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2023.06.01 16:46 Campus_Safety Dads (and Moms) of daddit what are some things you learned about yourself after becoming a parent?
All replies are welcome,! Serious, snarky or sarcastic!
Before my wife and I had our twins (they're 3mo now!) I had a job where I worked multiple shifts in a week. I thought I was tired then!
After the babies were born I learned how little sleep I need to function and be productive. I can't wait for 5 uninterrupted hours of sleep though. Wish me luck
submitted by Campus_Safety to daddit [link] [comments]
Before my wife and I had our twins (they're 3mo now!) I had a job where I worked multiple shifts in a week. I thought I was tired then!
After the babies were born I learned how little sleep I need to function and be productive. I can't wait for 5 uninterrupted hours of sleep though. Wish me luck
2023.06.01 16:46 dog_tears [PI] Write the typical story of the 50's hard-boiled detective, but instead of people, he helps ghosts solve their pending affairs
Like an oiled, well-run clockwork, she was there behind her front bar; one of the only recurrent things in his life. Younger by a few years too much to not justify this shrouded interest, aside from the detective's other woes he never cared nor had the time to worry about anymore. Nevertheless, Alec indulged, sat on the stool as innate as an hour hand moves half an inch after 60 minutes.
"Doctor. Hi."
A running joke direly accumulated from frequent visits. Brooke said their conversations reminded her of therapy. He wasn't sure how to interpret that.
Grunting in response, Alec removed the hat off his head before leaning forward, seeking to hear her voice better. It was too distractingly serene. "Busy night?"
"Only in passing. Remember, this is just a diner that serves drinks. No food. You can imagine how broad of a target audience I have."
"I got an idea."
Every night, like clockwork. She wiped the counter and talked about some book she finished recently. He went through a glass of Irish Coffee for about three hours, right on the edge of dusk. Each time, like clockwork, Alec walked her home without so much of a doubt of his company being welcome, nor a prospect of an invite. He never will.
(But he yearned; the press of a mattress scented with her skin, sounds narrowly gleaned underneath desperation and so, so much guilt.)
Brooke mentioned once that she had trouble with eye contact. "You ever been married, Doctor?"
"Can't say I have. It never felt right."
"Me neither. My previous husband told me the brunt of the problems' were on my side of the equation. One decade down the drain." Her bittersweet smile tugged on her lips, and Alec looked away. "Perhaps I was just unlucky."
"Marriage appear to be reserved for other people instead."
She didn't respond. The detective shifted his weight uneasily, expression becoming strained. "That isn't to say I'm not impartial in most things."
They arrived at her doorstep. Alec faced the opposite street, inspecting the surrounding perimeter. Feet shuffling. Keys taken out of a pocket. A lingering pause that raised the hairs on the back of his neck. "Thank you." She hadn't turned the lock as of yet, seemingly wanting to say more. For a moment, silence prevailed, raising hackles left and right.
"Maybe...someone could sway your opinion, Doctor, if you'd let it happen." Brooke stepped inside. "Well, I'll be waiting at the bar, as usual. See you then."
Like clockwork, she would thank him before locking the door, effectively shutting him out until they meet again later. She would provide the distance which allowed him to properly gather his thoughts in a more appropriate subject after a dream-like state.
(Golden band flickering against sunlight as her hair did. The simmer of ocean, grains of sand between crevices.)
Though this time might be different, and the detective won't be able to sleep it off.
(Pure, genuine bliss.)
-
Someone clearing their throat woke Alec abruptly. He raised his head from the desk to acknowledge the visitor, drowsy after hours of drinking. "Good morning..."
"Morning, detective. I heard you're the kind of man to inquire about pending affairs."
Given the impression he displayed for himself, Alec's potential client raised her brow, assessing him with an unseen checklist. So far, it seemed he was failing to meet standards.
"No secretary to greet for you?"
"Line of work. Couldn't ask some poor girl to die in my lobby now, can I?" He squinted at the ghostly woman who hovered over his shelves, peering into stacks of files. "How'd you come to know my services?"
"Pulled major strings. Had to give up a part of my space. I'm told it'd be worthwhile."
The detective straightened. Took a cigarette sitting on his ashtray and lit a match. "They aren't rumors passed by word of mouth. I strive to finish cases I've taken up."
She wore a striking pale green dress with a subtle slit on the side, showing off white, porcelain skin. Her hair became light reflecting on the bark of oak, long and slick on her bare shoulders. There was a weary manner about her tone, bleeding into her whole demeanor.
When she stared into his eyes, Alec couldn't help but be reminded of someone else. "Good. I need your help. My sister was murdered, and I want to know the son of a bitch who did this."
A/N: a little something i cooked up. there's still a lot i had planned for this prompt, but i think i'll leave it here for now. had a lot of fun conceptualizing lol.
submitted by dog_tears to WritingPrompts [link] [comments]
"Doctor. Hi."
A running joke direly accumulated from frequent visits. Brooke said their conversations reminded her of therapy. He wasn't sure how to interpret that.
Grunting in response, Alec removed the hat off his head before leaning forward, seeking to hear her voice better. It was too distractingly serene. "Busy night?"
"Only in passing. Remember, this is just a diner that serves drinks. No food. You can imagine how broad of a target audience I have."
"I got an idea."
Every night, like clockwork. She wiped the counter and talked about some book she finished recently. He went through a glass of Irish Coffee for about three hours, right on the edge of dusk. Each time, like clockwork, Alec walked her home without so much of a doubt of his company being welcome, nor a prospect of an invite. He never will.
(But he yearned; the press of a mattress scented with her skin, sounds narrowly gleaned underneath desperation and so, so much guilt.)
Brooke mentioned once that she had trouble with eye contact. "You ever been married, Doctor?"
"Can't say I have. It never felt right."
"Me neither. My previous husband told me the brunt of the problems' were on my side of the equation. One decade down the drain." Her bittersweet smile tugged on her lips, and Alec looked away. "Perhaps I was just unlucky."
"Marriage appear to be reserved for other people instead."
She didn't respond. The detective shifted his weight uneasily, expression becoming strained. "That isn't to say I'm not impartial in most things."
They arrived at her doorstep. Alec faced the opposite street, inspecting the surrounding perimeter. Feet shuffling. Keys taken out of a pocket. A lingering pause that raised the hairs on the back of his neck. "Thank you." She hadn't turned the lock as of yet, seemingly wanting to say more. For a moment, silence prevailed, raising hackles left and right.
"Maybe...someone could sway your opinion, Doctor, if you'd let it happen." Brooke stepped inside. "Well, I'll be waiting at the bar, as usual. See you then."
Like clockwork, she would thank him before locking the door, effectively shutting him out until they meet again later. She would provide the distance which allowed him to properly gather his thoughts in a more appropriate subject after a dream-like state.
(Golden band flickering against sunlight as her hair did. The simmer of ocean, grains of sand between crevices.)
Though this time might be different, and the detective won't be able to sleep it off.
(Pure, genuine bliss.)
-
Someone clearing their throat woke Alec abruptly. He raised his head from the desk to acknowledge the visitor, drowsy after hours of drinking. "Good morning..."
"Morning, detective. I heard you're the kind of man to inquire about pending affairs."
Given the impression he displayed for himself, Alec's potential client raised her brow, assessing him with an unseen checklist. So far, it seemed he was failing to meet standards.
"No secretary to greet for you?"
"Line of work. Couldn't ask some poor girl to die in my lobby now, can I?" He squinted at the ghostly woman who hovered over his shelves, peering into stacks of files. "How'd you come to know my services?"
"Pulled major strings. Had to give up a part of my space. I'm told it'd be worthwhile."
The detective straightened. Took a cigarette sitting on his ashtray and lit a match. "They aren't rumors passed by word of mouth. I strive to finish cases I've taken up."
She wore a striking pale green dress with a subtle slit on the side, showing off white, porcelain skin. Her hair became light reflecting on the bark of oak, long and slick on her bare shoulders. There was a weary manner about her tone, bleeding into her whole demeanor.
When she stared into his eyes, Alec couldn't help but be reminded of someone else. "Good. I need your help. My sister was murdered, and I want to know the son of a bitch who did this."
A/N: a little something i cooked up. there's still a lot i had planned for this prompt, but i think i'll leave it here for now. had a lot of fun conceptualizing lol.
2023.06.01 16:45 SchlesingerMindy323 [HIRING] 25 Jobs in FL Hiring Now!
2023.06.01 16:45 FornyCaychun I've been having the most incredibly strange, vivid dreams lately, and need them to stop. Plz help
I haven't dreamed for years, I don't have anything super stressful going on, but what bothers be the most is these dreams have no basis in reality. A few things connect, like people I know or knew, places I've been, but other than that they have no connection to my day to day life. And they are incredibly strange, like acid trip, fever dream strange. Things I can't hope to describe. Everytime I dream I think I have some understanding of what happened, until I try to put it into words, and then I just draw a blank. It's been happening every night without fail, my memory of them varies but of the ones I can remember, its like some otherworldly shit man. It's really affecting me emotionally and leaving me feeling mentally exhausted. I really want it to stop but again it seems to have no correlation to real world events or any changes in diet, habits, anything of that nature. I'm trying to start with a new job and need to be well rested and am trying to get my sleep schedule on track, and this is really throwing a wrench in things. Plz help
submitted by FornyCaychun to Advice [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 16:45 Best-Consequence4920 My husband cheated on me while I was pregnant and I do not longer love him or feel attracted to him.
My husband cheated on me while I was pregnant. I was working 45+ hours at a new job overnight, when on a random night a woman reach out to me via Facebook. I didn’t read the message immediately, because I got busy at work and read it at the end of my shift at 7 am. Then is when I learned he had been talking to a woman that he connected with on Tinder ( this by the way, made things worse bc he went out of his way to purposely look for someone while I was 7 months pregnant working 12 hours night shifts) I kicked him out the of the house but pregnancy is a very emotional state and you want to feel supported… I felt more lonely than I felt angry and they never slept together, they were just talking . So he came back after one week. The baby was born and then postpartum came, he never helped with any of the load or gave me a break. I was exhausted, I was depressed, and the only person who was helping was my mom. With that phase I built even more resentment towards him, and things slowly turned out to be more of a roommate situation with whom you split the bills (I had 16 weeks of full paid maternity leave so I was still bringing to the table) and someone who you have occasional sex with. Sex definitely decreased after the baby was born and after how I felt towards him, he always complained about being tired never gave me a break or took the baby. My parents came over to help me cook and clean and gave me breaks, they slowly fill his role as a partner and he didnt care to help. There has never been any gestures towards me, or any spontaneous way to show me that he cares, he basically was just sleeping at the house not having a routine with his new born or wife or family time, unless it was imposed by me and I felt so lonely every time my parents would leave. 12 months went by and I told him things were not working out and we needed therapy but he needed to be the one to arrange it as his input and initiative was non existent, I told him I was going to give him a year. He never tried to find a therapist or arrange anything and ignore everything I said and how I felt. And again I stayed, hoping he would change and could have a family. Recently almost 2 years later, he put his hands on me on a very nasty argument we were having (he grabbed me by the shoulders and threw me on the ground) so I packed my things and my child’s things and left, called my parents and moved back with them. I asked him for a divorce (in my state I have to wait a year) I asked him for a written statement as to how he wants to do visitations and he refuses, says he doesn’t want divorce that he is very sorry and now he booked therapy. I dont longer love him, or find him attractive. I feel safer and more supported by my parents, but it breaks my heart when my kid asks for him and every time he has come over this kid runs towards him with the biggest smile and cries when he leaves. He is using that to gaslight me and try to make it seem like it was my fault too, he cheated bc he felt “lonely” and threw me in the ground “because I was yelling too hard and I made him act out” I don’t think he loves me or respects and I think im better off without him, but am I being selfish and not thinking of my kid?
submitted by Best-Consequence4920 to Infidelity [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 16:44 Primary_Data5038 HELP! Will I be the ahole for asking my landlady to reduce my rent
19F here, I just moved out a month ago and I live in a basement owned by the family that lives upstairs. The rent was quite low, so I just went for it. I've been living here for a month and today I need to pay rent, which is 600. The problem is that there's a bug problem. Centipedes. Yes, centipedes. I did hear about Toronto having a bedbug problem, but I never thought there could be a centipede problem. I've killed over 40 centipedes since I moved here. On some days, I came home to centipedes on my bed, which I would then push off the bed and smash. I've spent about a 80 dollars on bug poison, mold killing spray, sealant to fix the gaps in the drywall, bug traps, turpentine to get rid of stains off the wall that look like it's from a horror movie, liners for inside the drawers, and some more. I've also repaired some furniture in this room and changed the very dim lit bulb. I've never lived somewhere this weird and dirty, I do my best to keep everything around me clean. The owner said she would pay me for what I spent, but I kind of feel weird about telling her how much I spent. She's a very nice lady who's in her 60s. I might add that I also spent a few nights awake to find out where the centipedes were coming from. I don't wanna be an asshole but I feel I shouldn't pay her anymore than 450 this month because of all the money and effort I put in fixing this place. I cutrently work as a florist and don't earn much either. I'm also applying for other jobs with no luck since inflation and layoffs are also a factor. This month I barely even had things to eat in my fridge. I don't know how I should approach this but I really need to earn and save money for my tution but with paying rent and having a low income job, I don't really know how long I can go on. I see this as an opportunity to save some money, should I take it? And if yes then how should I go about it?
submitted by Primary_Data5038 to helpme [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 16:44 PANDADA Told my wife we need to separate a few days ago...
So this is going to be long as I feel it's always important to share the full background of our relationship and what we have been through together.
Me (39/f) and my wife (35/f) have been together for 16 years, married for nearly 10. We are an interracial couple as well, her mom (her dad was probably okay with us but just went along with mom) never liked me because I'm white (among other issues) and always threatened to disown my wife if she stayed with me. Eventually we got married though (her parents didn't come to the wedding) and over time her mom seems to tolerate me now.
After my wife's dad passed away suddenly in 2013 (two months after we got married - her mom told her it was her fault, that the stress she caused them by marrying me gave her dad a heart attack; of course that's not true though!), my wife went through an existential crisis and then told me she wanted to transition (she was presenting male at that point). She told me early on when we were dating that she liked to cross dress and I had asked her how deep it went, did she think she was transgender, etc. and she told me at that time that she had previously thought about it, but was okay living life as a boy. What she didn't share at that time though was that she was okay with it because she thought when she'd die that she'd be a girl in heaven because you can be anything you want in heaven. So when her dad died, she faced her own mortality (this was the first person she ever lost in life, so that's a really heavy one as a first 😞) and started questioning what if there's no heaven, etc and decided she better transition so she can live without any regrets. This all came out in early summer 2014 after months of her pulling away from me, suddenly telling me sex was disgusting (after having been very sexual previously), a switch was flipped, and she no longer wanted to have sex ever again. I had no clue what was happening and she kept refusing therapy, etc and I finally broke down one night and asked if she wanted to divorce and she said no, so then I asked WTF was going on and THEN she told me she had been thinking about transitioning for months.
Unfortunately I had a horrible knee jerk reaction from the shock and dealing with the previous other stuff on top of it and said we'd divorce if she did that. 😓 It was really hard on me for a while, and I was still trying to figure it all out, while she was going full speed ahead because she had been thinking about it for months, while it was still new info to me. So essentially I eventually finally stopped thinking "I don't want to be with a woman", and started thinking "can I be with her?" And my mind shifted and when I told her I wanted to stay, but then she told me she wanted to separate and didn't think she felt the same way about me anymore. She essentially pushed me away again because as she later explained it to me, she was already accepting it was over before. We separated, she was staying with her brother temporarily and I moved out of the apartment the day before our first wedding anniversary. We had everything separated and the only thing left to do was make it legal, so when I told her to start looking for a mediator, she asked if we could hold off so she could figure out what she really wanted. 😓 Of course that made me angry. So to wrap up this part of the story, eventually she agreed to do couples counseling, we worked things out, she explained that she got turned off by sex because she knew I only saw her as a man at the time (before I even knew she wanted to transition) and we got back together. I moved back in with her in early 2015, even had a second wedding and renewed our vows in 2018. So essentially ever since early 2015, things have been great. Very happy, no conflict between us at all. Not even during covid.
Then last year she told me she was was suddenly thinking about death again. It was keeping her up at night and consuming her. I have since found out that it actually started in 2020, but she didn't say anything to me about it until last year! She told me she didn't tell me because she didn't want to drag me down with her. I encouraged her to go back to therapy and she did. She started reading books about Buddhism and Taoism too. Then out of no where, in early March, she asked to talk and said she thinks she's bisexual and polyamorous now and then said she wanted to explore this with her two best friends. 😩 My heart immediately shattered. She sees these friends a lot, in fact they're really the only two friends she sees. She told me she has no idea if they even return her feelings or if their even interested in poly relationships at all. They're both cis hetero men and they know she's trans. She also works with one of them. She actually worked with both of them, that's how she met them, but the friend she feels closest to just left the company a few months ago. She said she also knows it's a risk she might lose them as friends too, but just feels like she has to try. I asked her if she'd actively seek other partners if they turned her down and she said no.
This all came out while she's been dealing with her extreme fear of death. She's recently started seeing a new therapist for possible existential OCD. She and I both believe she has ADHD as well, symptoms definitely add up now that I've heard from friends/read more about it, but she hasn't sought to get an actual diagnosis yet. But essentially she told me, she was feeling this void in life (but I guess if you're so consumed by fear of death that it's likely you might feel a void in life?) and now all her views on life has changed - she no longer sees the world as black and white, she has let go of all boundaries and barriers and has let go of all attachments (this seems to be a Buddhism thing?). Her purpose now is to spread joy to people and make sure the people she loves are happy and fulfilled. She basically said she thought about a Chinese drama show she watched as a kid that involved a man having multiple wives, and a love and sex class in college that discused poly - why do we even have rules in life, etc and that "poly isn't bad" and "love isn't a bad thing". Her previous therapist asked her if she had anyone in mind to explore this with, she said she didn't. So then she intentionally thought who would she even explore this with (before saying anything to me), and then landed on these two friends because she "doesn't know anyone else". And then suddenly, poof she has romantic feelings for them? 😵💫 She has such strong feelings that exploring polyamory was the solution to her void, her focus is all on deepening connections with people now (except for me I guess?).
Essentially I'm 100% not okay with this and very monogamous and I've made it clear that if she HAS to explore this, we will have to divorce because I'll be miserable. I'm absolutely devastated after everything we've been through together and marrying twice, but I know I can't force her to stay either and she certainly can't force me to be okay with polyamory. She agreed to stop talking to these two friends while we tried to figure everything out so she hasn't even spoken to them since late March. She can't even say if she still has feelings for them right now since "she hasn't spoken to them for a while". She has been saying she wants to stay together, but because she had such strong feelings about this when she landed on it in her head, she's worried it'll resurface in the future. I just feel like there's multiple things going on and I had asked her weeks ago, what is her concern about not getting to explore polyamory and she literally said "it comes back to my issue with death". She's apparently accepted she's going to die, it's inevitable, but she's atheist now and believes there's nothing after death so if there's no memories or anything, then it's about what can she do with the one life she has to live? She said she wants to be able to experience and do everything she thinks she wants to try so she can look back on her life on her deathbed and say "at least I tried everything". This all comes across as a coping mechanism to me. 😞 But maybe I'm wrong and just in denial? Our couples counselor asked her if she feels stifled in our marriage and she said no. She confirmed she's 100% happy with me, there's nothing missing in our relationship, and there's nothing I need to do better, I do everything great. I just can't understand the mindset to throw away something you're 100% happy with, just to try something else. She even admitted she knows it might not work out, she may lose her friends, polyamory may not be what she thinks it is, but she just feels like she needs to TRY since she's so fixated on how she'll feel on her death bed in the future - and not trying something in her mind means she'll have regret at the end of her life and she wants to avoid that at all costs.
I know she doesn't want to lose me and says she wants to stay, but it's really hard for me to try to rebuild trust and she said she's lost faith in herself to commit again because of what's happened, she's worried she could be fine for another 5, 10+ years and then suddenly it might resurface that she has to explore poly.
Btw, she also did barely any research about polyamory before deciding she wanted to explore it and told me about it. So her decision/action was all based on what she's imagined in her head. It comes across as a coping mechanism to me about her issue with death and trying to make it "okay", but maybe I'm in denial? I'm 2014 she had started to drink and even tried vaping (she never smoked before) to try to cope with her discomfort. When I asked her to separate, I reminded her of that she asked if she has even considered this might be a coping mechanism and she said "maybe..." so I just told her she should probably explore that in therapy then.
She also told me that in order for her to consider other romantic relationships, it MUST be a deep connection in friendship first before she would try to make it romantic (but that's not even how we got together). So that just seemed odd to me, because if you start off platonic for a while anyway, there's no guarantee the other person will just magically develop feelings? And like you're going to intentionally try to make friends with poly people and tell them it needs to be platonic until she feels a deep connection, then she might consider making it romantic? 😵💫
So on Sunday night, I just told her I can't do this anymore. I can't sit here being lovey-dovey, saying I love you, making travel plans in the future like everything is fine. I told her I feel like I'm sitting here watching her stand in a doorway with one foot in and one foot out of our marriage and that she could leave at any moment. She's paralyzed, doesn't want to lose me because she IS very happy with me, but can't let go of the idea of exploring polyamory because then she's worried how she'll feel on her death bed the she didn't try it.
Btw, I don't think poly is inherently bad/wrong, it's just not something I want and my needs won't be met in the relationship. I even told her she may realize HER needs may no longer be met in the poly dynamic. I told her that our relationship is pretty conflict free (outside her existential crisises) and I don't want to throw a wrench into that by inviting possible conflict from her other relationships and how that could impact ours. It just seems too risky and I don't to deal with it. I've also spoken with poly friends on social media who have also gone through really horrible experiences, and I even met a woman last night who is going through divorce because she and her husband opened their relationship and it went horribly, her husband lied/cheated and now they're divorcing. She was the one who was curious about it too and said she's never doing it again.
Anyway, that's my story. I'm trying to focus on me now, in therapy and trying to deal with all the trauma. Trying to make new friends and fill up my time so I'm not sitting at home dwelling on it. It's definitely really hard to just move forward without the person I've been with for 16 years though and thought we'd be together forever, especially after everything we went through before. But while it's hard to imagine a future without her, it's also hard to imagine a future with her like this. 😞💔 Just trying to take it one day at a time right now. I'm going to go visit my aunt for a week on Saturday, so I'm looking forward to that.
Sending support and sympathy to everyone going through this. 💖
submitted by PANDADA to Divorce [link] [comments]
Me (39/f) and my wife (35/f) have been together for 16 years, married for nearly 10. We are an interracial couple as well, her mom (her dad was probably okay with us but just went along with mom) never liked me because I'm white (among other issues) and always threatened to disown my wife if she stayed with me. Eventually we got married though (her parents didn't come to the wedding) and over time her mom seems to tolerate me now.
After my wife's dad passed away suddenly in 2013 (two months after we got married - her mom told her it was her fault, that the stress she caused them by marrying me gave her dad a heart attack; of course that's not true though!), my wife went through an existential crisis and then told me she wanted to transition (she was presenting male at that point). She told me early on when we were dating that she liked to cross dress and I had asked her how deep it went, did she think she was transgender, etc. and she told me at that time that she had previously thought about it, but was okay living life as a boy. What she didn't share at that time though was that she was okay with it because she thought when she'd die that she'd be a girl in heaven because you can be anything you want in heaven. So when her dad died, she faced her own mortality (this was the first person she ever lost in life, so that's a really heavy one as a first 😞) and started questioning what if there's no heaven, etc and decided she better transition so she can live without any regrets. This all came out in early summer 2014 after months of her pulling away from me, suddenly telling me sex was disgusting (after having been very sexual previously), a switch was flipped, and she no longer wanted to have sex ever again. I had no clue what was happening and she kept refusing therapy, etc and I finally broke down one night and asked if she wanted to divorce and she said no, so then I asked WTF was going on and THEN she told me she had been thinking about transitioning for months.
Unfortunately I had a horrible knee jerk reaction from the shock and dealing with the previous other stuff on top of it and said we'd divorce if she did that. 😓 It was really hard on me for a while, and I was still trying to figure it all out, while she was going full speed ahead because she had been thinking about it for months, while it was still new info to me. So essentially I eventually finally stopped thinking "I don't want to be with a woman", and started thinking "can I be with her?" And my mind shifted and when I told her I wanted to stay, but then she told me she wanted to separate and didn't think she felt the same way about me anymore. She essentially pushed me away again because as she later explained it to me, she was already accepting it was over before. We separated, she was staying with her brother temporarily and I moved out of the apartment the day before our first wedding anniversary. We had everything separated and the only thing left to do was make it legal, so when I told her to start looking for a mediator, she asked if we could hold off so she could figure out what she really wanted. 😓 Of course that made me angry. So to wrap up this part of the story, eventually she agreed to do couples counseling, we worked things out, she explained that she got turned off by sex because she knew I only saw her as a man at the time (before I even knew she wanted to transition) and we got back together. I moved back in with her in early 2015, even had a second wedding and renewed our vows in 2018. So essentially ever since early 2015, things have been great. Very happy, no conflict between us at all. Not even during covid.
Then last year she told me she was was suddenly thinking about death again. It was keeping her up at night and consuming her. I have since found out that it actually started in 2020, but she didn't say anything to me about it until last year! She told me she didn't tell me because she didn't want to drag me down with her. I encouraged her to go back to therapy and she did. She started reading books about Buddhism and Taoism too. Then out of no where, in early March, she asked to talk and said she thinks she's bisexual and polyamorous now and then said she wanted to explore this with her two best friends. 😩 My heart immediately shattered. She sees these friends a lot, in fact they're really the only two friends she sees. She told me she has no idea if they even return her feelings or if their even interested in poly relationships at all. They're both cis hetero men and they know she's trans. She also works with one of them. She actually worked with both of them, that's how she met them, but the friend she feels closest to just left the company a few months ago. She said she also knows it's a risk she might lose them as friends too, but just feels like she has to try. I asked her if she'd actively seek other partners if they turned her down and she said no.
This all came out while she's been dealing with her extreme fear of death. She's recently started seeing a new therapist for possible existential OCD. She and I both believe she has ADHD as well, symptoms definitely add up now that I've heard from friends/read more about it, but she hasn't sought to get an actual diagnosis yet. But essentially she told me, she was feeling this void in life (but I guess if you're so consumed by fear of death that it's likely you might feel a void in life?) and now all her views on life has changed - she no longer sees the world as black and white, she has let go of all boundaries and barriers and has let go of all attachments (this seems to be a Buddhism thing?). Her purpose now is to spread joy to people and make sure the people she loves are happy and fulfilled. She basically said she thought about a Chinese drama show she watched as a kid that involved a man having multiple wives, and a love and sex class in college that discused poly - why do we even have rules in life, etc and that "poly isn't bad" and "love isn't a bad thing". Her previous therapist asked her if she had anyone in mind to explore this with, she said she didn't. So then she intentionally thought who would she even explore this with (before saying anything to me), and then landed on these two friends because she "doesn't know anyone else". And then suddenly, poof she has romantic feelings for them? 😵💫 She has such strong feelings that exploring polyamory was the solution to her void, her focus is all on deepening connections with people now (except for me I guess?).
Essentially I'm 100% not okay with this and very monogamous and I've made it clear that if she HAS to explore this, we will have to divorce because I'll be miserable. I'm absolutely devastated after everything we've been through together and marrying twice, but I know I can't force her to stay either and she certainly can't force me to be okay with polyamory. She agreed to stop talking to these two friends while we tried to figure everything out so she hasn't even spoken to them since late March. She can't even say if she still has feelings for them right now since "she hasn't spoken to them for a while". She has been saying she wants to stay together, but because she had such strong feelings about this when she landed on it in her head, she's worried it'll resurface in the future. I just feel like there's multiple things going on and I had asked her weeks ago, what is her concern about not getting to explore polyamory and she literally said "it comes back to my issue with death". She's apparently accepted she's going to die, it's inevitable, but she's atheist now and believes there's nothing after death so if there's no memories or anything, then it's about what can she do with the one life she has to live? She said she wants to be able to experience and do everything she thinks she wants to try so she can look back on her life on her deathbed and say "at least I tried everything". This all comes across as a coping mechanism to me. 😞 But maybe I'm wrong and just in denial? Our couples counselor asked her if she feels stifled in our marriage and she said no. She confirmed she's 100% happy with me, there's nothing missing in our relationship, and there's nothing I need to do better, I do everything great. I just can't understand the mindset to throw away something you're 100% happy with, just to try something else. She even admitted she knows it might not work out, she may lose her friends, polyamory may not be what she thinks it is, but she just feels like she needs to TRY since she's so fixated on how she'll feel on her death bed in the future - and not trying something in her mind means she'll have regret at the end of her life and she wants to avoid that at all costs.
I know she doesn't want to lose me and says she wants to stay, but it's really hard for me to try to rebuild trust and she said she's lost faith in herself to commit again because of what's happened, she's worried she could be fine for another 5, 10+ years and then suddenly it might resurface that she has to explore poly.
Btw, she also did barely any research about polyamory before deciding she wanted to explore it and told me about it. So her decision/action was all based on what she's imagined in her head. It comes across as a coping mechanism to me about her issue with death and trying to make it "okay", but maybe I'm in denial? I'm 2014 she had started to drink and even tried vaping (she never smoked before) to try to cope with her discomfort. When I asked her to separate, I reminded her of that she asked if she has even considered this might be a coping mechanism and she said "maybe..." so I just told her she should probably explore that in therapy then.
She also told me that in order for her to consider other romantic relationships, it MUST be a deep connection in friendship first before she would try to make it romantic (but that's not even how we got together). So that just seemed odd to me, because if you start off platonic for a while anyway, there's no guarantee the other person will just magically develop feelings? And like you're going to intentionally try to make friends with poly people and tell them it needs to be platonic until she feels a deep connection, then she might consider making it romantic? 😵💫
So on Sunday night, I just told her I can't do this anymore. I can't sit here being lovey-dovey, saying I love you, making travel plans in the future like everything is fine. I told her I feel like I'm sitting here watching her stand in a doorway with one foot in and one foot out of our marriage and that she could leave at any moment. She's paralyzed, doesn't want to lose me because she IS very happy with me, but can't let go of the idea of exploring polyamory because then she's worried how she'll feel on her death bed the she didn't try it.
Btw, I don't think poly is inherently bad/wrong, it's just not something I want and my needs won't be met in the relationship. I even told her she may realize HER needs may no longer be met in the poly dynamic. I told her that our relationship is pretty conflict free (outside her existential crisises) and I don't want to throw a wrench into that by inviting possible conflict from her other relationships and how that could impact ours. It just seems too risky and I don't to deal with it. I've also spoken with poly friends on social media who have also gone through really horrible experiences, and I even met a woman last night who is going through divorce because she and her husband opened their relationship and it went horribly, her husband lied/cheated and now they're divorcing. She was the one who was curious about it too and said she's never doing it again.
Anyway, that's my story. I'm trying to focus on me now, in therapy and trying to deal with all the trauma. Trying to make new friends and fill up my time so I'm not sitting at home dwelling on it. It's definitely really hard to just move forward without the person I've been with for 16 years though and thought we'd be together forever, especially after everything we went through before. But while it's hard to imagine a future without her, it's also hard to imagine a future with her like this. 😞💔 Just trying to take it one day at a time right now. I'm going to go visit my aunt for a week on Saturday, so I'm looking forward to that.
Sending support and sympathy to everyone going through this. 💖
2023.06.01 16:42 Dangerous-Bag-7327 [HIRING] 20 Jobs in Indianapolis Hiring Now!
2023.06.01 16:42 Ok_Imagination_3287 My (30F) boyfriend (33M) is on vacation and we haven’t talked to each other, I’m anxiously attached.
My (30F) boyfriend (33M) and I have been seeing each other for 4 months. My concern is that I have anxious attachment style and he’s not a big texter, and now he’s on vacation and I haven’t heard from him in days.
I have typically been in relationships where texting was a big component. There’s never been a discussion around texting but I was used to receiving “good morning/night” texts from all previous partners, as well as check in “how was your day” type texts when we weren’t seeing each other.
My current boyfriend isn’t attached to his phone at all. He routinely will forget to even put it in his pocket when he runs errands, he’ll frequently take it out of his pocket at the gym and walk away to a new exercise machine. He’s not a big texter, we only text to make plans. He uses Snapchat sporadically. He has explicitly said “people think they’re really important to me because I reply to their messages fast, but really I just don’t like the red notification bubble.” His replies are mostly emojis, one or two words or “liking” a message. We really only text each other to make plans.
Initially this really bothered me because I’m anxious attachment style. But I’ve been really working on it and honestly it kind of works for me now to not be glued to my phone (I have a very literal “hands on” job so being on my phone is horribly disruptive), and when we see each other we always have a lot to talk about since we haven’t been checking in every day.
Right now, however, I’m feeling extra anxious. He’s on vacation, and he has a job in the medical field so he works in block schedules, and right now his schedule surrounds the vacation dates. So by the time he returns from vacation he’ll roll right back into work. Which means we’ll go about 20 days without seeing each other. Right now it’s been 9 days since I last saw him. And we haven’t texted at all. He is updating his Snapchat story with photos, but I’m not huge into Snapchat, I only made one because he uses it.
I feel like I should also add there’s a high probability he’s undiagnosed ASD. He doesn’t have an official diagnosis but has said multiple times he’s gone to several therapists over the past decade and all of them have said he’s absolutely on the spectrum. So there’s a chance there some “out of sight out of mind” going on right now. I know if I text him “how’s it going” I’ll get a response, he always responds. But I know if it’s not “important” he’s not interested in the idle chit-chat, plus he’ll tell me about his vacation when he gets back.
He did also invite me to join him on this vacation, but I couldn’t make it work with my work schedule.
I’m wondering if this seems like a red-flag communication style? How can I go about asking for more contact without coming off as needy, anxious attachment, or overwhelming him?
TLDR: my (30F) boyfriend (33M) is on vacation and we haven’t talked in 9 days, is this a red flag?
submitted by Ok_Imagination_3287 to relationships [link] [comments]
I have typically been in relationships where texting was a big component. There’s never been a discussion around texting but I was used to receiving “good morning/night” texts from all previous partners, as well as check in “how was your day” type texts when we weren’t seeing each other.
My current boyfriend isn’t attached to his phone at all. He routinely will forget to even put it in his pocket when he runs errands, he’ll frequently take it out of his pocket at the gym and walk away to a new exercise machine. He’s not a big texter, we only text to make plans. He uses Snapchat sporadically. He has explicitly said “people think they’re really important to me because I reply to their messages fast, but really I just don’t like the red notification bubble.” His replies are mostly emojis, one or two words or “liking” a message. We really only text each other to make plans.
Initially this really bothered me because I’m anxious attachment style. But I’ve been really working on it and honestly it kind of works for me now to not be glued to my phone (I have a very literal “hands on” job so being on my phone is horribly disruptive), and when we see each other we always have a lot to talk about since we haven’t been checking in every day.
Right now, however, I’m feeling extra anxious. He’s on vacation, and he has a job in the medical field so he works in block schedules, and right now his schedule surrounds the vacation dates. So by the time he returns from vacation he’ll roll right back into work. Which means we’ll go about 20 days without seeing each other. Right now it’s been 9 days since I last saw him. And we haven’t texted at all. He is updating his Snapchat story with photos, but I’m not huge into Snapchat, I only made one because he uses it.
I feel like I should also add there’s a high probability he’s undiagnosed ASD. He doesn’t have an official diagnosis but has said multiple times he’s gone to several therapists over the past decade and all of them have said he’s absolutely on the spectrum. So there’s a chance there some “out of sight out of mind” going on right now. I know if I text him “how’s it going” I’ll get a response, he always responds. But I know if it’s not “important” he’s not interested in the idle chit-chat, plus he’ll tell me about his vacation when he gets back.
He did also invite me to join him on this vacation, but I couldn’t make it work with my work schedule.
I’m wondering if this seems like a red-flag communication style? How can I go about asking for more contact without coming off as needy, anxious attachment, or overwhelming him?
TLDR: my (30F) boyfriend (33M) is on vacation and we haven’t talked in 9 days, is this a red flag?
2023.06.01 16:39 throwaway0986766 Should I choose masters or job?
Hi everyone!
I have two degrees now: a Bachelor's in Physics and a Master's in Data Science, both obtained in India.
I'm finding it difficult to secure a job in data science-related fields during both campus placements and off-campus placements. Most companies seem to offer low salaries to freshers while expecting them to have extensive experience with a wide range of tools. The job I managed to get is in network and cloud engineering, but I'm not sure if I want to pursue that career path.
Meanwhile, I'm also in the process of applying for a Master's program in physics in Germany, and I have already started the application process.
I'm unsure whether I should take the current job and gain some experience before pursuing my Master's, or if I should move abroad first and find a part-time job while studying.
The pressure of everyone around me finding jobs and becoming financially independent is causing me anxiety and making it challenging for me to make a decision.
Please help me choose.
Thank you!
submitted by throwaway0986766 to careerguidance [link] [comments]
I have two degrees now: a Bachelor's in Physics and a Master's in Data Science, both obtained in India.
I'm finding it difficult to secure a job in data science-related fields during both campus placements and off-campus placements. Most companies seem to offer low salaries to freshers while expecting them to have extensive experience with a wide range of tools. The job I managed to get is in network and cloud engineering, but I'm not sure if I want to pursue that career path.
Meanwhile, I'm also in the process of applying for a Master's program in physics in Germany, and I have already started the application process.
I'm unsure whether I should take the current job and gain some experience before pursuing my Master's, or if I should move abroad first and find a part-time job while studying.
The pressure of everyone around me finding jobs and becoming financially independent is causing me anxiety and making it challenging for me to make a decision.
Please help me choose.
Thank you!
2023.06.01 16:39 Big-Garden9389 My (30M) girlfriend (30F) works in healthcare, and it feels like I'm taking care of a child. How to I broach the subject?
My girlfriend and I have been dating for 3 years. We met while she was finishing her medical residency, and moved in together 5 months ago. I have always had a tremendous amount of respect for healthcare workers, and even more so after getting an up-close view of the toll it takes on a person. She has seen and dealt with a lot of horrible things due to her specific field, and ever since I met her I've always tried to be there for her anyway I can. However, since moving in together, me "being there" has become almost unsustainable. To me, this is a very difficult situation to navigate, and although my title might sound harsh, I want to approach it delicately.
My girlfriend (not a Doctor for some info) works in surgery, specifically trauma. As mentioned, she's seen some horrible things. Her schedule is also constantly fluctuating, meaning she can work a few 12 hour days in a row, then the next week work a few 12 hour nights in a row. Add in that she is on her feet for the entire day, it's easy to see how a schedule like that can leave a person drained. When we lived separately, and the first couple of months living together, I would do everything I could when she was going through a rough stretch. I'd clean, do dishes, make food, get flowers, run a bath, buy presents, leave love notes, plan small weekend trips for when she was off. Anything really to cheer her up.
And she was always extremely appreciative. Again, I didn't do it for that reason, but she would always tell me how much these acts/gestures helped. That was until a couple months into living together. It was almost like an overnight change. I work an 8-5 desk job where I work from home two days a week (this will be important later). It was a day I had to go into the office, and ended up working late (until around 6pm), and after a 45 minute commute I didn't get home until 6:45. When I got home, I immediately did a bit of cleaning and some laundry, before my girlfriend got home at 7:30pm. She asked what was for dinner, to which I explained I had gotten home late, hadn't had time to cook, but could order us something. She simply said "Oh" before going into our room and shutting the door behind her. She came out a half hour later and started making instant ramen for herself. I asked again if she wanted to me order something, but she went on a long angry rant about how she worked so hard and it would just be nice to come home to a cooked meal. She didn't want to wait for ordered food to arrive, so made herself the ramen. I figured she must've had a really bad day, and just tried to diffuse the situation. But since that day, the things I would do for her have turned from nice gestures to expectations.
I now find myself stressing about these things I loved to do. What am I going to cook for dinner tonight, when can I fit shopping into my schedule, did I make plans for our weekend off. It's emotionally and financially draining. Especially when it is so one sided. There have been days she's off while I work, and when I come home asking what she wants to do for dinner she'll tell me she already ate, or just start making herself something. I also find myself getting nervous about seeing her when she's on a difficult stretch of shifts. I don't know exactly how to put it into words, but she'll come home so mad and pissed off at her day, and direct it all towards me. If I made dinner she'll take it and eat by herself, if I'm cleaning she'll act like I'm in the way, if I am sitting watching TV she'll get mad at me for doing nothing, I just can't win. The only thing I can do in those moments is try and be positive in some way. Because if I'm not extremely bright and positive on those days, her mood will get worse. But even when I directly ask what I can do to help, she'll get mad at me for having the nerve to ask.
And even more difficult is that I can't really show any signs of displeasure from my own job. I can't complain because it's not as difficult as hers. I'm not allowed to be tired. I'm not allowed to have bad days. She's also started to make comments on days I work from home. I work extremely hard when I'm in the office so my WFH days can be a bit lighter. This seems to almost anger her, and she'll say things like "I really picked the wrong field."
I love this girl to death, and this problem only came up a couple of months ago, but I sincerely feel like I'm taking care of a child. She isn't like this all the time but it happens more often than it reasonably should. I know I need to have a conversation with her, which is why I'm posting here. I want to bring this up as delicately as possible, because at the end of the day she is working really hard and does sacrifice a lot for her job. But it's gotten past the point of that being a valid excuse. Any help and insight is greatly appreciated!
submitted by Big-Garden9389 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
My girlfriend (not a Doctor for some info) works in surgery, specifically trauma. As mentioned, she's seen some horrible things. Her schedule is also constantly fluctuating, meaning she can work a few 12 hour days in a row, then the next week work a few 12 hour nights in a row. Add in that she is on her feet for the entire day, it's easy to see how a schedule like that can leave a person drained. When we lived separately, and the first couple of months living together, I would do everything I could when she was going through a rough stretch. I'd clean, do dishes, make food, get flowers, run a bath, buy presents, leave love notes, plan small weekend trips for when she was off. Anything really to cheer her up.
And she was always extremely appreciative. Again, I didn't do it for that reason, but she would always tell me how much these acts/gestures helped. That was until a couple months into living together. It was almost like an overnight change. I work an 8-5 desk job where I work from home two days a week (this will be important later). It was a day I had to go into the office, and ended up working late (until around 6pm), and after a 45 minute commute I didn't get home until 6:45. When I got home, I immediately did a bit of cleaning and some laundry, before my girlfriend got home at 7:30pm. She asked what was for dinner, to which I explained I had gotten home late, hadn't had time to cook, but could order us something. She simply said "Oh" before going into our room and shutting the door behind her. She came out a half hour later and started making instant ramen for herself. I asked again if she wanted to me order something, but she went on a long angry rant about how she worked so hard and it would just be nice to come home to a cooked meal. She didn't want to wait for ordered food to arrive, so made herself the ramen. I figured she must've had a really bad day, and just tried to diffuse the situation. But since that day, the things I would do for her have turned from nice gestures to expectations.
I now find myself stressing about these things I loved to do. What am I going to cook for dinner tonight, when can I fit shopping into my schedule, did I make plans for our weekend off. It's emotionally and financially draining. Especially when it is so one sided. There have been days she's off while I work, and when I come home asking what she wants to do for dinner she'll tell me she already ate, or just start making herself something. I also find myself getting nervous about seeing her when she's on a difficult stretch of shifts. I don't know exactly how to put it into words, but she'll come home so mad and pissed off at her day, and direct it all towards me. If I made dinner she'll take it and eat by herself, if I'm cleaning she'll act like I'm in the way, if I am sitting watching TV she'll get mad at me for doing nothing, I just can't win. The only thing I can do in those moments is try and be positive in some way. Because if I'm not extremely bright and positive on those days, her mood will get worse. But even when I directly ask what I can do to help, she'll get mad at me for having the nerve to ask.
And even more difficult is that I can't really show any signs of displeasure from my own job. I can't complain because it's not as difficult as hers. I'm not allowed to be tired. I'm not allowed to have bad days. She's also started to make comments on days I work from home. I work extremely hard when I'm in the office so my WFH days can be a bit lighter. This seems to almost anger her, and she'll say things like "I really picked the wrong field."
I love this girl to death, and this problem only came up a couple of months ago, but I sincerely feel like I'm taking care of a child. She isn't like this all the time but it happens more often than it reasonably should. I know I need to have a conversation with her, which is why I'm posting here. I want to bring this up as delicately as possible, because at the end of the day she is working really hard and does sacrifice a lot for her job. But it's gotten past the point of that being a valid excuse. Any help and insight is greatly appreciated!
2023.06.01 16:38 Zealousideal-Pin8790 been on seroquel 2 weeks already on mirtazapine and pregabalin still not sleeping well my other option is trazadone or lorazepam which i know you can only take short term. i feel like i have no future ahead of me with my anxiety and insomnia
34 yr old female no physical problems diagnosed with GAD and depression. problems started about 13 years ago with anxiety had to go on zopiclone and diazepam for a year. then was well for 10 years on escitalopram (lexapro). unfortunately this then pooped out on me and i started getting depressed and was switched to amitryptyline which seemed to help but after 4 weeks i stupidly drunk on them and had to go to the ER with chest pain pain down arm was just told anxiety. tried sertraline, paroxetine, im sensitive to side effects, been under the nhs crisis team 4 times now. i was put on mirtazapine and pregabalin for a year and a half i’ve never felt much better anxiety wise although it helped me sleep. on 30mg mirtazapine and 200mg pregabalin. i lost my mum suddenly last summer and started getting insomnia slowly then the last 3 months every other night il sleep 2 hours then crash the next. this has made me lose my job, i can’t make plans with friends and now feel suicidal. the psychiatrist put me on seroquel 2 weeks ago im on 50mg IR twice a day and my sleep is still jsut as bad if not worse i now toss and turn and need to pee alot. i feel like i’m out of options the other one they suggested is trazadone or lorazepam does any of e have any advice? ive tried lots of natural methods acupuncrure sleep hygiene exercise yoga etc doesn’t make much difference.
submitted by Zealousideal-Pin8790 to insomnia [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 16:35 cswimc Odd experience
Having an old car ready to junk, last Friday, I shopped around online and reached out to a dealership that was close enough to visit and used their online portal to reserve a car. I figured I'd have the whole process done by Monday as I was literally just looking at available inventory and didn't want to bother haggling over the price for a 1-3% savings. So, I reserve the car, fill out all the paperwork, upload my ID, and get an email confirmation that a Sales rep will be in touch. Saturday comes around, I get some emails about Memorial Day sales (this is in the US), and a dealer sales rep contacts me. I reply back that I'm ready to schedule a test drive, good for a call, and I can stop by the dealership. Out the door price guarantee was all set using the dealers site. I got no response. I called the sales rep and left a message, and never got a call back.
On Monday, around 8AM the sales manager sends out an email and asks how my experience was and they are eager to work with me and asked if I liked the car all via email. I reply back within 10 minutes of getting the message and inform him nobody ever got back to me, I never test drove a vehicle, and that I was still interested in getting something scheduled. I wait until about 12pm and call. No answer, so I leave a message. I got no response.
I send out a follow up email on Tuesday and ask what the problem is regarding communication. I get no response, so I call the manager again. I leave a detailed message with all the info I provided in this post above and add to it verbatim "maybe your systems send out automated messages via email that nobody is checking? I've also tried calling but haven't gotten a call back, so I'm getting the impression your aren't interested and if that's the case I'll just look at another dealership."
Well, after that voicemail, I got a call back within an hour, and it was the sales manager. When I answered the phone, I barely got a hello. I was greeted with "This is, from , and I don't send out automated emails. I write my own emails. My sales rep should have been in touch. I don't deal with used vehicles either, I only sell new vehicles. You can speak with our Used Vehicle Sales Manager. I'm putting you on hold..." Then the used sales manager comes on the line, also sounds very curt, and asks if I am still interested in the car. I reply yes, and we schedule an appointment for yesterday at 10AM.
Overall, I didn't like the interactions so far. But whatever, I figured I'm just making a purchase, I'll ignore it. That is until my wife and I take the day off, go in at 10AM, and wait around for the sales rep. Nobody greeted us at the dealership, maybe the sales guy was running late, but they should have let us know. We let the receptionist know (I assume that was her job) we were there. We stayed for about 20 minutes, and then left.
We ended up going to another dealership yesterday and it was a night and day difference where the sales team was enthusiastic, no pressure on making the sale, upfront about all costs, and in the end, they made the sale.
So, if you made it through this essay of a post, I pose the question... what's up with the first dealership? They had a motivated buyer, it would have been an easy sale, but instead they failed at communication efforts, were rude over the phone, and ignored us when we actually went in person. Very odd. I guess they didn't want the sale??? As for the second dealership, we had the the complete opposite experience and bought a car from them instead.
submitted by cswimc to askcarsales [link] [comments]
On Monday, around 8AM the sales manager sends out an email and asks how my experience was and they are eager to work with me and asked if I liked the car all via email. I reply back within 10 minutes of getting the message and inform him nobody ever got back to me, I never test drove a vehicle, and that I was still interested in getting something scheduled. I wait until about 12pm and call. No answer, so I leave a message. I got no response.
I send out a follow up email on Tuesday and ask what the problem is regarding communication. I get no response, so I call the manager again. I leave a detailed message with all the info I provided in this post above and add to it verbatim "maybe your systems send out automated messages via email that nobody is checking? I've also tried calling but haven't gotten a call back, so I'm getting the impression your aren't interested and if that's the case I'll just look at another dealership."
Well, after that voicemail, I got a call back within an hour, and it was the sales manager. When I answered the phone, I barely got a hello. I was greeted with "This is
Overall, I didn't like the interactions so far. But whatever, I figured I'm just making a purchase, I'll ignore it. That is until my wife and I take the day off, go in at 10AM, and wait around for the sales rep. Nobody greeted us at the dealership, maybe the sales guy was running late, but they should have let us know. We let the receptionist know (I assume that was her job) we were there. We stayed for about 20 minutes, and then left.
We ended up going to another dealership yesterday and it was a night and day difference where the sales team was enthusiastic, no pressure on making the sale, upfront about all costs, and in the end, they made the sale.
So, if you made it through this essay of a post, I pose the question... what's up with the first dealership? They had a motivated buyer, it would have been an easy sale, but instead they failed at communication efforts, were rude over the phone, and ignored us when we actually went in person. Very odd. I guess they didn't want the sale??? As for the second dealership, we had the the complete opposite experience and bought a car from them instead.
2023.06.01 16:33 SnooStories1038 Need to get these fosters adopted..
 | Miska submitted by SnooStories1038 to rescuedogs [link] [comments] Lately it seems like I am the only person that cares about stray dogs where I live.. I now have 2 rescues of my own and two rescues that I’m fostering (and no one wants) I live in a 1 bedroom crappy upstairs apartment with FOUR dogs and I can’t even afford to feed myself some days! I had to doordash for 4 hours to get a bag of dog food yesterday. I have a job but bills are a killer and I’m trying to afford a 2 bedroom so my son can stay the night with me. Miska and my amazing kiddo I love these pups like crazy, but my Belgian Malinois rescue doesn’t get along with the fosters! So I have to keep everyone separated. I want these dogs to be loved… they deserve to be loved and not on the street scared and hungry. the local shelters aren’t accepting intakes (not that it’s a valid option…) How do I get these guys adopted?! In the last 2 years, I’ve gotten 20 dogs off the street with my limited means. But it seems like homes are just too hard to find lately. Roofus |
2023.06.01 16:32 ForSacredRussia1 Rospartizan 👊⬜🟦⬜👊: "⚡️ This morning there was a battle with Putin's security forces near the Shebekino checkpoint and Novaya Tavolzhanka. The main recent newsmakers are the Russian Volunteer Corps with their fractures of the Russian border and the Legion of Freedom of Russia"
 | SOURCE: https:// t . me/rospartizan/1749 submitted by ForSacredRussia1 to FreedomofRussia [link] [comments] Rospartizan 👊⬜🟦⬜👊 ENGLISH: ⚡️ This morning there was a battle with Putin's security forces near the Shebekino checkpoint and Novaya Tavolzhanka. The main recent newsmakers are the Russian Volunteer Corps (https:// t . me/russvolcorps/561) with their fractures of the Russian border and the Legion of Freedom of Russia (https:// telesco . pe/legionoffreedom/827). "Let's get the Motherland" has ceased to be a beautiful national revolutionary slogan, but has become a decisive instruction for action. While we are waiting for the details of the next raid, we will emphasize how important it is to choose the right symbols and words. But only the personal courage of the Russian resistance fighters makes them a true story. ---------------------------- RUSSIAN: ⚡️ Сегодня утром произошел бой с путинскими силовиками в районе МАПП «Шебекино» и Новой Таволжанки. Главные ньюсмейкеры последнего времени — Русский Добровольческий Корпус (https:// t . me/russvolcorps/561) с их переломами российской границы и Легион Свобода России (https:// telesco . pe/legionoffreedom/827). «Добудем Родину» перестало быть красивым национал-революционным лозунгом, а стало решительным наставлением к действию. Пока мы ждём подробностей очередного рейда, подчеркнем, насколько важно подбирать правильные символы и слова. Но только личная смелость бойцов русского сопротивления делает их подлинной историей. |
2023.06.01 16:31 daniel_stotler46 As a kid, I thought Phyllis was worse than Resetti. After replaying New Leaf on the 3DS again as an adult, I have never related to a character more in my life.
 | Anyone else think this same way? As a kid playing Animal Crossing on GameCube, I HATED Phyllis, and just how mean she was in that game. submitted by daniel_stotler46 to AnimalCrossing [link] [comments] Just recently, I found my old 3DS and erased my New Leaf save file to start again, and looking back… was Phyllis REALLY that bad?? Or just a relatable character? Here are some key points to support my thesis:
Let me know your thoughts below. Thanks! |
2023.06.01 16:31 SouperMna I might get fired?
Honestly its been a stressful few weeks. I work at a common retail store in Canada and got a new manager roughly 2 years ago. My manager has always treated me differently then the other employees, I didn't even notice that she was for the first year because I never had any shifts with her. However in August of last year I got promoted to key holder and I have had more shifts with her over time. Recently she has been giving me no hours, slightly worried for my income I asked her why. I was told it was because of my availability, mind you no one else is unavailable and I'm available open-6pm Monday, Tuesday and Wednesdays and I'm fully available every other day. I contacted my district manager and asked her. I will be seeing her today when I get to work. Now you're probably wondering why I think I might be getting the boot. My manager has always picked on me about the smallest stuff even when other people would do the same stuff Infront of her, so I have a few "warnings" and one write up, another key holder is scheduled to close the store with me today too, which really means that if I get fired they have someone there to cover. My anxiety is telling me I'm getting fired and I didn't get much sleep last night, I don't know what to do. It could just be me thinking about every bad outcome but its been bothering me a lot.
submitted by SouperMna to offmychest [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 16:30 Low_Needleworker1079 cheating OCD
there are 2 things that race through my mind constantly with a cheating ocd theme. one is a past coworker who i found attractive and now i look back thinking i should have never had conversations with him or been near him, even though we had the same position at that job and had to be near each other constantly. the other is when me and my partner first starting talking, there was a girl i had talked to prior, who i had never met and i stopped talking to before i even met my partner, however she would occasionally just send me pictures of her face on sc, and i didn’t block her until like a week or 2 after i met my current partner. at the time i didn’t think much of it because i wasn’t talking to her, and i remember getting an annoyance from her every time she would, but now i look back and think i cheated because i didn’t block her the second i met my partner. i feel like i’m both situations i did something awful. “why didn’t you stay away from that coworker, you wanted to be near him and wanted him to be attracted to you”, “why didn’t you block her the first day you and your partner started talking, you wanted her attention and secretly wanted to talk to her”, all these thoughts and more race through my mind every single day and it’s debilitating. i feel like an awful person and an even worse gf. i love my partner so much and i know i would never cheat, these instances just make me worry that i somehow did in some way
submitted by Low_Needleworker1079 to ROCD [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 16:30 laney8601 21F diagnosed with PVD
Hi all. I’m a 21 year old female, and for a few years now I’ve noticed floaters, mainly the black ones. They are only in my right eye. I have the occasional clear ones in my left eye, but not many at all. I saw 2 new floaters near the center of my vision 6 days ago, and made an appointment that day. They told me everything looked fine. That night, I started seeing a semi circle shaped flash in the bottom of my peripheral in my right eye. I freaked out, and made an appointment with my actual retina specialist 2 days ago. They told me I have partial PVD in my right eye. My left eye looks just fine. I’m confused if I somehow got PVD between my few days out of office, or if my regular eye doctor just didn’t see it/mention it? I’m nervous because I go back on the 12th, but I leave for a week long vacation by plane on the 20th. I’m also a hypochondriac which is starting to ruin my life. I’ve been like this for about a year. I guess my main question is, what causes PVD at 21? Why did I get it so young? I have had no trauma to my eye. I’m near sighted, but not extremely. Thanks! Just need some advice. Also, once my PVD is “complete” are there any serious risks associated with it?
submitted by laney8601 to EyeFloaters [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 16:30 SchlesingerMindy323 [HIRING] 25 Jobs in DE Hiring Now!
2023.06.01 16:28 PritchettRobert506 [HIRING] 25 Jobs in Minneapolis Hiring Now!
2023.06.01 16:28 Mklu333 My (23f) husband (28m) wants a divorce… I think
Well, I never thought I would be one to put all my personal business onto an online platform for judgement, but here it goes....this is a long one!
My husband and I got married in 2021 during the pandemic. It was a pretty fast marriage. We met at a work training event in May of 2020, and got married in February of 2021. He was moving overseas and we didn't want to be apart. We had an instant connection when we met, and although we were going into a long distance relationship, we spoke basically daily on the phone. We worked around the time zone difference and one another's work/social life schedules. It was difficult at times, especially since he had just moved overseas. I stayed back when he initially moved because I had pets prior to the marriage and had to arrange for their moving services as well. I moved overseas and it was rocky in the beginning, much like we picked up from where we left off on our phone talks. His job was a lot more stressful than mine was. Naturally household things started to fall more and more on my shoulders and it started to become too much. I already made dinner every night, and did all of our laundry, but it got to a point where I felt straight up disrespected. We would have a talk about how I need help around the house, then immediately after the talk he would make himself a snack and destroy the kitchen. Or take a shower and leave water & his dirty clothes in the floor. Or just come home from work and leave his stuff everywhere. There were a lot of arguments and talks about different methods we could try to ensure we were both happy with the work life balance. Eventually it resulted in him saying I was too controlling and he was free spirited. Or my "OCD" (I am not diagnosed with OCD) is crazy and over the top. He would tell me he shouldn't have to pick his stuff up right away and that it isn't as big of a deal as l am making it. I tried to back off and give him time to pick up his things, and not ask him to do things around the house, but for the whole week the house was absolutely disgusting. The trash was piled up, his laundry was everywhere, dishes were everywhere, trash was spread across the house. It was just not working out, and I gave up and started doing everything on my own again. He started secluding himself quite a bit. There were some nights where we would only say a handful of words to one another, usually after I would make dinner. Around this time he started drinking quite a bit as well, and that became something I told him I wasn't comfortable with, as my parents were alcoholics (as were his) growing up. Having a beer or two here and there is one thing, but having two-three a night with a glass of whiskey or two, on top of his well known stress and signs of depression was concerning to me. We had a lot of ups and downs, we started therapy, and he was diagnosed with depression. It wasn't really shocking, but it was affirming.
A few things had happened that I had set a boundary about (not cheating), and I moved back to the states for a few months so I could have the opportunity to heal. We really took therapy seriously during this time and saw a therapist multiple times a week for 3-4 months. Once I returned back overseas it all picked up again. It was good for a little while, but after about a month or two we were basically back to where we started. We had improved drastically in how we communicated, but it didn't really improve the issues. It was still as if we would talk and we might as well never had that conversation because nothing would change.
Fast forward to now. In therapy, divorce was mentioned a few times, and we had agreed (with the therapist) that we would not mention divorce unless that is what we really wanted. It is common in relationships that it is used as a threat, and we were 100% guilty of that in the beginning of our marriage. Everything has been going relatively good recently, and for long time, essentially since we have been in therapy (August of 2022), we have not mentioned divorce. We are struggling with our sx life, and have been for a long time. I have a super high drive, but my husband really could care less about sx, at least throughout our relationship. I mean, we have gone 2 months without having sex. And that is not uncommon for us. Anytime I bring it up he tells me that I make him feel bad about himself when I ask, and he is just stressed out. I just feel like there is always an excuse... anyhow, yesterday he asked if we could talk. He told me that I stress him out. When I asked him how, he said he cannot pin point a reason why, and that he isn't happy in our marriage and that he thinks he isn't right for anyone. We haven't had any major fights recently, but I knew this was coming. I have felt like things have been off for a majority of our marriage.. despite therapy and the endless talks we have had on how to better our relationship.
Today, he has asked to talk again and is acting surprised that I am making plans to go back to the states already. He asked if I could stay for awhile before we file for divorce. Or if I would want to go back to the states and wait on him to come back to the states and see where we can go from there (he is moving in about 6 months). I feel like it was a hard “don’t say it unless you want it" boundary. Should I have been more clear when setting that boundary, or was it obvious since it was discussed multiple times? I feel like he wants me to beg him to stay… Any opinions are appreciated.
submitted by Mklu333 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
My husband and I got married in 2021 during the pandemic. It was a pretty fast marriage. We met at a work training event in May of 2020, and got married in February of 2021. He was moving overseas and we didn't want to be apart. We had an instant connection when we met, and although we were going into a long distance relationship, we spoke basically daily on the phone. We worked around the time zone difference and one another's work/social life schedules. It was difficult at times, especially since he had just moved overseas. I stayed back when he initially moved because I had pets prior to the marriage and had to arrange for their moving services as well. I moved overseas and it was rocky in the beginning, much like we picked up from where we left off on our phone talks. His job was a lot more stressful than mine was. Naturally household things started to fall more and more on my shoulders and it started to become too much. I already made dinner every night, and did all of our laundry, but it got to a point where I felt straight up disrespected. We would have a talk about how I need help around the house, then immediately after the talk he would make himself a snack and destroy the kitchen. Or take a shower and leave water & his dirty clothes in the floor. Or just come home from work and leave his stuff everywhere. There were a lot of arguments and talks about different methods we could try to ensure we were both happy with the work life balance. Eventually it resulted in him saying I was too controlling and he was free spirited. Or my "OCD" (I am not diagnosed with OCD) is crazy and over the top. He would tell me he shouldn't have to pick his stuff up right away and that it isn't as big of a deal as l am making it. I tried to back off and give him time to pick up his things, and not ask him to do things around the house, but for the whole week the house was absolutely disgusting. The trash was piled up, his laundry was everywhere, dishes were everywhere, trash was spread across the house. It was just not working out, and I gave up and started doing everything on my own again. He started secluding himself quite a bit. There were some nights where we would only say a handful of words to one another, usually after I would make dinner. Around this time he started drinking quite a bit as well, and that became something I told him I wasn't comfortable with, as my parents were alcoholics (as were his) growing up. Having a beer or two here and there is one thing, but having two-three a night with a glass of whiskey or two, on top of his well known stress and signs of depression was concerning to me. We had a lot of ups and downs, we started therapy, and he was diagnosed with depression. It wasn't really shocking, but it was affirming.
A few things had happened that I had set a boundary about (not cheating), and I moved back to the states for a few months so I could have the opportunity to heal. We really took therapy seriously during this time and saw a therapist multiple times a week for 3-4 months. Once I returned back overseas it all picked up again. It was good for a little while, but after about a month or two we were basically back to where we started. We had improved drastically in how we communicated, but it didn't really improve the issues. It was still as if we would talk and we might as well never had that conversation because nothing would change.
Fast forward to now. In therapy, divorce was mentioned a few times, and we had agreed (with the therapist) that we would not mention divorce unless that is what we really wanted. It is common in relationships that it is used as a threat, and we were 100% guilty of that in the beginning of our marriage. Everything has been going relatively good recently, and for long time, essentially since we have been in therapy (August of 2022), we have not mentioned divorce. We are struggling with our sx life, and have been for a long time. I have a super high drive, but my husband really could care less about sx, at least throughout our relationship. I mean, we have gone 2 months without having sex. And that is not uncommon for us. Anytime I bring it up he tells me that I make him feel bad about himself when I ask, and he is just stressed out. I just feel like there is always an excuse... anyhow, yesterday he asked if we could talk. He told me that I stress him out. When I asked him how, he said he cannot pin point a reason why, and that he isn't happy in our marriage and that he thinks he isn't right for anyone. We haven't had any major fights recently, but I knew this was coming. I have felt like things have been off for a majority of our marriage.. despite therapy and the endless talks we have had on how to better our relationship.
Today, he has asked to talk again and is acting surprised that I am making plans to go back to the states already. He asked if I could stay for awhile before we file for divorce. Or if I would want to go back to the states and wait on him to come back to the states and see where we can go from there (he is moving in about 6 months). I feel like it was a hard “don’t say it unless you want it" boundary. Should I have been more clear when setting that boundary, or was it obvious since it was discussed multiple times? I feel like he wants me to beg him to stay… Any opinions are appreciated.