Good morning gif for him funny
retired gif: when gifs have fulfilled their most relevant possible purpose
2012.11.21 07:26 Mumberthrax retired gif: when gifs have fulfilled their most relevant possible purpose
Some gifs are just born with a lack of oxygen.
2013.01.30 07:21 IIHURRlCANEII For .gifs that provide knowledge!
Gifs are great at getting quick to digest info, and /educationalgifs strives to give you educational info in this quick to digest format. From chemical processes, to how plants work, to how machines work, /educationalgifs will explain many processes in the quick to see format of gifs.
2013.07.24 00:33 gugulo Conscious Like Us
Animals are conscious like us. Here we discuss animal intelligence, emotion and consciousness.
2023.06.01 18:42 Technical-Waltz1669 Are we (ENTJ's) naturally good with money? What are some of your expierences with finances from a young age until now?
I've been thinking about this question for a while, and it hit me last night when I was discussing finances with my INFP boyfriend.
He was overthinking and worrisome over a bit of money he owes the bank. The money is due in September, and he told me there was no way he'd be able to save. He was practically breaking down by this point because his current cost of living allows him to save little to none. This money owed could possibly wreck his credit, and from his words 'ruin his chances of getting a mortage' later on. Luckily, I was able to get him to calm down a bit and he exchanged his financial income and expenses with me after a bit of debate. I was finally able to take control of where his money went, and analyzed every expense so at its maximum capacity he would have enough for the money he owed and a bit more to start a small savings account. It was hard due to inflation, but he will be able to live somewhat comfortably while he saves. He was shocked that I had managed to do so, as it's something he has been struggling with for a while. He is a very very intelligent person, however I believe his Si could've gotten in the way of him seeing the situation logically -and the fear caused him to shut down. I was confused by how terribly it effected his confidence and mental being, as even when I've run low on money myself I know there is always way (and if there isn't you f*ckin' make one).
So this leads me to the question: Are we (ENTJ's) naturally good with money? What are some of your expierences with finances from a young age until now? If so, do you guys believe our personality types could affect we way we view spending and finances? Share your opinions!!
submitted by Technical-Waltz1669
to entj [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:42 trannpled Art Project
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TL;DR: I made a little doll but didnt add any way to connect it without glue because of time concerns and want to know if it can be modified to add a better way, or if that would just damage it beyond repair. (Also is there any cheap way to seal it? Currently just sorayed with some hairspray :<.) submitted by trannpled to BJD [link] [comments]
I made this for a final project in my ceramics class a couple weeks ago. I wanted to have it be posable and stuff, but didn’t add holes for stringing the thing together because I didn’t think I’d have time to (funny cause I ended up not being done anyways until like after the year ended). It fell apart last night, but as of the first photo it was just held together with that purple elmers glue carefully applied to the joints and stuff. It’s made of polymer clay and acrylic paint (also as of this morning I sprayed it with hairspray to keep the paint from getting messed up cause it is hot and parts are peeling where stuck together, please tell me if theres a more effective method even if you don’t know about my main question). I wanted to know if there’s any way for me to modify it to have some movability. My hopes aren’t too high I love her regardless but it’d be so cool if I can.
2023.06.01 18:41 Fantasticlunatic Humans love referencing things
It baffles aliens and non human AI alike with how often humans will say something almost completely ordinary and nearby humans will show extreme emotions.
A few examples include:
Incident 1: When one human researcher hung a few origami dragons from the ceiling and left it over a card board box labeled: Here were dragons. A few researchers began to shed some tears to the confusion of the other staff.
Incident 2: After encountering some mega fauna on a hostile death world, which was also a colony candidate, a scout had been reported to had shouted:
“Well it’s like they say: Life will always find a way!”
The xenos of the crew were greatly confused when a good chunk laughed and agreed while others shouted back:
“That was a very bad idea!” The laughter had doubled
Incident 3:On a delivery to the system Alpha Centauri one of the couriers suddenly began to sing a song: “Never gonna giv-“ That was as far as he got before the courier next to him tackled him to the hanger floor.
In short, be very careful with what you say amongst humans. For your words could have a variety of effects.
submitted by Fantasticlunatic
to humansarespaceorcs [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:41 MellowDevelopments Just lost our forever DM in the middle of several campaigns
So I've been playing DnD with a group for about 7 years. We've done multiple campaigns together and currently have 4 campaigns running with slightly different groups. My bestfriend from high school was the DM for 2 of them and I was DM for the other 2. We both were players in each other's campaigns. A couple of them were small side projects we only play once every few weeks to months when we have the people. The other two were serious long term campaigns that we switch off playing after every arc so that we can give each other a chance to be a playeDM. It was a lot of fun. We were level 16 after over 2 years of playing his campaign and level 8 after a year in mine. For both these campaigns we only had 4 people in the group, me, my wife, my bestfriend, and his girlfriend (my wife's bestfriend). We were all really close and have been close for many years to the point that they moved halfway across the country with us when my wife had to leave for law school so we could all still be together.
My friend, who introduced us to DnD and was our main DM just got caught having an affair in which he lied to both my wife's best friend and the new girl he was seeing, who was an ex from high school. He kept this secret for over a year before his mistress found out about his girlfriend, they had been living together for almost 4 years, and threatened to tell her if he didn't. This all came out just this week and it has completely wrecked our group.
There are so many things that suck about this situation, but it also really sucks to lose these games that we have loved. My character in his latest campaign is my favorite I've ever played and I really felt like I was getting the hang of rping with him. It was our favorite thing to do together. It's hard to lose these stories that I truly loved and to know that we will never get an ending to any of them. We had been building a world together between the two campaigns and had mini adventures planned for our old characters and even one for their children. There is so much we are losing now because my friend was selfish and self destructive.
I have no idea when I will be able to play again, and I will probably have to become our new forever DM. My friend was always a better DM though. He was a great actor which makes sense that he had been lying to all of us so well for over a year.
I'm so heartbroken right now and will miss all the good times in this game. Will have to try to rebuild somehow.
submitted by MellowDevelopments
to DnD [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:41 Classic-Help826 My BF (M31) asked me (M25) if I wanted us to go rock climbing with a guy he used to crush on.
This guy is in town for the summer and reached out to my boyfriend over IG. He asked for good rock climbing gyms in the area and my boyfriend suggested the gym he goes to. My boyfriend also offered for us to climb with him and I think this would be a nice gesture in other circumstance except for this once since my boyfriend used to have a crush on him for a few years. I found out they would mostly talk/flirt virtually and this stopped since the guy got in a relationship and was off the market.
All in all, I don’t see the purpose in socializing with him, together or alone. I told my boyfriend I would think it’s inappropriate for him to hang out with him one on one, and he agreed, but I am wondering if I took it too far by shooting down the idea of climbing together. My boyfriend and I have plenty of established friends and I don’t understand what possible platonic needs he is trying to get fulfilled here. I think it’s actually disrespectful but I didn’t tell him that since it might be making a mountain out of a molehill. We are in a committed, monogamous relationship and we do love each other, but I feel like this raises red flags. How do I open a conversation that I am worried he might be keeping his options open?
submitted by Classic-Help826
to u/Classic-Help826 [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:41 AcronymTheSlayer I am done with this country. It has failed it's students, it's adults and especially it's women.
This is going to be an angry rant. Feel free to skip if you have better things to do and before you say then LeAvEee it then fuck you too. You are part of the problem.
India and it's government-it's people who elected the said government and the sheer population. They have all failed us. The number of medical seats in this country is a fucking joke. The pacing at which medical colleges are being opened or should I say being 'built' is pathetic. Absolutely pathetic. The construction is still going since 2012 and half are stuck with regulations 'cause guess what? They need staff, teachers, equipment and patients but lol who cares about students who are increasing day by fucking day. Let's build vanity projects and then 'Feeling proud India' tweet and WhatsApp 'cause that is the only thing we are good at.
Lord knows where engineering students are gonna be in 10 years. The job market is bleak and in India labour is cheap yet cost of living is going up. If you have anyone in real estate business in your family, they'll let you know how dire the situation is going. Not everyone is gonan land in FAANG or tier 1 colleges.
Coming to my main source of frustration is the fucking shit show that is going up. Girls know what is going up and if you guys haven't heard just look up the absolute horror show it is being a woman in this shit hole. Now, if you are gonna go and write 'ooohhh you get reservation in IIT' then fuck you. No body wants reservation agar this is our fucking reality. Rapists are running around in this country on tax payer's money, getting legal protection, threatening victims, taunting how 'they will kill themselves' if found guilty. But how will they ever be found guilty when they have the government backing, a sellout jury and the police refuses to arrest them meanwhile paid media keeps brain washing gullible people, huh?
Being a woman in this country means you live on luck. The public will look the other way when you get fucking murdered or rape. Hell, they will actively start voting and doing a rally to support the said rapist. It sucks to know that half the population does not fucking matter. I long to go out outside and not get fuckin harassed on the street. Public transport is a nightmare for women. An old man literally tried to feel me up and snap my bra buckle the other day when I was standing in a line to get a fucking kit kat. Reacting and escalation gets nothing done, you want to know why? 'cause you never know he may start stalking you home if you are alone. Hell, he might fucking have a weapon on him and stab you 20 times 'cause god knows people won't bat an eye.
And please don't start saying be the change you want. Let's be fucking honest for a while half of this sub is filled with people who don't care 'cause they are in a privileged position to not care. Do you honestly think things will get better for women in our life time? Everyday there are multiple rape, assault, harassment, murder news. A day before a seven year girl was sold in Rajasthan for marriage for 4.5L. That money won't even pay a year's fees in a good college, that is a woman's cost in this country.
I am fucking done. Absolutely fucking done. I don't owe this country shit when this country and it's people are openly shielding rapists and a woman's dignity is a laughing stock here. We are desensitized to a woman's pain and don't you think that your mum, your sisters, your partner or the random girl walking to the street at least deserve to walk peacefully without the always looking over their shoulders? This country is going down, at least for women.
I'd rather take some stranger's racist remarks or 'go back' than be subjected to this horror show by my own country men. I am already below a second class citizen in my own country what difference would it make to be an actual second class citizen anywhere else, huh? If you think from Indian women's POV, I reckon it's a better deal. It's not an utopia but it's leagues better than India is for it's women.
Those who are thinking of getting out, I finally understand you all. You were right and I was wrong to be skeptical y'all. It will takes another millennium for our people to get their shit's together. It's better to cut our losses short and get the fuck out.
Thank you for coming to my ted talk.
submitted by AcronymTheSlayer
to JEENEETards [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:41 klynnftw Red Tear Stains: Solved!
I just wanted to share a little piece of advice given to me by our vet that is still blowing my mind. In late April, we adopted an isabella/cream dapple dachshund puppy. She has such a beautiful face and light blue/hazel eyes, but she did produce tears that stained her fur red/pink. I've never had a white dog before, so never had to battle this particular cosmetic issue (lol). So during one of her vaccination visits, I asked the vet if she knew of any tips to help with the tear stains. She recommended probiotics.
It just so happens that we've been giving our older dachshund probiotics for years, so already had them in the house. Within DAYS, the tear stains started to clear up. I never had to trim the hair around her eyes. Between daily probiotics and carefully wiping her eyes once every morning, the stains disappeared entirely. I'm so impressed, and so pleased that something so simple - and good for her! - is working so well.
I just wanted to pass along the tip for other pet parents of white/light dogs that struggle with red tear stains. Our girls get Proviable probiotics, which are easily and readily available (I get mine through Amazon).
Puppy tax: The day we picked her up (stains) Today (no stains)
submitted by klynnftw
to dogs [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:40 Saberen Why does Allah care so much about an individual's belief or lack thereof in his existence?
It's seems strange for a being which lacks nothing and can never be made lesser to be so insistent about demanding explicit belief in him to the degree that those who are not convinced of Allah's existence should abide in hellfire forever. This is true with the demands of Allah for people to accept strict monotheism (tawhid) as the ultimate prerequisite for one to even have a chance at entering heaven. The Quran goes so far to state that the good deeds of disbelievers will ultimately amount to nothing because they did not believe in Allah (Al-Kahf 103-105, An-Nur 39). It seems here that Allah is not an impartial judge; the moral worth of good deeds are contingent on one's belief state. This would imply that evil deeds or good deeds, or the possession of genuine virtue have no intrinsic worth at all as they are dependent on one's acceptance of Allah's existence and divine revelation.
Discussions on human psychology and belief formation are already extremely complex and are the result of cultural and environmental upbringing, openness to new ideas, and brain chemistry in general. Arguably, it is the aspect of our lives which we have the least, if any control over because we do not have direct control over any of influences above. We also do not control what we find convincing and people presented with the exact same argument for a proposition can come to exact opposite conclusions on their validity.
Other religions (particularly eastern religions) do not put much emphasis or any mention at all of belief and focus primarily on action (karma) which determines one's rewards or punishments in the hereafter which at least to me, seems much more reasonable as doing good or bad actions are much more in one's control than their doxastic attitude towards a proposition (God's existence and strict monotheism).
Reading the Quran, it seems "disbelievers" and "evil-doers" are often used interchangeably. But it seems like in reality these are two distinct categories where one deals with one's thoughts, and the other with their actions.
Why does Allah care about belief in him and acceptance of tawhid so much that he will render the good deeds and virtue espoused by disbelievers as ultimately void? How can this be seen as ultimately just?
submitted by Saberen
to AskMuslims [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:40 this_wise_idiot We should be more open about our healthy romantic relationships
I feel like those of us who are in healthy romantic relationships should be more vocal about it and share parts with others to help other girls realise what the standard should be.
I feel like a lot of girls compromise on behaviour of their fellow partners because thats how men are. That should not be the case. We should normalise talking objectively about how your male friends or boyfriends support you so they know that isn’t the case. I know our culture promotes the concept of nazar and keep good things to yourself because people will get jealous.
My friend let her then-bf do sexual stuff (yes let, because she didn’t want to but he persistently bickered about it until she gave in). But she didn’t realise she had the option to say no and what happened to her was not okay.
I was so shocked to find out because once me and my bf had a fun bickering(he called me dumb) and i teased the hell out of him and didn’t let him touch me at all in the condition don’t touch me until i touch you. When i touched him a few times accidentally he let it go even when the mood was too tempting. He didn’t even touch my hair until i finally kissed him and i really grew a new found respect for him that day because he could have easily argue about me breaking the rules and would have been right about it.
submitted by this_wise_idiot
to TwoXIndia [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:40 xxsaramazingxx Caught my (35f) husband (35m) stealing my pain meds... This is the fourth time. Can't file a police report because if he gets fired from his job I lose insurance. Only one place else to go but it would be a 5hr round trip for all doctor appointments... Kinda stuck and just sad.
I'm not even where to start, this is long I apologize in advance for errors, I'm on mobile...
Please bare with me as I have multiple chronic illnesses which cause my brain to be mushy 200% of the time... But I'll try to be as detailed as possible, I don't want to give too much away as this is a very serious issue and could get my husband in some serious trouble. Which he deserves to be in, BUT I'm currently waiting on a decision from social security disability so his full time employment means we have a home, food to eat and food for my 3 fur babies. He is supporting me and I do not have anything to fall back on in terms of support so I'm stuck still living with my husband.
The backstory: we've been together for almost ten years now, married for about 3. I have multiple slow progression painful chronic illnesses, I've been sick my whole life and he's taken on a huge responsibility being my partner... And I thought he accepted me for who I am not what I can offer. Mind you I'm not completely disabled, I'm able to do light housework, make his lunch for work, care for our pets and make simple dinners daily... So from chronic illness standards I'm doing pretty well for how progressed they are. Multiple of my illnesses causes severe pain so I take high dose pain meds to regulate myself on top of getting regular epidural steroid injections and ablations of the nerves in my spinal column to be able to walk. Back to the story, about 3 years into our relationship, the first time I noticed my meds were going missing I was on a low dose pain med called tramadol, he lied but eventually admitted to taking "a few". We moved forward but I had to hide my medication. The second time, fast forward a few years and we had moved into our new house. At this point I was taking lower dose Norco, but I was noticing I was light when I shouldn't have been. Confrontation again and I got a lock box. Third time I was spring cleaning and I found an empty checkbook full of my USED fentanyl patches, I had started using those due to not being able to keep my meds down completely. He had shaken them out of my sharps container then stored them away... Still not sure what he was going to do with them, it's basically skin cells by the time I take it off. I was ready to leave at this time but my parents had just moved 2 and a half hours away in a two bedroom small home. I had/have no where to go and no money to use to do anything about it... Things seemed fine for a couple years. The lock box was protecting my meds and things seemed ok... But I was still weary... Unfortunately my room in which I stored my lockbox got really cluttered due to many reasons so it became hard to use. Another part of me wanted to trust my husband. Stupid me, right?
Well to break down my dosage - I am prescribed a medium dose Norco 4x a day. Usually I only take 2-3 depending on pain and ration the rest in case of med shortage. But I was noticing my extra earrings were not as abundant as they should have been but I thought maybe I was taking a bit extra that month since it was winter. Due to recent medication shortages, my dose was increased but for 3x a day. Which I downgraded my dose to 2x a day to make sure I had extra as my pharmacy warned me they still can't get any in.
Come to the other day and I open my bottle to notice I only had a small handful... So I emptied the bottle and counted, i only had enough to take 2 a day for the next three days leaving me not only 3 Norco short for those days, but three days worth was completely gone... My heart sank because I knew what happened... I confronted my husband who lied about it at first but I asked him again and he finally admitted to taking "a few". I screamed at him for awhile before telling him to get out of my face and go to work, so he left. Sitting there I calculated not only did he steal about a months worth (1 a day) for May but he had to of stolen another two months worth during the previous months my meds weren't in the lock box... A MINIMUM of 90 Norco was taken from me when I absolutely needed them.
I wanted to file a police report that morning but was stopped by my mom who reminded me that I'm currently depending on him to survive. Only when social security goes through do I have any options of leaving... I currently pay about $315 a month on a student loan I'm not even able to use. It's not for not trying, I started working at the age of 14 but had to stop in 2020 due to multiple flare ups ending me up at 93 pounds plus in and out of the hospital on the regular.
Current situation, it's been 5 days, I asked him if he had anything to say to me at all, he said no. He still says I love you and tries to kiss me... I lean away in disgust... I'm disgusted with his audacity to take the medication that helps me be a person. I'm disgusted with myself that I do still love him but all feelings have been burned from his actions. It's obvious he has no respect for me and I'm not even sure if he married me because he loves me or if he just thought he'd have easy access to my medications for the rest of his life... Well my life. I feel obligated to continue my "wifely duties" such as making his lunch, picking up the house to the best of my abilities, make us dinner at night as he is the only one on the house so it's his, he's letting me stay despite my cold demeanor... Kinda keep the peace until I can figure a way out... It's selfish but so is he.
I do not have money to move on my own and I have to take my two large dogs and cat with me as he will neglect them, not intentionally, he has ADHD so he just forgets things. I absolutely refuse to leave my pets, they are top priority to me. My parents said I could come up there but that means every doctors appointment I'm driving 5 hours both ways... And I have 5-7 a month. My best friend is in another state, my other bestie has 4 kids a husband and allergic to animals, 3rd friend lives with her aunt and uncle. I could crash at my brother's for a few days but not any longer... And my neighbor can't house my animals... That is my list of people, I have nobody else... Though who would want to roommate with someone who can't pay rent but can contribute to groceries, cook and light cleaning...
I'm not even sure why I'm posting... I'm very lost and confused. I've officially taken off my wedding band, I know I should file a report but he could lose his job which means he loses insurance meaning I lose insurance... I should leave him but I have nowhere to go... I told him the only way I'd even consider working on our relationship again is if he goes to therapy or rehab but he's said he'd go on the past just to not go or go once then never again... his catch phrase is "I'm sorry, I'll do better"
My only plan I can think of is wait for social security to hopefully approve me then I can get my student loan waved, then I can look into low income apartments or housing... But who knows how long that's going to take, it's been in reconsideration since October of last year (22).
I'm gonna go potato now... Any helpful advice would be magical. Thank you
submitted by xxsaramazingxx
to ChronicIllness [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:40 simonwinter03 Ferret Vet Recommendations?
I just got this little guy. Want to get him a check up.
Anybody have any recommendations? I don’t mind driving around a little for a good one.
submitted by simonwinter03
to KingstonOntario [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:40 Mission_Guidance_593 My newly-bought 3DS
2023.06.01 18:39 Awkward_Rhubarb_4444 Ex girlfriend 27/F got too comfortable disrespecting me 27/M. What do I do?
I 27/M and my ex girlfriend 27/F was in a relationship for almost 6 years. A few days ago, we got into an argument that led into a breakup. So my ex landed the job she’s been trying to get for a month and so to celebrate, she tells her female co worker and he co worker suggested they celebrate.
Now, she mentions another co worker will be joining, and this her male co worker. Now I’m a little sensitive about this male co worker because I caught my ex in a lie recently and she tried to gaslight me, disrespected me and even broke up with me for “assuming” until I gave her the hard proof evidence and even after showing the evidence to her, she kept denying it and tried to shift the blame on one of her female friends.
Fast forward, I took her back and decided to trust in her, I told her that the only way this would work is if he provides clear transparency moving forward. So I asked her about some things she was afraid to talk to me about. One instance was she went on a trip with her girlfriend and they were at a bar and she was getting hit on by some guy and she gave her Snapchat because he was buying her drinks. I expressed how I felt uncomfortable with this but she said it’s because she’s a “people pleaser” now I didn’t buy this bs and said to myself, you’re a grown ass woman, you knew what you were doing.
There are other things she came clean about but none that was “physically” cheating or I am not sure if she’s even telling me the whole truth so I gave her a chance and trusted her. I told her that it’s going take some time for me to fully trust her again and it’s going to be a process and I’m going to have days where I question her.
Fast forward a month later, she landed the job she wanted and her female co worker suggested to celebrate, and she told me this and I said go for it and have fun and I was a part of this as well. At the end of the day, she tells me another male co worker will be joining too, and this guy I don’t feel so good about.
Reason for this is because they had a work event with her team and she got too drunk to drive home so this guy dropped her off and she lied to me and said she drove home by herself. I expressed the discomfort I felt about this and her excuse was “you weren’t responding to me I thought you were mad” I was just busy and was unable to respond to her.
We get into a fight last night and I asked her who invited the male co worker to the celebration and she kept insisting that he was “originally” part of the plan because the three of them were planning on grabbing drinks to begin with. I asked who invited him and she couldn’t directly answer that it was her who did.
I get off the phone with her because we’re just arguing and I wanted to breathe and just cool off. But instead, this went on about how I don’t trust her and I should leave if this is how I felt. This went on for another 30 minutes and I explained to her that it is completely fair for me to feel this way because you’ve lied to me so many times. Then it went worse and she explained how she didn’t love me anymore and how I couldn’t handle my emotion and I am broke ass bitch. (I am not actually broke, I just made poor financial decisions when I was younger and I still suffer the consequences now)
I’m so confused and lost at the moment I am not even sure how to move forward with this.
submitted by Awkward_Rhubarb_4444
to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:39 hazardsofafeatherboa Lost, Confused, and Heartbroken
I (40FLL) thought we were making progress, but apparently not.
I spent March and April trying to make sure his (38MHL) needs were met. Not as often as he would like, I know, but I used a lot of mental energy constantly keeping his physical needs in mind and taking every opportunity where I felt the least bit interested sexually.
But it wasn’t good enough. His physical needs were met, but his emotional needs weren’t. Because to him sex = intimacy and love. But I’ve spent my adult life not being emotionally and physically vulnerable at the same time. I’m working on it. I swear I really am. I’m trying to address the trauma and get to a place where both can occur simultaneously, but it’s unfair that only I have to adjust. I’ve seen no indication that he is trying to find emotional intimacy outside of sex.
May was hard. Life stuff and all that and I didn’t have the mental energy to maintain keeping up with his physical needs. I had a breakthrough in therapy though, and decided to actively try to find the space where I could provide both sexual and emotional intimacy. He’s been in a bad mood every day. That is not a space where I can provide both. I’ve said something the last few days about trying to find this space, but his mood hasn’t changed. Finally today I remind him that his attitude isn’t getting us anywhere. He spends all of 5 minutes considering this & then comes back with how he feels like I don’t love him.
I’m not holding back on anything other than sex. I hug him and touch him and give him kisses all the time. From my time lurking in this sub, the people who don’t feel loved are usually not getting any of that stuff?
And so it seems like I’m never going to be good enough. If 2 months of perpetual work keeping his sexual needs met isn’t good enough and 1 month of time for myself while trying to figure out meeting his emotional needs isn’t good enough, then this feels like a stalemate.
He says it’s actually a Catch-22. He’s in a bad mood because his needs aren’t met & I can’t meet his needs because he’s in a bad mood.
I’m so tired of being the only one carrying this burden. So tired of having to adapt and change my feelings, wants, and desires to accommodate his, without any acknowledgment that maybe he needs to change and adapt a little too. He’s said, multiple times, that he knows if he “romances” me he’ll likely get what he needs/wants. Except he never tries to romance me. Like I’m not worth the effort. I don’t understand this at all??
I do love him. Very, very much. And so I think it’s time to seriously talk about divorce. Because obviously I can’t adequately meet his needs with the consistency required and I’m tired of feeling like there’s something wrong with me, even though I’m trying to “get better.”
I know he won’t listen. He dismisses me every time I talk about him finding someone else that can meet his needs. Do I just have to walk away from this life we built? I’m happy with our life except for feeling like shit that he isn’t happy enough.
I’m so lost, confused, and heartbroken.
submitted by hazardsofafeatherboa
to DeadBedrooms [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:39 Brickwallpictures Why The Father (2020) works so well while The Son (2022) doesn't
Note that the video version of this review includes clips for reference and comparison.
Florian Zeller has directed two films thus far—"The Father" and "The Son"—but don’t mistake him for some new, up-and-coming filmmaker. He’s been around for a long, long time as an author and playwright. In fact, both of his films thus far have been adapted from his own stage plays.
I saw "The Father" right when it came out and was blown away. It was in my top five for the year, and I found it to be an all-around excellent piece of work. My rule for directors is to avoid forming any sort of overall judgment on them until I’ve seen at least two if not three of their movies, and let me tell you, that rule was well-placed in Florian Zeller’s case.
After loving "The Father" so much, I was, unsurprisingly, excited for Zeller’s next film “The Son,” which doesn’t share any characters or plot points but is still something of a spiritual sequel in a dramatic and thematic sense. While "The Father" was one of my top films of the year, "The Son" is tied for my lowest-rated film of 2022 at this point. So, what happened? How does the same writer, director adapting his own source material twice in a row culminate in two pieces of work at opposite ends of the quality spectrum? Unlike a lot of critics, I don’t enjoy being overly negative. I prefer to sing the praises of films I love rather than tear down the ones I don’t, but this is too interesting of a case study to ignore. Rather than just breaking down why "The Son" is a bit of a failure, I’m going to also take this opportunity to explore why "The Father" works so well at the same time. And given that The Son is still relatively new, I’ll avoid spoilers, even though the ending is one of the biggest issues with it. I won’t spoil the father either, so if you haven’t seen one or both, don’t worry.
"The Father" is a chamber drama about an elderly man’s battle with dementia and his struggle to maintain control and order in his life. "The Son" is about man’s struggle to parent a teenager with adolescent depression. Both films are heavy dramas that tackle mental-health subject matter and make for appropriate companion pieces to one another, except Zeller’s writing and directing are at such drastically different calibers for each film.
Notice how I said "The Father" is about a character experiencing a mental health struggle, while "The Son" ISN’T. Contrary to what you might assume or might have been led to believe, "The Son" is not a film about a teenager’s battle with depression, it’s about that teenager’s father dealing with his son’s depression. This distinction could sound minor, but that perspective shift makes a world of difference.
"The Father" is thoroughly grounded in the point-of-view of its main character. The audience is invited into his mind, and Zeller’s remarkable directorial choices replicate the sensations of dementia by disorienting the viewer alongside the character. Actors swap out to play the same role, time contracts and loops in unpredictable ways, and creative editing choices keep the character and the audience off-balance for almost the entire duration. All of these directorial flourishes are flashy and impressive, sure, but they’re also substantive and create such a strong sense of perspective for the deeply personal drama to unfold.
Of course, "The Son" can’t employ the same bag of tricks, but it also makes no attempt to visualize or simulate the burden of depression in the way Zeller tackled dementia. There is no attempt to place the audience in the son’s point of view nor are viewers even invited to understand or empathize with his struggle. This troubled teen is the center of the film’s drama but he isn’t the main character, with the film instead being told from his father’s point of view. To put it simply, "The Father" creates a compelling, distinctive, character-based experience for the viewer through its creative choices, whereas The Son just doesn’t.
This stylistic change on its own could be fine as long as the father character’s perspective felt realized and compelling and as long as the depiction of depression felt real and nuanced from this external vantage point, but the film drops the ball on both counts. Many of these shortcomings stem from Zeller’s script, but the performances need to share some of the burden, unfortunately.
The 2021 Best Lead Performance Oscar race was pretty tight. I would have been happy with Riz Ahmed winning for The Sound of Metal, but Sir Anthony Hopkins winning was a totally worthy pick for "The Father." He really does deliver what I consider to be perhaps his best performance in this role, out of a career that is, of course, filled with many great performances. He taps into a vulnerability that he hasn’t been afforded the runway to express in many years, and he portrays the heartbreaking nature of dementia in a wholly believable way, alongside all of the far-ranging moods and emotions that entails. You also had great supporting performances from Olivia Colman, Olivia Williams, Imogen Poots, Mark Gatiss, and Rufus Sewell to round out the cast.
In "The Son," the adult cast consists of Hugh Jackman, Laura Dern, and Vanessa Kirby, while the teenager at the heart of the drama is played by Zen McGrath in his first starring film role. I’m sorry to say that he does not come out of this thing looking good. He’s serviceable in some scenes, but whenever he has to yell or cry, which is frequently, he simply doesn’t deliver the caliber of performance necessary to carry the film. This portrayal of depression isn’t believable in the slightest, and the fault for that can be pretty evenly divided between McGrath’s performance and Zeller’s writing.
I don’t want to put too much blame on McGrath himself though. He’s young and it’s a tough role, and it’s really on Zeller to be able to know that his star isn’t up to the challenge when casting. I also think it’s safe to place the majority of the blame on Zeller because the other performances are weak too, which is always a telltale sign that the fault lies with the director more than the cast. Vanessa Kirby does a fine job, and Anthony Hopkins again shines in his single-scene appearance, but Hugh Jackman and Laura Dern are both extremely far from their best. "The Son" makes the two of them look like much worse actors than they are. They’ve both been great in plenty of other films, but Dern and especially Jackman seem lost and out of their depth in these roles.
I was surprised to learn that this was an important role to Jackman and that he even went out of his way to pursue the film and send Zeller a letter asking for the part, which isn’t something he is in a habit of doing. They are not aided by the fact that the bulk of the dialogue in "The Son" sounds completely stilted and unnatural. It’s the kind of dialogue that might work perfectly well on the stage and/or in French, Zeller’s native language, but in the context of a feature film, it just sounds phony.
Jackman’s other pitfall is his accent. He’s Australian, of course, but has given plenty of convincing American accents in movies in the past. "The Son" is not one of those times. His accent is a mess; it's all over the place. He sounds relatively on target throughout the early stages of the film, but once the drama knob cranks up and he has to get emotional, he loses the accent entirely. He doesn’t slip into Australian but his American accent becomes cartoonish and any commitment to a specific regional accent goes out the window. His fluctuating accent honestly made me laugh a couple of times in the back half of the film.
Zen McGrath is also Australian, and I’ll say I actually think he did a much better job with the accent than Jackman, but it surely didn’t help that he was having to act in a phony accent while already struggling to meet the dramatic demands of the role. But forget about McGrath for a minute; even with the best actor in the world in this part, it would be tough for anyone to make the character believable as he's written. This is such a surface-level, uninformed portrayal of depression. It’s hard to escape the sensation that Zeller lacks the perspective necessary to tell this story in an authentic manner. Given that he says the film was influenced by his experiences parenting a teenager with depression, it makes sense that he would frame the story from the father’s point of view, but neither character feels dimensional or even believable in their actions. Jackman’s character is frustratingly out-of-touch in a way that doesn’t feel based in character as much as it feels emotionally untrue.
It isn’t just the character that feels out of touch but the film itself as well. If you read interviews with Zeller, you will find that time after time he has said that his goal with the film is to raise awareness about depression and mental health struggles in general. That’s all well and good, but it would mean a whole lot more if the film had anything worthwhile to say about its subject matter. The film is content with simply acknowledging that depression exists and is a serious matter. And it’s like, yeah, we all know that, the movie came out in 2022, you’re a little late with that message. Maybe 20 years ago that would have been a worthwhile message to put out there, but you’re a little behind the times. Even the stage-play version of The Son was performed for the first time in 2019, which is still long after depression has been tackled in far more effective ways by dozens of other films. It isn’t enough to just go, "Boy, depression sure is tough, isn’t it?" Especially when your portrayal of depression is so cartoonishly shallow and inauthentic.
This facile depiction of the themes wasn’t an issue in "The Father." Zeller’s presentation of dementia felt remarkably authentic, empathetic, intimate, and lived-in. It felt real, whereas nothing in "The Son" feels real in the slightest. What we’re left with is a film that feels artificial at every turn while insisting that it’s so heavy and emotional and true. It’s melodramatic and emotionally manipulative, and not even effectively so.
I could write another half-dozen paragraphs breaking down why the ending is manipulative B.S., further muddies the themes, and is kind of a slap in the face to anyone who has actually experienced depression, but I said I would avoid spoilers, so let’s end it there.
In closing, I recommend checking out "The Father." Instead of watching "The Son," if you want a film that tackles depression and executes every conceivable element of the filmmaking process infinitely better, I recommend the South Korean film "Peppermint Candy."
submitted by Brickwallpictures
to TrueFilm [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:39 naollegesse Dealership crashed my Gfs car during delivery
So my Gf bought a Toyota Corolla 2021 LE(44k miles on it )last Saturday from a Toyota dealership in Massachusetts. The car was about to be delivered today by the sales rep who took care of the process. He just texted her that someone crashed in to him from the back during a red light and he hit the car in front.
I'm a bit suspicious of the crash because the dealership has been stalling about delivering the car for quite sometime. We already test drove the car so I'm sure it's not being delivered from another place. I say this because the car was supposed to be delivered on Tuesday(dealership was closed on Monday because of memorial day) and it took them 2 extra days. Their reasons where 1. Registration process is taking longer than usual, 2. We were going to deliver the car with a full gas tank but the gas station we work with is under maintenance.
I just dont feel good about this purchase and wanted to know what her options are. Would she be liable for the crash upon delivery? What should I look out for when we talk to the dealership? My gf has decided to return the car which I totally support and wanted to know what you guys think.
submitted by naollegesse
to whatcarshouldIbuy [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:38 Head_Salamander2593 AITA for abandoning my old friends?
So, this started with a fake
bet in early November (the 6th to be exact) my best friend (17) and I (19) made a bet for NNN but different. When he playes games he kinda gets ra*ist so I challenge him to a no n-word November, he accepts and we establish two rules.
- Bet ends at 6th December
- no n-word
In the end he says he wants 50 bucks from me and I jokingly accept but later tell him that I don't have 50 bucks. Now, the end of November rolls by (I completely forgot the bet) and on the 28th he requests 50 bucks from me so I tell him that this wasn't a valid bet and that I told him I didn't have the 50 bucks. After he heard that he got extremely mad and told me:
Quote:" Okay, then I am going to block you on every social media side including WhatsApp and Discord and kick you from the discord channel and WhatsApp group. Now fuck off I don't want to see you or your fucking god ever again."
Since then I have barely had any contact with any of my old friends and acually started to enjoy life again. I know he is not doing good because he has only been to school once since that incident but I hope it is going to get better soon. I'm kinda disappointed at my old friends not contacting me only because my house caught on fire and they were all present at my house
. I'm not going back to them only because I know they are not good for me and would try to discourage me from going to the gym, chasing a good career and my christian believes.
submitted by Head_Salamander2593
to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:38 Outlaw773 How do I make a seamless transition from an evening to morning shift?
I’ve worked evenings, for example 3-midnight type hours, for the better part of 20 years now. I’m literally conditioned for it.
I’ve just accepted a position in which the hours are more along the lines of 8-5 pm, as the opportunity was too good to pass up. Outside of a healthy lifestyle, or coffee and energy drinks in the morning, what are the best ways to adapt to this change?
submitted by Outlaw773
to NoStupidQuestions [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:38 Internal-Antelope-74 petty vent
hello, I'm new to reddit so I'm not sure how this thing work. (beware that English is not my first language so my words might get weird)
I'm a teenager who doesn't know how to organise my feelings right now. Maybe because it's the middle of the night, it seems that I've got too emotional.
a little bit backstory, my parents were divorced when I'm still under 10 years old (I don't want to be specific for privacy reason). At first my parents got equal custody of me but it changes after a year or two when my mom have to move 2 hours away. My father become my main guardian after that. My childhood wasn't that pretty as they're fighting most of the time even after the divorce. My father was also quite busy with working as much as I can remember. how busy you may ask? well, he wake me up to school everyday but I'll get home with someone else and won't get to see him until the next morning. we used to have a maid around so it's not like I'm really alone.
there's more to that but it's not related to the story. my father got remarried soon and my stepmom has a daughter from her previous marriage who is quite younger than I am.
now let's skip a few years to where I am right now. I'm going to graduate soon and recently I have heard my stepmother and stepsister talk about something. it's about my stepsister complaining to my mother on how she doesn't have her own room in this house. I get it if she need some privacy since we're sharing a room but I have other sibling that study far from home so it's not like we don't have any place in this house to have a privacy. my stepmother told her that she'll have my room after I have graduated (some info: in my country most people don't move out until we have gotten married). to be honest it breaks my heart a little bit, because I don't want to share my room with her to begin with, but my dad and stepmother promised me that she'll just stay in my room only to sleep.
I know this is just a small thing to get upset with, but I think I have pent up too much emotion over those small things. another examples, I have told my stepmother I want to go to a trip because I haven't went to one for years(I have been dreaming for this trip for 5 years), but I can't since it's too expensive to add another person. who is that person that can go to that trip? my stepsister. with whose money? my father's. I will be lying if it doesn't upset me. there's also a time where my stepmother is upset with me because I spent some money to buy my best friend a present for her birthday (we exchange gifts every year) and didn't buy any for my stepsister that year(it's not like she have bought me any). she told me family should always come first. to be fair, my best friend is more like a family to me. I told her all of my problems and I have known her years before I have known them. there's a lot more to add up to those little things but I want to sleep. I just want to vent, that's all.
to simplify, Im feeling bad with the hatred I'm having right now but I still need to let it out. not to them but at least somewhere.
submitted by Internal-Antelope-74
to offmychest [link] [comments]
2023.06.01 18:38 dcom-in Large sequence models for software development activities
| || | submitted by dcom-in to worldTechnology [link] [comments]
Software isn’t created in one dramatic step. It improves bit by bit, one little step at a time — editing, running unit tests, fixing build errors, addressing code reviews, editing some more, appeasing linters, and fixing more errors — until finally it becomes good enough to merge into a code repository. Software engineering isn’t an isolated process, but a dialogue among human developers, code reviewers, bug reporters, software architects and tools, such as compilers, unit tests, linters and static analyzers.
Today we describe DIDACT (Dynamic Integrated Developer ACTivity), which is a methodology for training large machine learning (ML) models for software development. The novelty of DIDACT is that it uses the process of software development
as the source of training data for the model, rather than just the polished end state
of that process, the finished code. By exposing the model to the contexts that developers see as they work, paired with the actions they take in response, the model learns about the dynamics of software development and is more aligned with how developers spend their time. We leverage instrumentation of Google's software development to scale up the quantity and diversity of developer-activity data beyond previous works. Results are extremely promising along two dimensions: usefulness to professional software developers, and as a potential basis for imbuing ML models with general software development skills.
DIDACT is a multi-task model trained on development activities that include editing, debugging, repair, and code review.
We built and deployed internally three DIDACT tools, Comment Resolution (which we recently announced), Build Repair, and Tip Prediction, each integrated at different stages of the development workflow. All three of these tools received enthusiastic feedback from thousands of internal developers. We see this as the ultimate test of usefulness: do professional developers, who are often experts on the code base and who have carefully honed workflows, leverage the tools to improve their productivity?
Perhaps most excitingly, we demonstrate how DIDACT is a first step towards a general-purpose developer-assistance agent. We show that the trained model can be used in a variety of surprising ways, via prompting with prefixes of developer activities, and by chaining together multiple predictions to roll out longer activity trajectories. We believe DIDACT paves a promising path towards developing agents that can generally assist across the software development process.
A treasure trove of data about the software engineering process
Google’s software engineering toolchains store every operation related to code as a log of interactions among tools and developers, and have done so for decades. In principle, one could use this record to replay in detail the key episodes in the “software engineering video” of how Google’s codebase came to be, step-by-step — one code edit, compilation, comment, variable rename, etc., at a time.
Google code lives in a monorepo, a single repository of code for all tools and systems. A software developer typically experiments with code changes in a local copy-on-write workspace managed by a system called Clients in the Cloud (CitC). When the developer is ready to package a set of code changes together for a specific purpose (e.g., fixing a bug), they create a changelist (CL) in Critique, Google’s code-review system. As with other types of code-review systems, the developer engages in a dialog with a peer reviewer about functionality and style. The developer edits their CL to address reviewer comments as the dialog progresses. Eventually, the reviewer declares “LGTM!” (“looks good to me”), and the CL is merged into the code repository.
Of course, in addition to a dialog with the code reviewer, the developer also maintains a “dialog” of sorts with a plethora of other software engineering tools, such as the compiler, the testing framework, linters, static analyzers, fuzzers, etc.
An illustration of the intricate web of activities involved in developing software: small actions by the developer, interactions with a code reviewer, and invocations of tools such as compilers.
A multi-task model for software engineering
DIDACT utilizes interactions among engineers and tools to power ML models that assist Google developers, by suggesting or enhancing actions developers take — in context — while pursuing their software-engineering tasks. To do that, we have defined a number of tasks about individual developer activities: repairing a broken build, predicting a code-review comment, addressing a code-review comment, renaming a variable, editing a file, etc. We use a common formalism for each activity: it takes some State
(a code file), some Intent
(annotations specific to the activity, such as code-review comments or compiler errors), and produces an Action
(the operation taken to address the task). This Action is like a mini programming language, and can be extended for newly added activities. It covers things like editing, adding comments, renaming variables, marking up code with errors, etc. We call this language DevScript
The DIDACT model is prompted with a task, code snippets, and annotations related to that task, and produces development actions, e.g., edits or comments.
This state-intent-action formalism enables us to capture many different tasks in a general way. What’s more, DevScript is a concise way to express complex actions, without the need to output the whole state (the original code) as it would be after the action takes place; this makes the model more efficient and more interpretable. For example, a rename might touch a file in dozens of places, but a model can predict a single rename action.
An ML peer programmer
DIDACT does a good job on individual assistive tasks. For example, below we show DIDACT doing code clean-up after functionality is mostly done. It looks at the code along with some final comments by the code reviewer (marked with “human” in the animation), and predicts edits to address those comments (rendered as a diff
Given an initial snippet of code and the comments that a code reviewer attached to that snippet, the Pre-Submit Cleanup task of DIDACT produces edits (insertions and deletions of text) that address those comments.
The multimodal nature of DIDACT also gives rise to some surprising capabilities, reminiscent of behaviors emerging with scale. One such capability is history augmentation, which can be enabled via prompting. Knowing what the developer did recently enables the model to make a better guess about what the developer should do next.
An illustration of history-augmented code completion in action.
A powerful such task exemplifying this capability is history-augmented code completion
. In the figure below, the developer adds a new function parameter (1), and moves the cursor into the documentation (2). Conditioned on the history of developer edits and the cursor position, the model completes the line (3) by correctly predicting the docstring entry for the new parameter.
An illustration of edit prediction, over multiple chained iterations.
In an even more powerful history-augmented task, edit prediction
, the model can choose where to edit next in a fashion that is historically consistent.
If the developer deletes a function parameter (1), the model can use history to correctly predict an update to the docstring (2) that removes the deleted parameter (without the human developer manually placing the cursor there) and to update a statement in the function (3) in a syntactically (and — arguably — semantically) correct way. With history, the model can unambiguously decide how to continue the “editing video” correctly. Without history, the model wouldn’t know whether the missing function parameter is intentional (because the developer is in the process of a longer edit to remove it) or accidental (in which case the model should re-add it to fix the problem).
The model can go even further. For example, we started with a blank file and asked the model to successively predict what edits would come next until it had written a full code file. The astonishing part is that the model developed code in a step-by-step way that would seem natural to a developer: It started by first creating a fully working skeleton with imports, flags, and a basic main function. It then incrementally added new functionality, like reading from a file and writing results, and added functionality to filter out some lines based on a user-provided regular expression, which required changes across the file, like adding new flags.
DIDACT turns Google's software development process into training demonstrations for ML developer assistants, and uses those demonstrations to train models that construct code in a step-by-step fashion, interactively with tools and code reviewers. These innovations are already powering tools enjoyed by Google developers every day. The DIDACT approach complements the great strides taken by large language models at Google and elsewhere, towards technologies that ease toil, improve productivity, and enhance the quality of work of software engineers.
Large sequence models for software development activities
2023.06.01 18:37 SpookyJabroni Pericoronitis Help and Confusing Dentist Appointment
| || | submitted by SpookyJabroni to askdentists [link] [comments]
TLDR: 99.9% sure I have pericoronitis in one near fully-erupted wisdom tooth. Dentist says all 4 wisdom teeth are impacted and need immediate removal and offered no other option to the presenting symptoms. My bottom left wisdom tooth (right side of pic) is where the presenting pain and possible infection is.
Can you look at my xray and tell me if I actually need all 4 wisdom teeth removed?
What else can I do to resolve pericoronitis other than salt-water, hydrogen peroxide, and general oral hygiene?
I'm a 24-year-old male, drink occasionally and do not smoke. Three days ago (Monday afternoon, 5/29) I started getting a toothache in my bottom left wisdom tooth. The pain ended up getting pretty severe and kept me up a lot of the night. After that I started taking ibuprofen and have managed the pain with flair ups here and there, but also some pain free hours during the day. After looking online I thought it might be pericoronitis since the tooth is almost entirely grown in, but there is a small flap of gum still on top of the tooth. I started going back and forth between warm salt water rinses and a hydrogen peroxide mouthwash while still taking ibuprofen to manage the pain. I finally got in to the dentist this morning (6/1) where I had the worst experience ever. I was hoping they could confirm whether or not I had pericoronitis and hopefully would prescribe an antibiotic or something. Instead, they did and xray, and then the dentist looked at my teeth for about 20 seconds before saying "You need to get all 4 wisdom teeth removed immediately. Have a good one they'll schedule you at the front desk for a cleaning and oral surgeon appointment." I tried to explain that I booked the appointment specifically for the pain in my bottom left tooth and asked if there's anything I can do before scheduling a removal, he said no. I found out at the front desk he also prescribed me ibuprofen and tramadol, but no antibiotic. Front desk lady explained that I would have to come back for a cleaning appointment where they will apply a topical antibiotic to treat any possible infection, which will also cost another $600 bucks. I basically said okay I'll call you next week then and asked for a copy of my Xray. I was especially confused by the referral to remove all 4 wisdom teeth because my top two have been fully grown in and asymptomatic for years, and my bottom right (which is partially erupted) has never caused any pain or discomfort. The only symptomatic tooth is my bottom left which is nearly fully erupted apart from the small bit of gum which I believe caused infection. Don't I have any other options than full on removal? Should I go see a different dentist?
2023.06.01 18:37 R420R77 Random thoughts of a dying man.
Well, I guess I should start at the beginning the majority of all stories tend to start. I was born in Detroit, Michigan in the month of June 1977. I was soon adopted and never met my biological family but have been told that I have two biological sisters, Karen, and Xinea as well as two brothers named Robert, and Jerry(perhaps Gerry I suppose). My mother is Patricia Bray, and my alleged father is Carl Ambers according to the adoption records that I found after the death of my adopted mother, Opal in 2001; I was a grown man by then. I was adopted by Opal and Frank Smith(we will say) in 1978. Somehow they knew my biological mother but that connection was never revelled to me. Opal was one of 17 children who grew up on a mountain somewhere in West Virginia. I was told that her father killed himself in front of her and her siblings when she was less than 10 years old. He was a coal miner and was injured in some type of accident and left unable to work with 19 mouths to feed; hard to fathom but for the love of God why in front of the children? Regardless of his reason this event left a lasting impact upon his 9 year old daughter that would ripple throughout space and time with the force of an atomic bomb; to this day that act and subsequent reaction linger. Opal was a devout Pentecost, Southern Baptist, or whatever similar religion she felt; not exactly sure. She was once a member of the People's Temple church in the early days when they were in Indianapolis (circa 1953-54). She left the church when the new leader, a man by the name of Jim Jones took over and began to allow people of other races into the fellowship; Opal being a woman of God as well as a devout racist left the church. They would later commit forced suicide in Ghana by drinking cyanide laced drinks at the end of machine guns. Opal was a small woman and she had many older brothers. She spent her developmental years fatherless, emotionally wrecked, and on a mountain with those brothers; I do not wish to even imagine what that must have been like, but one thing is for certain; she grew up mean and she knew how to fight, how to hurt a person, and how to use her 4' 11" 120lbs to do damage. Her temper was short and she was fast to react in a violent physical nature. She was married to Frank who was from Kentucky. Frank ran a laundry delivery service, smoked cigars, and loved pro wrestling. He was already in his forties when I was adopted as was Opal. Frank was amazing to me as a young child but as time went on he became isolated and didn't much bother with anything other than work. Looking back it is obvious he was terribly unhappy but that is unfortunately the theme of this story. I also had three adopted sisters that we shall call Kay, Mary, and Carry. All of whom were already 10 and older once I was brought into the household. The six of us lived in a two bedroom single bath home on the south side of Indianapolis. My earliest memory is literally the day that they brought me to their house; you may think that is crazy, a child less than a year old having a vivid memory but I swear to you I do. I remember being brought into the kitchen and being placed into a high chair with a pack of saltines....then a bath and to bed. For the first few years it seemed that we had a happy, perfect family. Frank made good money and so Opal stayed home and managed the house while watching me. I remember how nice she was at first but that would soon change, everything changed. The early eighties were a rough time economically and it showed. The stress of life really brought out the mean in Opal, she would fly off the handle in a millisecond flat. I was a very advanced child for my age and by pre-school I could count to 1000, read children's books myself, and I knew all my shapes and colors beyond the standard "circle, square, blue, red". My adopted parents were not very well educated and I think they were taken aback by the rate at which I absorbed information. It could not possibly be that this child simply has a thirst for knowledge and an ability to process things; it must be DEMONS...yep, folks, demons. From the time I was maybe 3 until I stopped speaking to Opal circa 1999 I was repeatedly told that I was "FULL OF DEMONS" as well as the everpopular"YOU ARE GOING TO HELL FOR _________" Now you can add whatever you wish to that blank up there because she sure did. I was going to hell for running in the house, catching insects, not going to bed on time, throwing rocks, playing with sticks, you name it, and he'll was fucking terrifying. I was taken to churches where people preached that the devil was not among us , but inside of us all!!! and as I watched them shake and scream and yell it honestly scared the shit out of me. Being a developing child and being told you are possessed by creatures from hell may have a lasting mental effect. Like many kids I began to rebel against and since I was full of demons I began to act accordingly. Things in the household spiraled downward like a toy boat circling an open drain. Opal was becoming aloof and isolated, coming from her bedroom only to cuss, complain, and rage. After the first few times getting my ass or face slapped up I learned to shut my mouth but unfortunately my older adopted sister Mary never got that lesson. She was about early high school age when I was adopted but I do not remember either of my two oldest sisters going to school at all. She like rock music of the time, she didn't dress appropriately, she was loud, and she did not listen to anything she was told. She was a typical teen girl in the 80's until she snuck out one night and some men snuck PCP into her drink. She had a bad reaction and seized, they just dumped her from the car onto a cold, dark Indianapolis street corner in the middle of a ghetto where she lay until found. She was rushed to the hospital where she died and was revived many time; luckily she lived, but she had went without oxygen and it left her with some mental impairment. She never really progressed past a teen mentality. I do not know if it was shame at her sneaking out with men and being discovered or the lingering mental illness but Opal had a fire for her like no other. They once had a shouting match over what Mary was wearing and after a few minutes Opal picked up an old golf wedge club that I had found and began to beat her savagely. I counted at least 30 shots before I got the courage to jump in from of her; I was maybe 8 years old. The following years would show a pattern of such actions with all four of us occasionally getting it but Mary and myself got the brunt of things...there were hot off the stove spatulas to bare skin, broomsticks, rake handles, and even the cast iron skillet with hot oil still inside. My father, having been introduced to Opal's violent nature knew better than to intervene, choosing to withdraw all together of the situation. Left to free rein Opal never missed an opportunity to abuse physically, or verbally. I remember being perhaps 9-10 years old and being as my parernts were way older I dressed like I was from the 60's,. Opal had since went to work at a metal polishing factory and I was left to the daily care of three teenage, adopted sister with no clue about basic hygiene so I smelled terrible and the stress of my violent home life had put weight on me other kids fucked with me hardcore. I had had a terrible day at school; my pants had ripped and all the other kids were laughing and calling me fatass and such literally all day long. So I get home finally and I totally break down into hesterical crying fits to which my "mother" responds to be yelling "BOY!!....WHAT IS ALL THE NOISE ABOUT!!?!" and through tears and in broken English I struggled to explain the events of the day and how all the kids said I "stink and that my clothes were trash and that I was too fat!!" and her caring response was to look me dead in my eyes and yell to me "YOU ARE FAT AND I AM NOT BUYING YOU NEW CLOTHES UNTIL YOU LOSE SOME WEIGHT!!" This event would truly cast a demon of hatred and anger deep into my soul that I would struggle to shake for the next 20 or more years. The next day at school, on recess a group of slightly younger children began to gather around me and began the usual verbal and physical harassment. As they had a few days previous they were attempting to set me up for that trick where one person gets down in a dog-like pose behind you while you are distracted and once in place the other push you over and everyone has a grand old laugh at your expense while you struggle to get your fat ass off the ground and get your wind back but that day I was not playing that shit and so when the little fucker ducked down behind me I immediately swung around with my right foot and landed a vicious snap kick directly to his eye socket; the sound of it breaking echoed the playground followed by painful wailing. It felt good to hear, it felt good to see the fear in the eyes of his friend's eyes, to send a message that I was no longer their victim or anyone else's for that matter. I started skipping school, vandalizing, petty theft, shoplifting, and anything other than wholesome which got me arrested for stealing CD's and Transformers from K-Mart. L.L. Cool J.....funny the shit you value when you look in retrospect. The ride home from the juvenile center on East 21st street was a long one and I was petrified of the beating that awaited me as new and different ways and items to beat the fuck from me danced in my head like those fucking sugar-plums from that stupid Christmas Song. When we finally got back to our house in Fountain Square I was directed into the kitchen where a length of 2/4 about 2 foot long waited on the kitchen table. Opal from behind me yelled out "BOY!!" which was what I was always referenced as as if I had no fucking name and when I did a 180 she belted me across my face with a hard right fist, but unlike every other time she hit me I did not scream out, cry, or even flinch from the blow. This further infuriated her and so she struck my face again to the same result, and again, and again until I firmly grabbed her right wrist at which point she immediately hit me with a hard left and I subsequently grabbed her left wrist. I was about 175lbs if not more and my strength overpowered her ability to strike me and when she realized that she could not move and seen in my eyes that this was not going to happen she began to scream "LET GO OF ME!!" to which I replied "I am going to let you go and when I do you are not going to fucking touch me in any way!!"...I let go, and defeated she walked away. After that she offered no real support other than a place to sleep. I began to steal clothing from people's clotheslines and after wearing the same pair of shoes for so long that my feet are literally deformed, I took a pair of Nikes off of someone's porch. Over the next few years I would have many more legal troubles, assaults, thefts, arsons until the State of Indiana stepped in and made me a ward of the state. I was sentenced and sent to a place called Glen Mills Schools in Concordville, Pennsylvania. It was supposed to be a fresh start and a chance to better myself and I was able to get my HSE, learn computer aided drafting, and I got to compete in powerlifting as well. It was the first time in my life I had seen a dentist even; I was 15 years old and finally I felt hopeful and happy; that would soon change.
If you would like to hear more please leave a comment or like. I also appreciate any feedback about my writing as I am not a professional in any way but always looking to improve my craft. If you made it this far; you are greatly appreciated.
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