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2008.01.25 07:51 Sex

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2011.10.21 03:07 A Writer Writes, Daily.

Writing every day is bound to help you improve! Come on in and make use of daily prompts and friendly encouragement!

2015.03.25 15:55 carlslarson The Ethereum investment community

Welcome to /EthTrader, a 100% community driven sub. Here you can discuss Ethereum news, memes, investing, trading, miscellaneous market-related subjects and other relevant technology.

2023.06.01 18:40 xxsaramazingxx Caught my (35f) husband (35m) stealing my pain meds... This is the fourth time. Can't file a police report because if he gets fired from his job I lose insurance. Only one place else to go but it would be a 5hr round trip for all doctor appointments... Kinda stuck and just sad.

I'm not even where to start, this is long I apologize in advance for errors, I'm on mobile...
Please bare with me as I have multiple chronic illnesses which cause my brain to be mushy 200% of the time... But I'll try to be as detailed as possible, I don't want to give too much away as this is a very serious issue and could get my husband in some serious trouble. Which he deserves to be in, BUT I'm currently waiting on a decision from social security disability so his full time employment means we have a home, food to eat and food for my 3 fur babies. He is supporting me and I do not have anything to fall back on in terms of support so I'm stuck still living with my husband.
The backstory: we've been together for almost ten years now, married for about 3. I have multiple slow progression painful chronic illnesses, I've been sick my whole life and he's taken on a huge responsibility being my partner... And I thought he accepted me for who I am not what I can offer. Mind you I'm not completely disabled, I'm able to do light housework, make his lunch for work, care for our pets and make simple dinners daily... So from chronic illness standards I'm doing pretty well for how progressed they are. Multiple of my illnesses causes severe pain so I take high dose pain meds to regulate myself on top of getting regular epidural steroid injections and ablations of the nerves in my spinal column to be able to walk. Back to the story, about 3 years into our relationship, the first time I noticed my meds were going missing I was on a low dose pain med called tramadol, he lied but eventually admitted to taking "a few". We moved forward but I had to hide my medication. The second time, fast forward a few years and we had moved into our new house. At this point I was taking lower dose Norco, but I was noticing I was light when I shouldn't have been. Confrontation again and I got a lock box. Third time I was spring cleaning and I found an empty checkbook full of my USED fentanyl patches, I had started using those due to not being able to keep my meds down completely. He had shaken them out of my sharps container then stored them away... Still not sure what he was going to do with them, it's basically skin cells by the time I take it off. I was ready to leave at this time but my parents had just moved 2 and a half hours away in a two bedroom small home. I had/have no where to go and no money to use to do anything about it... Things seemed fine for a couple years. The lock box was protecting my meds and things seemed ok... But I was still weary... Unfortunately my room in which I stored my lockbox got really cluttered due to many reasons so it became hard to use. Another part of me wanted to trust my husband. Stupid me, right?
Well to break down my dosage - I am prescribed a medium dose Norco 4x a day. Usually I only take 2-3 depending on pain and ration the rest in case of med shortage. But I was noticing my extra earrings were not as abundant as they should have been but I thought maybe I was taking a bit extra that month since it was winter. Due to recent medication shortages, my dose was increased but for 3x a day. Which I downgraded my dose to 2x a day to make sure I had extra as my pharmacy warned me they still can't get any in.
Come to the other day and I open my bottle to notice I only had a small handful... So I emptied the bottle and counted, i only had enough to take 2 a day for the next three days leaving me not only 3 Norco short for those days, but three days worth was completely gone... My heart sank because I knew what happened... I confronted my husband who lied about it at first but I asked him again and he finally admitted to taking "a few". I screamed at him for awhile before telling him to get out of my face and go to work, so he left. Sitting there I calculated not only did he steal about a months worth (1 a day) for May but he had to of stolen another two months worth during the previous months my meds weren't in the lock box... A MINIMUM of 90 Norco was taken from me when I absolutely needed them.
I wanted to file a police report that morning but was stopped by my mom who reminded me that I'm currently depending on him to survive. Only when social security goes through do I have any options of leaving... I currently pay about $315 a month on a student loan I'm not even able to use. It's not for not trying, I started working at the age of 14 but had to stop in 2020 due to multiple flare ups ending me up at 93 pounds plus in and out of the hospital on the regular.
Current situation, it's been 5 days, I asked him if he had anything to say to me at all, he said no. He still says I love you and tries to kiss me... I lean away in disgust... I'm disgusted with his audacity to take the medication that helps me be a person. I'm disgusted with myself that I do still love him but all feelings have been burned from his actions. It's obvious he has no respect for me and I'm not even sure if he married me because he loves me or if he just thought he'd have easy access to my medications for the rest of his life... Well my life. I feel obligated to continue my "wifely duties" such as making his lunch, picking up the house to the best of my abilities, make us dinner at night as he is the only one on the house so it's his, he's letting me stay despite my cold demeanor... Kinda keep the peace until I can figure a way out... It's selfish but so is he.
I do not have money to move on my own and I have to take my two large dogs and cat with me as he will neglect them, not intentionally, he has ADHD so he just forgets things. I absolutely refuse to leave my pets, they are top priority to me. My parents said I could come up there but that means every doctors appointment I'm driving 5 hours both ways... And I have 5-7 a month. My best friend is in another state, my other bestie has 4 kids a husband and allergic to animals, 3rd friend lives with her aunt and uncle. I could crash at my brother's for a few days but not any longer... And my neighbor can't house my animals... That is my list of people, I have nobody else... Though who would want to roommate with someone who can't pay rent but can contribute to groceries, cook and light cleaning...
I'm not even sure why I'm posting... I'm very lost and confused. I've officially taken off my wedding band, I know I should file a report but he could lose his job which means he loses insurance meaning I lose insurance... I should leave him but I have nowhere to go... I told him the only way I'd even consider working on our relationship again is if he goes to therapy or rehab but he's said he'd go on the past just to not go or go once then never again... his catch phrase is "I'm sorry, I'll do better"
My only plan I can think of is wait for social security to hopefully approve me then I can get my student loan waved, then I can look into low income apartments or housing... But who knows how long that's going to take, it's been in reconsideration since October of last year (22).
I'm gonna go potato now... Any helpful advice would be magical. Thank you
submitted by xxsaramazingxx to ChronicIllness [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:39 AbuComms The Future of Gamified Human-Assisted Machine Learning: Training "Pet" AI Models through Play

Hello, gamification and MachineLearning!
I'd like to discuss a cutting-edge concept that converges the fun-filled realms of gaming with the hard-science of machine learning: The Gamification of Human-Assisted Machine Learning. The heart of this idea is a game where players develop and train their own 'pet' AI models through gameplay and competition.
Imagine each AI pet residing on a player's local device, a node in an overarching composite neural network using federated learning techniques for privacy and inference efficiency. The primary objective of the game is to evolve your pet's abilities through a series of mini-games, each designed to provide more inferences and feedback, effectively creating a human-machine learning loop.
Players receive token rewards for their contributions to the ML inferences. These tokens can be used to upgrade the pet's abilities and to participate in more advanced levels of the game. A copy of each pet's inferences is consolidated daily into a central repository to enhance the composite network. This allows every player's progress to collectively contribute to a larger, more sophisticated AI model.
What makes this idea even more intriguing is the potential for specialized tasks. Imagine a version of the game focused on language training, where players could train their AI pets in accents, dialects, and individualities. The players could engage in mini-games involving language tasks, such as expressing a simple phrase ("I'm hungry") in as many unique ways as possible.
Alternatively, consider the game training an AI pet specialized in emotive text-to-speech for children's stories. Players would dramatically read children's tales, in the process crafting AI voice actors.
The potential applications are vast, from training an AI monocular depth predictor to an object classifier.
Furthermore, to keep the momentum and ensure constant improvements, the updated model's performance would be tested daily and the results gamified for the community. There could be group quests designed by the model managers to improve the model's performance in specific tasks, thus promoting a collaborative gaming environment through feedback loops and virtuous cycles.
To ensure transparency and community ownership, the project could be open-sourced under a creative commons license. This means that each player is not only contributing to a game but to a global machine learning endeavor.
This idea harmoniously blends the addictive elements of gameplay and the advancement of AI, engaging the community in a fun, competitive, and rewarding pursuit. It empowers individuals to become active contributors to machine learning while engaging in an enjoyable pastime.
We would love to hear your thoughts, feedback, and potential collaborations on this novel idea!
View Poll
submitted by AbuComms to gamification [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:37 R420R77 Random thoughts of a dying man.

Well, I guess I should start at the beginning the majority of all stories tend to start. I was born in Detroit, Michigan in the month of June 1977. I was soon adopted and never met my biological family but have been told that I have two biological sisters, Karen, and Xinea as well as two brothers named Robert, and Jerry(perhaps Gerry I suppose). My mother is Patricia Bray, and my alleged father is Carl Ambers according to the adoption records that I found after the death of my adopted mother, Opal in 2001; I was a grown man by then. I was adopted by Opal and Frank Smith(we will say) in 1978. Somehow they knew my biological mother but that connection was never revelled to me. Opal was one of 17 children who grew up on a mountain somewhere in West Virginia. I was told that her father killed himself in front of her and her siblings when she was less than 10 years old. He was a coal miner and was injured in some type of accident and left unable to work with 19 mouths to feed; hard to fathom but for the love of God why in front of the children? Regardless of his reason this event left a lasting impact upon his 9 year old daughter that would ripple throughout space and time with the force of an atomic bomb; to this day that act and subsequent reaction linger. Opal was a devout Pentecost, Southern Baptist, or whatever similar religion she felt; not exactly sure. She was once a member of the People's Temple church in the early days when they were in Indianapolis (circa 1953-54). She left the church when the new leader, a man by the name of Jim Jones took over and began to allow people of other races into the fellowship; Opal being a woman of God as well as a devout racist left the church. They would later commit forced suicide in Ghana by drinking cyanide laced drinks at the end of machine guns. Opal was a small woman and she had many older brothers. She spent her developmental years fatherless, emotionally wrecked, and on a mountain with those brothers; I do not wish to even imagine what that must have been like, but one thing is for certain; she grew up mean and she knew how to fight, how to hurt a person, and how to use her 4' 11" 120lbs to do damage. Her temper was short and she was fast to react in a violent physical nature. She was married to Frank who was from Kentucky. Frank ran a laundry delivery service, smoked cigars, and loved pro wrestling. He was already in his forties when I was adopted as was Opal. Frank was amazing to me as a young child but as time went on he became isolated and didn't much bother with anything other than work. Looking back it is obvious he was terribly unhappy but that is unfortunately the theme of this story. I also had three adopted sisters that we shall call Kay, Mary, and Carry. All of whom were already 10 and older once I was brought into the household. The six of us lived in a two bedroom single bath home on the south side of Indianapolis. My earliest memory is literally the day that they brought me to their house; you may think that is crazy, a child less than a year old having a vivid memory but I swear to you I do. I remember being brought into the kitchen and being placed into a high chair with a pack of saltines....then a bath and to bed. For the first few years it seemed that we had a happy, perfect family. Frank made good money and so Opal stayed home and managed the house while watching me. I remember how nice she was at first but that would soon change, everything changed. The early eighties were a rough time economically and it showed. The stress of life really brought out the mean in Opal, she would fly off the handle in a millisecond flat. I was a very advanced child for my age and by pre-school I could count to 1000, read children's books myself, and I knew all my shapes and colors beyond the standard "circle, square, blue, red". My adopted parents were not very well educated and I think they were taken aback by the rate at which I absorbed information. It could not possibly be that this child simply has a thirst for knowledge and an ability to process things; it must be DEMONS...yep, folks, demons. From the time I was maybe 3 until I stopped speaking to Opal circa 1999 I was repeatedly told that I was "FULL OF DEMONS" as well as the everpopular"YOU ARE GOING TO HELL FOR _________" Now you can add whatever you wish to that blank up there because she sure did. I was going to hell for running in the house, catching insects, not going to bed on time, throwing rocks, playing with sticks, you name it, and he'll was fucking terrifying. I was taken to churches where people preached that the devil was not among us , but inside of us all!!! and as I watched them shake and scream and yell it honestly scared the shit out of me. Being a developing child and being told you are possessed by creatures from hell may have a lasting mental effect. Like many kids I began to rebel against and since I was full of demons I began to act accordingly. Things in the household spiraled downward like a toy boat circling an open drain. Opal was becoming aloof and isolated, coming from her bedroom only to cuss, complain, and rage. After the first few times getting my ass or face slapped up I learned to shut my mouth but unfortunately my older adopted sister Mary never got that lesson. She was about early high school age when I was adopted but I do not remember either of my two oldest sisters going to school at all. She like rock music of the time, she didn't dress appropriately, she was loud, and she did not listen to anything she was told. She was a typical teen girl in the 80's until she snuck out one night and some men snuck PCP into her drink. She had a bad reaction and seized, they just dumped her from the car onto a cold, dark Indianapolis street corner in the middle of a ghetto where she lay until found. She was rushed to the hospital where she died and was revived many time; luckily she lived, but she had went without oxygen and it left her with some mental impairment. She never really progressed past a teen mentality. I do not know if it was shame at her sneaking out with men and being discovered or the lingering mental illness but Opal had a fire for her like no other. They once had a shouting match over what Mary was wearing and after a few minutes Opal picked up an old golf wedge club that I had found and began to beat her savagely. I counted at least 30 shots before I got the courage to jump in from of her; I was maybe 8 years old. The following years would show a pattern of such actions with all four of us occasionally getting it but Mary and myself got the brunt of things...there were hot off the stove spatulas to bare skin, broomsticks, rake handles, and even the cast iron skillet with hot oil still inside. My father, having been introduced to Opal's violent nature knew better than to intervene, choosing to withdraw all together of the situation. Left to free rein Opal never missed an opportunity to abuse physically, or verbally. I remember being perhaps 9-10 years old and being as my parernts were way older I dressed like I was from the 60's,. Opal had since went to work at a metal polishing factory and I was left to the daily care of three teenage, adopted sister with no clue about basic hygiene so I smelled terrible and the stress of my violent home life had put weight on me other kids fucked with me hardcore. I had had a terrible day at school; my pants had ripped and all the other kids were laughing and calling me fatass and such literally all day long. So I get home finally and I totally break down into hesterical crying fits to which my "mother" responds to be yelling "BOY!!....WHAT IS ALL THE NOISE ABOUT!!?!" and through tears and in broken English I struggled to explain the events of the day and how all the kids said I "stink and that my clothes were trash and that I was too fat!!" and her caring response was to look me dead in my eyes and yell to me "YOU ARE FAT AND I AM NOT BUYING YOU NEW CLOTHES UNTIL YOU LOSE SOME WEIGHT!!" This event would truly cast a demon of hatred and anger deep into my soul that I would struggle to shake for the next 20 or more years. The next day at school, on recess a group of slightly younger children began to gather around me and began the usual verbal and physical harassment. As they had a few days previous they were attempting to set me up for that trick where one person gets down in a dog-like pose behind you while you are distracted and once in place the other push you over and everyone has a grand old laugh at your expense while you struggle to get your fat ass off the ground and get your wind back but that day I was not playing that shit and so when the little fucker ducked down behind me I immediately swung around with my right foot and landed a vicious snap kick directly to his eye socket; the sound of it breaking echoed the playground followed by painful wailing. It felt good to hear, it felt good to see the fear in the eyes of his friend's eyes, to send a message that I was no longer their victim or anyone else's for that matter. I started skipping school, vandalizing, petty theft, shoplifting, and anything other than wholesome which got me arrested for stealing CD's and Transformers from K-Mart. L.L. Cool J.....funny the shit you value when you look in retrospect. The ride home from the juvenile center on East 21st street was a long one and I was petrified of the beating that awaited me as new and different ways and items to beat the fuck from me danced in my head like those fucking sugar-plums from that stupid Christmas Song. When we finally got back to our house in Fountain Square I was directed into the kitchen where a length of 2/4 about 2 foot long waited on the kitchen table. Opal from behind me yelled out "BOY!!" which was what I was always referenced as as if I had no fucking name and when I did a 180 she belted me across my face with a hard right fist, but unlike every other time she hit me I did not scream out, cry, or even flinch from the blow. This further infuriated her and so she struck my face again to the same result, and again, and again until I firmly grabbed her right wrist at which point she immediately hit me with a hard left and I subsequently grabbed her left wrist. I was about 175lbs if not more and my strength overpowered her ability to strike me and when she realized that she could not move and seen in my eyes that this was not going to happen she began to scream "LET GO OF ME!!" to which I replied "I am going to let you go and when I do you are not going to fucking touch me in any way!!"...I let go, and defeated she walked away. After that she offered no real support other than a place to sleep. I began to steal clothing from people's clotheslines and after wearing the same pair of shoes for so long that my feet are literally deformed, I took a pair of Nikes off of someone's porch. Over the next few years I would have many more legal troubles, assaults, thefts, arsons until the State of Indiana stepped in and made me a ward of the state. I was sentenced and sent to a place called Glen Mills Schools in Concordville, Pennsylvania. It was supposed to be a fresh start and a chance to better myself and I was able to get my HSE, learn computer aided drafting, and I got to compete in powerlifting as well. It was the first time in my life I had seen a dentist even; I was 15 years old and finally I felt hopeful and happy; that would soon change.
If you would like to hear more please leave a comment or like. I also appreciate any feedback about my writing as I am not a professional in any way but always looking to improve my craft. If you made it this far; you are greatly appreciated.
submitted by R420R77 to stories [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:30 StructureOrAgency June is Pride Month and TexAgs is marking the occasion with their typical disgusting hatred. Here is one example. There are many, many more... Why does the Aggie community put up with this?

June is Pride Month and TexAgs is marking the occasion with their typical disgusting hatred. Here is one example. There are many, many more... Why does the Aggie community put up with this? submitted by StructureOrAgency to aggies [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:25 PlejarenGraham Long time spiritual seeker and short time meditater, new to the "tapes"

Hey folks,
Started this morning with track 1. As the title says, I'm a 35 year spiritual seeker of truth. The pull in my life has been SO powerful I cannot even put it into words. I left my body in 1995 after challenging "God" to prove IT was real. I was blown away at what happened.
Fast forward to today and I'm in my 50s, no longer drinking, meditating almost daily for 1.5 years, fought and beat cancer and now being DRAWN to the Gateway Experience.
I found that after the first track I had the same effect as if I'd meditated for a couple of hours, you know, that thousand yard stare of peace you have after a deep meditation?
What have some of you done with the study? Every day moving to the next tape? Spending days on one? Would love to hear your stories of how you graduated to level 21 or so.
submitted by PlejarenGraham to gatewaytapes [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:24 SmilingReaper [Offer] I will translate English into Spanish (any dialect) or viceversa for $0.01 per word (90% below market rate)

I have been working as a translator for over two years, and I have verifiable experience for translation jobs I have done in the past.
My English started off as self taught for the most part given that teaching in my country, particularly where other language are concerned, is very lacking. Most people do not speak it properly, if they speak it at all.
I have since worked on improving on a daily basis. Not because of an undying passion towards the English language (Though I have to say it is by far the easiest language to learn and more people should use it) but because everything I was exposed to from online communities, to series, movies, websites, discussion forums about things I enjoyed and even roleplaying back in the early days was done in english, and I had to learn and practice it in order to better understand most of it.
And so it became a part of my life, until now where most of my conversations through the day, from work to friends, are carried out in English, as is most of the content I consume whether they be movies, series, podcasts or different youtube channels (Lindybeige is one of my favorites, Professor Jackson Crawford from the University of Colorado is another, if you're interested in norse mythology and history do check him out, listening to him speak Old Norse is quite something.)
I have pursued a certification too, but it was a formality by then.
Currently I study Java, and I dabble in a few other languages I find interesting. However, my passion is writing and I have published some of my work.
"How would anyone profit from working at such a steep discount?"
As you may have guessed I am not from the U.S. nor Europe. Nor Asia. I am from Argentina. Our currency is so devalued that even working for low wages through the internet can be quite decent, if paid in currency worth anything.
So as an employer you get the chance to make use my talents at the best of rates, with as high a quality as it can get. On the other hand I still make profit from it and avoid starvation.
Feel free to inquire on anything you'd like to know, as well as contacting privately if you are interested and you'd like a sample of my work which I would happily provide.
submitted by SmilingReaper to slavelabour [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:21 PussehCandle Almost a month free😊

This is a long one, sorry.😅
Hey yall, so I’ve been lurking this community for a little over a month, I came upon it while googling feel free. I’m using an old burner account so please ignore my screen name🤦🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️. A little over a month ago my skin was scaling like crazy, I had the hands of a 90 year old woman, the bags under my eyes were super dark, I had no energy and any time I wasn’t working I was in bed. My mental health was deteriorating, I was either depressed or agitated. One day I looked at my husband and was like “I think I’m dying, I feel like I’m slowly deteriorating.”, he suggested I look at what I was doing that was different than him. We eat the same diet which is pretty healthy, we used to exercise daily (I stopped because I just didn’t have the energy), the only differences in our daily routine is my Kratom and Feel Free use. I’ve been taking Kratom for years, I was in a really bad motorcycle accident in 2011 and have used it for pain management instead of pills since 2013, I’ve been sober for 10 years now from a cocaine and pain pill addiction. I started taking feel free about 8 months ago, saw it at my neighborhood bodega and decided to try it, it was easier than taking powdered Kratom and convenient. At first the energy was amazing and I felt great, I was up to 6-8 a day, which isn’t as much as others but it was enough to start destroying my mental and physical health.
When I googled feel free the only thing negative that popped up was this sub, I started reading the experiences of others and saw how eerily identical they were to mine.
On Sunday, May 7th, I made the decision to just quit, I had to up my Kratom intake for the first week to help with the awful detox symptoms, I felt like I had the flu for a week, but I got through it.
I didn’t go into that bodega for a couple of weeks, I didn’t want to risk it because I REALLY wanted that shitty tasting death goo. But I’ve been in and out of there daily and they know not to offer me any, they used to have my four morning bottles on the counter ready for me every morning, and I don’t even look at them.
I went to a 7-11 one night after work and they were on display, I started talking to the clerk about my experience, I told him about the lawsuit, he was baffled, I told him to look this sub up. Last night I swung by there for some milk and the clerk told me that corporate 7-11 has told all the stores in his district to remove them, hell yeah!
This is super long and I’m so sorry for the book, I’m just so grateful. I have the hands of a 30 something again, I have my energy back, my depression is gone, no more giant eye bags, no more shedding like a damn lizard and it’s all thanks to y’all.
This group saved me. Your stories saved me, thank you.
If you are thinking about getting off them, please do it, it’s gonna suck balls at first but in the end it’s totally worth it.
Love y’all.
submitted by PussehCandle to Quittingfeelfree [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:19 Antique_Turn4529 30M Currently lazing on the couch full off coffee after work

Let’s chat about something! I’m interested in you and your stories looking for someone who can be on my wavelength
We can talk about literally anything. Our background, our daily stuff, interests, passions, etc Hit me up!
submitted by Antique_Turn4529 to lonely [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:18 Antique_Turn4529 30M Currently lazing on the couch full off coffee after work [chat]

Let’s chat about something! I’m interested in you and your stories looking for someone who can be on my wavelength
We can talk about literally anything. Our background, our daily stuff, interests, passions, etc Hit me up!
submitted by Antique_Turn4529 to MeetPeople [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:17 Antique_Turn4529 30M Currently lazing on the couch full off coffee after work

Let’s chat about something! I’m interested in you and your stories looking for someone who can be on my wavelength
We can talk about literally anything. Our background, our daily stuff, interests, passions, etc Hit me up!
submitted by Antique_Turn4529 to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:17 pecioo To anyone who is struggling and is feeling lost right now

Hey guys, I haven't checked my reddit in a while, about a year, but i remembered i was visiting this and other subreddits about breakups constantly when i was absolutely destroyed by my last breakup, and just wanted to share my situation now, hoping that it might help anyone who is in pain.
So, long story short, I broke up with my ex on August 2021. We had a particular situation, we had the same group of friends (that's where we met) and we were living together with 3 other people, although we had our own bedroom. It was good for a while, until in October she slept with some guy. It absolutely destroyed me, I wanted her back and thought i couldn't live without her, but she didn't want anything to do with me. The following months were the worst period of my life, i cried my eyes out every single day, and I knew when she was with that other guy, cause whenever she left the house and spent the night out, where else could she possibly be?
I was also experiencing a though depression that forced me to drop out of university, and every day all i could feel was pain, i thought about her all the time, begging her to take me back (please don't do that), embarrassing myself constantly, but i didn't care. All I knew was that she was the one and my life was worthless without her. That went on for about 9 months, in June 2022 i finally find a new house and move out, she didn't even say goodbye to me, and things start to go slightly better, even though the thoughts about her were daily and constant, and the pain was still there. But that gave me the chance to detach, and I started focusing a little more about myself, say what you want but distance and not seeing that particular person sure helps, in one way or another.
We still saw each other once in a while cause we had the same friends, and after a vacation with them, out of nowhere, we end kissing and sleeping together. The following months were a rollercoaster of events, I'm not gonna go into detail right now cause I don't wanna bore you, but she didn't treat me very well and I shouldn't have keeping forgiving her and i definitely shouldn't have given her a second chance, but i did. We finally decide to try again in August 2022, one year after the breakup, and it was going really well the first two/three weeks, she said she really could see that in this period of time I changed for the better (and honestly, i don't wanna brag but I think I really did a good work trying to improve my flaws and overcoming my depression), she seemed really interested and super into me, but that didn't last long.
After a month, she decided that she didn't want to try it again anymore, not because of me, she just thought that at that point our interests about each other weren't strong enough, and even though she was super sure she wanted to stay with me at first, after a brief period this belief of her started to fade. I was angry and sad, I wanted to yell at her all the anger that I had, but still didn't want to drive her away from me. It was though but at that point I had more confidence in myself so I just swallowed everything. In the following months we didn't see each other often, but from January 2023 we sort of reconciled because we realized that even tough we couldn't be together, we still cared about each other and didn't want to separate completely. To this day, we are really good friends, we also see each other often, just the two of us, hanging out and having fun. To give you an example, my birthday was on May 17th, she organized the party, some practical jokes and surprises, and my friends were having trouble thinking about my present, so she gave them an advice and they got me exactly what I wanted. To be completely honest with you, I still have some feelings for her, and surely if she will sleep with some other guy it will hurt a little, but I'm now convinced that we can't be together, and that too hurts a little, but it is what it is.
All I'm saying is, even tough I still have feeling for her, I know that this is for the best. I once thought that my life was worthless without her, and couldn't live without her, but now it's different. Even though it's still hard to think that we won't be together, I know that I can live without her, that there is life without her, and that I'm ok and will be ok, and that there is a future for me. Thinking about my time when i was completely destroyed, I'm a little proud of where I am now, because I'm still not fully healed, but I'm in that part where I know that eventually everything will be fine.
So all of this is to tell you: I know it's hard, I know you're in pain, I know you think you can't live without that person. I don't wanna say that's not true cause you might have heard that a million time and don't wanna hear it again, so I will tell you this. YES, I know you feel that way, I did too, and nothing could convince me, all I can say is that it sucks, it just straight-up sucks and the pain is unbearable. The only thing you can do now is endure the pain, and stay strong, because you can. For what it's worth I'm sending you a hug, and telling you to stay strong because one day or another, these feeling will end, and you are gonna start to feel a little bit better, and that's just the first step. It will only keep getting better and better day by day, slow and steady. As I said earlier, I'm not fully healed yet, but I know now I will be someday, and I know you will too. There are only two things that can help you get better: yourself and time. I know this might sound clichè but I was really that guy that thought that my feeling for this girl were unique in the world, that no one could understand me, and that no one in the world could make me feel like she did. I was utterly and desperately in love with her, and I thought that in no way I could ever stop loving this person, or just let her go, and look at me now.
If i did that, you can surely do that too, I promise. I promise it will get better one day. Stay strong and stay beautiful, you just have to keep walking, and I know you can. I send you a hug and all the blessings in this world.
submitted by pecioo to BreakUps [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:16 Antique_Turn4529 30M Currently lazing on the couch full off coffee after work

Let’s chat about something! I’m interested in you and your stories looking for someone who can be on my wavelength
We can talk about literally anything. Our background, our daily stuff, interests, passions, etc Hit me up!
submitted by Antique_Turn4529 to chat [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:09 medicinalusername The Daily Check-In for Thursday June 1 2023: Just for today, I am NOT doing Cocaine


We may be anonymous strangers on the internet, but we have one thing in common. We may be a world apart, but we're here together!
Welcome to the 24 hour pledge!
I'm pledging myself to not doing cocaine today, and invite you to do the same.
Maybe you're new to stopdoingcocaine and have a hard time deciding what to do next. Maybe you're like me and feel you need a daily commitment or maybe you've been sober for a long time and want to inspire others.
It doesn't matter if you're still hung over recovering from a three day bender or been sober for years, if you just woke up or have already completed a sober day. For the next 24 hours, let's not do cocaine!
This pledge is a statement of intent. Today we don't set out trying not to do cocaine, we make a conscious decision not to do cocaine. It sounds simple, but all of us know it can be hard and sometimes impossible. The group can support and inspire us, yet only one person can decide if we do not do cocaine today. Give that person the right mindset!
What happens if we can't keep to our pledge? We give up or try again. And since we're here in stopdoingcocaine, we're not ready to give up.
What this is: A simple thread where we commit to not doing cocaine for the next 24 hours, posting to show others that they're not alone and making a pledge to ourselves. Anybody can join and participate at any time, you do not have to be a regular at stopdoingococaine or have followed the pledges from the beginning.
What this isn't: A good place for a detailed introduction of yourself, directly seek advice or share lengthy stories. You'll get a more personal response in your own thread.
This post goes up at:
A link to the current Daily Check-In post can always be found near the top of the sidebar.
Sending you all lots of love this Thursday and IWNDCWYT! ❤️💕 ____
Happy Summer BEINGS let's live our lives without the requirement to be free from cocaine!
submitted by medicinalusername to stopdoingcocaine [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:09 the_alpha_gray 30 [F4M] Just looking for new connections, through conversations, comments, and the like.

TLDWR? Believe me. It's not as dragging nor nonsensical as you think. LOL
Already gained great friends from here and I'd love more. I like exchanging ideas and seeing things in different perspectives and I appreciate that they vent out without hesitation. Be the help they need.
I like being, to quote one of them, "the breath of fresh air" they were looking for.
If you've seen this post before, don't worry. I've found people, lots actually. It's just that I tend to distill them down to one, two, or three people every time I post. Distilled to those whom I have truly connected with and those who truly understand what I need.
I'm not looking for anyone more than new connections, just friends to expand my current network. I'm in a relationship, so I'm looking for something PLATONIC.
Just a heads up, I'm usually up at night. I like the quiet time. So, expect late night conversations, late lunches. I'm up in the morning but not really in the entertaining mood because that's the latter part of my day.
So..., I'm from the South of Manila. But I grew up in the East. Not too far south.
So again, I'm looking for people who are fun to talk to, if it works out, I hope it turns out to be a regular thing. I would love to have new friends to share memes with and the occasional ranting. Constants would be nice, that'll be comforting.
Let's be spontaneous, It'll be amazing if you're a great conversationalist.
About you:
● It's okay if you're significantly younger or older, as long as you're not ageist.
● Totally fine if you won't send pics, since I don't think pictures would have any bearing to just talking over the phone. I'm just mainly asking for voice calls. I like it old school. Just so you know, I won't send you mine (my pics) unless we're comfy with each other, so please refrain from asking me for some in the get-go. So no pressure, I don't need to know how you look like, I don't even care how you look like. I just want someone whom I can talk to.
● Hopefully you're from the South so that if things go well we can prolly hangout in the future, nothing NSFW. Just platonic. I already have a partner so just to be perfectly clear: I am not looking for a hook up.
This is really important:
Why pick guys?
Most of the stuff I like are more manly stuff than girly stuff. Not being s*xist here, it's just a matter of convenience.
SIDEBAR: Just to be blunt, since some might misinterpret this part as something that may come off that I think I'm better than other girls (which I find extremely toxic), I'm just saying this part just so I won't waste my time and yours, in finding out we don't share common interests after I EXPLICITLY SAID THAT I LIKE MORE MALE-DOMINATED INTERESTS than those interests that are socially female-dominated. Don't misconstrue this for something else.
● You can be from any school, totally fine, as long as you're not a know-it-all or condescending. But if it matters, I'm from the Big 4. Went to grad school since I was supposed to teach. Didn't continue since it's too far from the South, don't wanna go all the way to QC from teaching in Manila.
You can be married, in a relationship, single, or confused about whatevewhoever you want in life, I won't have any judgments towards you. I'm not looking for anything more than just having people whom I could talk to on the daily. I'm open for whatever.
About me:
● My profile says a lot about me, so if you want, you can check it out to get a gist of what you're about to delve into. Once you've seen my profile, it ain't all about sx , *I hope you know how to read between the lines.** If my music taste matters, you can ask for my playlist. The movies on my bio are the movies that best describe me and my life.
I like voice calls. Don't worry, my voice is tolerable, I do voiceover work professionally. PLEASE DON'T ASK ME FOR SAMPLES. I find that tad annoying.
● For those who want to know how I look like: I'm not a looker. Let's leave it at that. LOL
Updating this part: I may look good to others, I may not look good to you. It's just that I exist not to please anyone so don't be disappointed if I ain't the one you expect because I'm not here to please you. I'm not fugly. I'm not thin. I'm not fat. I have a mix of Chinese-Spanish traits. Figure it out yourself if you really wanna know how I look like.
I write for a living (and NO, I don't write novels, short stories, or poetry, or fiction). Used to work in media, now I'm in a related field.
● I had to add this, coz recently I've had guys who had misinterpreted how I am. So I'm innately sweet, not really clingy (unless you want me to be), and most guys whom I have talked to had misinterpreted this as "feelings". It isn't. You would know if I really have feelings for you, believe me.
● If you have a false sense of privacy, spare me. If you want more than the online facade please, know what to offer. I grind my teeth with the idea of fake profiles and assumptions. So, SPARE ME.
We can talk about anything, ranging from SFW topics to NSFW ones. But please, don't ask me for a list of topics I like or hate. I prefer spontaneity.
Just so we're clear, I am not open to hooking up. Never was. I'm not posting to get laid. This ain't one of those posts that are guised as an SFW post. I really just need a different perspective on things. New ideas. Get to know new people. I'm more open to be intimate, but not s*xual--if you get my drift,* I just want to meet new people since I rarely go out to mingle, I'd rather expand my network by talking to people who would want this kind of set up to start. It's something I do for work as well since I need to know more about other people so that I'd be more sensitive to different kinds of personalities and thought processes. And about being constants, well, it's not for a relationship. I am already in one.
Please don't start the conversation with anything s*xual, I'd appreciate that A LOT. The "we can talk about anything" isn't my consent for you to say literally anything to me. I hope you get what I mean.
I've encountered people who do not practice proper etiquette and just blabbed their way into starting a conversation with me with no regard if what they're saying is TOO INVASIVE to start off, OFFENSIVE, or just downright UNFILTERED. AGAIN, do not take "we can talk about anything" literally. It's not a pass to leave your manners outside the door.
If you want pieces of ADVICE, THEN ASK FOR SOME. You don't have to delve into the details of my personal life before you ask anything.
You can ask me for NSFW advice, or anything that won't lead to being asked if we could hook up. Again, I AM NOT LOOKING FOR A HOOK UP. I have reiterated that enough.
Just looking for people who are sensible and interesting to talk to. As regularly as possible, since I struggle with object permanence with people who just say "hi" when they want to. :)
If you want solid, no BS pieces of advice, just ask away. I won't judge you.
I prefer intros other than "hi", "hey", "hello". Please don't be uncouth.
This post might be long but if you had the time to read it, I appreciate that you're keen with details.
See you in a bit.
submitted by the_alpha_gray to PhR4Friends [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:08 Fadios962 I need Help!

Hi, 43 M HL here married to 37 F LL for 13 years, the first 5 years of our marriage sex was awesome, she craved for it, felt energetic and there was very strong kink between us, she become pregnant and gave birth, during her pregnancy my libido was crushed and I thought it was "natural" because of aging.
The daily once or twice sex marathons turned into twice a month then twice a year. at beginning she did not complain as she was busy with baby but 3 years ago, she started hinting of the lack of sex and last year it turned into a full argument.
I went into a full stop thinking what happened to me as my previous infinite lust for this woman and women in general has evaoprated. Long story short I undergone TRT therapy which restored my libido. TRT not only restored it but it made it stronger than ever. Sounds good! who does not like happy endings?
Unfortunately, my wife did not receive that too well as she complained that once daily is too much and that we should do it once a week. I told her I'm on TRT and I need the fix at least once a day. Sometimes she is complying, but you know when someone is not into it, the sex sucks.
I thought of it and I concluded all that sexless time she wanted Validation but actually doing it? Nope, Sometimes I check with her if she misses me or if she feels like doing it, the answer was always negative. My initiations mostly meet rejections. I feel rejected, unwanted, insecure and unattractive.
What should I do now? should I get off TRT and return to my old self and then for her to become pissed off again or what else I should do? Keep in mind TRT therapy also fixed other issues for me like being stressed out too easily and being "emotionless"
My libido is killing me, I'm thinking 24/7 of pussy and Im on the edge of cheating but I still love her and I dont want to damage our marriage especially with kids involved.
I really reminisce of the past and miss the wild sex we had, she is older and less attractive now however my lust for her feels like never ending but it looks like the good sex is gone forever :(
I know not having regular sex with her for 7 years did damage, but it was not my intention. I had absolutely no idea I needed TRT and no one or her ever pointed that to me. It was all on me finding a solution. I never made her feel rejected because in our marriage she rarely initiated and there was no initiations post birth aside hinting of "lack of sex"
Is she going through pre menopause? Can HRT help her or any other medicine?
submitted by Fadios962 to DeadBedrooms [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 18:01 Desire_Helmet New Member's Welcome

The reason this place is so poorly-named is because I didn't want to call it something that was poetic or evocative. I'm sincerely sorry for the lack of art. I wanted to get a little rougher and cruder here. I wanted to use the word magic and mean nothing else. It's a "back to basics" approach we're taking.
You're here because all of the exquisite vocabulary has lost the attraction, the memorization of spells and prayers has grown flat, the aphorisms of your friend's friend's guru sound silly. Let's keep going: yes, your house is dusty with stacked books Eiffel-legged with cobwebs, your stained glass is spotted with mold and your daily chants have the urgency of a fervent unbeliever. What happened? Why is the candle wick dry?
Magic is more than a little embarrassing, at least when you treat it with words. All the rituals and the life lessons and the cartoonish stories not only "eventually" make you lose sight, but most never even get a glimpse at the real thing.
Stab me in the eye if I ever use the word "workshop". Impale me on an icepick of my own vomit in Antartica if ever I use the phrase, "You are invited to...". This is a place where there is still such thing as original thought, where there is still discovery without forgotten priors.
submitted by Desire_Helmet to practical_magic [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 17:56 eldoradoseo Texts about Referrals

What's up with the text messages about referrals? I get them daily. Always something along the lines of "We've got California buyers moving to Austin" yada yada "pre-qualified" yada yada.

I assume this is all a scam but what's the story behind it?
submitted by eldoradoseo to realtors [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 17:52 Earth_Mender I sent a message to the wrong person

I woke up today royally anxious. I had no idea why. I then logged onto my emails to start work and had an influx of emails requiring my action immediately. For context, I have ADHD and dyslexia, and these urgent emails made me feel quite flustered and frustrated. At work we use Teams to communicate outside of emails, so I messaged my colleague and got some things off my chest. Really silly things like "this is stressing me out and it's not even 10am", "the way they said that made me feel like it was my fault", "they won't stop chasing"... We were just venting about various emails and people.
I had asked for further info on something from a specific person and the reply started with "it should all be on the system" and I just saw red. My job is quite fiddly enough so having as many bits of information helps me and I assumed they were telling me go away and look for myself.
I immediately turned to my colleague and said it was annoying me and it's not the first time. But I sent it to the person I was talking about.
I deleted it, but they saw. I was mortified.
I ended up apologising that they had to hear about my frustrations in such a way and in future will bring them to a professional forum, it was purely a heat of the moment thing. I did offer to jump on a call and talk about it. They didn't want a call and just asked me not to go behind their backs next time.
The problem is, I work so closely with them. They hold grudges, and I am a chronic people pleaser. I am now so terrified that I have sold my soul over to them in order to make up for this mistake of mine. I also feel really bad, I realised that they had actually given me all the information I needed. And I also think it wasn't nice for them to learn that I was talking about them, so I feel incredibly guilty. I also feel a bit embarrassed.
The other side to the story is that this frustration has been building. This person can honestly make my work life a little hard sometimes but I've never had the guts to say it because they can hold grudges, as I've said. They upset me quite a bit last week and it's been bottled up.
I don't want conflict and I feel I may have exhausted my options. I apologised, I owned up to it, I offered to talk and I've tried to act normal.
Is there anything else I should be doing?
submitted by Earth_Mender to Advice [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 17:51 ManuelaJeanine I'm scared of death but I'm still suicidal

This is really important and I need your help urgently. This might take some time, and I'm sorry for that.
Hi, my name is Manuela and I'm 24 years old. I'm terminally ill since I was born and I am dying. Long story short: I've been in a wheelchair since... always and forever. I could never walk. My health gets worse over time and there's no cure, not even a chance of me getting any better health wise. I need constant help with almost everything 24/7 due to an illness that causes my muscles to waste away since birth. I've been having chronic chest pain for 6 years and I've been on Morphine/Fentanyl for 5 now (I also have other kinds of pains due not being able to move a lot, due to being skinny and barely having any muscles ((bones picking on/through my skin and leaving pressure marks on certain areas in any position that I'm in for a little bit of time without moving)) which causes unbearable pain). I've been in palliative care on and off (right now I'm not, there's nothing the doctors can do so they want me to stay home if possible to be able to spend time with my loved ones as long as I still can).
Because of my illness (Spinal Muscular Atrophy Type 2, SMA 2 for short) I also have severe breathing issues (I have to be on life support ever since I was 3 years old - which is a medical device that helps you to breathe - but I don't use it because it causes severe chest pain and the mask leaves severe pressure marks on my face (nose and T-bone area) which they turn into open wounds that hurt so much and it's a huge infection risk) that's why I'm trying to breathe on my own for as long as I still can, even if I'm struggling and I need to have an oxygen mask (most of the time in summer when it's hot or when I'm sick). I also have severe swallowing issues (especially with certain types of food like meat, rice etc) all due to lack of strength and I keep on losing more strength without being able to gain any.
All in all: My life has been tough. I have a lot of trauma from all the health issues I've had, all the treatments from doctors in hospitals, staying in hospitals, mostly in intensive care units on and off from birth until I was 12. It was like this: 2 weeks in hospital/ICU and then 2-3 days home and repeat for the first first 12 years of my life. I have been having nightmares almost every time I sleep for as long as I can remember for my entire life. I cry in my sleep every now and then, and I say stuff like "no, please don't, no, please". I don't and can't remember doing that when I wake up. But my family wakes me up sometimes when they hear me crying in my sleep and they tell me about it.
This is just the tip of the iceberg really. But I want to keep it short yet tell and explain some of the things I've gone through so maybe you'd understand. I'm really sorry for writing so much but if you are still here and reading this, thank you. It means so much to me. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
I have depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts since I was 12. That's when I started self harming, too. I also tried to end myself many times, but somehow... I couldn't. I was heavily bullied in school for 3 years (when I was 12 until I was 15) for looking the way I do. I like feeling and dressing pretty, and most girls felt intimidated so they told everyone rumors about me (saying that I was a hoe, sleeping around with every guy etc) so everyone started laughing at me and hating me. I got blackmailed daily and it was just horrible. I wish these girls know I'm still a virgin today. I bet they'd feel stupid for judging me based off my looks (though I always dressed appropriately, never showed my legs and stomach, but my clothes and outfits were still more glamorous than average, and I had my nails done and started wearing lipstick and mascara at 11) all because my mom also treated me like a doll so I always HAD to look perfect all the time, I always had to be smiling and never show any signs of weakness. She literally hit and slapped me on my face every time I cried. So I tried to hide my negative emotions and feeling pretty young. But... I am an empath, INFJ. If I am sad, my tears stream down my face no matter how much I try not to cry. I can't help it. I still have a smile on my face but I can't control my tears. Now, I always have a smile on my face, but it's not genuine most of the time. I don't want anyone to see what I'm truly feeling because I don't want to make anyone worry about me.
Being an INFJ Empath maybe explains why I'm suffering so much emotionally and mentally. I seem to only attract narcissists, psychopaths, and sociopaths, that's why I'm alone and I don't have any friends because I'm afraid of being hurt and used, then thrown away again. I love animals and helping people. I believe everything happens for a reason and I believe everyone is here for a reason - everything and everyone has a purpose. But I can't seem to find mine. I'm useless, quite literally. I need help with almost everything and I don't know what I can offer other than a good heart, listening ears, empathy, love and care because that doesn't seem to be good enough nowadays. I have so much love to give and yet I don't have any for myself.
The reason why I'm still holding on is because... I have been dreaming, hoping and wishing (ever since I was very little) to be able to give something to the world to help others and help ease the pain, loneliness and suffering. To love and be loved, to be happy and make others happy. Because I truly know life is worth fighting for despite any bad thing. But I've been suffering so much - physically and mentally - and I don't have a reason to keep fighting anymore. I only have my dad, my step mom. My dad works 400 km away from home 4-5 days of the week, my step mom who is also my caretaker, she owns a small hotel and is taking care of it all on her own while still taking care of me. They work so much to be able to take care of and support me, but they are struggling so much and I feel so bad for not being able to help, for being nothing but a bother. It's heartbreaking. I know they are better off without me. Well, they and my dog would miss me a little, but they'd get over it one day.
I just can't bear the pain I feel in my mind, heart and body anymore. It has gotten unbearable. And yet, I'm afraid of dying. Because I like to believe in God and supposedly it's a sin to commit suicide. So I'm scared of being punished with hell or even reincarnation. I just want this to end. I always imagine of there being something like what we call "heaven". A place where we go to after this life on earth, where we can be with our loved ones - a place where there's no illness, sadness and pain.
Please tell me about your opinion/knowledge on this. What happens after death? Where do we go? What is our purpose? Especially... What’s the purpose on being here? Why is there so much suffering? Please take away my anxiety about dying.
Sending much love and light, Manuela
submitted by ManuelaJeanine to spirituality [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 17:50 FARRAHM0AN Disappointing Anniversary

How is it that we get less rewards than we did for half anniversary?
2 week checkin and no rare familiar selector. Even put the weapon and armour selector together. Other events don’t have any exciting rewards.
Lots of tickets for anniversary banner, but as someone who has been playing since launch, I really don’t care about more Splisher dupes and 4 star toys / Mount accessories.
80 daily missions for the new Side Story to get 1x dungeon ticket.
KR anniversary got more than this. Is it time to admit they’ve just given up on Global?
submitted by FARRAHM0AN to NiNoKuniCrossworlds [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 17:49 r_e_o_c Media (in English) about trainee/rookie idols

What are some good articles/stories/shows/novels/webnovels/webtoons/etc about the daily lives of trainees and/or rookie idols?
Ideally it'd be somewhat realistic, not entertainment company propaganda about how great it all is, and not a lurid "exposé" thing full of hazing and abuse either.
It'd have to be in English, either originally or translated from Korean (I don't care how crappy the translation is).
Thanks in advance!
submitted by r_e_o_c to kpophelp [link] [comments]

2023.06.01 17:49 Reddichu Tired of shitty abusing admins? Tired of RP cliques that aren't welcoming to new RPers? Tired of broken cities?! So are we!!!

SYLVYR DOT NET offers a unique roleplay experience. Development staff strives to meet your needs and wants in this online city.
We are a group of dedicated Roleplayers looking to create some awesome stories and fun times.
Whether you're new to FiveM or Roleplaying all together our community is here to help!
Want something added? Just ask! We’ll do whatever we can to tailor the city to our player’s needs.
Updated DAILY!
Join Our Discord!
Check out our promotional video on YouTube!
Coming Soon: Insane Drug Scripts. More custom clothing, custom cars, and custom MLOs. (MADE BY US!!!)
Civilian Life


Careers – Own Your Own Business



Fire Rescue


submitted by Reddichu to gtarphub [link] [comments]