the month of June. As for the budget game vote, the clear winner this month was JarataireRPG, which I will also review in the month of June.
Okay, on to new votes up for this month!
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Monthly Patreon Votes - June
For this month's patron vote for those who donate $5 or more on Patreon, I’m focusing on games releasing specifically in the month of June.
The list of games to vote for in the Patron vote are as follows:
Master Detective Archives: Rain Code
Samba De Amigo: Party Central
Dr. Fetus’ Mean Meat Machine
We Love Katamari Reroll + Royal Reverie
Etrian Odyssey Origins Collection
Rune Factory 3 Special
Whichever game gets the most votes will receive a review in July.
As for the All-Patron Budget Vote for those who donate $1 or more, I’m looking at yet even more budget games released in early 2023. As per usual, all games in this vote are normally priced in the eShop at $2 or under.
The selections for the second vote are as follows:
Bubble Bird
Cabin Escape: Alice’s Story
Galaxy Revo: Remake
Powers of Hex
Truck Climb Racing
Your Future
As always, whichever game earns the most votes by the end of May will be reviewed in June!
If you want to join in these votes, head over to the eShopperReviews Patreon page and make a donation - again, to be clear, donating any dollar amount allows you to partake in the All-Patron Budget Vote, and donating $5 or more enables you to participate in both votes!
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Podcasts & Game Streams
Once again, Patreon subscribers can hear me discussing the last month’s highlights in a monthly podcast. I should note that these podcasts are made available to patrons first, but if you’re not a patron, you won’t be completely left out - I’ll have the podcast made available to everyone on YouTube a week or so after Patreon patrons get it. However, if you’re curious to hear the podcast right when it releases, please consider heading over to the Patreon page and making a donation! In this month’s podcast, Jenn and I talk about the recent announcements canceling Overwatch II’s PvE campaign content, the recent roadblocks Microsoft’s acquisition of Activision Blizzard has faced, and we talk at length about The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. And as always, we also discuss the last month’s reviews that I deemed to be the best games, worst games, and hidden gems. No streams in May. Is this something people here want to see more of? Please speak up in the comments if so!
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New Monthly... Feature?
Not sure what to call this... Retro Friday? Well, the short version is, the first Friday of each month, I’m going to review a handful of classic games that have been brought to Nintendo Switch. Arcade Archives, ACA NEOGEO, Johnny Turbo, and so on. This way, I can make a regular thing out of reviewing these retro games without them taking over the subreddit. And of course, because tomorrow is a Friday, you’ll be seeing the first group of these tomorrow!
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eShopperReviews Subreddit Updates
On the subreddit side of things, no theme weeks in May (unless you want to count the week I took off to play more Zelda). I did update the Wiki by transferring over the page for Open-World games to the Wiki.
I also added new reviews for May 2023 releases on Nintendo Switch Online Expansion Pack’s Game Boy Advance App, and in turn I updated the page for the Game Boy Advance App to reflect these.
Once again, no new Bad Behavior Profiles this month. At some point I’ll have to get back to updating these, but... Zelda...
Okay, I think that's it for major events on eShopperReviews in May, now onto some review highlights! Here's my picks for the most noteworthy games I reviewed in May 2023. As always, these are not necessarily games that came out this May, just what I was able to review this last month.
Okay, so on to May’s highlights:
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The Best

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom - It cannot possibly be a surprise that this game tops my list of best games I reviewed this month. I took the unusual step of taking a week off from writing reviews for eShopperReviews after publishing my review for this game, just so I would have more time to play this game. And even now, as I write this, I’m feeling myself tempted to procrastinate writing these words just a bit more so I can have more time to play The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. This is one of the greatest Zelda games ever made. This is one of the greatest Nintendo Switch games ever made. This is one of the greatest Action-RPGs ever made. This is one of the greatest videogames ever made, full-stop. I could gush on and on and on here, but I feel like I already did plenty of that in my review, so if you want to find out more, please go and read that, and if my joy at playing this game isn’t clear by that point, you can feel free to ask me more about my thoughts on the game here. But, barring that, I’ll just go ahead and move on...
Octopath Traveler II - This is an outstanding throwback to the Turn-Based JRPG greats of old much in the same way that its predecessor was, with even more nuanced excellent gameplay, great writing, fantastic characters, and compelling story. My only real complaint here is that once again this game fails to properly incorporate all of the stories of its eight protagonists into one cohesive whole. However, despite this flaw, this is still an excellent game well worth playing, and a must-have for fans of the genre.
Lil Gator Game - Take the core gameplay formula of The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild, shrink it down to be much smaller in scope, make it more kid- and casual-friendly, and make it one of the most absolutely adorable games you have ever played, and you’ll get something like Lil Gator Game, a joyful romp that had me smiling the entire time i was playing it.
Tactics Ogre: Reborn - This remake of one of the formative games of the Tactics-style branch of the Strategy-RPG genre is still a strong entry in that same genre, with excellent gameplay and a great story. I just wish that this game wasn’t forced into being so restrictive and linear due to its level caps.
Sonic Frontiers - Sonic Frontiers is absolutely riddled with problems. It’s absurdly unpolished and has some major issues. And yet, it still manages to be a joy to play. Sonic’s first steps into an Open-World (or “Open Zone”, if you take Sega’s nomenclature) are messy and broken, yet still extremely enjoyable.
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The Worst

.cat Milk, Axolotl. and Rafa’s World - All three of these games are pretty bad Platformers, but what makes these even worse is that you can get all three together in the Rafa's World + Axolotl + .cat Milk bundle for a mere $0.75, a fraction of even the best sale price that any one of these games sells for individually. Should you buy the bundle? Well, no, I don’t think these games are very good at any price, but you absolutely shouldn’t buy these games individually, unless you like getting ripped off.
Loot Box Simulator - RPG Anime Girls, Loot Box Simulator - Crimson Fire. and Loot Box Simulator - Heroes of the Dark Age - Another trio I’m including together due to how similar these games all are to each other. It’s bad enough that the gameplay in this game seems pointless, random, and nonsensical, not to mention boring. You’re literally just picking one of four options and hoping it’s the best one without any way of knowing until after you select it... then doing that again. But to make things even worse, the point of the game is to earn points to unlock the game’s artwork, which you cannot do anything with, even zoom in. Go to any anime art website and you’ll likely get more value out of your free browsing than you will get out of buying these games.
Prof. Miyamoto's Soroban & Flash Anzan - So this game is just simple math flash cards in digital form. It’s confusingly put-together, simple, and boring, but I suppose some parents might find some use for this. Well, they would, if it didn’t want to charge players admission for each additional time you want to use the game after an initial introduction period. You know, kind of like how dumb parents warned their kids that drug dealers would give them a free hit to get you hooked before cranking up the cost when you go back for more... except no one is ever, ever going to get hooked on this, and if you really want more of this... just get some flash cards and ditch this game.
Airport Flight Administrator Simulator & Air Traffic-Sky Airplane Sim Plane Games - This touchscreen-only minigame collection ties together multiple minigames that are often only extremely loosely-connected to airports. However, the real issue with this game is that the minigames are exceedingly simple and the game gives you no reason to play them more than once. Or, if you’re wise enough to not buy this game, never.
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Hidden Gems

Plague Inc: Evolved - Plague Inc was popularized on mobile devices a decade ago, before we had to contend with an actual worldwide pandemic, with an expanded version of the game hitting consoles one after another. The Nintendo Switch version of the game lacks the multiplayer of other console versions, but otherwise this is the same excellent unique global Simulation game where players must guide their virus to try to kill every last person on Earth. Dark? Sure, but immensely fun too.
Crazy BMX World - When making a Compilation of all the superb Bike Rider DX games from the Nintendo 3DS, I’m frustrated that they named this collection something completely different so it wasn’t clear that’s what this is. However, that irritation aside, this is an excellent trio of Auto-Runner games at a very tempting $3 price.
Galak-Z: The Void: Deluxe Edition - There was a Free-To-Play version of this game on Nintendo Switch at one point, but it is no longer available. That’s okay, because this version of the game is quite good, with a solid presentation, good gameplay, and some compelling Roguelike mechanics.
Some Distant Memory - This game combines Graphic Adventure and Visual Novel elements to tell two stories - one taking place on a post-apocalyptic Earth, and one where these characters are using AI to recreate events that happened in the household they’re digging through amidst the ruins of our Earth. Both stories are surprisingly compelling, with great characters. If a post-apocalyptic story sounds interesting to you, this game is well worth a look.
Jet Set Knights - This is a solid Arcade-style Action-Platformer with some good gameplay that’s slightly marred by poor level design, but it’s still well worth a try for players who enjoy games like Towerfall... though this game is nowhere near as good as Towerfall.
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Anyway, that covers pretty much all of the big stuff for May. I hope you've all enjoyed reading what I have to say!
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There's a lot of preface here.
I live in an apartment complex with a mail room. When FedEx tried to deliver my package last Thursday, the delivery failed because they couldn't ask me for my signature.
So they tried again the next day and failed. They tried again the next day and failed.
They didn't actually notify me that this was a problem. I had to go into the tracking information to figure out that apparently (see NOTE at bottom) there's no backup plan for delivering something that requires a signature to a mail room.
But okay, whatever, I figure out that this is a problem and decide to have the delivery redirected to a hold location 10 minutes away in a sketchy-looking place but again, whatever, at least I'll get the package. By this point I know I can't expect to collect my delivery until Tuesday because of Memorial Day, but like I said, at least I'll get it.
Except it doesn't get delivered in a timely manner on Tuesday. Okay, I'll get it the next day--oh wait, the delivery failed because nobody was there to receive it.
What?
So on Wednesday (that is, yesterday), I call FedEx support. I have to call because the other side of this equation is the fact that, for whatever reason, Delivery Manager says that my address is invalid. I even tried signing up for an account on the website (it accepted my address then!) and then using that information to sign up for Delivery Manager--why these are separate opt-ins I don't know--but it rejected every security code it sent me, I assume because my address is invalid, whatever that means.
So anyway, I call FedEx support. (I want to make it clear that I have no issues with the representatives I spoke to, and I promise that, livid as I admittedly am, I did not take it out in any way on the people I spoke to.) After making the robot tell me it's having technical difficulties, it lets me speak to a human being, who tells me that apparently the hold location address was UPDATED after the delivery failure on Tuesday (I wasn't notified of that and I didn't do it) and that the package was out for delivery already to the new address. So my only option was to wait for that day's delivery.
It never happened. I checked the tracking info just before I went to sleep last night (a little after 12 am) and it was still out for delivery.
I wake up this morning and get an email at 8 am telling me that the delivery failed. It was already back out for delivery at 5 am.
So I call support again and get told that there's higher than usual delivery rates in my area and that THEY DON'T KNOW WHEN MY PACKAGE WILL BE DELIVERED. ...Sorry for the all-caps, I'm just exasperated.
So I can't update the delivery address to MY address because by the time the system lets me know that the delivery failed FedEx is already trying to deliver again (and the new delivery attempt starts far too early for me to be able to catch it, meaning it's an undue burden to even try to get my delivery sent TO MY ADDRESS), but even if I DID update the address, either they wouldn't ask for my signature OR, I guess, they would tell me that the package is out for delivery but NOT GET TO IT THAT DAY? And take it back to their facility?
I don't know what recourse I have here. I'm thinking it's none. But I am REALLY dissatisfied with FedEx, of all companies, being unable to tell me when to expect them to be able to deliver a package to me when it's in a facility a half-hour drive from me--and also with the fact that they apparently don't have a fallback plan for the edge case where a recipient lives in an apartment and has a mail room so signatures can't be requested on-site.
NOTE: My boyfriend recently got a shipment of some medicine delivered through FedEx. This medicine is a controlled substance and requires a signature. We live in the same apartment at the same address. FedEx delivered this medicine to him without asking for a signature.

Current Game Status: ON FIRE.

• The monthly in-game update is being delayed until technical issues can be resolved.
  • This means Daily Login Rewards, new characters, reworks, stat boosts, new events, R.E.D. Alert changes, and all other updates are not yet active.
• The monthly information post is being delayed until the team can assess how long it will take to resolve the technical issues and to see how that might impact the dates and availability of events.
• Raids are being delayed (for now).
• Wraith PVP remains unplayable for most players.
  • Some players have developed workarounds, which you can find on both Reddit and Discord. Results may vary.
• The NDA Group, as always, has taken all the feedback of the community and put forth a recommended minimum compensation package to the devs team. We're doing what we can.
• We have also recommended, again based on the majority of community feedback, that they cancel the planned raid and compensate for lost rewards accordingly.

Sub-Reddit Meta Notes: Also ON FIRE

• There's an ongoing firewall prohibiting posts that ask when a fix will be here or saying that certain parts of the game are not functioning. We know.
• We understand that this is a new low point for the game and your frustrations are 100% warranted. We've been giving more leeway than usual with language, but please remember to respect the rules of the sub-reddit and your fellow players. Please also make sure your anger is directed at the right place.
• Here's what's not allowed:
  • Personal attacks on the community manager, Reddit mods, or NDA Group members (should not have to say this, but here we are). This will result in an immediate 30-day ban.
  • Extremely explicit language
  • Anything that falls within the aforementioned firewall
  • Low effort "this sucks" type posts
• Here's what is allowed:
  • Memes. As long as the memes don't violate the above rules, have at it.
  • Discussions of expected / requested compensation
  • Suggestions for solutions (i.e., what to prioritize)

Sorry that this is happening. My best advice would be to just put the game down for a few days, occasionally check Reddit or Discord for updates, and in the interim, go outside or read a comic book.